BM and I get along to an extent

Bri - posted on 04/02/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Im not bad mouthing but seeing a routine here. It seems like the BM of my soon to be SK who is 5 doesn't pay support they are way behind in payments. Should I tell my fiance to call the prosecutor and get on this. We re talking 14k behind in support at least. Doesnt see the child on schedule but who does ya know? He is more than happy to work things out. I dont get inthe middle because its between THEM! Not me! I m a mother who deals with an ex who has joint custody but wants to not man up and talk himself. Doesnt matter I get along with him just as I do her! Shouldnt matter who gets along. Its a matter between two parents. What do you gals think? I hate it when my fiance does want me to talk to his ex girl, but I refuse. Its not my business . Thank you gals!

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Mom Of - posted on 04/07/2011

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Hi Bree,

I do not see where you are bad mouthing anyone; you have a legitimate concern and problem. When you are asked to speak to his EX about issues relating to child support, he should be the only one to speak to her. Afterall, you did not help create the child...you are just there to help raise the child and create a welcoming atmosphere for he/she. I do not see a problem with you having random communication with the biological mother, but it should be on a last-call basis. In other words, your husband is not available to speak to her but she wants to ask a question. If it is within your boundaries to do so, then do it. Otherwise, explain she must speak with him about it and TELL HIM TO ANSWER IT!

As far as her paying child support, your fiance should march down to your local clerk of court office and file a motion to enforce the previous child support order. If the mother is behind that much money, your state can assist you in collecting arrears easily. For example, tax returns can be intercepted, bank accounts garnished, driver's license suspended..etc.. Although those may not be the right thing to do in this case since joint custody is involved, it may sure light a fire under her behind! It's a relatively simple, low-stress process that is cheaper than cheap. Ideally, that amount of money is to simply reimburse you two for past expenses of the child. The money has already been spent. He is definitely entitled to a refund and she is obligated to pay for it. A simple motion to enforce the court order would generate an income. A prosecutor, by the way, only handles criminal cases on a case-by-case situation. They don't get involved in civil or family law.

Again, my best (or poorest!) advice would be to let them handle the major decisions, especially the child support one. Be supportive of your fiance, but please do not get mad at him for not wanting to even speak to her! Heck, who would? If somebody owed me 14k, I wouldn't want to speak to them either! lol

Sweetheart, good luck to you and keep me informed! I can probably help you with the process as I've been doing legal papers for 10 years!

Best wishes,
Delia

Teri Lyn - posted on 04/02/2011

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hi Bree, I do "get a long" with my daughter's sm and my step-daughter's bm to an extent. i do have conversations with them that deal about the child. I do it for the kids. Would I have a relationship with these women if it wasn't for the kids, more than likely not... ok- no.
I just talk to them about basic stuff, day to day living. If it's something "big", I just support my husband and my sd, and he does the same for us...
It's not always pretty... I don't care what they say about me, I just role it off my back. But I have been in tears before because what they think is hurting me and my husband is really hurting the kids. And that just kills me. I grew up in a blended family and I know how it feels as the child. I just try to be the best mom and step-mom I can be. Some days are better than others.

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