advice needed please!!

Raewyn - posted on 03/10/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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ok well i have a slight problem, my babys dad is only supportive when he wants to or feels like being, we been 2gether 4 2years now and have a 5month old, during mi pregnancy he treated me like it was easy ta b preg, i worked rite through till i was 8months, he never gave me massages or helped round the house i pretty much had to tough it out right through, i thought maybe once the baby arrived he wuld become more supportive but now he works 7days a week 8hour shifts, iv just only recently swiched her over to formula now as i no longer have enough breast milk 4 her due to stress, i had ta go 2 a mother craft center to get her puttin back on weight as she was beginning ta loose it and i just needed a break,goin there was amazing 4 both us and i thought maybe now she was on bottle my bf culd help with the night time feeding once and a while..he says he would but he has work and he needs his sleep bla bla..i know he loves our lil girl ta peices and he works really hard ta support us both but i pretty much feel like a single parent rather then a family, and wot frustrates me is when we go round to familys place he takes over with baby acting like he does his fair share of helpin with baby wen he doesnt..and another thing he wont let me out and hang owt with my old m8s like to a club or something but when he wants to its ok..he says im a mother now and shouldnt be out partyn when its like once a month i do go out!!! and i dont have any other mum friends that i could see and i dont want to loose contact with my olsd school mates, im still young and have sacrificed alot but id sacrifice alot more if i had to, grrr am i in the wrong?? am i being selfish?? or am i righte 4 once abowt this?

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Your not being selfish in wanting him to help, but you do need to try to take a walk in his shoes. He is working for YOU and the BABY. He isn't working for fun, and it probably isn't fun. He needs to be appreciated and respected just as much as you do. Guys are incredibly stubborn and will shut down if you they don't feel appreciated. My husband and I used to argue like that a lot until I finally had enough and decided that there was something I could do to fix this. Too many women want to completely blame the men, but what we don't realize is that they believe women CAN do all of those things and guys feel like they don't know what they are doing and are bad parents. They think that us moms naturally know what we are doing and that makes them uncomfortable. Try to find a time when you are super busy and if the baby starts crying just start out by asking him to bring her to you or simple little tasks like that. Make sure you thank him a LOT! This is what I started doing with my husband and it takes a good while, but eventually he will start helping a little more, and a little more. Good luck! Message me if ya need to talk or have any questions!

Zoe - posted on 03/17/2010

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at the end of the day, hes a parent as well as you so he needs to pull his finger out and share the work load. my bf used to work 4pm-1am and he would still get up in the mornin after little slep so i had a bit of me time and could get a bit of sleep. tell him if u cant go out once a month then he cant go out, i bet he soon changes his mind. when hes at work get a few of your friends round, if he asks why they are there say u need a bit of time with ur friends. any partner tht stops a gal having m8s or seeing them isnt worth being with as they are trying to be controlling. now tht ur child is on bottles, tell ur bf he has to help you out. if you find tht everything is getting too much for you ask a member of yours or his family to pop round and help out while you have a nap etc. and if hes not helping out with the home chores wht i did was stop doing the laundry, my bf quickly ran out of clean clothes and helped out. you have to be strong for your baby and put your foot down. try getting his mom or dad to have a lil word to see if they can get him to help more. good luck!

Megan - posted on 03/16/2010

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I dont think your being selfish at all..if anyone is being selfish its him. He should take just as much responsibility for your daughter as you do. And from my point of view he should not be the one to make the decision on whether you can go out or not if you need time away just simply tell him you are going to have to watch your daughter tonight. I need a break and i am going out. Just because you have a child doesn't mean you dont need me time still ya know?

Alicia - posted on 03/16/2010

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I think you're totally right. If you feel like you're being a single parent and he ain't doing nothing to help you really. The saying "I can do bad all by myself" comes to mind. If he doesn't change and become a better man, then it's time for you to move on. "Too blessed to be stressed."

Josie - posted on 03/16/2010

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Don't you dare think your being selfish. As mothers we are expected to cook, clean, and do laundry all while taking care of a baby. Men use the "Well, I work. You should be able to take care of things around the house." Its bullshit. We aren't fucking superhuman. We cant do everything. But for some reason men don't understand how hard it is to do house chores while taking care of a baby. Hell, my son never lets me put him down. I never get anything done. It sucks. And then daddy comes home and starts bitching because there's no clean laundry or dishes, or because dinner wasn't ready the second he got home. Every once in a while you can find a man who will help. But its very rare.

Ginette - posted on 03/14/2010

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Hi Raewyn, I dont think ur selfish at all!!! you guys are in this together, you both have to make sacrifices...in my experience, my kids dad was like that, and we stayed to gether for ten years before I finally left...because I knew he was never going to change./...Maybe your chum with a little coaxing and conversation can be a little more supportive but dont worry as a young mom, alot of guys just feel uncomfortable with young baby girls.........it's good that you found a place to go to that gives you a hand little and some kind but his support is really needed and you need to really tell him how much this is really affecting you and that you feel alone.... As for seeing your friends, there's nothing wrong with that but I do understand that he may be just in a way jealous of you being a bunch of single gals at bar???But what is good for the goose is good for the gander right? If he doessnt want u to go then he shouldnt go either....Maybe if u go to a different place with the gals he wouldnt have such a hissy fit or even have them all over and he can watch the baby as you girls have FUN????? Hope this helps sweetie.....feel free to contact me anytime to chat.....Ginette

Lyndsi - posted on 03/12/2010

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I know you have probably already talked to him about all of this, but if it is driving you that insane you have to put your foot down, and you have to make sure he knows your serious. That he needs to start helping out more.

Kloe - posted on 03/10/2010

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hey chicky, iv got the same problem and i thought i was the only one but im so glad im not. im with you 100% our job never ends and some times it would be nice to have a brack. my baby is almost 4 months and i havent had a brake yet. not that i need one but it would be nice... our job dosent end at the end of the day it keeps going and our work is just as challangeing, hard and we 2 get tired but we keep going because we know we got to.. keep ya chin up and remember your baby loves you and will always bond more with you because of the hard work and time you put into everything.. ur not alone and never will be.. if you ever need a chat just email me and ill reply soon as i can.. xx

Marisol - posted on 03/10/2010

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Heeellll no ur not being selfish, as a mother he should be involved in everything. ma boyfriend wks nights but helps me in whatev3r he can i've never had the problem of him not helping, but at one point he did start going out to the clubs w/o me with his bro that can not stand me but i told him wtf im here all day i deserve a break ever once in a while, but anyway u should defetnetly you should but ur foot down n let'em know wats on ur mind. let me know how it goes.

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