step moms - advice

Heather - posted on 09/12/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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now i know this is going to be controversal but please lets stay nice i'm looking for helpful advice...

ok So my Now Husband has a 11 month old son between our 6yr old daughter and our 5 month old son. I absolutly love my step son and wouldn't change it at all. I know that i am not and will not Be is "biological" mother bc his mother is around. i've tries to be nice to here and am civil to her even with the circumstances that there is. but she seems to not want me to be apart of his life when it comes to any of the important things or even minor things.. i've never done anything wrong besides accusing her of trying to get in my then at the time BF's pants but yet she makes it seem as though i have to bend over and kiss her butt. I treat her son as if her were my own.. he gets the same attention as my two children, everythign we keep equal bc i grew up having a step sibling and them getting everything and us nothing.. so i will not do that to him.. but she wont allow me to pick him up when its our weekend to have him or from daycare only my husband and his parents and then everyone and their mother from her side is allowed to do it.. i just dont know what to do anymore she is complaining bc my husband doesnt do anything in her eyes but yet everytime he asks for him more she turns him down.. i've been reading up on the step parent stuff online and it just stinks that we have no say especially when the mother is not being very cooperative..

please give me advice....
what do i do..
we did go on a "playdate" once it was nice except for the fact that she was trying to get information out of me about my husband taking her to custody court..
but now she is complaining that i havent asked to do that again, but she hasnt contacted me either..

she also acts and treats us as if we have no clue on how to raise a child when she is younger then both of us and we do have a 6 yr old daughter that we are raising on our own.. please help..

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5 Comments

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Julie - posted on 09/20/2011

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She is probably just nervous about him having another "mommy" around and feels protective of her child. When my hubby and I started dating, his son's bm wouldn't let me meet their son for a year. We respected that until Christmas time and my now mil asked for her grandson to be over. I asked if his mom knew that I was going to be there and she said I told her the whole family was going to be over, so I'm sure she knows you'll be there too. Wow, didn't know what to say to that. Anyway, her whole worry was she didn't want me to replace her. I let it be known that I wasn't trying to replace anyone, I'm not in the kid stealing business. Once she figured out I was in for the long haul, she eased up. Now my step son lives with us and I talk to his mom quite often. Now, we'll probably never go out for a beer together, but we do get along. He's 13 now and I started dating his dad when he was 1. I've gotten along with his mom most of that time. Not that we see eye to eye on everything, but we make the best of the situation. Oh, and my SS calls me by my name, never mom except when he's talking to my daughter, then he'll refer to me as mommy....as in mommy said for you to help me set the table, but for the most part, I'm Julie and his mom is Mom.

Heather - posted on 09/16/2011

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no i do undertand what you mean.. i worry about my stepson even though he isn't liveing with us full time.. out of all three of my kids (inc him) he has been sick more then mine ever are or were.. its ridiculous and scary.. but good luck and i'm trying..

Khara - posted on 09/16/2011

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Isn't baby mama drama amazing!! I freakin hate it too! I have to give you props because there is no way in hell I would be caught dead around my son's "biological mother." Girl I don't know what to tell you really because I myself have to constantly bite my tongue which our situation is a little different because we have full custody... My husband & I have been together for a little over 3 years & she had nothing to do with the boys until she realized I wasn't going anywhere & that they were getting close to me... She is a 2 time felon, & worthless yet she still managed to get visitation rights. Even after she got visitation rights she violated her agreement by having her new baby daddy stay over while the boys were there!! Come to find out we googled this guy. He was also a felon!! & just got busted for drugs in March this year!! Took her back to court & she got a slap on the wrist! Not only that shes over 4500.00 behind on child support! She was over 5000.00 behind before we went to court the first time... And only had to pay 32.50 for two kids!! So anyway she's a big fat bitch and I can't stand her.. Which she only gets the boys every other weekend but those are my babies! And I have to worry the entire time they are gone that she will do something stupid but she leaves them with her mom 99 percent of the time... But I do realize how aggravating it can be... The best advice I can give is ignore her ass. Take a good look & your husband and kids & enjoy the peace you have at home... There's no winning in our situations... Which with my boys they are starting to realize how she is.. Our oldest son doesn't even want to go & it sucks we have to make him.. Per law... I think the Child Custody & Visitation Laws are so screwed up.. It's really pathetic actually. Whew sorry I just wrote a book! lol that was nice to get out... I could have put more but I figured I'd better stop typing it could go on forever!!

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