Our Wedding...advice please!

Marie - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My fiance and I are getting married in June and he has two little boys who will become my step children. We are gettong married in a courthouse and I want to include them in the ceremony somehow. Has anyone done this in some way? How can I include the other two people that my fiance loves more than me...I think they would enjoy it and my fiance would appreciate it. I want to show the boys I care about them and do not plan on taking their dad away from them.

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Bri - posted on 05/26/2011

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yes im getting married as well in August i have my own SKand my bio i understand but think of the excitement the kids will have of you being their SM! congrats!

Christina - posted on 05/15/2011

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Have the boys hold your rings. Also, have the JP include in the vows that you promise to love his children as your own. It is very special when vows are done that way.

Brandy - posted on 05/15/2011

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Maybe ask them to be his "best men". When I got married my stepson (he was 21/2) was the ringbearer and he stood next to us during the wedding. Before the wedding I explained to him that I was not just marrying his daddy but I was also becoming his stepmommy. He was so excited and proud of himself bc he felt included and an important part of the ceromony.

[deleted account]

The best thing that you can do with the kids is show them that you love them and respect them. In turn, they will do the same. I have a 13 year old stepson, and a 12 year old stepdaughter. They were in our wedding, but we did not do vows with them. They were uncomfortable to talk in front of people. To kids a ceremony does not mean the same to them. You can make a vow to your husband to stand by his side and protect his decisions as a parent. Showing that love and support will also teach his children and they will grow to love and respect their dad. The kids will know. Being a stepparent is the most thankless job. you are not "mom", you do not have a say, and you will definately hear, "you are not my mom". A constant stance in your beliefs and love will give the give confidence they need. Be a trusting friend and confidant. Best wishes to you and congratulations on your nuptials.

Cynthia - posted on 12/05/2009

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There are ceremonies on the web which includes the kids.. Sample Vows....Groom: “(children’s names), I want you to know that I dearly love your mother. We have become very good friends over the weeks and months and we have learned to love each other. As you have so graciously shared this wonderful woman with me, so will I share the love I feel for her with you.

Together, we will learn much more about each other. I promise also to be fair and to be honest, to be available for you as I am for your mom, and in due time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be father and friend, and I will cherish my life with all of you. On this day when I marry your mom, I marry you, and I promise to love and support you as my own.”

Bride: “(children’s names), I want you to know that I dearly love your father. We have become very good friends over the weeks and months and we have learned to love each other. As you have so graciously shared this wonderful man with me, so will I share the love I feel for him with both of you. Together, we will learn much more about each other.

I promise also to be fair and to be honest, to be available for you as I am for your dad, and in due time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be mother and friend, and I will cherish my life with both of you. On this day when I marry your dad, I marry you, and I promise to love and support you as my own.”

The bride and groom’s children then responded to the following vows when read by the pastor:

(Children’s names), do you promise to love your mother and her new husband?

Children respond: “I do.”

Do you promise to support their marriage and your new family?

Children respond: “I do.”

Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children, and to encourage them, support them, and accept them just as our heavenly Father accepts us?

Children respond: “I do.”

(Children’ names), do you promise to love your father and his new wife?

Children respond: “I do.”

Do you promise to support their marriage and your new family?

Children respond: “I do.”

Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children, and to encourage them, support them, and accept them just as our heavenly Father accepts us?

Children respond: “I do.”

[deleted account]

We had my hubby's 2 boys stand up with us- older boy was his best man and younger was the ring bearer- they were really little and wouldnt remember but we did it so that when they're older and see the photos of themselves in these roles they will know that we included them.

Christine - posted on 06/22/2009

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During the ceremony, keep it simple, ut you're making a promise to your groom, why not his sons too? Just something like you'll love them and support them in all they do and catch them when they fall. You could even give them something at that time too.

Missi - posted on 06/14/2009

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when my parner and i get married (mid next year) im having both our sons (we have 1 each very close in age both from previous relatonships) walk down the aisle with me! i think its a great way to include them! theyre so proud to helping us get married! they know we couldnt do it without them

DeAnna - posted on 05/05/2009

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the 7 year old give him a disposable one--and the 3 year let him/her hold flowers.

Jessica - posted on 05/04/2009

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My husband and I said vows to the children. He has a daughter and I have a daughter. We also gave them necklaces after saying our vow to them. I have see where people take different color sand and pour it in a glass (like sand art) to represent the joining of a new family.

I think including them is important. My ex and his wife didn't include our daughter. They were supposed to. And then they just ended up getting married the day before instead. They could have called and told us they had to do that. I would have gladly let my daughter go. It broke her heart. She got over it and loves her step mom. But it wasn't necessary to not have her there.

Kris - posted on 04/28/2009

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Not sure how a courthouse wedding goes but I am getting married soon and have 1 child of my own (3 yr. daughter) my fiancee has 2 kids that he has full custody of (5 yr. daughter and 9 yr. old Son) the girls are going to be flower girls in our wedding and the boy is going to walk me down the isle and also be the ring bearer. I also included the kids names on the wedding invites and announcements and we are having family pics taken to display around at our reception.

Michelle - posted on 04/17/2009

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we are getting married here soon also. my step-kids have been "mine" for 9 years come july... and we decided to have engraved photo frames made with something like..with love dad & chelle. you know, personalize it as you see fit. or, i had a friend that her son loved trains so they bought him a collector's watch and had the back engraved with the dad and all of their names and i think it was something like today we become a family on it. just a couple of thoughts. hope it was helpful.

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