How can you make blending families go smoothly

Elizabeth - posted on 11/19/2010

Look at things from the kid(s) point of view.
Make sure the kid(s) still get 1:1 time with their parent especially if they are NCP.
Pick your battles.

Laurie - posted on 11/11/2010

Try to have some kind of positive communication with the bio. parents. It important that you all stand for the same rules so that the kids don't feel such a clash between homes. And talk to the kids, seem what they're feeling, and what they want.

Rachel - posted on 11/06/2010

I have been in a relationship with my BF for almost 2 yrs. He has two children, age 11 and 6. it has taken a while to build a relationship, it is rewarding it is just something you ned to work at daily. we do plan on having one of our own someday, i am sure that will bring more adjusting.. day by day...i have enjoyed his kids and getting to know them.

Kate - posted on 10/15/2010

you have to make a choice about how you are going to interact with your step children.

I was very conscious when I first became a step mum about how I was going to treat SD. First thing was that I was always going to support her father in his decisions (whether I agreed or not) and he always sticks by decisions I make as well. It is so important that both parents are on the same page, whether they are step parents or not.
you also need to remember that you are the adult. That means you have to be the one to SHOW the child HOW they should behave - be adult in the way your react to things at all times (if possible). If you make a mistake, own up to it, apologise if you need to, stay calm as much as possible, don't take your emotions out on the child - but if you do - own up to it and show the child/ren that you can say sorry.
If you try to act consiously all the time - rather than reacting to things, I really think it can help. but at the same time, we are only human and all you can do is your best.
I think you can be a friend, and a mum, even if they are not yours - and to be honest, I have yet to hit the teenage years - I think it really depends on how old the children are when you become part of their life - the younger the better probably. If they are older, I suspect it is different - and you probnably need to be more patient, but if you respect them and don't react to them - always be an adult, as much as possible - then I think they will eventually see you as a big part of their life and really respect the way you have treated them.

Amy - posted on 07/07/2010

I am going to say it takes time and it may never work. Blended Familes are the hardest to come together as one. There is always feelings the children with have toward the parents split. If it's done at a younger age it's comes a little easier to bond. But the hard part is the real mother. She needs to not feed the children bad stuff about the new step-mom this makes things worse. I am going to tell you the children will always stick by mom side and believe what she has to say. So for you, you need to get on good terms with the children they need to trust you. Let them know your not taking moms place that you want to be there friend there helping hand and an ear if they need it. It will soon all come together but it's a long hall. I want to say I've been married 6 years and mine is far from perfect but I am working on everything I can and my husband is tryng too. That's all we can do is try.

Brenda - posted on 05/16/2010

I have been with my husband for 10 years now and it is NEVER easy to have his daughters respect me. they are 17 and 19 now. the 17 yr old loves me, the 19 year old loves to keep the drama level up.. i've tried making amends with her but all she does is give me attitude and treats me like poo.. any advice?

Vanessa - posted on 03/15/2010

In my opinion NO. All you can really do is learn to pre-empt problems before they occur and fix them in advance before the kids have a chance to make a big issue out of it!
For the first few weeks, I stepped into my sons shoes and my hubby stepped into his daughters shoes - and we realised a lot of things that we didn't see as big issues had the potential to be massive for the kids - sounds weird, but it worked!

Kathy - posted on 01/13/2010

looks like everyone is saying it takes time, it's been 6 years now for me and it's more difficult than EVER!

Christie - posted on 10/28/2009

Just be You. A lot depends on what kid of family you are blending. What I mean is do you have custody of all the kids or do they see you only on certain days? I began blending 13 yrs ago and we had custody of all the kids. 3 of the kids were his from his first marriage and I had 3 from my first marriage and we had one of our own..the kids visited their other families on weekends and holidays. Even though the BM only lived a mile away she never asked for them on days that weren't her weekends or called them. sad I know. But what I am saying is there are books out there for the families that the kids come visit on the weekend and trying to blend them but there are few books out for the oppisite. When they live full time with you and go there for limited time. There is difference in blending believe me.



It's an adventure and with it some heartache. Good luck and remember to relax and have fun too



Christie from Iowa

Rebecca - posted on 10/26/2009

just take it slowly it wont happen right away talk to the children and see what they wont

Cyndi - posted on 10/12/2009

Don't expect to be a "family" overnight and keep your expectations low. Ask the kiddos about their expectations.