First time single mom - confused and depressed

Sabrina - posted on 08/28/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

28

0

0

I have always been very responsible concerning sex, simultaneously using 2 or 3 methods of contraception every time - this is why I am 31 and have no kids yet. But I have been off my bipolar meds due to an allergic reaction and not thinking or acting so clearly, and now, Ms. Responsible is pregnant. I broke up with the father 3 weeks ago and have since found out not only that I am pregnant but also that he is a drug addict - trying to recover, but less than a month in. I am so confused about what to do. I know he is not good in my life but I am terrified about doing this alone. On the other hand, I know if I try to work things out with him I will just be creating more problems and stress for myself. I know I will be settling and I have always prided myself on not having to settle - I have respected myself enough to be picky. I know he is not good enough for me but I don't want to go through this pregnancy alone and I don't want my baby to not know its father. I work full time and am working on my degree, and as of right now that's stressful and draining enough. Now adding in a baby and the immense confusion about its father has me reeling. Part of me says suck it up and deal with his problems - maybe I can help him, and in the long run that will be healthy for my child. But my intellectual side knows that addiction recovery has to come from the addict himself. The other part of me says to just ditch him completely and stop letting him jerk me around - I don't need this stress (it's bad for the baby). Is that too selfish? I can't just think for myself anymore - now I have to think about how it will effect the baby. But it seems like a lose-lose situation whatever I pick. I can't believe I have been so careful my whole life just to end up carrying an irresponsible drug addict's baby and being alone at 31. I am so scared and confused. If anyone can offer some insight to a situation like this I would be so grateful.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jay - posted on 09/02/2011

19

0

28

You know the answer already I think!
From reading what you have written, You know that you can't cure his addiction, but you don't want your baby to not know His/her dad.
So you need to keep in contact with this man, keep his number, Maybe get in contact with his mum so you can let her know how things are going, send her a pic of the scan, that kind of thing.
But you need to steer clear of a relationship with him!
That would NOT be good for your child! Your little baby does not need to be in that situation, growing up with an addict draining you and your energy.
Right now you need to concentrate on growing a wonderful baby! So think positive and just post a letter to his address every now and then saying how things are going with the bump and the due date and things like that.
By you keeping in contact with his mum or another relative of his you can make sure that whenever your little one wants to know about Dad the info is there. You can say that you have done your best.
And you say you are 31 and alone? You will not be alone any more, so smile, this is a wonderful thing. It may not seem like it yet, but this is the silver lining, this baby is the best thing that could ever happen and you will be a different person after. I have not even gone back on my medication and my baby is 6 months old! He changed my life and my depression and anxiety is under control for the first time in my life! xxxxxxx good luck xxxxx

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

2 Comments

View replies by

Tia - posted on 10/02/2012

61

0

0

First of all you are 31,not some horny teenager.You should have took your meds and you are too old to have pulled a stunt like this.On the brights side,if you had waited any longer it might have become very difficult for you to have a child.So maybe,deep down inside you just wanted to have a baby before it was too late.You just chose a really bad person to have a baby by.I know he is a recovering drug addict,but I hope he at least has a job,so he can pay child support.It sounds like this might have been a one night stand and that you didn't know him very well.So look on Facebook,Myspace and everywhere you can to get more info about him,so you can file for child support when the baby is born.Last thing you want to do is try to file for child support and not have enough info for them to find him.You do need to ditch him though because he has already proven that he is into drugs.That means whenever he comes to your house or around your baby,he could have drugs on him.If he really wants to see the child,he will call you and find a way.Just know that without proof that he is or was on drugs then you can't use that against him in a custody battle.You would not be going through this if you had just waited for marriage,so consider it a lesson learned and don't do it again.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms