New here, husband's baby mama drama help =(

Anon - posted on 02/20/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am at a loss and just have no where to turn, when it comes to people understanding. I am 24 and have been married 6 years. My DH has a daughter who is 9 from a previous relationship. He has not seen her since before we were together but maybe 1 time. He always said how awful her mother was and it was never love just a fling etc. Well over the years I have seen him hurt so bad over not seeing his daughter. We now have a child together and are expecting another. We've had a rocky relationship and have been working on it. When we were seperated he attempted to see his daughter after her mother gave him her phone # b/c she was single! I was so hurt by this. He never saw the daughter, he talked to the mom once. A little over a year passed and we've been back together for that amount of time. I could still feel the effects of him not seeing his baby. It really was putting a strain on our situation so I tried to mention ideas here and there to get him to see her. Well one day he decided it was the day. He told me before he went that he can't help but wonder if that would be his family today if he had handled things differently. WTF! That makes me feel terrible ='( I've been sick over it. so He went to her house (I dropped him off b/c baby mama won't have anything to do with me, I took him from her supposedly). Baby mama let him in and he spent time with his girl who remembered him for a few hours. After the fact, I picked him up and he didn't say much about the mom just that she had a BF and was happy he saw his girl. The daughter gave him her # so they can talk. Well. I've been feeling so insecure about it. We were having an arguement last week and I looked at his phone b/c a message rang while I was talking to my mom on his phone and it was a reply from baby mama... he text her phone "Hey beautiful, thinking of you". WTF I was sick immediately. I confronted him and he studdered then said well I could've been talking to my daughter. I said yea b/c she runs to her mom's phone when a text message goes off and see's a text saying hey beautiful and knows it is for her. No. It is not right. He then goes on to tell me how he loved all over baby mama the night he was there to show his girl that he respected her and they still cared for eachother. I said EXCUSE ME???? and he said well I put my arm around her and told (the daughter) she needed to listen to her mom. YTF were they even sitting that close to eachother that he can put his arm around her. And for a woman he has claimed is the Devil and he never had real feelings for... What makes it worse is the girl doesn't know anything about me or DH's children. So it is like when he is over there it is a secret life and they are a family but then he comes back to our family. I just feel like he should fight for me! He should tell her she needs to be honest and tell the daughter he is married. and I should be there! ALSO I feel that he needs to tell me when he and baby mama have talked/texted. It is extremely innappropriate to me and I just don't know how to handle it. I just feel it is going to end badly for our family =( which is sad b/c I encouraged him to see baby girl, thinking he had enough respect for me to honor our marriage and my feelings. I just don't even know how to trust him now when he is over there with them!! =(
Advice, words of wisdom, anyone go through anything similar? ='(

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Anon - posted on 02/21/2013

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"you should have thought harder about marriage with this man if he is texting, talking, and seeing the mother of his child behind your back"
Obviously that was not the case BEFORE we got married, as I said we've been married for 6 years.
"If he is lying about things to his daughter then it means more than likely he is lying to you."
He hasn't been lying to the daughter, the mother has for the past 7 years while preventing him from seeing her... think I said that in my post too.

Evelyn - posted on 02/20/2013

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First, you knew this man had a previous relationship and child. Until this child is 18 he is going to be part of her life. You also knew what HE told you about this relationship. You only knew one side.

Second, you should have thought harder about marriage with this man if he is texting, talking, and seeing the mother of his child behind your back. If he is lying about things to his daughter then it means more than likely he is lying to you.

Third, its not all the mother's fault that this is going on. He is doing this too. It takes two to make things happen.

You should put your foot down and demand he come clean. If he does not then its time to move on and hit him up for everything you can get out of him.

He can not be hurting that much if he's lying about things to you.

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