My husband and my daughter don't get along... PLEASE HELP!!

Laurie - posted on 11/18/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been married for 4 years now.. he has two children that I step-parent, and love very dearly. His daughter calls me mom even..

My daughter lives with us full time. Hardly ever sees her real dad, but for some reason is purposely mean to my husband.. He tries so hard to get her to just get her respect, but for some reason she pushes him away...

This is creating a problem between my husband and myself, because my husband can not stand being disrespected all the time. I don't blame him at all. His kids treat me with respect, and I would not tolerate that type of behavior from his kids.

I try and talk with my daughter about this, but she thinks that one day her dad and I will get back together. She is 9 now, and I have not been with her Bio dad since she was 3. Even when we were together he was abusive to me, and he is not apart of our lives anymore.

I need help figuring out how I can get my daughter to at least respect my husband. He does everything a dad should for her, but she still treats him like crap most of the time.

Don't get me wrong, because at times I can tell she likes him. She will sometimes walk up to him and hug him and stuff like that.. Then most other times, she is out right rude to him...

What do I do?? I don't want to lose my marriage, but it's almost like my daughter will intentionally start a fight between us because she knows I will come to her rescue..

Someone PLEASE help! Any suggestions would be great!!

Thanks

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

JAEN - posted on 12/03/2011

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Hi, your daughter is testing her boundaries!! If she is rude to your husband then he should ask her what she means straight away, and explain to her a nicer way of saying what she just said. Just saying that she's being rude leads to misunderstandings and she needs guidance to show her a nicer way of putting across her point.
As far as always coming to her rescue,dont! If you disagree with something that your husband tells her, bite your lip and talk to him in private where you cannot be overheard (9 year olds listen at keyholes,top of the stairs etc!). Also, if you constantly fight her battles for her then she wont learn to fight them herself-negotiation and compromise are important skills that she will learn by being given the chance to put across her point in a calm, polite manner.
Don't let her cause a fight between you and your husband, always present a united front and if she asks something that you and your husband have very different views on say" I dont know,we will talk about it and let you know."
Good luck :)

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Kara - posted on 06/04/2012

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Step up on discipline with her.
It should come from you for a larger impact.
Find out why she said what she said.
Why she did what she did.
Even talk to her school about it, and get her to talk to a school Councillor about it. Maybe something is going on that you don't know about and it's not just a "you'll get back together with dad" - Who knows, but look into it.
And I agree - No disagreements/arguments around the kids - or within ear shot. This is very important, especially with step-children (they will play their parent against the other adult)
Show her that your marriage is strong, and you are very much a united couple.
If this is causing you stress in the marriage, get a sitter, and talk to a cousillor yourselves and get support and other idea's on how to make this blended family work. There are lots of resources out there, find one that will work for you and your family.

Ashlee - posted on 03/22/2012

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i definetly agree! i have a step son and my two boys are my hubbys step sons....when they get a bit older in the next couple years i well rember this advice.

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