Feeling helpless with stepdaughter

Missy - posted on 06/07/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

So here is my scenario...I have been with my husband for 10 years (married for 2 yrs) and I am a step mom to his 3 daughters. Twins who are 20 and a 15 year old - both have different mothers. My relationship with the twins is awesome and I get along great with their mother.

The 15 year old is a different story. She has lived with us full time from day 1. Her mother was never really around for the last 9 years of our relationship...just when it was convenient for her to see her daughter. So I stepped up to the plate and took care of things since their was no one else to do it for the past 9 years. She never accepted me and our relationship has always been very distant and anything to do with me, she would always run and tell her grandparents (my husband's parents). Then they would get involved and make things even worse. Every time she did not get her way, she would cause a huge scene and then run to her mothers or her grandparents house, and then whenever she was good and ready she would come back. My husband always allowed to run off and always given her what she wanted. For me, that made things even more difficult because we never had a chance to even attempt to become a family if she was able to run and hide every time something happened that she didn't like.

The grandparents have always made things even worse for me. I have always been criticized and lectured on what to do and not to do with her, and my husband never has told them to butt out and let us work at building our own family. So I feel like I have had everything against me, but I have tried so hard with her and opened my heart and soul to her and treated her as she was my own child.

I have no children of my own. I am unable to have kids and when the mother-in-law found that out she ripped into me that I will never know what it's like to experience this kind of love and I will never know what it is like to be a mom. She did this right in front of the whole family and my husband just sat there and didn't say a word.

Last year, the 15 year old moved out and in with her mother. Which surprised me since her mother never really wanted her around for the last 14 years of her life. She told my husband that he better give her what she wants and let her have her way or else she is going to have her mom take my husband to court. It was upsetting for me to see a 14 yr old take that kind of action since she always got what she wanted here with us. But she said that I made her life miserable, I tried to buy her off, I abused her....etc.

My husband offers no support. Everytime his parents mouth off to me, he tells me to get over it! But will never say anything to them. like please treat my wife with respect!

So I feel like this is just a hopeless situation and I should just leave this marriage and the 15 yr old can have me out of her life completely, which is what she has always wanted.

Any advice?