Are young mums actually bad mums??

[deleted account] ( 19 moms have responded )

Hey all!
I have a 4 year old step son and a 21 month old daughter. I was a teen mum, but 21 now. I class myself as a good mother to my kids, I do everything for them and hardly ever go out. I never drink, I'm over that lol I'm such a nana. I'm sure most other mums on this forum are much the same, from what i have read u are all fantastic young mothers who have stepped up and taken on the responsibility of parenthood. Every young mum i know is amazing.
So why is there such a strong stereotype that young parents are bad parents? are the majority of teen parents actually useless mothers? I just want to try to understand this stereotype because the way i see it there is not alot of evidence behind it!

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Tosha - posted on 08/24/2011

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society has built a sense of "way of life" but lets go back in time when bein married at 13-14 an starting ur family was the norm....dont ever worry bout it....i am not a young young mom but have a family member who is goin to be looked down on in the eyes of society an want to help her as much as i can

Jessica - posted on 08/23/2011

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because they see a couple and don't bother thinking we are not all like that.

Hailey - posted on 08/23/2011

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I am also a young mother and i think that a lot of people especially older people that see one bad young mom hold onto that and develop a stereotype against all young mothers. When i had my daughter i developed relationships with other moms my age, 2 years later i am only friends with 2 of them due to the fact that the other mothers have not stepped up to the plate in my opinion. They are too caught up in finding a boyfriend or the drama of whatever it is they dwell on. I on the other hand have moved passed that and did so before my daughter was even born. I also have noticed that a large portion of this stereotype is the maturity level of the other & also the father.

Brooke - posted on 08/22/2011

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I believe that there are a lot of bad parents out there some old some young.. unfortunately stats do say that the majority of those are young parents. I live in a town where teen pregnancy isn't something new.. almost every person 15 and over is a parent. Most of them are not ideal parents, or are not in ideal situations to be parents.

This whole idea came from the fact that when you are so young you don't have many rights, you can't buy/rent a house. Depending on how young, you can't get a licence. Still at school... or atleast should be.

There are many factors that are in being a parent, not just love alone.. It is a child you have to support until they can do so on there own.

Annie - posted on 08/18/2011

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Not all young mums are bad mums I'm 20 with 2 toddlers and many health visitors have said to me that i am a much better parent than many women they see that are 10-15 years older are, as for the stereotype I am starting to see how people judge young mums.. I mean obviously not everyone is the same but every other young mum I know has babysitters every weekend, swears slot, never takes their kids out and palm them off all the time. My hope of finding a decent young parent to relate too is getting smaller and smaller..

Megan - posted on 02/24/2011

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I don't like the saying MOST teen moms are bad moms. The only reason you say that is because you usually only hear about the bad ones. You don't hear about the good ones because they have self respect and keep things to themselves. It's a maturity thing. A lot of the present teen moms I know actually ALL of the teen moms I know are fantastic moms! They all do their best to love and provide for their child or children. Some aren't with their child’s father, some are and even some have moved on to another man and are stable and HAPPY! These are the ones that you don't hear about because they don't put their business out there for the world to see.
Teen pregnancy has always been around. They just make a big deal about it now. I know a lot of people my parent's age that were teen or young parents. Things happen and always have. They just didn't make such a big deal of it then and kept things PRIVATE. Now a days nothing is private. Everything is on facebook and other social networks. They didn't have that 20 years ago so they didn't have as much to go on.
Not every teen that gets pregnant wanted to. Some use birth control and still get pregnant. Don't judge everyone on the stuff you hear and see on T.V or read in magazines. The teen pregnancy world isn't all like that. The only thing the media get's right is how hard it is. Even that you really don't know until you've done it yourself.
When you hear about someone that gets pregnant or is trying to get pregnant at a young age don't tell them their stupid. That's just as stupid as you think they are. Talk to them like an adult. Tell them what it's really like. Explain to them that it's not easy and not always fun and very hard. Don't just tell them the bad things though. There are good things that can come out of it. If they really want it to happen, it's their body their life and ultimately their decision. You have no right to judge them. What they really need is support.

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 02/23/2011

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I am 21 with 3 kids under 5. I would die for my kids. Its maturity not age. Young mums to get a.bad rap, but you know what theres bad mums at all ages! Im glad i had my kids when i did. And what people think about it doesnt bother me anymore. If they want to judge me because of other young mums they no or have herd of. Im an awsum mum and thats all that matters at the end of the day!

[deleted account]

I had my son when I was 18.

I was in my last year of school when he was born, & the amount of verbal abuse I got was crazy !

I lost almost all my friends, & had the 'popular' girls calling me a slut & all that crap.

So anyway, 3 years has gone by & I've found out, half of those girls have become young mums themselves!

I wonder what they'd say to me now...

No-one can understand what being a young parent is like unless they are one, so idk why they think they have the right to judge!!

As you all know, being a parent is the hardesttt job ever.

But the best ♥

I wouldn't change anything about him for the world & more.

So people who like to create sh*t for young parents, need to realise at the end of the day, a few words won't achieve anything in the long run! 'Cause being a parent, and knowing you have a child who loves you no matter what, is the most important, and best thing ever !

x

Tina - posted on 02/22/2011

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I know what you mean. I don't think age matters. Just the maturity of a person older woman aren't necessarily better mums or mature enought. I think it's also the fact our generation does things different to older generations and they don't like it.

Karissa - posted on 02/22/2011

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Im 18, and I have one baby who is 5 months old, and I see so many young mums that are doing the worst job they could possibly do- but older mothers are the same they sometimes do an awful job too. Age doesn't matter its who you are and whether you are doing the best by your baby. If you know yourself that you are being an excellent mother and doing the best then what else could anyone ask for. Just saying....:D

Deepti - posted on 02/22/2011

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every mother whether young or not tries to give best to her children... but with experiences more in hand with not so young mothers they may be able to handle, home, children and work better... but younger ones can also achieve the same and if u have a good guide then u can sure do a lot better for ur kids:))
http://perspectiveofdeepti.blogspot.com/

Melysa - posted on 02/20/2011

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i had a daughter at 17 a son at 18 a daughter at 20 a daughter at 22 and a son at 24(almost) I am a good mum or at least I am told I am, my kids always come first!!!! They dance, swim, play soccer/hockey go to school and are very bright I start uni next week, all 5 of my kids have the same father whom I am married to! there is nothing I wouldn't do for my kids and I am sick of everyone looking at me like I don't know what i am doing when they don't know me they judge without even observing how devoted we are to our children how much we do to enrich our kids lives! and as for financial well most of the "older, more mature parents" I know struggle to get their child into any form of sport, and that is with one child! i know alot that have not bothered with swimming lessons, despite living in an area that is surrounded by water (dams on most properties) I have 5 kids in swimming, 3 kids in dance (1 does preschool, 1 does tap and hip hop, 1 does jazz, jazz moves, tap, ballet, and hip hop) 1 in soccer and 1 in hockey, I have 2 kids in preschool 1 day a week and then while I study it will go up to 5 days from 9:30 - 3:00 most days (2 days I need longer but they are not just dumped for the sake of it) I am soon to be a full time student and that may make the job harder but I will always be first and foremost a full time mum!!

Christina - posted on 02/19/2011

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Unfortunately, most of the teenage moms I know are terrible moms. I was shocked at what some of my friends were doing with their babies (or should I say, what they were not doing) while I did nothing but take care of my son, work, and go to school. My mom never took care of him; he went to daycare while I was at school or work. One of the girls I know had a baby at 16, one at 17, another at 19, then another at 21. She kept getting pregnant ON PURPOSE to have a little girl, and had four boys. She lost custody of her oldest son to his father. She drank, partied, left her babies in their cribs all day long so she wouldn't have to chase them.

Another one I know would smoke weed in the house with her daughter, get drunk, and get into massive physical fights with her husband in front of their daughter. (She moved away when this stuff was happening, and when she moved back she told me all this stuff. She is a good mom now, but sucked the first two years of her daughter's life.)

I just don't know very many good teenage moms.

Sarah - posted on 02/18/2011

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i know right laura! it was so strange to watch! and they were sooo surprised our babies were so active!
There was one young mum who was in the older mums group and they used to treat her really badly before we came along. her daughter was crawling at 7m and they were asking why and then said 'ew, you actually get on the FLOOR and crawl around with her?' i was so surprised.. who doesn't do that? lol!

toni, wow i've never heard of anyone talking about goths like that! animal sacrifice wtf? hahaha
i saw a really gothic mum with a little baby and all i though was wow coolest mum ever!!
I hate that everyone needs a label! Why do people need to label people and place them into groups anyway? its silly! you are who you are and thats all there is to it. Doesn't matter if you dress differently!

Toni - posted on 02/18/2011

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Its all about the Press. No one wants to hear about the 30 year old 'responsible' mother who neglects her kids. Its always easier to pick on the teenage mothers.
Its the same with anyone who is 'different'. I am what most people would class as a Goth, and I am a teenage mother, so you can imagine the looks I get.
It is the minority of any peoples that give the majority the bad name.
A minority of teenage mothers are idiots who cannot take care of their children, so the rest of us get a bad name.
Same with Goths. The minority take it too far, going into animal sacrifice and what not, so the rest get labelled with a bad name.
Unfortunately it well never change, as society needs to have people to look down on, to make themselves feel better in their crappy lives.
All you can do is ignore the looks, and if someone says something, stand your ground and do not back down.

[deleted account]

Wow Sarah thats amazing! I guess it makes sense though in a way....we are more active lol! Thanks for your posts girls they are all very true and interesting to see your opinions =)

Sarah - posted on 02/18/2011

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It is only the minority of us that are bad mums, and 1 bad mum adds up to 1000 good mums in the eye of the public and media.
I know too many trashy young mums that go out partying and dump the kid on whoever they can, but i also know a hell of a lot of brilliant young mums. Its not age that affects parenting skills, it is maturity, maturity usually comes with age but also comes with life experience, and being forced into adulthood early... And sometimes maturity never comes at all... But because teenagers as a rule are a shocking burden on society, people naturally assume that teenage parents are the same. Children raising children.
I got pregnant at 15 and i know i am a brilliant mum! Not in spite of my age, because of my age and who i am! I am the opposite of the stereotypical 'teen mum' and i get ridiculed, when i know A LOT of really shit older mums.
I definitely disagree with the stereotypes thrust upon us young mums, but i do understand it pretty well.
The way they see it, we go out and party, are uneducated, don't work and bludge off tax payers to raise our baby, take advantage of 'the system' and are just stupid kids in it for the free ride. They couldn't be more wrong but i believe that's how we are viewed. The only thing i can fault teen mums for is that we are less financially stable than most mums... But that doesn't mean we wont work out butts off to fix that!

Another observation... My young mums group was recently merged with an older mums group with babies of the same age... Our babies (8-11 months ish) are all crawling, standing, moving like crazy, and starting to walk... The older mums babies of the same age just sat in one spot and play with a toy for hours! Those mums were amazed at how 'advanced' our kids were! Pretty funny eh? They just sat with their kids and watched them play while having a chat, and if they tried to move they were sat back down.. They can't actually crawl.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, and i know all babies develop differently, and i definitely don't think all older mums are like that, i just found it interesting with 10 young mums compared to 10 older mums the obvious differences between the kids!

Heather - posted on 02/18/2011

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well im a young mom myself im 23 and my son will be 3 next month I think i'm a awsome mom personaly, but I do know some young mother that I wouldn't say the same for and the sad fact is they like doing the fun part of motherhood but not the hard part like disapline, staying up all night when the are sick. Then their are the good moms but they are just unexceprince and people just asume that they are bad, because of those(not so good) moms out there that bring our rep down. It's like that pharse, "it just takes one to mess it up for everyone" the wrose part is it's more then one out there..

April - posted on 02/11/2011

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I think it's simply because we are young, some older people automatically think that there is "nooo way we could possibly know what to do for our kids." LOL i know a lot of great young mum's too. I was 19 when i had my daughter and turned 21 (current age) when i had my son. i LOVE being a mum, for me it's like the moment i gave birth i just knew what to do, motherhood isn't taught it's just instinct, i'm a great believer of that. Of course there are some young mothers out there who give us all a bad name but not all of us are like that and we should be proud of ourselves.

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