Does anyone have problems with the mother of your step children?

Dhomma - posted on 05/12/2013

I go through the same problem, my SS is 5 and i have been in his life since he was 1. my SS likes me but i feel like he only needs me when he need someone to play with him,, is this bad? The mother badmouths him every now and then & in between he shows me the rude side. I wonder if things gonna get worse as he grows up?!

Allyson - posted on 03/15/2013

Okay I am going through a similar battle with my husbands sons mother. She was fine when we got together and always threw the child on us. So we got to see him a ton which was okay at times. Then things went okay until 2009 when she met a man and then things turned. She started denying us our rights being childish etc. Then 2010 we went on spring break vacation and we had the child with us. The child had allergies but she said it was pink eye. She said we were unfit and called my husband a jerk on the internet nice right? Then for 2 whole years told us the child was to sick to come stay with us. Also during that time let his parents see the child behind our back. So after 2 years we decided to take her to court to get our rights back. Well the courts suck they didn't give us any make up time etc. Last summer went okay but then this year she is required to stick to the parenting plan something she has NEVER done. We missed the deadline for spring break so yes she is denying us our time then. We gave her our summer weeks and now she waits until the very last day to let us know yes or no about summer. Normally I wouldn't care but we are trying to make plans and she won't even respectfully email my husband the childs father back. So communicating is not there which is suppose to be. My husband is tired of her crap and so am I. He doesn't want the child coming anymore because the stress is ruining all of us. I know that sounds bad but the child used to send his dad a birthday card and now crabs when his dad calls and says he doesn't want to talk to him etc. Okay so the issue is why is it so hard for me to be okay with my husbands decision and just let it go? That's what he wants and I don't even care to watch his son when he comes because he doesn't fit in to our family dynamic. With that I mean my kids can ride a 2 wheeler and swim which his son can not. His son is 12 years old by the way. I want to please my husband and support him but why is it so hard on me to let go? Any help or advise would be great. Thanks so much

Mellisa - posted on 07/25/2012

Yes I did for about 4 years. Then I blocked her from everything and just let my husband deal with her. She would be all nice and sweet and then tell my then boyfriend now husband I was mean to her called her names, and was yelling at her son. She would leave me messages saying if I didn't leave he would never see his son again but then change her mind whenever she needed money from him. However since we now have physical custody she doesn't really talk to me much anymore...thank goodness!

Aimee - posted on 07/18/2012

I have problems with my step-sons mother. We only have him every other weekend and we are currently in process of taking her to court for more rights to him. I had a son going into the relationship and we have a baby together. It is always something with her and she is quick to point the finger at us for everything when she is the insecure and unstable one. Her own parents have taken her to court for grand-parent rights because they raised the boy for 2 years and she then took off with a married man. She makes so many threats and accusations towards me and has always hated the fact that my fiance treated her badly. Anything she can use to argue with someone over she will. It has pushed me over the edge so bad this time that my family is breaking apart. I am leaving him. I do not want my 2 children in that stressful situation anymore. This girl has serious issues that she will probably never work out. I want my kids to have respect for others and it is hard to teach them that when the child acts just like her and is disrespectful. I have also dealt with serious favortism issues. I get along great with my ex and my fiance does too. Had I known she would be this way I never would have gotten involved but the problems didn't really start until we found out we were pregnant with our child together.

Kristin - posted on 07/15/2012

sure do , i just cant understand why she lies so much its not like i wont find out the truth.

Nicole - posted on 11/19/2009

Yes I do. I have four kids and two are mine and two are my husbands. His ex is just like that. We have custody every other week but I watch the kids on her week while she works. So I pick them up after school, feed them, do homework, give them a bath and put pj's on. All she has to do is put them to bed. They are always late in the morning. See I'm up there taking Lillie (my bio-daughter) to school. So she leaves and I walk them to class. I am room mom in her daughters class. She party's all the time, lies and yells at the kids. Her son told me he wanted to stay with me. So I know exactly what you are going through. It sucks.

Mandie - posted on 11/06/2009

Firstly can I say Viky you are a good woman! Lets hear it for BM's like you xoxox

DeAnna, Yes yes and YES. I cant go into all the harm the kids and I have suffered from the BM for legal reasons- but suffice it to say I feel your pain. I agree with Viky, the more you react the more power you give her. I am a firm believer in setting boundaries- dont stand and be abused. But that said, I have learned something from the 7 years of sheer hell with this woman in my life- I used to be 'involved' with her in terms of being the communication person between her and hubby due to her aggression towards him but now I have NOTHING whatsoever to do with her. I am not present at drop-offs, I dont get involved in phone calls or sms texts etc. This doesnt actually stop her aggression but it gives her less 'sympathy' from others when she goes on a rant about me because their instant thought is "But she hasn't had anything to do with you for YEARS". These types of people THRIVE on the sympathy of others to JUSTIFY their agression toward you. When there's no involvement by you- ergo, no sympathy; they cant justify themselves to others and are forced to 'chillax'. That's just my 2 cents worth. Oh and the kids have noticed which of us acts like a demon and which of us wont- not easy, there are times I have REEEEALLY had to pull back, but my reward is the trust of my stepsons; who love their mom but know she is a seriously deranged person.

Pamela - posted on 10/11/2009

I used to be really close with my step son but his mother planted things in his head and now he doesn't come around very much. His mother is always trying to push his dad away. The sad part is she gives him no structure he does as he wants and when he visits we have structure. The crappy part when he is out of control then she calls and yells and tries to make his dad feel bad. Also he has 4 brothers who love and miss him.

Suzanne - posted on 10/08/2009

HA!HA! I think that almost everyone battles the bio.!! We go through a thing with her where even though we have the living arrangements where we have both children for 6mos and then she has them for 6mos(with visitation for opposing parent during that time) she still wants to run things over at our house!! It gets very frustrating and sometimes I want to SCREAM!! I figure I'd let my man handle her though cause rocking the boat to much onb my end might do more harm then good, ya know??

Jennifer - posted on 09/28/2009

I am a step-mom of two teen girls. We have custody of the girls. They do not have the best relationsip with their mom either. We take one day at a time. It is hard to be the one with the good head on your shoulder, but at the same time, their mom is their mom and that will never change.

Teri - posted on 09/22/2009

I also go through this constantly. My step kids and I are very close (they live w us, and see her every other weekend when she feels like having them) and she is so jealous of the relationship we have that she bad mouths me to the kids. Both kids call me Mom and it infuriates her. She even follows them around when they talk about Mom making sure everyone knows they are talking about their StepMom. I try to just laugh it off cause I know shes just jealous...Maybe she shouldnt have walked away from them.

Christine - posted on 06/22/2009

That seems to be an all encompessing question, and the pain of my life for the last five years, if it's not one thing its something else, the only plus i have on my side is that she lives 8 hours away!

One of my first personal encouters with her, she berated me over the phone, going on how i was not the mother, she was and how dare I....because i asked a few maternal questions about what she'd been doing and eat the day before when i picked my step daughter up from her auntie... at the time she was only three, so the questions were out of place...

One of many less then plesant encounters, and still to this day, when "She" phones i refuse to answer.

ERICA - posted on 06/06/2009

ABSOLUTELY...MY STEP DAUGHTER AND I ARE VERY CLOSE SHE IS 7 AND I HAVE BEEN IN HER LIFE SINCE SHE WAS 2....HER MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER ARE CONSTANTLY DOING ANYTHING THEY CAN TO CAUSE PROBLEMS.....YESTERDAY WAS HER BIRTHDAY.....MY HUSBAND AND I CALLED 4 TIMES AND SHE WOULD NOT EVEN ALLOW US TO WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Amber - posted on 03/26/2009

I have been in my SD's life for 7 years now she was 3 when i met her and is now 11 and let me tell you it was ugly when she would go home and tell her mom all the fun stuff her daddy and I did with her and it would make her mom so mad she would lose it and call my husband and tell him everything under the sun she would tell me off and tell me to stop trying to take her daughter away,and that i am nothing and will never be what she is as a mother, I mean we went round and round, When you become a step parent i feel that you sometimes need to be a freind to the kids as well as another parental figure, and thats what i have done with my step daughter and although her mom feels that i baby her to much and let her have her way, she doenst see what goes on in our home, So the BM can talk there talk and be the mean a nasty people that they want to be, but the kids are the ones who suffer and believe me it has taken 7 years for me to get to the point where i dont want to rip her face off every time i see her....lol I feel that for some reason there is like this switch that goes off in there head that causes them to lose brain cells or something they should be happy we love and take care of there kids when they are not around.

Savannaha - posted on 03/18/2009

Yes you are not alone. I have to step daughters that are like my own and there mom is not really in the picture, she will call every once and a while maybe send them a little but when this happens it is just usaully upseting for them. I don't really talk to her she deals with my husband because I have told her not in so many words but that she is worthless. She is always on this pedistal that she is all high and mighty and does no wrong, yah right if you werent a meth addict you could maybe be a decent parent. SO YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

Melinda - posted on 03/11/2009

i have some issues. the kids always have an attitude when they come home. they have told me it is because the mother talks bad about the father and at times myself. i thought it would get better in time but it seems like she never gets tired of causing trouble

Heather - posted on 03/05/2009

I have problems w the bio mom, but they are not usually 'at' me. She uses other means to get to me. I have been around for 4.5 years, married for 2.5. She refuses to acknowlege my authority in my house, and repeately reminds my husband that I am NOT their mother. She lies to her kids about me, the latest that I am physically abusive to her......She has gone so far as to ask a judge to not allow me to participate in the children's sports, even though I have since the beginning, and she has only recently shown interest.

Kelli - posted on 02/09/2009

I think probably all SM/BM have had some issue at one point or another. We (my husband and I) set the boundaries very early on and he stands behind me 100% as the SM to his kids. We still have "moments of disagreement" but we get through them together. Good luck to you!

Louise - posted on 02/08/2009

I am truely blessed..I get along with my step-daughter's mother.

Viky - posted on 01/30/2009

Also wanted to add that I also have a son with my ex and we couldn't be better friends. I love his wife, this is going to sound strange to some, but I actually introduced my ex and his current wife. I love her! I am a fairly confident gal here and my thoughts with my kids are this: How awesome is it that they will have even more people to love them? Why should I feel threatened by that?

Viky - posted on 01/30/2009

Yes, I go through exactly what you have been going through for almost 10 years now. Here's what I have learned to do.... don't listen to her. You know your an awesome Mom. You know your step boys love you. That's all that matters. Don't talk about their Mom with them. Don't talk about her at all if it can be helped. If you remove her from center stage she becomes less important to everyone. It's amazing how her tantrums get her attention...

Michelle - posted on 01/14/2009

Hi stepmums/dads



I've been reading on here and other stepmum forums that everyone seems to have problems with the childs 'other mum'. I'm quite the opposite. My 'significant other' and I have been together nearly 3 years and my stepdaughter has just turned 6. Since the break up, Emily's mum and dad just cannot get on. This is where I come in. I love Emily to the extent that I will do the running around because her mum and dad do not want to see eachother. I have told them both in no uncertain terms that I am not missing out on her growing up because they cant be in the same room without throttling eachother!

Emily and her '1st mummy' have not always had a close relationship, Em has a temper like her daddy and an attitude like her mummy which make for a very explosive child! Emily has a younger half brother and step sister at her mums house, and about 18 months ago asked her mum how everyone was her family. Her mum explained that Courtney is her stepsister, Ronnie is her brother, Jon is her stepdad and I am her stepmum. Since then Emily has seen me in a completely different light! While she has always been proud to annouce to the world that I am 'Daddy's girlfriend' she is now so much happier that she has her own relationship with me.



Because of how close Emily and I are it has made her 1st mum re-evaluate her relationship with Em and she is now trying harder to be a better mum to her. It makes me happy that she will be a better mum because of me being there.



Her mum will always refer to me as Emily's 2nd mum or stepmum even though we are not married. My family have completely accepted Emily into the fold, I have a 5 year old neice and Emily is treated exactly the same as her when they are at my parents house, they even have matching blow up beds! My other half sometimes finds it hard that I will back up the opinion of his ex during discussions, but at the end of the day Emily is my main concern, Kev is big enough to look after himself!



I have just realised how much I have typed !!!!





xxxx

L - posted on 01/07/2009

Yes! It is a constant and daily battle for me. Sometimes I think nightmares are better, because at least you wake up from them. The love for my husband and our kids keeps me going!

Rebecca - posted on 01/07/2009

Oh DeAnna, you may be a Saint (keep this in mind as much as possible, and it may keep you from throttling the bio-mom). There were so many troubles with the bio in my family; my husband's ex was constantly saying and doing things to get in between my relationship with the kids (Brandon, age 8 and Becca, age 9), she was an alcoholic, and eventually a heavy meth-user, and there was always drama. Always!
As a mother, I can see where there could be jealousy toward a step-parent with a better relationship with your children than your own. On the other hand, if the bio really wants what is best for the children, she/he should guard the child's relationships and do her/his best to support the child's affection for the step-parent. I know, in a perfect world, right?!
My step-children are now 18 and 19; Brandon (18) has stayed with his bio-mom, and made a choice when he was 12 to stop visiting his father and I (this was after he spray-painted my brand, new car because I refused to let him play video games until his school work was finished) the bio-mom was thrilled with the problems between us, and made sure that he was not responsible for what he did, and told him he didn't have to visit us any more because he "always seemed to be in trouble for no reason!" At 14, bio let Brandon drop out of school because he (can you guess...) "always seemed to be in trouble for no reason." Just wait until he gets to jail...
Becca is 19, and is now in college. She lived with us throughout high school, unable to take the "drama at mom's house." She and I have a great relationship now, no thanks to the bio.
I just want to you have hope, though, eventually, the children grow up, and sooner or later they will look back at the effort put forth by all parents involved, and they will be able to see integrity where it exists. Parent with integrity, and find as many positive things to say about the bio as you can (this never gets easy...) and all will come out in the end.
I wish you luck and prayers!
Rebecca Reece