Please introduce yourself here

Rebecca - posted on 03/12/2009 ( 63 moms have responded )

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Please introduce yourself here and tell us about your angel.

Rebecca

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Kimberly - posted on 03/29/2014

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I never knew I was pregnant until the night of October 26,2013 i went into labor not knowing that I was pregnant. I was rushed to the hospital and they told me i was in labor and i got kinda excited i was going to be a mom again. Well 12 hours later when she came out naturally she didnt cry. I knew something was wrong when she didnt cry but i didn't know what. They instantly took her away to do some test and make sure i was alright. Well i refused to do anything until i saw my daughter, the doctor came in and sat down on the edge of my bed and my fiance held me close and the doctor looks at us and says im so very sorry but looks like your daughter was stillborn. I instantly started crying i was so upset and i wanted it all to be over i thought i was a dream. They rolled her into the room in her little bed she was wrapped in her little blanket and had her little hat on. They handed her to me and i broke down crying even more all that excitement for nothing i wanted to wake up from this nightmare. My fiance looks at me and says it'll be ok were going to get through this together. We sat and just looked at our beautiful daughter and kissed her and held her tight, we started thinking of names and decided to go with the name Melody. She looked like a Melody to us and so we did and we named our precious little girl Melody Ryleigh Grace who was born October 27,2013 9:09 am 5lbs 2oz 18 in. We spent to days with her and those were the best two days i could of asked for. When we told my family they did nothing but support us they loved me no matter what, i was so glad to have family who loved and cared for me. Mommy loves you Melody your my little music note and always will be

Kristina - posted on 03/09/2014

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I found out I was pregnant in June 2013. It was a surprise and I was scared out of my mind. I was only 19. I turned 20 September 29th and two days later I found out I was having a baby girl. However I was still scared, I never had that motherly instinct like a lot of women have. But Alaina Brooke was the perfect baby. I had the perfect pregnancy. Everytime I went into my appts my doctor would tell me she was so active. My due date was February 17th 2014. We were getting close and hoping she would come on Valentine's day. I went to bed the night of the 13th with her kicking like she always did. I woke up Valentine's morning and didn't feel her moving. They couldn't find a heart beat. I was induced and gave birth on the 15th. She had my lengthiness, lips, and chin. She had her daddy's big cheeks and hair. We layed her to rest on March 1st. I can't even describe my emotions these past few weeks. I'm just so angry. She came out with the cord around her neck 3 times but my blood tests also came back that I have elevated lupus anticoagulant. Which means I have a elevated clotting factors and clots can form in the placenta. Apparently they don't test for this until something like this happens because its rare. I have more tests in May. I know it wasn't my fault but it just eats away at me that I didn't know something was wrong. Or maybe if I didn't sleep in later that day I would've noticed earlier. I prayed to God to not punish me for being so negative in the beginning. To not take her from me and I feel as if he did exactly that. Some days I'm so happy to know she is with Him and she won't feel any pain and I will see her again one day. But other days I'm just so angry. Me and my boyfriend have grown stronger and closer through all of this but its still just heartbreaking. I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. One thing I can say is that this kind of thing only happens to good people. None of us did anything wrong, our babies were just too perfect for this world. I just read a book called 'Heaven is for real' by Todd Burpo. It really helped and I recommend reading it.and I hope it will help others.

Denise - posted on 02/05/2014

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I just turned 33 a few weeks ago and almost one month before that I lost my son, Deeton at 40 weeks and 3 days. The year before I had a miscarriage, due on December 11, 2012, she lasted only 7 short weeks. (I just know it was a girl) Deeton was due on December 13, 2013 so we knew things were going to be okay. "The perfect pregnancy" is what the doctors told me each time each I went, until the day that I went to decide if we were going to induce or have a C-section since I was past due, only we didn't have to make that decision because they couldn't find a heartbeat. My worst fear was confirmed when I saw my husbands face as we he was looking at the ultrasound, the tears streaming down his face as he was gripping my hand told me, the screams came after that. It's been 7 weeks since I lost my son. My first pregnancy came as a surprise since we never planned on having kids and were being careful. I grieved, but not too much. I don't think I knew what I was missing until I carried Deeton to full term and realized how much I wanted children. I think that losing Deeton and knowing that he has a sister in heaven somewhere, makes it harder because I'm now grieving for that first child that I only knew about for a few weeks. I cry everyday and wonder how you continue with your life knowing that something is always missing and hours of tears each day. I try to keep my faith in God, and instead of saying that I don't want to be here, I think about how I still need to be a wife, daughter and sister and how things can't be so bad that you can't pray and ask God for help. I do feel like he let me down during those times of begging them to check again that they made a mistake, but it was already too late. We still don't know why, possibly an infection but they aren't too sure. After 7 weeks, I'm still being tested and waiting. My doctor has given me depression medicine but I don't whether to take it or not, for fear that once I stop...the grieving will just intensity of 'start over'. Any advice for those of you that have gone through this nightmare too?

Laura - posted on 11/21/2013

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My name is Laura and I am 33 yrs old. I'm a mommy to Noah 10, and Sadie 8. I am married to my high school sweetheart and we are the parents to 3 angels. Our daughter Kameryn Was born still on Dec 28,1998 at 39 weeks and our twin baby boys were born at 18 weeks on July 27, 2012. We had no idea that Kameryn was in any danger or that there was anything wrong until I woke up in pain. After delivering my beauty, we were told that she had passed 3 days prior, in my belly, due to Listeria. It was caused by a major food recall by Sara Lee. It's been almost 15 years since she has passed and although it's not as difficult as it once was, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and miss her and at least once a week I break down and cry for her. We still have no answers as to what happened to our twin boys but I rest a little easier knowing that they are with their sister in heaven.

Jillian - posted on 05/17/2013

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Hello, my name is Jillian and I gave birth to my first son, Easton Gunner, on February 16. Everything was expected to go well, however right when I started going into labor they could no longer find his heart beat... I had an abruption, and didn't even know it. I never bled or felt any discomfort. In fact, I had just done a kick count the day before and he kicked 23 times in 5 minutes. It was a complete shock to me when they told me they couldn't find his heartbeat and would need to run an ultra sound. My husband is in the Army, and thank goodness he was there with me since our families live thousands of miles away. It's only been 3 months, and since then I have good days as well as bad. I continually remind myself that I will see him again one day in heaven, and for that I am grateful.

Michelle - posted on 01/16/2013

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Hi, I am Michelle, I am 31. I am a mother to a little boy who will be 2 on 28Jan. I am also an Army wife and have been married for 12 years. 06Jan I delivered my still born baby girl at 22 weeks. On the Friday before I had my anatomy scan ultrasound and they found no heartbeat. I was alone that day; my husband deployed in Afghanistan and no family near! What a terrible day...I was shocked. How do you react to that? You cry! I was induced that night and my mom and sister drove all day to meet me at the hospital. My mother-in-law made it the next day. I delivered my daughter, Olivia Marie the following Sunday. What a whirlwind 2013 has been...

Marci - posted on 12/13/2012

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June 18th, I lost my son, Lucas Joel at 38 weeks from a blood clot to the brain. This time at the Holiday season I am having a hard time knowing that I am missing his smile, his laugh and watching him crawl. Knowing that I will never know him is very devastating. I am a mother to a 15 year old daughter, 13 year old son, and a 3 year old autistic daughter.

Mal - posted on 12/12/2012

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My name's Mal, I'm 24. In September of 2012 I lost my little girl Angelica at 26 and a half weeks. No matter how many times I say that it doesn't seem any more real...or acceptable. All we know is that my placenta completely ripped away from the uterus and her lifeline was gone. just like that. They say there was nothing we could have done differently to have prevented the situation. Even though I woke up bleeding, I had almost no pain until maybe an hour before delivery. There was no real need for medication, I just took it because everyone expected me to. I opted to not have the epidural. The doctors said that would have me bed ridden for at least six hours and I did not want that. They induced me about four hours after I got to the hospital, and about four hours after that I delivered. She had my nose, and my mouth. Her daddy's long legs were obvious though. We spent about 8 hours with her before we said our final goodbyes. I sometimes wonder if I should have kept her in the room overnight...but I was already growing too attached to something I knew I had to let go of. Around here they have a non profit organization take pictures, if you want. We opted to have them take some of her, but not with us. I felt like I was not going to be able to present myself for a photo. My memories are enough, although I wish I had a million more.



I'm finally trying to reach out...dip my toe in the pond, etc. I don't know if I'm saying/posting the right thing...but I just know that I'm needing to talk, even if no one says anything back.

Heather - posted on 03/03/2012

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Hi my name is Heather and I'm 31, On 9/11/09 I lost my baby girl, Sophia Relynn at Stillborn at 36 week, She was a twin. Her bother Lucas was placed in nicu,I was planing a Cremation for my Sophia trying to be there for my son, I pump every 2 hours and visit my son every 4, made meals and drove my 8 year old son to school. By the 10th day I was so tired the Nic Nurse told me I should go home and sleep. So I did, the next more ,mind you only 8 hour, Another nurse told me I was not spending the right amount of Time with my son and needed to be there more, to the nurse that told me to go home and sleep, the nurse said nothing to defend me. I know I was right to sleep but part of me still thinks I did something wrong.

It is so hard sometimes looking at my son knowing he should have his sister there. I put it in the back of my mind, and part of me thinks, I'm forgetting her, she shouldn't be forgotten. I had so many plans for us, girl scouts, mother daughter things, I never got to see her eyes open and it use to scare me when my son slept to sound I would wake him up to make sure he was ok. On Easter Sunday when my son was one I took him to change him in the restroom and there was a set of twins (boy&girl) and I almost threw up. I have not been to church since. I don't understand why she was taken from us, why my sons, do not have their sister. I know I am very luck to have my boy and most days I'm way too bizzy to think of these things but Today I guess was just a bad day. My question to anyone reading this is have you had a hard time talking to God, I use to talk to him all the time but now I don't know what to say:(

Tonya - posted on 01/25/2012

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Hi Ladies, I have not had the courage to look at this page since the day after my girls were taken from me. And i just made a simple post. little over a year now I am going to try to tell my story.See my babies mean the world to me,I was told at 17 years old I would never have any babies.I was so upset, As of many moms all I ever wanted was kids.But at that age I was determined to stay strong beat the cancer and heal and have a baby with my husband, So i was in between treatments, at 21i felt it was my time, and i was right with minor complications,bed rest,etc. I have my first baby boy! of course you get Prego and your cancer grows back faster, so off to surgeries and treatment I went.go thru it all again.than they took an ovary.left with one,Dammit I thought why me?Well anyway got over the cancer again.Got prego again and lost it, we waited 6 more months and with major complications we got our little Kyle.I was happy to be going home after a 7 month stay at the hospital i was happy to not leave a body part behind at the hospital now i actually get to leave with something wonderful, no iv pumps or chemo bags for me.well not true it came back with a vengeance about a month after my little one was home.so we did some more surgical procedures, years of treatments,I tried it all.Than with one ovary I got prego!OMgosh were thrilled.You cant help it, even if you think the baby wont make to this wold you still are happy.so thats how im here. lost two twin girls at 27 weeks along.The dr's where very surprised i was able to carry them that long.and frankly to be honest i am too.and now they took all my female body parts.Thanks for letting me share.Oh yeah right now im going on my 10 month cancer free! Tonya

Deanna - posted on 01/24/2012

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My name is Deanna. I am 23 and I have two angels.

Christian Tyler was born October 12, 2008 at 18 weeks.

His placenta ruptured causing early labor.

Austin William was born August 17, 2007 at 22 weeks.

Preterm labor due to possible infection

[deleted account]

Hello my names Robyn, I've just came across this website and thought it would help me along my 2nd pregnancy to stay strong and positive, I just found out 4 days ago that I am expecting my 2nd baby, I lost my first little girl Olivia Amira at 39 weeks I was completely healthy throughout the whole pregnancy and when I went for my last check up they couldn't hear or find her heartbeat I was devasted I had to go through all that heartbreak at the age of 17 and at times found it very difficult to get through a full day but as they say time does heal a heart I grew stronger and started to believe what everyone was telling me that 'everything happens for a reason'.
Now 2 years on I have been blessed again with another baby I'm very nervous and excited at this point in time as I have my first scan on wednesday If I'm honest I am expecting the worst but I'm sure thats what a lot of you mothers went through In a situation just like mine! I have a little angel watching over me so fingers crossed.. Thankyou for letting me share my story. x

Kim - posted on 03/31/2011

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Hi, my name is Kim. I lost my baby angel identical twin boys on aug 19, 1995 due to TTTS complications a bit over 21 weeks along. I misses my boys so much and it still hurts after 15 years. The grieving is different but the pain is still so raw. Bless each of you mommies who have experienced such pain!

Amanda - posted on 03/26/2011

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my name is amanda (or missy) and im 28yrs old. ive just joined and thought it would be good to talk to other parents who have suffered the loss of a child. my angel aria-storm was given her wings too soon in june 2006 when i was 34wks pregnant so unlike most people i actually do understand what its like to suffer a devastating loss. most people avoid the subject altogether and get uncomfortable when i do bring aria-storm into the conversation but even although she is in heavens playground she will always be my daughter and i cant just forget her like some people expect me to do. xx

Amie - posted on 01/21/2011

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Sorry everyone i havnt replied. Every day I think of Darcie and im sorry for alll of your losses. Whats sad when i read about how your babies died is that you had no warning. I knew that Darcie would be stillborn as her condition meant she wouldnt survive outside the womb. I couldnt imagine the pain of something as tragic as a knot in the cord or the babies heartbeat just stopping.

Lisa - posted on 12/13/2010

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Hi everyone, I'm so very sorry for everyone's losses nobody should have to feel the pain we all have & will keep with us!!
My first child, my daughter Gracie Elise, was stillborn in February 2006 at 34wks. Her little heart just stopped beating one day & we still don't & will never know why. She was 5lb 4oz, had thick black hair, & full lips. The day I gave birth to her & held & kissed her, then said goodbye for the final time was the hardest & worst day of my life. A part of me died that day too & will never return.
I have gone on to have 2 sons who I adore, they saved me & helped me to heal, but I think of my daughter everyday. Who she would have looked like, what she would enjoy. I just wish things had turned out differently & I could have all 3 of my children here with me. I still long for her now & probably always will!!

Olleka - posted on 11/30/2010

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Hello everyone, my name is Akello i'm 32 and our son Isio was stillborn Friday 13th August 2010. I have a daughter Tega who is 18 months and live in London. It has taken me a while to introduce myself because its hard to say Isio is gone. I'm sorry for everyone who has lost a baby/ies. Be strong! My friend had 2 stillborn babies. She now has a son and just this week gave birth to a daughter. It's hard and overwhelming and exhausting. He was beautiful and looked just like his dad (our daughter looks spitting image of me) I dreamed of him last night! think about him through the day. My sweet boy, i miss you!

Kristal - posted on 11/17/2010

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Hi my name is Kristal and i have just recently lost iddentical twin boys at 32 weeks,1 week before they were due to arrive. We named them Dante and Maddox, we were so excited and now our dreams are shattered, how do we get through this?

Marlina - posted on 10/08/2010

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I am a 28 yr old that lost a baby girl in march 2010. She was stillborn and weighed 7 lbs and a half oz. I delivered her when i was 8 mths preg. The umbilical cord had 4-5 twists because she moved around alot or the cord was too long. I miss and love her even tho i never heard her take a breath or hear her first cry.

Tonya - posted on 09/19/2010

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We lost two little girls.Sophia Grace and Lillian Marie on Mon.I don't know what to do from here.

Lacie - posted on 09/14/2010

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My name is Lacie, 19, and I recently just lost my first born. Jack Conover Young (named after his Great-Grandfather on my Husband's side). Born September 6, 2010 at 31 weeks due to a knot in his cord. He was 2 pounds, 4 ounces but had the biggest hands and so much black hair for how tiny he was! He was and still is absolutely beautiful, and I'd give everything in the world just to be able to hold him one last time. It has been 8 days since I've given birth, 3 days since we buried him, but he will not be forgotten. He is still my baby, my first born, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him.

[deleted account]

Hello, my name is Angie. My beautiful baby boy, our first child, Aiden Kenneth, was born still on August 13, 2010. Today he would be 1 month old. After a healthy pregnancy, a heartbeat was not found at my 37 week doctor's appointment. My heart aches every day. I would give my own life for him to be able to live his.

Sarita - posted on 09/02/2010

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Hello, I just came across this forum on Circle of Moms. My baby Arjun was stillborn on Nov 11, 2009. I was 35 weeks along and just didn't feel him move on the 10th. I went in for an NST, but they couldn't find a heartbeat - he was already gone and we still don't know why. He was born on the 11th only 3 pounds, but a perfect looking baby.
I am having a hard time finding the courage to try again. We think of him every day - you all know how it is. I have a 4 yr old boy and work full time.

Angie - posted on 06/10/2010

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My name is Angie. I live in MN and I have 5 children 2 of which are in heaven. My son Tred was bornstill 6/5/08 at 21 weeks due to complications of Fifths disease. My daughter Talya was bornstill 4/10/09 at 38 weeks due to GBS?nuchal cord. I miss them both and feel empty without them.

Karen - posted on 05/18/2010

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My name is Karen. I am a mother of 3 children. Sadly one of them is a heavenly baby. she passed 2 weeks and 3 days before my due date. On October 10,2004. 5 lbs 3 ozs. 19 inches. I have a 4yr old and a 2 yr old girls.

Amie - posted on 05/07/2010

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Welcome Liz, im so sorry for your loss, Kidney problems seem to be a very common reason for babies passing away.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/06/2010

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Hi my name is liz my angel kayden was still born at 5 months. I went to the doctors to find out the sex of the baby and thats when they found out there was fluid inside and wasn't being released. His kidneys hadn't been formed all the way. I miss him everyday.

Stephanie - posted on 04/22/2010

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Hi, my name is Stephanie, I'm 33 years old. I lost my first and only child on November 18, 2009 @ 26 weeks--a beautiful baby girl we named Aja Marie. My water broke 4 days prior, but the doctors were able to stop the premature labor. I was put on in-hospital bed rest, but I went into labor again which they couldn't stop. We lost her during delivery. I think about her every day and miss her so much.

Sandy - posted on 04/07/2010

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Hi my name is sandy i'm 22 years old ... my first son Dominic Mathew was born sleeping 7/11/09 he was 22weeks very gorgeous boy thankyou for making this group it really reminds me that i really am a mother sometimes i forget this cause i dont have my boy around

Adriana - posted on 03/09/2010

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Hello. My name is Adriana. I am 36 years old. I lost my daughter, Bianca, in 1992. I went into labor on my due date and hours later the Dr. came in and told me "I'm sorry, but the fetus is dead". Those words have stuck in my head for all these years. 3 day earlier, it was stormy outside and i woke up thinking my water broke. We went to the hospital and she was fine. She just must have kicked my bladder very hard! 3 days. Wow.

In time, the pain does get easier, but it never goes away. The timeline of events...birthdays, holidays, first day of kidnergarten, Jr. High, High School. I now get to look forward to Graduation, which would be this year. I don't get to talk much to people that understand what I am going thru and I'm glad that i can write this and know that you reading this can understand how i'm feeling. I miss her so much and I just wish i could give her one more hug and kiss goodbye.

Selena - posted on 03/08/2010

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Hi, I'm Selena. I have 2 daughters, Caitlin who is 3 and Millie who was born still 16 March 2009. During my pregnancy with Millie everything was straight forward apart from suffering slightly with sciatica and throughout she always let me know she was there with the amount of kicking and turning that she used to do. However on the day she was due (14 March) her heart stopped. I knew something was wrong instantly and went to get checked out at the hospital. As soon as the midwife could not detect a heartbeat I knew the worst. 2 days later our little angel was delivered weighing 7lb 10oz and a spitting image to Caitlin when she was born.
Because the pregnancy had gone perfectly we declined a post mortum. When we went back to see my consultant 2 months later, we discovered that I had suffered both a blood clot and spasm in the placenta which had cut off the blood and oxygen supply.
Every day brings about different emotions. Next tuesday is her 1st birthday and as we are unable to buy her gifts we will be marking her birthday by making a donation to the maternity ward where she was born because the midwives who delivered Millie and helped me afterwards were fantastic and I could not have wished for anything better in such tragic circumstances! My thoughts are with everyone who has suffered this way x

Rebecca - posted on 02/28/2010

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Hi Ivy, welcome to the group. I am so sorry for your loss of your little angel. If you need anything feel free to contact me.
Many Blessings,
Rebecca Lomis-Stephan

Ivy - posted on 02/28/2010

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My name is Ivy. In 2007 I heard I was pregnant with twins. I was so excited. The doctor tols me it were two boys. At 30 weeks of pregnancy I had to keep bed and lie down all the time. The doctor was worried because the entrance to my uterus was too small. Two babies pushing to it could cause early birth. So I lied on my back untill week 37.
Then I went to the hospital for a check. it appeared I was in labour. And I didn't feel a thing! They put me on a monitor and heard one strong heartbeat and one they doubted about. I had to go through an emergency c-section. By the time I was prepared, there was only one heartbeat left. One of my boys was delivered stillborn. He died moments before delivery. He was such a perfect little boy... This was on january 5th. It has been 2 years now. I have 1 happy child now who I love more than anything or anyone and 1 little angel which I miss every day

Rebecca - posted on 01/30/2010

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That is amazing. I think the laws that Govern Doctors and Hospitals are crazy. No one can sue anyone because of all of the false law suits. Then, when our children die and it is the fault of the Doctor, Midwife, or hospital, we get an apology? Amazing! Went throught the same thing. Rebecca Lomis-Stephan Admin

Amanda - posted on 01/19/2010

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My name is Amanda, but everyone calls me Manda. My husband and I have two adopted children that we adopted when my best friend overdosed on drugs and passed away, we've raised the kids though all of their lives so far they are 10 and 11 a boy and a girl.

In April I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant.... I was very scared as I have anxiety disorder and worried all of the time.. little did I know August 28th I would be admitted to the hospital and wake up September 11th to give birth to my Preston who was born still at 23 weeks.



I had h1n1 and didn't know it, I can't remember the entire week before I was in the hospital, and due to a medically induced coma can't remember a lot of the hospital. I had Pnuemonia and aqquired MRSA and ARDS from the hospital and the vent. I had 106 fever and Preston was still with us for all of that except when the MRSA infected my blood it was too much for him.



I was in the hospital until September 21, 2009. A month after that I still had problems walking, writing, but now because I have 2 kids, a wonderful husband, and a ton of loving and supportive friends and family I am doing a lot better than was expected, the doctors didn't think I would be going out on my own, etc for 6 months to a year.



But I miss my baby, there is such a void... I just want him...when my due date passed my nieces got together and had a little memorial for him, as the hospital basically decided for us they would cremate him and put him in the rose garden at the cemetary with all the other babies born still.



This is a horrible, horrible pain.... and there seems to be so little closure to it..



I am sorry for all of your losses ((hugs))) Thanks for taking the time to read this.



Manda

PS Yes, I am in therapy. :)

Aimee - posted on 11/30/2009

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Hey all, im Aimee. On the 19th March 2007 in the wee hours of the morning my water broke at 32 weeks. My daughter Calista and I were rushed to the regional hospital 2hrs away by air. The next morning I was told I had two infections and to start medication.Contractions where on and off so a very long labour was inevitable. By 1 that arfternoon dear Calista passed a bowel motion in distress from the infections but Drs would not have a bar of me and 2hrs later a midewife came to check bubs heart to no avail. What seemed like a lifetime later by u/s it was discovered that no heartbeat or blood flow was present and she had passed. She was delivered breach on the 20th March 2007. A day we will never forgot. God Bless all angels and their loving families.

Jacquiline - posted on 11/25/2009

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My name is Jacquiline but all my friends call me Jacky, My baby Boy was born sleeping on the 11 June 2007 due to a Placental Ubrupture.. and my loss was also to do with hospital negligence... My waters broke at 12pm 10 June 2007 i arrived at the hospital at 00;15am 11 June 2007 and had my c-section after 9am 11 june 2007, according to doctors my son died 6 hours before c-section so he died while i was in hospital....

Vicki - posted on 11/16/2009

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My name is Vicki. I am 20, and gave birth to my son, Damien, at 28 weeks. He was born on November 5, 2009. He was my first.

Jessica - posted on 11/01/2009

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Hello, I'm Jessica, mother to Logan.

At 41 weeks, my doctor decided to induce me because Logan was measuring large (9lbs 4oz), I was overdue and my blood pressure had been rising for the past week. The doctor sent us straight to the hospital after my appointment.



When Joel and I got to the hospital, labor and delivery decided to keep me overnight and induce me in the morning. Joel went home to sleep. I drifted in and out of sleep all night listening to Logan's heartbeat on the fetal monitor. At 5:30 am, I was awoken for the IV. By 6:30 am, the pitocin was started and contractions followed an hour later.



15 hours later, I finally reached 10 cm. I was allowed to start pushing. Two hours of pushing passed and you could start to see Logan's shaggy strawberry blond hair. Except something was wrong.



I was told by the on-call OB that I was going to have a cesarean. He was unable to find Logan's heartbeat on the external monitor. With a third different internal monitor, he found Logan's weak heartbeat.



When I got to the operating room for the cesarean, I was immediately put under anesthesia. When I woke up, I was in the recovery room unable to speak from the oxygen tube down my throat. I felt something was wrong. A nurse came over and through tears, told me Logan didn't make it. Soon after, Joel walked into the room with tears running down his face holding our son...our dead son. I'll never forget that moment for the rest of my life.



We buried our son four days later, near Joel's father's grave.



While I was pushing, my placenta completely separated from the uterus probably due to the stress of pitocin and elevated blood pressure during labor. Logan died from a delayed emergency cesarean.



In Loving memory of our precious baby boy, Logan Michael 12/11/2004 1:14am 7lbs 8oz 20" long



I got pregnant 6 months after Logan died. We now have 2 sons, Simon (3 1/2) and Jude (5 months).

Carrie - posted on 10/03/2009

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Hi, my name is Carrie. I lost my baby boy, Eli, at 26 weeks on August 29, 2009. He stopped moving a few days before that and I went to my midwife and confirmed there was no longer a heartbeat. We decided to go in for induction the next day which was Friday August 28th and Eli was born on Saturday August 29th. We spent the day holding him and our parents and siblings and our daughter (who is now 21 months) all came and met him and held him. We also took lots of pictures.

We found out a few weeks later from blood tests and the amniocentesis that we had done that Eli had Trisomy 13.

I know that Eli got the easy end of it because he got to go straight from my womb to Heaven and I know that he is safe and happy in Jesus' arms and that one day I will hold him again.

We have been lucky enough to have an amazing support system of family and friends and we are grieving in a healthy way. This is something we will never get over, but we will get through. Eli will always be our baby boy.

Amy - posted on 09/29/2009

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Hi, My name is Amy and I am 31. My first baby was stillborn at 42 1/2 weeks. When he was finally delivered we realized that the cord was wrapped around his neck very tightly. I had been going in for non stress tests to keep an eye on his heart rate so we knew he was fine up until right before I went into labor with him. I held him and so did my husband and my mom also. We had a funeral for him and bearied him with the other children at the graveyard. I have moved now and can't go visit him there anymore but I know that he is in Heaven with God and that I will see him again someday. It's hard to talk about Mitchell and to deal with the day we had him, March 19, 1997. I don't think I will ever not be sad and some days it doesn't seem easier, even with 12 years having gone by. But God is with me and carries me on those days. I have had 3 more boys and 1 girl since then and I thank God for giving me those children to keep.

You are all in my heart! Thank you for sharing your stories. It helps to know you're not alone in this.

Misty - posted on 09/27/2009

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Hello, My name is Misty I am 27 and had my first son at 37 weeks, stillborn. Born May 15, 2008. He was perfect in every way and was doing fine up until the day he passed. The day before he was moving and kicking and everything seemed fine by that night he was gone. When I delivered him we found that his umbilical cord had become so twisted at his belly button it was about the size of the tip of a pen. He is now my angel. I miss him everyday and am just waiting for the day to be with him again. We got pregnant again very soon after his passing and now enjoying his baby brother, Jacen who is now 5 months old. God bless all the mommies and daddies who have to go through this horrible nightmare.

Amie - posted on 09/07/2009

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I agree liz, nothing will make them heal, your right day by day it will become easier

[deleted account]

My name is Liz. My husband and I lost our son, Hudson, January 10, 2009 when I was 22 weeks pregnant. The dr. said he had an umbilical cord accident, and we could see where it got twisted when I delivered him. He is our first child and our first son. I think about him every day.



People always told me that "time heals all wonds." I don't think it heals them, I think time just makes it easier.

Amie - posted on 09/07/2009

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Quoting Stefanie:

My name is Stefanie Strum. I'm 25 and just recently lost my little girl at 22 weeks.

Ruby Lynn had a condition called anecephaly. Part of her brain didn't form as well as the skull cap. She had less than a 25% chance is surviving to the full term and then only about a 25% chance of being born alive. If she made it through that...she would have lived for about a day, if that. We opted to induce labor at 22 weeks. She died during birth. She was born still on May 9, 2009. She weighed 14.8oz and was 11" long. So small that even doll clothes were too big.

I hope no one else ever has to go through this, the pain is indescribable. Prayers for peace for everyone else that has already experienced it.



 



I almost felt like i could have written this, my name is Amie Evans, im also 25, and lost a little girl Darcie Emily Grace on 4th July 2009. She was so perfect but born still at 29 weeks after our decision to induce pregnancy due to the fact she had a rare condition called lissencephaly and wouldnt have survived. Her brain didnt basically form past 20 weeks. We are still waiting for answers from the hospital, we were treated in the most appalling way. I agree i hope no one ever has to make that choice stephanie, that will haunt me until the day i die, but i couldnt bear for my baby girl to suffer. I have a soon to be 5 year old daughter who without her i wouldnt have made it to today, i hope to get the answers i need to fully lay my baby to rest as no one should have ever been treated like i did





 

Rachel - posted on 08/10/2009

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I also gave birth naturally and got to hold and kiss Jordan the hardest thing I have ever had to do it let him go.

Rachel - posted on 08/10/2009

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Hi my name is Rachel Kaul. I am 27 years old and my son Jordan was still born at 28 wkk April 27th 2001. It is still very hard today. My husband and I have been trying for the past 6 years to get pregnant again and no luck yet..

Leanne - posted on 08/10/2009

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hi my name is leanne and i am 21 i have had two babies the first is sophie she is now two and my second is harvey who was still born at 32 weeks on 26th may 2009 i gave birth naturally and held him and kissed him and miss him so much the pain is still so bad i cry for him everyday and it feels like my whole body aches everytime i look at his picture i visit harveys garden every day its the only place i can feel truley close to him it'll be nice to meet people on here but for all the wrong reasons i am sorry for everyones losses and its such a shame we had to meet this way xxx

Ashley - posted on 08/07/2009

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Hi my name is Ashley Ivey, I am 25 yrs. old. I had a beautiful daughter, Bailei Alexandra, on April 11th, 2007, that was born into eternal life when I was 36 weeks pregnant.

I went into my doctors for a checkup because I didn't feel any movement anymore. They checked for a heart beat and there wasn't one. After having the C-Section, they discovered that her umbilical cord had gotten wrapped around her neck and she passed away. I still struggle with this everyday, and am crying at the moment that I am writing this. I hope to come to peace with this someday and would like to become a part of something that really makes me feel like I'm doing something I should be doing in rememberance of my daughter.

I now have a 16 month old little boy, Cohen, who is keeping me on my toes, but a big part of me is still missing.

God Bless,

Ashley

Karen - posted on 08/01/2009

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My name is Karen and I lost my daughter Averi when I was 35 weeks pregnant in December of 09. Tests all came back that she was a healthy baby girl and could give me no answers as to why her heart just simply stopped one day. Three months later I found out that I was pregnant again. I am now a little over four months pregnant with another girl. It is such mixed emotions. Although my heart knows that no one is ever replaced here on this earth, I am more just worried about the same thing happening again in a few more months. Faith in God is what has helped me through this past year and is what has allowed me to be grateful for this new gift that I am currently carrying. I thank him everyday for the ability to carry a child and ask that since he has one of my angels with him now, if it would be alright to have this one here with me. :) I hope all of you take comfort like I do in knowing that we have someone special waiting to see us one day in Heaven!!!

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