step mom needing help with grandma who thinks she the childs really mom!!

Courtney - posted on 09/04/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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You I am a step mom of an 8 year old girl. Her Mom is not in the picture. She was raised by her grandma, dad and grandpa. For 3 1/2 years before I met my husband. They all lived in one house. We got married when she was almost 6 years old. Since we got married my mother in law gets up set if she does not see my step daughter ever or get upset. She takes her to school and picks her up every day except on Fridays. When my dad picks her up from school due to my work schedule. On the weekends she is always around we see her all weekend unless I through a fit and say we are going to see my parents. Besides my dad picking her up on Fridays my parents really don’t get to see her. They see her maybe twice a month at best. My child calls her mom and I am mommy. Which it took 6 years to get that far. My mil did not like that. She tells us what to do when to do it. If we get on to my child more that what she thinks is okay which is not much because she will let her get away with every thing. She gets upset and get physically ill. She gets the poops. I was told by her that I am on her constantly. Which is not true? My child has been not listening to me fighting me on every thing. When I ask her to hold my hand when we are somewhere or even to dance with me if we are out. She says I only want to hold moms hand. Which makes me sad? I try hard to have the bond my mother in law has. I know I can’t get that bond. My mother in law tries to do control every thing. Where we go when we go and how long. That becomes a disaster for every one. What I am asking is what do I do? Do I just deal with it? Or try to do something about it? I have tried talking to her about it more than once but it all ways turned around to be my fault. I try talking to my husband about it but when he ask her she turning it around to be my fault.. Help what should I do?

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2 Comments

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Reena - posted on 09/25/2012

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Have you talked to DH about this situation and how he feels? I think he really needs to step up and talk to his mom and explain to her what is acceptable and not acceptable with regard to SD. Either he wants YOU to parent SD or he wants his mom to parent SD. The two of you need to talk about what changes need to be made and then he needs to address it with his mother and make sure she tows the line.

AMY - posted on 09/24/2012

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I feel for you and I can feel the aggravation in your words. I was in a similar situation, execpt the step-g-ma on the bio moms side is the one that felt like she was the childs real mother.

Since the bio-mom has nothing to do with the child, it was easy for us to just cut ties with them. With you, you guys seem to depend on this G-ma, which makes it hard for you guys to be in control of the situation. I really don't know what to say, I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for your situation, I know it is hard (very hard). I dealt with it for 4 years before I had had enough. Maybe her school has after school care you can put her in? Then you or your husband can pick her up from there?