GONNA SCREAM!!!

Sarina - posted on 09/15/2011

We have come to the day and age where we feel supporting each other is crucial because we have so many news articles on family murders and suicides. But then we criticize instead of supporting. Whether you believe in spanking, time out,grounding, sitting on the wall, removing all objects from their rooms, doing sentences or whatever your method of parenting is. If it works for you , you have my respect. Our parents never had the supporting groups we have today, so it was unheard of to talk to someone you never even met about how your ss urinates all over his room or whatever the particular problem was, so of course they handled matters accordingly. So many mothers resort to shouting abuse when hearing about spanking, which usually is a smack on the rear end , not a full blown fist fight ! So here we go with my sad storie. To this day have not found anything that worked with my seven year old stepson. I've come to the conclusion that he has a stronger personality than me. Nothing I say or do makes any difference to his behavior or choices he makes. He'll urinate on his carpet, he'll tell me that he does not want to listen to me and that he wants to do his own thing, he's violent at school, he will have a screaming fit that can last up to three hours if he needs to do sentences, trying to talk to him is a nightmare he get's a blank stare in his eyes and usually then I give up and send him off, he got caught steeling at school and then lied about taking the object. He still wet's bed, and recently we had him at a specialist who diagnosed him with Pts (Post traumatis stress) so we started on a antidepressant which also helped with the bed wetting. But it's like he realized that he no longer was wetting bed and started sneaking around at night drinking up to a liter of juice, milk or water whatever is in arms reach in the fridge. No it's not his sugar level,s that was tested when we had him at the specialist. We sp (step parents) with troubled children should really stand together. Cause no one know's what it's like being a stepparent. Nonetheless a stepmother who is unable to have children of her own.

LadyJane - posted on 09/07/2011

In regards to the wall sitting. Even today, it is done during my fitness class for no longer than 2 minutes 3 times during the class. This class is for 13yr olds and adults. It is a great way to build up your leg muscles and it not easy to maintain, but so far It's helping my legs become stronger. It's not abuse at all.

Michelle - posted on 09/06/2011

I have an 3 daughters - one 8 years, one 6 years and one 11 months. Discounting my 11 month old as she's not really old enough to be giving attitude yet. If my girls fight over something it's taken away until they can play nicely. If they're rude or disrespectful they will normally lose their treats (ie sweets or chocolate or icecream, etc). To earn them back they get to help me clean the house. A couple of weeks ago both my eldest were very naughty so instead of taking them to the park I took them to the shop, bought some cleaning stuff and had them clean all the tiles in the bathroom - my bathroom is tiled ceiling to floor. This I find normally works as they are back to being nicely behaved again very quickly lol

On a funnier point, we watched the film "Annie" the other day and they decided I had to pretend to be Miss Hannigan, so I got them to clean the living room LOL

Natalie - posted on 09/04/2011

We have that with a 4 year old, he lies constantly and we are almost positive it's coming from older cousins at his grandparents(or the grandparent herself lying to us), we've tried timeout and sending him to his room but then he just starting putting himself in there and screaming whenever he didnt want to do something so now we are trying a reverse we make him go in the playroom and stay there and now his younger brothers(2 and 3) tell him to stop screaming they cant hear the tv or he's hurting their ears (the two year old told him to shush up, something I say to daddy when i really want to say shut up), he still tries to lie and we say the truth and ignore him send him to play(for some reason he HATES being sent to play), i say whatever works because with my 2 year old son 9/10 times you have to swat his fingers if you want him to listen it really hurts his feelings and he listens, our 2 yr old daughter set her on her bum and take her sookie toy and she done for, it's whatever you can get to work do it!

Julie - posted on 08/31/2011

It strengthens their muscles. It's not like we make them do it for an hour, but it's something he might do in a phys ed class. He doesn't respond to lectures, talking to him about it doesn't work...he just gives the answers he thinks you want to hear so you'll shut up and leave him alone. Grounding doesn't work, the only thing that works with this kid is physical. We give him extra chores, but when nothing else works, yes we give him a spanking or have him sit on the wall. I'm not telling anyone else to do this, you have to figure out what works with your kid. I know other parents who do this as well, they don't use it very often either and honestly, it's usually military families. Not that that makes a difference. Sitting on the wall usually lasts for a minute or two. I remember doing that repetively in PE class back in the day.

Holly - posted on 08/31/2011

sitting on the wall sounds less like abuse than spanking, but I'm willing to try either if it will stop my 7 year old from blatently lying to my face.

Lisa - posted on 08/30/2011

Sorry Julie, to me the idea of "sitting on the wall" as you describe it sounds like abuse.

Dee - posted on 08/30/2011

Forgive me for not reading every detail...but when I started noticing a relationship between what my daughter was eating to her behavior I started making some changes. She has also had a lot of trauma in her small little life. She isn't dishonest but, she likes what she likes when she likes it. Taking away foods/candies/desserts with red dye #40 has eliminated a lot of tantrums and behavior issues. but, I still have my moments/days of disobedience. I just follow it up with something that is her currency. Something she really loves. Like a toy she sleeps with or the blanket she likes to sleep on. That sobers her fast. Sounds like you guys already do that. I am a single parent. We lost her dad/my dh 4 years ago. She is 8.

Julie - posted on 08/25/2011

With my daughter, we hardly ever have to spank. Staring at the wall works and I'm sure as she gets older, grounding her will work. I recently grounded her from her ds because she wouldn't put her games in the case and kept losing them. My SS, on the other hand, doesn't seem to mind grounding that much, we took everything out of his room once except his bed and his clothes, not much results. It's like the only thing he will respond to is getting a spanking. Being as he's 13, we really don't want to anymore. We do have him sit on the wall and that works. That is when they stand against the wall in a sitting position with their arms straight ahead of them. Works their leg muscles.

Lisa - posted on 08/25/2011

Children at a young age cn be spanked, in my opinion. It is not only an "attention getter" but also teaches the child that certain behaviors are not acceptable ---- LONG before they can understand right or wrong. For example, a parent might spank a child's hand for reaching up to the hot stove...... Regardless of whether you spank your child or not, he or she must learn somehow that certain behaviors are just not acceptable. Good Luck.

Julie - posted on 08/25/2011

My SS used to lie a lot. He has spent the summer at his mom's and now that school has started he started it again, but I think we won't have any more issues with it. I know not everyone spanks, and I really don't want to get into that debate on here, but with him, it seems to be the only thing that works. So for the last year and a half, if he did something he wasn't supposed to, he'd get a swat, if he lied about it, he'd get three. After a week or two, he started hesitating before he lied, but he'd lie anyway. After a couple more weeks, the lying pretty much stopped. So far, we've only got a couple of lies this school year and we are getting lots of communication with teachers so he has started to shape up quite a bit. Btw, he's 13 now, was 11 when he moved in with us. At the time, he was pretty immature for his age.
But even if you don't spank, I'd recommend that they know that they will get in 3x as much trouble for lying as they would just for doing whatever.

Lisa - posted on 06/24/2011

Duct tape works ! Seriously though, only by constantly reinforcing your standards and the need for honesty in all situations will a child learn that sneaking about and lying are not acceptable behaviors. Although as a teacher, and parent, I have been tempted to go the "duct tape" route on occasion. Best of Luck !

Kelly - posted on 01/27/2011

NO YOU CALL IT RUNNING IN TO A BRICK WALL OVER AND OVER AND OVER....AND NEVER STEPPING TO THE RIGHT TO WALK AROUND IT!

Kara - posted on 01/27/2011

lol Man, I don't know why they choose to learn the hard way each and every time, but can you even call it learning if they keep repeating their mistakes.

Kelly - posted on 01/27/2011

i understand im pretty sure i have had that same conversation with my daughter. By the way Kara Sam was supposed to get up from the table tommororw, and guess what happened? She lied today the minute she got up!

Marisol - posted on 01/27/2011

I have an 8 year old she is pretty manipulative too ...especially with her 7 year old brother. And he seems to fall for it every time. I have a perfect example of her lies...this morning I asked her if she brushed her teeth before heading to the school bus...she said "Yes Mommy" Ia sked 'Are you sure" she proceeded to say "Yes" I said ok...I started to walk away but then turned back around and told he"come here let me smell your mouth" she got up and as she headed closer to me she said"OK no I didn't" I mean what is the purpose of lying...It's her own sake not mine! Well I thought I share my situation with youy since both you and have an abviuos problem with our TWEENS.
I have tried taking things from her that she loves to play with or even her books, she loves reading but the attitude gets more aggresive towards me. So I end up sending her to her room when I do catch her in a lie!
I hope as time go she realizes that her ways are not right.
Good Luck to you.

Kelly - posted on 01/25/2011

By the way just because he doesnt show he cares doesnt mean any thing he may just not wanna give you the satisfaction.

Kelly - posted on 01/25/2011

Oh Kara we simply must do lunch! Shes wont sit still. I haved to constantly tell her to sitback down and turn around and face the wall because i put a card table in the living room so she isnt inconveiniecing me at dinner or being in the way every thing she can have is on that table. No snacks as you said which kills her! but she dosent shower alone go to the bathroom alone and has a bottle of water with a paperbag for trash. how old is your Step Son ? shes nine. Keep in mind you can just make it worse till it effects him .... nit pick at him. Sounds crazy i know but make it so he suffers. That way he learns. what does he do at the table other than homework
every thing she owns has been put in storage bins she had to bring it all to us i mean my husband took drawers out of her beuro and cleaned her desk out. if 8pm doesnt bother him maybe 730 will. How long is his punishment? Keep in mind that if he starts again on his first free day you can say ok lets go back to the table. how often does he leave your home to go see his mom does that have an effect on this? samantha had off today from school so shes going crazy she hates sitting still. Figure out what makes him tick.

Kara - posted on 01/25/2011

How is that working out for you?? My step-son doesn't care about punishment, everything got taken away (he has his clothes/bed and of course food for breakfast/lunchs and dinner) and he now goes to bed at 8pm instead of 10..and he really doesn't care! I had to take the lightbulbs outta the lights by/in his room as I found him "sneaking" them on and bringing in flashlights/headlights and I just don't know what to do anymore. Like Samantha - He needs to be at the table too until after dinner (homework right after school to dinner time) then he just sits and watches my little ones play.

Kelly - posted on 01/25/2011

well Kara right now she is living her life with nothing but a bed a nd pillow and a blanket. She has 7 outfits one for every day of the week. 3 pjs. 2 pr of shoes. She has the opportunity to earn her stuff back dependent on her behaivior. She is also currently to sit at the kitchen table every day after school because her rights to fun have also been taken away. She has no privilages we have explained if you cant tell the truth you loose all of your privilages.

Kara - posted on 01/25/2011

I feel your pain!! If I find a solution, i'll be sure to let you know!