Selfish Mothers

Yellow - posted on 08/31/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I was just curious as to why some women use the children against their ex spouses? I mean they claim to be over them and the marriage and supposedly have moved on, well if that was the case, wouldn't that mean not using the children either???

Why? Can anyone understand these vindictive minds?

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Dave - posted on 12/16/2013

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Hi
My wife and I separated 1 year ago. She already had 2 boys who were not the best behaved and often made her cry. We had a daughter of our own who unfortunately has a genetic problem (micro 16deletion)and has learning difficulties. I was seeing my daughter amber on thurs and Sunday afternoons , never missing a time and have never missed a payment for her upkeep. I've helped with her car, extra money,hospital apps for amber, the list goes on . I'm a good husband and dad and my daughter comes first.
The wife has decided I can't see my amber anymore. So have I been to nice her and why do people be so mean and horrible to use kids as weapons. It's the kids minds that get confused and makes them insecure and unhappy.
Has anyone else experienced this ?????????
Thanks Dave.

Ralph - posted on 10/06/2013

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Mothers who have fucked up the beautiful family life to get sex on the side are mostly the worse ones. They justify in there minds it was because the ex-husband was abusive or neglectful or absent because he worked so much. When in fact some of the husbands like myself where great fathers providers and husbands who Loved there family's children and wive. The ex-wife gets in a situation where her life sucks because of the divorce she wanted. She convinces herself it was him. His fault because he blah blah blah. Then uses the children to get back at the ex because of her new twisted beliefs. And the children with the haters become haters Smh

Bernadette - posted on 09/12/2010

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You want to know why women use children against ex's?
Let me tell you I have a soon to be ex his choice but I filed and he hasnt talked to his only son or even asked about him in months I mean months. However the new woman and her children blame me for him not seeing or talking to his son. This is his only son and his son is a daddys boy and he is now in counseling cause his daddy doesnt want to talk to him. Dont put all the blam,e on the old wife. There are men out there that play head games and use their own kids as they wish. What kinda man would do that to his only son and a 5 year old???

Lily - posted on 03/18/2013

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Because they can't move on! And they aren't happy so they have to make everyone misrable! Thats how my husband's ex is! She sucks!

Elizabeth - posted on 10/07/2010

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Yes, I'm sure she wants your abusive husband. Oh joy!!! Yes, dept of social services would love it if an abusive man lived with her and her kids. She might even get the mother of the year award.

Your husband can easily call up the case worker and find out info, but I can see its easier to use the ex as an excuse.

It's obvious you were the OW, because in almost all your post you go on and on about how she wants him back really???? give it up.
YOU are the only one that has a problem with him seeing his kids by himself, or him talking to his ex.

Everytime I've given you advice, you come back and paint an uglier picture of her, which puts more holes in your story. Try being honest, it might makes things easier for you but than again you might not see your husband as much as a prize.

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Tom - posted on 02/11/2014

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I finished with my ex back in december 2014 after 5yrs of emotional black mail and many arguements. I wanted to leave my ex partner many times and each time i left she would stop me seeing my daughter. Always useing my daughter as a weapon. Through these 5yrs of torment and mental and emotional abuse i had to endure her drunkeness many times she would fall asleep with my daughter in her arms drunk whilst my daughter was just a few months old tipped out of her pram leaving my daughter at home on her own while she went to the pub she has 5 other children that were removed from her care by social services through neglect. It so happens that four of the 5 fathers she stopped from seeing their kids wen they were very young with false allegations of physical abuse which i have found out are completley.false wen i first met this no good piece of shit i thought she was the best thing in the world until she had our daughter then things changed for the worst. She would get drunk and start abusing her children emotiinally and mentally sometimes. This would cause an arguement between ourselves she would push me grab me and mentally abuse me emotionally and physically and this went on for 5 yrs always telling me i will never see my daughter again. She would then call police and make false allegations of assault agaist me but always made sure she sobbered up first before making these allegations at which point she managed to gain a non-molestation order against me as she had previously called police on a few occasions accusing me of these false allegations which i wad arrested for with no evidence of any of this which i was release with no charges then in june 2011 after we broke up she came to my door kicking my door to gain entry. I opened the door to let her in and because i didnt want to be with her started to smash up my flat and assault me. But i did the most stupidest thing a man can do i pushed her away to get her away from me were she fell over were she was so drunk and again i was arrested and went to jail for 5 and a half months maybe desevedley so. But people can only take so much of this abuse and torment. But wrn i came out she wanted me back which i refused and. again started to use.my daughter as a weapon if i didnt go back to her. Again in april after not being able to see my daughter for 3 months she let me see my daughter and again attacked me twice which at that point had to walk out. And wen i was at home the police arrested.me for assaulting her which this time i proved her to be lying and no further action was taken. I have nothing to do with my ex partner but still am harrassed by her. She claims i am the violent one to ss and anyone that will listen to her. Wen its her that does the violence to me and always gets away with it. I havent seen my daughter now for nine months due to her allegations of abuse and will not see my daughter if she is present due to false allegations being made. So there for i am desmed a bad parent by her mother. Thiswoman needs some serious medical help. Because one day she will do this to the wrong bloke and then were will my daughter be

Chrissy - posted on 10/08/2010

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My BF's ex uses their son against him too....if she don't get what she wants, she throws a fit and won't bring him to pick-ups (they need to do exchanges in the police department because of the problems), she has tried to get his visitations taken away because she doesn't like me or the fact that he asks for me as mommy instead of by calling me by my name. We have corrected him many times, but he choses to call me that. Now, I have 3 of my own kids and would NEVER think about holding them against their fathers. My oldest daughter has made her mind up about not seeing her father and has stuck to it, and my youngest 2 see their dad every chance they can! Your right Bernadette, sometimes its not always the mom, but in most cases it is. Those "moms" who do use the kids against the other parent are the ones who give all BM's a bad name. I am not one of those moms who use kids as a ploy and I will defend those who are like myself, but I will not defend or make excuses for the ones who do use their kids.

Marcella - posted on 10/06/2010

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Elizabeth how do women use children against their exs you ask well for a personal example one of my husbands son has something wrong with him and the mother will not even tell him what is wrong, we had to all but threaten to call the caseworker to get updates, she would not give us any information on the kids and now she can let him have more time with the two youngest and she wont all because she is mad because he found someone and i am willing to jump through hoops and her little petty games of trying to break us up has not worked and i married him that is some ways an ex uses kids they are not weapons though some think they are and use them as such

Bernadette - posted on 09/25/2010

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I think that you have misunderstood. I believe that a parent is a parent no matter what. I do believe that moms both birth and step get the bad reps no matter what . I am not throwing any kind of fits. I am proud of my children and very happy to be their mother. Dad;s just need to grow up and take care of their children whether that be financially or emotionally.I am saying that if a dad wants nothing to do with a child then he should just stand up and be honest instead of playing with that childs head with excuses and lies. There are both moms and dads that do wrong in this world but moms get the bad rep whether its them or the dad doing wrong.
Kids should have both parents in some way but head games by dads need to stop and so does the crap that they pull.

Alahnna - posted on 09/25/2010

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I kinda have to agree with CatB as well. Children come first, not the other way around. At the same time, there are mothers that do use the children to get at the fathers any way they can. I guess what I am saying is that BOTH parents and step parents need to remember to put the children's needs before their own instead of being petty and looking to continue hurting each other over the breakup. Parents need to both work together to raise their children as best they can and step parents need to remember to step back and ALLOW the parents to do so. Just because you are a stepmother or stepfatehr does not give you the right to take over for the other parent. You can help, but ultimately, the decisions regarding the child should be left to the biological parents. SO I guess I am saying all parties need to be mature and step up in different ways.

Andrea - posted on 09/25/2010

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I have to agree with Cat B. My late stepmom would never have in a million years been upset that money from my dad's was taken for child support. Even when she was sick with Cancer and my mom offered to go to court and forgive the rest of the back support my dad owed from when he wasn't working after my parents split, my stepmom told her no. My mom knew they had mounting medical bills but my stepmom said no that money was for me and she wouldn't have it any other way.

Cat - posted on 09/24/2010

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I think when you have a kid with someone, there is a connection... It doesnt MATTER if you're not with that person anymore, you will ALWAYS have that connection (or should) really fighting about the financial aspect of it is SO FRIGGEN PETTY! Do I like the fact that we lose about $1000 dollars a month to my stepkids mom? no... But I'd never in my wildest dreams bitch about whether they deserved it, whether they spend it the right way, or any of that nonsense... They have KIDS together, period, and every single kid deserves to be supported by BOTH parents 100% of the time... In a perfect world it'd be physically emotionally and financially, but I know some idiotic guys think divorcing the mom means divorcing the kids as well, and it burns me up when they look for excuses not to pony up the money the kids deserve... Seriously, some of you give stepmoms like me a really bad name... Until you learn to take second place and be grateful to just be a small part in the kids lives, all you sound like is a toddler throwing a tantrum...

Bernadette - posted on 09/24/2010

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My son has had two surgeries this past summer and injuried his finger and his father never even called to check on him. When my son tries to call his father he doesnt answer or his phone picks up and we hear him playing and talking to his girlfriend and her daughters ... Try explaining that to a 5yr old.
he has not paid one penny in child support and says that he never will.
I work and raise my kids and pay my own bills and I think she is full of crap telling me that she a could raise my son better with my soon to be ex then me and then saying she didnt send me that email. So that he would protect her... Maybe he should grown some brass ones and raise his own kids instead of someone elses.
So sometimes its not the moms its the dang dads that use their kids

Francine - posted on 09/24/2010

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oh and the part I really dislike is that it's the kids that hurt the most! and I think it's devilish to use kids like toddlers as an excuse as well to get what you want. To mess with him and so forth.

Francine - posted on 09/24/2010

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because they can't grow up or depend on themselves. My husbands ex wife uses the kids for financial benefits. She is to lazy and feel she don't need to really grow up and clean house, work, and apply parenting skills. Kids are to have, bathe, feed, clothe and as long as you have 'em you should get the basic essentials in life like a roof over your head, enough income and so forth. Other than that. Being a stay home mom any way she can is her security and life. So she always when in need of something uses the kids as an excuse for any attention, anything she needs.

Marcella - posted on 09/11/2010

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I will NEVER understand it my husbands ex says she is over him yet she wants to message him,has pictures of him on her profiles then on their daughters birthday he could not even call her or on his birthday the kids did not call him because supposedly the phone was cut off

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