baby dad probs....help?

Brieyana - posted on 10/26/2009

DO NOT DO IT. from experience i use to live wit my baby father and when we broke up he still brought girls over and everyting so if you dont want to get your heart broke dont do it

Alexandria - posted on 10/26/2009

I totally understand what you are going through. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. that would be the worst possible decision ever made. My baby's father did the exact same thing to me. He left me and got back together with his ex. I cant even explain how hurt I was. I completely cut him off from my life, but still let him come to appointments and talk about the baby but that was it. I am now 5 months and 1 week pregnant and he just came to me yesterday and told me how sorry he was and how much he regrets what he did to me, and he wanted nothing more than to get back with me and make things work so we could be a family. I am in no hurry to fall back in love with this fool! lol but i gave him another chance. Maybe you should let him know how you are feeling and move on from him completely. If he feels as though he is over you and he doesnt want to try to work things out, then forget about him!!!!! Im sure your amazing, as all of us are, and there are alot of men out there who do not care about the fact that you are pregnant. you are gorgeous!!!!! leave his ass alone girl. there is no point in chasing him if he doesnt want to do what is right. that is completely disrespectful for him to even have another girlfriend right now! Moving in with him will only make things worst for you. and then you will have a baby involved and it will just get ugly.

Brandie - posted on 10/26/2009

i woudlnt move in. if he wants to be in his sons life he should move closer to you. it might work out in the end. my bfs parents are better seperated then they were married. they have three boys together. follow ur heart. n if you decide to move in with him. bring guys over or when he brings girls over they are gonna see you and not feel comfortable with it.

Nikki - posted on 10/26/2009

I wouldn't move in! It's just gonna make it harder. You don't need to stress especially this far into your pregnancy. You have to put your son first and think about the environment you want him around. My daughter biological dad is not apart of her life and never wanted to be. I would tell him he can be a part of his son's life but there has to be boundaries! It never works if you try to make it work "for the baby" because either way you aren't happy with one another. Just take it easy and focus on your son and go from there.

Pia - posted on 10/23/2009

My boyfriend and I broke up the day after I got pregnant. When I found out he wanted me to have an abortion, but when he realised that was never going to happen, he also came up with the idea of us all moving into a house together. It would never have worked at all, and I told him from the beginning that if we weren't together then he had to deal with the fact that he would not get to be a fulltime dad.

We broke up because he was having a really rough period, but we ended up getting back together and now we're getting married. It can work out, but just make sure you are getting back together for the right reasons - not because you think it is best for the baby. Also, consider the reason why you guys broke up in the first place, you may realise that it was actually a very good reason and that perhaps you shouldn't get yourself back into something like that. Sometimes it is better for a baby to be raised in a single parent home.

Even if you get back together before the baby is born I would not move in with him straight away. Wait until after the baby is born, and then if things are still going strong, consider moving in with him.

Kristin - posted on 10/22/2009

men can be selfish without realizing it, and right now it would help you a lot to have someone to think about your feelings. In this situation no one will, things will be a lot worse in the end for everyone the beginning of you and your childs life sould be filled with happiness and loving people not 2 fighting parents and couple of strange chicks who come and go................ just think about that and you will make the right decision for you and your child on your own

Corey - posted on 10/21/2009

dont move in with him, i completely agree on being on good friend like terms with the babys father, for the childs sake, but also for the childs sake, you shouldnt move in together. fighting will cause stress and having a baby is stressful enough, you dont need that added extra tension! im happy that your babys father wants to be a part of the childs life though, a lot of dads would bail out if they broke up with their pregnant gfs, but good luck with everything, im sure you will find something that works for both of you!!

HIllary - posted on 10/21/2009

if i broke up with my boyfreind before i had my baby me and my baby would be liveing at my moms house you cant just switch where they sleep it makes them so nervouse and when there just born they need to be around there mom as mutch as possible it makes them feel secure and loved and guys no matter how good a dad get frustrated with babys mor and they feel it and it makes the baby upset so id let him visit as mutch as he wanted but keep the baby with you till its at least a month cause just thing the kid hase been growing inside you for 9 months knows your voice and knows your the one whos takeing care of it you just suddenly not being there for a while will make him nervouse and cry.cause with babys that little if they cant see you your not there and they think your not comeing back

Angela - posted on 10/21/2009

NO NO NO NO! whatever you do, don't move in with him that would be the worst mistake. To be honest you do alot better staying with your father. I know you might not want to b/c he claims he's gonna help you and want to see the baby after he's born...yeah that might be true but you got to think what's gonna be best for you and Jacob? What happens when you move in with him and his girlfriend?? If yall didn't get along while yall was together why is it gonna change now? R u working? B/c if you're not you gonna have to get a job and help him and his girlfriend pay bills. it's not like yall a couple and you don't have to pay anything. I think if anything you stay with your day and if your ex- want to be around more for his son he move closer to your area. y should you have to change living arrangement b/c of him n his girl? then u seeing them together as a couple isn't gonna help since u still in love with this dude. then you gonna get very frustrated and you can't b/c soon you gonna have a baby boy to worry about. do what's best for your son not you or your ex

Ashley - posted on 10/21/2009

Well if i was you i would hold out and make sure yall can work things out. Bc im 18 but i was 17 when i moved in with my baby daddy and we had been on and off but we decided we wanted our own place for the baby. well we got a apartment and we have been living there since may but its been total hell. bc its like im stuck there and when i leave he tells me i cant come back and all this shit but we always wind up gettin back together. well i had the baby in september and we got into a big arguement the week after i had her and i just got fed up and me and the baby left cause i couldnt take it anymore i felt like i was being trapped so i wanted to go back to my moms so i have been stayin there for almost a month now. like me and the baby will go over there and stay the night with him a couple times a week. but we are trying to work things out. i mean just make sure its what you absolutely want before you make the big move. cause trust me once u move in its hard to get out. especially when u have the baby. good luck girl.

Kimie - posted on 10/21/2009

Thank you all so much for your help. I know more of what I want to do. Though things are getting more complicated now. He and I were together during the day today, and he told me that he's leaving this girl that he had moved on to because he "made a mistake." This makes things even tougher for me now, because I still love him and I know a lot of girls say this, but I know that he loves me too. I've talked to a lot of people, friends and family who say he's just scared and doesn't know what to do really. I want to give him one last chance and see what happens. I know it could only end up hurting me more, but it just feels like it needs another chance.

SHalene - posted on 10/19/2009

okay i was in somewhat the same situation...dont move in!!! he is trying to have his cake and eat it too.meaning he wants you there to live with him so he could know your every move. he will be bringing girls home and you will be there feeling stupid.girl dont leave your dads house.trust me daddy will take care of you.iam 18, my baby daddy didnt live with me at first either.things werent too hot with us.one day we were together one day we werent.its bc we're young.but living together doesnt help the situation.hes trying to use the baby (jacob) as leverage. he figures if he says he doesnt want to miss out in his life you will feel bad and move in with him.if things arent good now they wont get better.if he has a girlfriend now what does that show you? that he doesnt care enough to cut the crap and make things work for you guys and you son.point is i took care of my son all by my self for the first four months of his life.it was hard and i cried but you are his mommy.he needs you.living with baby daddy wil only cause more stress on you and you dont need that.focus on that baby inside you.i hope whatever decision you make you do it for your son.think about his life,about what would be best for him.and like samantha said, your baby feels everything.my son is now six months and whenever me and my bf argue he stops what hes doing to watch us.like its some type of show.wish you luch mama.

Christen - posted on 10/19/2009

dont do it!!! please please please dont do that to yourself. Its not worth it. Its not fair to you. You guys need to work out something that works well for both of u. but remember ur mom. in the end its what YOU want that matters and of course wats best for ur son.

Tynika - posted on 10/19/2009

Don't move in with him that would be a set up!!!! All it would do is create emotional stress on you & your baby will get the same vibe from you, also if you are not getting alone well now you really won't get alone then. You need to create a stress-free environment for child to live in so stay where you are at until you get your OWN place, never depend on a man always make it so you can make on your own even if her does step up always have a plan B, speaking from experience. Your main focus should be you & your baby, he needs to move closer to you so that he won't miss out on anything. When your baby is born you will still love his father but you probably won't be as stuck on him as you are now cause you will have the one thing that you will always have in common, his child. He may stray but he ain't going far. Besides if you move on & find another man he would probably flip!! Most men do!!! You will be fine just do what's best 4 you & your baby!!!

Jennifer - posted on 10/19/2009

I never did this but I have a few frineds that tried and it just didn't work out, if he's so concerned about missing out maybe he should try moving to the same area as you instead of being two hours away plus i wouldn't recommend moving away from your family your going to want your family support for a while and if he's going to complain about missing out I'ld mention that his schedule would be free-er if he wasn't dating again already

Brandy - posted on 10/19/2009

I wouldn't move back in, if you were fighting bad before its probably going to be just as bad with a baby theres alot more stress

I think living in the same house with an ex would be awkward

Samantha - posted on 10/19/2009

From my experience, don't move in. It'll break your heart more and it will make it harder for you to focus on you son plus babies are not stupid. I'm sure your baby will see if you are upset and, therefore, will probably be more fussy or sad. I'm 24 weeks and my lil girl can tell when i cry or when i even get stressed and i can tell she is not happy when i am not happy. If he is soo worried about missing out on the babies life tell him he should have thought about that and you should have tried to work things out. I DO NOT support staying together "for the baby". This makes both parents miserable and the baby will sense all this tension and, more than likely, will be born into this stressful world where you too will probably end up fighting. The baby should have one mother and one father. Whether one of the parents choose not to be in the babies life or just on occasions that is up to both of you but i would highly recommend that moving in will be a big, horrilbe mess!!!! Not only will you see Jacob's daddy with a million girls but so will he. And then what happens if he finds someone he wants to be with? Is this going to be a step mommy for Jacob? I know i dated someone with a child and i felt more frustrated than anything. Not only did i want to step in and parent but i felt that he needed more time with his son and i felt kinda in the way. Either way it just felt confusing and not right. Maybe you can work out a weekend situation or something. Trust me, i'd choose being a single mom over being a tossed around mom any day :) I'm sure you will be the tough cookie mom that ends up being the best mom ever for your little boy, with or without the daddy and his dates...