insane bio-mom

Rhonda - posted on 05/14/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I have been married to my hubby for 4 yrs now and we have 2 kids together, His older boys that live with bio-mom have came over upset latley, They have been asked by their mom to con extra money out of dad and to ask where the foc money is and why she is not getting HER money by the date that she wants it? I really feel that this is no concern of the kids and that she should not put them in the middle of this, We have told the boys that It is put thru the court and we have no control over when it gets their and that it is one of the first bills we take care of. Another thing I find upsetting is that she will corner the boys when they get back home from our house and ask them what WE are doing and how much money did dad spend on you. They are 12 and 14 and know that dad is the sole provider of them their mom has lost her job 3 months ago and the Step dad is alot younger and a alcholic who refuses to get a job and support the child that they have together.

It has gotten so upsetting latley for us that my hubby will not to answer the phone when she calls (the boys have their own phones so if they need dad he is just a call away) This has sent Bio-mom into a tantrum that I have never seen before, She is leaving very very upsetting nasty messages on voicemail and driving by our hosue and flicking us off . Our little kids were outside when she did this and now our son points with his middle finger.

I have had enough of the INSANE bio-mom and I am at my wits end with all the BS. I am thinking of taking all the voicemails to the police and filing harrasment aganst her, which may upset her more. But I have to protect my Family, Is there aynthing eles I can do to keep my family together and safe?

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15 Comments

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Tamara - posted on 10/26/2010

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I would definitely take those messages to the police and file against her, if not for you, definitely for your kids! that's awful. I never had that opportunity because my ss mom bashed me on the internet to her friends and never directly said my full name which the police said i couldnt do anything with unless she wrote my whole name.

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2010

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To get an audit done, you need to have the responsible party that is to pay the support call the place that processes the child support, such as in Kansas it is Child Support Enforcement...just call them and tell them you would like to request an audit. Make sure they know it is not a modification. Tell them you believe she is using the money fraudently and you want to be sure the money is going to the kids...then go from there. If you need anymore help, email me and I can see what I can find out...jgowan517@Yahoo.com..and put in the subject Circle of moms help with CSE needed.

Teresa- - posted on 07/23/2010

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She's out of control. We know that feeling well! You are not alone. I am all for the law enforecement, we just haven't found them to be of much help. I know they have other important things. Your children should know nothing about the child support. Amazingly, our children know too much about that, too. That is adult issues, not for children. They need to just be kids, period. When the kids bring it up, do what we do, which is just tell them that that is an adult issue, and they only need to be worried about where they are going to play today, what movies to watch, and if their friends can come over. That's called CHILDHOOD. Let them enjoy it.

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2010

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Well, you are right as far as it is not appropiate to put the kids in the middle of financial issues. My hubby's ex does that from time to time..all you can do is be honest and know that you are doing the right thing. As far as the calls...YES BY ALL MEANS take the voicemails and try to get photos of her coming by and all that and take it in. It will help you later if you need to get them out of a bad situation. ESPECIALLY if you are scared for your younger ones. The 12 and 14 year old are old enough to understand that it is not right, but the younger ones don't know and they need more protection at this point. You can also have her audited to prove what she is spending the money on. And if it is proven that she is not using the money for them and is using them to find more money...she can/will get in trouble for that. Good Luck!!

Casey - posted on 02/08/2010

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That is what you need to do and where I am they deem it "stalking". Sounds like she is jealous over your relationship. You can also file a complaint with FOC and usually it is free.
If you go to the police it may upset her more but it will make her stop. I have changed my husband's cell number as they only need one number in an emergency to get a hold of them.
I would tell her to call FOC also as I dont believe an ex can dictate when she gets her check.
You could also ask her what the boys need and provide them with it. Your husband's FOC payment is not to sustain HER lifestyle. You could also get a restraining order against her.
Even if she gets mad i would show this woman you are not going to play. I have dealt with an insane bio mom for now 5yrs and i have found that hardball works best! If you need someone to vent to i am here and i can relate!
Good Luck

Shasha - posted on 02/07/2010

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Facing a somewhat similiar problem. The bio-mum is practically driving me crazy. I think she cant accepts that her daughters have a step-mom & that I do my duties as a step mom. Both girls are stayg with me&husband. The bio-mum has 2 children of her own. && for the past years, she hasnt done her duties as a mum, but when she realised that the girls are happy with us, she starts creating problems. really stressing me out.

Amber - posted on 01/29/2010

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I would totally try to get a restraining order on her and call the police when she drives by. If you have enough proof then maybe dad can go to court and get primary custody if bio-mom is seen as a threat. Talk to the kids about maybe living with you, or at least 50/50 placement. I've banned my step-daughters bio-mom from calling or e-mailing our house. She is only to call my husband's cell phone. She used to call and just start yelling when I would pick up the phone. I didn't want my kids accidentally answering it, so I told her to stop or I would take legal action against her. She hates it, but it stopped for the most part. Regardless of whether her child is at your house or not, it's still your house and you can decide what to allow.

Katie - posted on 01/13/2010

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We are in a similar boat with a crazy bio-mom. She has not let us see his girls since July 08. Best course is to document everthing and get an attorney. File harassment charges as she should not be doing the drive-bys and nasty phone calls. The more documentation you get and the more you do within the law the better you case is for getting custody of the children and getting them into a more stable home. It's not easy but just keep calm.

Kathy - posted on 01/13/2010

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I am sure she is in contemt of court from the agreement, spend $75 and file her in contempt of court!!

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I agree with everyone else- documentation and electronically recording everything and I mean EVERYTHING is what has helped us in our 7 year (so far) battle. The other thing is go to the Police EVERY TIME. This woman has got to learn some boundaries and she wont as long as you let her get away with it.

Sarah - posted on 09/25/2009

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Like everyone has said document it.. this is very very important that you do this... and maybe you guys should think of getting a lawyer and trying to get the boys... it sounds like they are not being taken care of .. Just keep trying to be nice and respectful so she has nothing to throw back at you.. we are currently in a court battle for my step son who is 5... we have 50/50 custody and he isn't safe where he is so we are currently trying to get majority custody... i wish you and your husband and the kids all the best...

Barbara - posted on 05/30/2009

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I myself have to deal with a crazy bio-mom and my advice is...DOCUMENTATION! document every little thing, and save every little message. If you have access to a video camera, if you can, get her on tape driving by. My step daughter just turned 4 and I am sick of biomom manipulating how his daughter thinks. For example she stopped letting us see his daughter, we've been asking her to let us see her and trying to even just get her to let him talk to her on the phone. And her mom asked my husband, "wanna know what I tell her when she asks me where her daddy is? I tell her that daddy is in timeout cause he didnt listen to mommy" I just cant believe how childish some woman can be. She's obviously jealous, so call her out on it and if she gets mad that you tell the cops, oh well thats her problem. Your kids are what matters, and pretty soon your hubbys sons will be old enough to realize they don't want to be used as weapons, cause thats what it sounds like their mom is doing!

Jessica - posted on 05/16/2009

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I would say document everything. And have the boys talk to a school councilor or something. Maybe the boys would be better off with you guys. That's really crappy that there are mothers out there like that. What a horrible women!

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