Emily - posted on 08/31/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )
I am the SM of a beautiful baby girl named Ady. She is 2 yrs old and her BM has been in and out the past yyear and has never been on her feet for her...she has lived in TWELVE different homes in the past YEAR. In Dec 2010, CPS got involved and placed her in her father and i's care because of suspected drug use. BM has always put herself first and put on a show for EVERYONE. It has been difficult to try and keep Ady on the schedule that she needs, once we start her on one where she sees BM regularly, BM does something to screw-up (fail a drug test, take Ady somewhere dangerous, stop communicating with our CPS officer,...etc.) and she gets her visitation taken away. This has happened 5 times in the past year. Ady will get used to seeing her and then have to go months without a visit. My Hubby and I are loving her and supporting her as much as humanly possible. But this stress on Ady can be very emotional for us. She doesn't eat sometimes, she acts out at daycare, and she has terrible night terrors where she reaches out for "mama", screaming and crying. My hubby and i have finally gotten an attorney to help us get this case moving faster. In the past week we received news from our CPS officer that BM was moving out of state. This shocked us only because we had deep down inside always thought she'd give up and run but we never ACTUALLY thought she would. Now she's trying to convince my hubby that she is going to get on her feet and change for Ady but neither of us believe it. I mean come on??? Anyways, Ady knows i love her with all my heart, she doesn't call me mom, she knows who her BM is and has a picture of her next to her bed......but we can't decide if we should take it down or leave it up. Everytime she sees it she says "Mama!' But it hurts me to know that there is a 98% chance her BM will not come back for years. My hubby says we should let her decide what she wants to call me....I just don't want her to grow up without a "mother" present. I don't want her to hold on to this picture for years and not understand where she is. I mean how are we supposed to explain that to her? I guess I'm asking how we should handle this? I just want her to be as happy as possible and not have to worry about anything. I know as well as everyone else that knows our situation that i can be the mother to her, i have been playing that role for the past year, I'm just not sure what to do.....