Can some one help me with my 13 year old stepdaughter who is very sexual?

Erin - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am sitting here after a sleepless night trying to figure out what to do. We just got custody of my 13 year old stepdaughter about 2 months ago. She has lived with us before when we lived in the same town as her mother. I have been her stepmother since she was 4. Since she was that age, she has had behavioral issues, an still does. She has meltdowns that get violent. The police and CPS know her well in her hometown. She is also very sexual, knows way too much, and always has (not learned in our home).



So, when we got custody, her mother gave my husband some journal entries she found in my stepdaughters room while packing it. They are detailed plans, shopping lists (including condoms), and so on about her wanting to run away and become a prostitute in Vegas (which she has done numerous times before, running away that is). Now, if these were not in the open and not meant to be found, I find it hard to believe it is her trying to get a rise or seek attention. It worries me because she has made statements like "It is just sex", has zero motivation or ambition, is always looking for the easy way out, and has very unhealthy ideas about boys. She also behaves in abnormal ways in terms of her relationship with my husband.



My husband and I have a 3 year old daughter, who sadly, worships her big sister. I have had to physically restrain my stepdaughter from my (then 2 year old) daughter because my stepdaughter was trying to aggressively lunge at her during one of her meltdowns. I do not know what she was trying to do, and I really don't want to. She has hurt me on several occasions, and even tried to push me down stairs. I caught her in the bathroom marking her legs up, and 2 hours later she ran away. When the police found her, she tried to tell them I had beat her and left marks on her legs. All of this because I wouldn't let her wear a shirt that showed her bra. She says things to my daughter when no one is around, and I have seen her hurt her for no reason.



Because of all of this, I watch her like hawk. May be wrong, but I don't trust her, and do not want her to hurt or influence my little girl. The other day, my stepdaughter had another meltdown. My husband took away her DSi for a punishment. I was looking at it last night to check the parental settings (we monitor her internet use strictly). I was looking at her pictures on there when I found some disturbing ones. I really didn't think it was a big deal to look at her pictures. She takes pictures of us and my daughter all the time, and has me look at them and she shows me funny edits and such. It didn't register to me that I would find what I found (and I was not looking for them either). Very graphic, exposing, and sexual pictures. There was a video, as well. She likes to do videos of her doing her hair and make-up, so I thought it was the same thing because it started with her holding a brush. Well, then she started practicing oral sex on the handle. This video goes on for about 5 minutes (I fast forwarded to the end. Very disturbing to watch, and I just can not do it). It was very graphic from what I saw, and I am sorry to say, she knew what she was doing. At the end, she looks at the camera in a very sexual way, and says "That's a perfect b****j**.".



I seriously wish I had never seen this. I am losing it inside! I can not tell my husband. This would kill him. I don't know what to do. What can I do? I can not erase what I saw, even just the few seconds. I can not ignore it either, can I? I am 29, and do not want to be a grandma. This is so sick and scary. Way not the norm for me or this house. We have very strong values and morals. My stepdaughter does not like it here because we have rules and boundaries, and don't give her unlimited freedoms. I am at a loss. Can some one please, please give me some advice?

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S. - posted on 08/23/2012

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Wow that is disturbing, I have a 13 year old who knows about sex but I know she is not sexually active, I also know some of the girls in her year are! It makes me feel sick just at the thought so I can totally symphathise with you. As for the dsi I'd of looked to, if it was a camera I'd of looked I wouldn't of thought anything like that would be on it. I probably would try and seek some outside help, a counsellor or social services may have some help. Personally I really don't have to answer but by the sound of it your monitoring her and and you have her on a short leash there's nothing much more you can do.

You could pull up some real prostitute stories on the net I'm sure you can find some quite disturbing ones and have her read them.

Michelle - posted on 08/23/2012

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I strongly urge you to get your step daughter into counseling this behavior is not normal to the extent you are talking about at this age. Yes children know more then they should these days about sex however her belief that it is no big deal and that her body is not precious is a little more something someone much older would believe. Maybe through a counselor she can learn to deal with all the different emotions she is feeling in an appropriate way instead of this constant acting out.

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