boyfriends+ videogames+ girlfriend +child= bad situation

Brandi - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 40 moms have responded )

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i hate x box! it feels like that is all my boyfriend cares about. we have a one month old daughter and she is bottle feed. and instead of washing any bottle he has to play stupid x box! And he has the nerve to tell me that i have to take her all the time because hee feels uncomfortable to be alone with her! To make matters worst he ants to have another one asap!please tell me what you do i need help with my sanity with this situation...thank you

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Cassy - posted on 10/15/2009

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hahaahahah bf my bf got locked up it was the other way around, i was always on the xbox 360 n he was wit bub

Mea - posted on 10/14/2009

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I had the same problem with my bf when my son was first born, but what we have to understand is that the motherly or fatherly instinct doesnt come quite as natrualy to them as it does us mumz! what i would do to my Bf is we has a system that who ever made the bottle did not have to feed the baby but had to change the nappie and of corse being a guy he would choose the feeding the baby instead of getting up off his butt. and him feeding the baby made him realise that he can do it and made him more comfortable with holding her and changing her and all of that stuff.. also when the children are asleep he gets back on the game so i paly on the game with him, its not the movies or dinner but it lets him know that im interested in the stuff he wants to do aswell.. to be honest i love the video game now lol!

Nicci - posted on 10/08/2009

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i know exactly how you feel, my husband always plays his playstation rather than spending time with our daughter or me, i recently made him sell it. he thinks he can go and do whatever he wants, but i never have any time to myself, other than when i go to work. i think its just men in general lol i feel guilty if i leave my daughter to go do something by myself once in a while, i dont know how he can do it all the time. just try to talk to him and explain that he needs to help you and he's gonna have to learn to get comfortable with her, after all he IS her father lol

Cassandra - posted on 10/07/2009

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My bf was the same way to..lol But hes more responsible now, watches her all the time now..lol

Leslie - posted on 10/07/2009

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yeah i tryed to talk to him about everything today but his reply is that he was tired and what is he doing .... he is playing his PS3 and im stuck unloading the dishwasher, getting all the laundry which inclueds his cause i dont want to wait to do it all, and carrying bags of pop bottles to the basement all with a back ache that makes me feel like i want to puke... i just dont know what to do anymore....

Miriam - posted on 10/07/2009

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I agree about not having another child so soon. I recommend that you try to read materials that will help you with your situation, I recommend the book titled, "HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE" by Dale Carnegie. What you read in this book can be applied to any situation. It's a good read, and it will work only if you are serious about changing your life around. Go to counseling for yourself... they have many places that you can get it for free. Do everything in your power for your child and yourself. Always look your best, never put yourself on the back burner for anyone.

Courtney - posted on 10/07/2009

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I'm in the same situation, however, i'm still preggies. My b/f has a PS3 and an Xbox, and all he likes to do is have his buddies over to play video games.

What you should do is let him know that you need help, but don't do it while he's playing. Figure out the best time that you all talk about the most important things, and bring it up then. Tell him that he needs to bond with his daughter, because if he doesn't, he's going to miss out on all the important things in life.

What I do to get my man to clean, and I hate the way I have to do this, but I stop cleaning. After one night, our apt. is so cluttered that he can't stand it, so he cleans it. I can't offer you much help, but I hope it works for you. i'm not saying don't clean your baby's bottles, but tell him that you are out of clean ones, and tell him you need some help. do it right when baby is crying over his game, and i'm pretty sure he'll come around...

Amber - posted on 10/07/2009

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I know how you all feel. I'm married now and we have 2 boys. My Husband's in the army so when he gets home he wants to relax. And i understand that, but he does to forget that he's a father with 2 boys that want his attention. We own an Xbox, a PS3, 2 laptops, a psp, and a nintendo ds. I've threatened to toss all of them out of our window on the 8th floor. He's doing alot better though, when he comes home he plays with our kids till they go to bed then he plays till he goes to bed.

Jamie - posted on 10/06/2009

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finally someone i can relate to, when cayden was first born i was sleeping from 12 at night an 4 in the morning coz thats the only time my partner was awake to look after my son, i literally stayed awake nearly every night coz i didnt get one inch of help, hed go to sleep at 4 in the morning then not wake up til 6 at night and i had cayden that whole time, i finally got sick of it and tlked to him about it and he didnt listen so the only soloution i found was i moved out with my son for 6 weeks and in that time he didnt even come round and c him he just lazyed about, he finally pulled his head in and came round a saw us and said hed change, cayden is now 18 mths old and he has changed a lil, still sleep for all hours but now only in the morning, got him into a habit of going to bed early and waking up round 8, but he still plays his xbox 360 and he still doesnt pay heaps of attention to him, but he is getting there its only taken caydens whole life to do so

Leslie - posted on 10/06/2009

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i know how you feel, i am 6 months pregnant and instead of trying to buy baby stuff my fiance just wants to rent games for his ps3 which i bought when we were living on our own after our roommate lost the apartment we were living in we had to move in with my parents. i have tried to make him understand that getting diapers now wouldn't be a bad idea especially since they have been on sale or just getting bottles and burp rags. i am due in Jan. on the 17th and he doesn't help with ANYTHING, not the cleaning, not the cooking, and he goes to high school and comes home and asks me to get everything for him and when i ask him for anything its the biggest inconvenience in the world and i am at a loss of what to do.

Tess - posted on 10/05/2009

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haha that sounds exactly like my partner. although my daughter is now 11 mths not much has changed. he still sits on the computer and wii and wont change any nappies or get up at night, and its a hassel to get him to do anything or go out anywhere by myself yet. although after months of trying he now will look after her every now and again.. i would say let him know where u stand from the beginning. its such a big job looking after a lil baby and if he isnt going to help and support you then there are so many people out there that will!!!!

Malia - posted on 10/05/2009

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whoa sistah im right there with you. I just recently got into an argument with my other half this morning. I'm feeding my daughter, she's 11 months... and making her 1st birthday invitations at the same time. He's sleeping. I go to wake him up to help me out and just chill with me cause I'm kinda lonely. 25 minutes later he's in the room playing xbox. I'm not gonna lie, yeah i play too but when I know theres nothing else to do. I was pissed off. I went off no him. But honestly their not going to change unless they want to. my mom always tells me to get used to it, the fairy tail ending is over and done with. atleast you can honestly say YOU have done everything that you could possibly do to raise and take care of your child. You know that you're the stronger and bigger person. the mothers, or females in general always are. Tell me that they can handly the shet that we go through. It just sucks cause sometimes we would like to be acknowledged and appreciated for what we do...

Iysha - posted on 10/04/2009

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Next time he tells you he wants another one, tell him that if you knew you would get help from him you would consider it but that he doesn't help much so you don't want another child. Tell him that he should have a time to play his x box and a time to be a daddy. It's wierd, like they have to be told what to do or they just don't get it. I remember yelling at my boyfriend for not being home and instead being out with his friends. He was like, "you didn't tell me you wanted me to help you." duh... he should have just been considerate and helped me anyway. lol. Guys need to be told to help and told when to help and what to help with.

Alisha - posted on 10/03/2009

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You should not take that crap. Thats messed up. Tell him when he wants to act like a father maybe then you would CONSIDER having another one if that's what you want as well.

Heather - posted on 06/25/2009

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Haha, mine did this for the first little bit after we had my daughter. I confronted him and he said it was his way of adjusting....sounds stupid but some guys needs a period of time after their kid is born so they don't freak out! Now that my daughter is seven months, he's great with her! He's figured out he's a dad and he's better now that she's active and smiles at him. It just takes time!

Samantha - posted on 06/25/2009

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I go through the same thing with my boyfriend i finaly just got rid of the game system...........

Katlin - posted on 06/18/2009

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My husband doesn't have an xbox or anything cause I know he will sit and play on it all day. However he does know that I won't even let him be on it a lot, like Kelsey I won't take it as an excuse. I would say to let him know how you feel and tell him that he needs to learn how to take care of her too cause what if you have to go somewhere and he needs to watch her. My husband would hand our daughter back to me when she would start crying cause he said that he doesn't know what to do and it makes him uncomfortable (he wasn't able to be there with our first). I told him too bad she is his daughter too and he doesn't get to do that. He has gotten a lot better because he has had to watch her on his own a few times. Just let him know that what he is doing is not ok and he needs to step up and help with your lil girl.

Samie - posted on 06/18/2009

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i know wat u mean my ex finished me cz im stressin at him to much wen i hve pnd.. adhd and still sittin exams at skul n all he dus is drink on his days of its all about his mates but i carnt sy anything.. hes a brilliant dad and changes nappies and baths her but wen it suits him i understand he has days of coz we ant together but he levs her early to go bed coz hes tierd and ruff wen im the 1 whos got her all day andnyt i shud be tierd not him!!!!! gets me mad lol x

Megan - posted on 06/18/2009

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i have the same problem. my boyfriend has a 360 and we just got internet and now he's on it all the time. i will give him this...if my son scoots up next to him he puts him on his lap while he plays. it gets my son out of my hair for at least an hour. and my son loves doing anything with his dad. but sometimes i just want to throw that xbox right out the window!

Latisha - posted on 06/11/2009

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Seriously, take over the xbox! lol. I hated it completely, wanted to scratch all the games up & our sugar into it. But, netflix is like 10 bucks I think a month for 3 movies & instant movies if u have the internets. And sadly I have fallen for halo 3, and lil kid games. But as long as I'm messin with the xbox he has nothing else to do than play with the baby. It took him till she was about 2 1/2 months or 3 to catch on. Guys are just clueless.

Latisha - posted on 06/11/2009

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I went thru the same thing. It was my 2nd baby but his 1st and he claimed to need to be told what to do. He would always be on the dang xbox from the moment he woke up. Halo & castle crashers annoyed me the most. It took 2 good arguments after he did stupid things like ignored us all day for the xbox, or never woke up to the baby in the middle of the night before he started catching on. Our baby is 4 months old now, he is great with her now, I think he honestly needed a push in the right direction. (if u have xbox live just set up an account for netflix u get instant movies right on it, which means while ur watching becoming jane he cant play games :) and has to sit thru a chic movie)

Candice - posted on 06/10/2009

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wel my bf works ,studies ,lay in front of the tv anything eccept what he needs to do i always have to ask 4 help he never does it out of his own will...
he is clueless

Rhian - posted on 06/10/2009

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hey babe im in the same situation my bf is a computer nerd, hes on the computer playing games all the time, my son is now 12 weeks i have to yell and scream at him to be able to give me break from my son he dose nothing around th ehouse or baby stuuf only if i tell him too its hard babe but u will get through it just tell him to get off his bloody ass it dose work u need a brak too

Kelsey - posted on 06/10/2009

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My boyfriend plays xbox for hours some night but he knows the next morning if I get up with the baby he will be too because I don't except xbox as an excuse. He also goes weeks without touching the thing. He definitely splits chores with me 50/50. I just have let him know that I am not a 1950's housewife and I won't be with someone who takes more part in a video game then actual life. He is amazing and I can trust him to play video games but still take care of our son as much as I do. And the second I want him off to help with a chore or if I just want to hang out with him, he gets off.

Hearing all of your stories though makes me feel like this xbox thing is ruining all the men. It makes me want to throw it out the window even though my boyfriend is good with the situation. I definitely will not be buying my son video games ever! I hope he is never like some of the men you all have described. It's pathetic honestly.

Jessica - posted on 06/09/2009

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My partner was the same but now bub is getting bigger he is playing with her so much more. I can actally leave them alone for a hour to run down to the shop or something. Most of the guys i know r like that to. When your baby is a bit older he will prob give her more attention. I am a stay at home mum and so im left to do all the cleaning etc. If i ask for help then its 'i work all day i shouldnt have to' They dont realise how much hard work caring for a baby really is. Not just physically but emotionally too. He will come around im sure.

Kristi - posted on 06/08/2009

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omg, i know what your talking about. my bf is always on the computer, he does help though, but plays computer while feeding her, he helps with bottles and everything else to, but i just dont like him being on the computer ALL the time.

Desiree - posted on 05/31/2009

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communication? haha i married a man who plays video games and it doesnt matter how much i talk he just doesnt listen. he doesnt hear me. i know how you feel.

Toni - posted on 05/21/2009

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communication is defininatly important here. Maybe he doesnt understand how hard you actaully have it, and doesnt feel bad expecting you to do everything. Secondly, come on, you have a child now, its about priorities, and your child should be his first. For your sanity and your relationship he needs to get his butt in gear now with this one before you consider any other children. Its understandable if he wants maybe an hr on it, becuase its how he winds down, or relaxs, but all the time when he could be with you or his baby kinda makes you wonder if that is enough of a statement. Tell him how you feel, and even better what your prepared to do if his behaviour doesnt change. He has all the time in the world to conquer that next level, but a young child grows so quickly, does he really wanna miss that?

[deleted account]

My boyfriend is the same with his PS3, PSP, and Computer.
I make him give her baths a few times a week and change her diapers occasionally.
You have to make him understand that it's partnership not all your job.
He help create her he has to help take care of her.

Maddison - posted on 05/18/2009

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lol i hate the stuipd thing its recking our relationship i noits sad but im jelous of the fliping thing x

Echo - posted on 05/18/2009

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My bf is the same way. He's always sitting on his butt (I swear the couch has an imprint of it moulded to fit him by now) and plays xbox. We have a 4 year old son and another one on the way. For over a week now I've been trying to get him to do the dishes and they remain soiled on the countertop. I'm the only one whos working despite the complications I've been having with this pregnancy. To make matters worse, he's getting our son into video games now. Maybe the only solution is to throw that stupid box out the window.. lol.

Maddison - posted on 05/18/2009

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omg i feel the same way he sits in all the bloody time on his xbox chatting shit to his mates on the bloody xbox i have to do all the house work sort his dog out and go shopping and pay bills and sort my lil girl out i dno wot can i do to have time to myself PLEASE HELP

Jodi - posted on 04/26/2009

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oh wow... im in the exact same situation as u... but mine wants 2 kinda have 1 to annoy my dad because they dont like each other... but yea i do love him, im trying to get him to go out nd get a job and support his family... bloody men lolz

Samantha - posted on 04/25/2009

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well me and my EX fiancee stared off great and then once my son was born he turned deffrent he quit helping he stayed up all night playing x-box halo 3 and would wake the bbay up yelling at the game and I owuld have to get up and get him and then when he FINALLY started working he would come home and get on the x-box and I would say something to him about helping and he would say I worked all day what did you do get to stay home and take naps? and of course our relationship went down hill he thought all he had to do was work and play x-box...the x-box ruined our relationship he would say my job was easy and I could take naps all day when my son did but he couldnt. and he still says I have it easy and my son is 18 months and I never get a break he can take off work but I cant....and still to this day when he dose come get his son (which is not very often) he has his mom watch him so he can play x-box with his friends...needless to say we separated and he wanted another kid too but I'm soooo glad I didnt do it but if hes not as bad as mine I would say wait a lil bit and see how things work out

Kim - posted on 04/25/2009

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omg some other people who feel the same way thank god!!! my boyfriend has an x box and i've nearly chucked it out the window before i've made him take it to his mates he does nothing when its at mine!!! now its gone he does everything apart from the washing up and mopping!! my brother and dad are worst though, i feel sorry for my mum!!!!! my brother brings his x box 360 downstairs sometimes when alfie (my 16mnth old) gets round he shouts at him cuz he "Gets in the way" or he presses buttons. last week alfie knocked ova my brother's 360 and scratched his brand new £40 game. he shouted at him so loud i almost hit him, and i stormed out. my dad does nothing around the house and neither does my brother because they are allways on their xbox's or the computer laptop or psp. their lazy. if i was u i'd cut him down to a time limit 1hour a day between the programmes on tele that u wanna watch. then he does the washing up 3times a week and hovers 4times or something like that, put a scedual down a say that sods law.if he don't do 1 one day then he does twice as much the next day and you miss a day. spends more than 1 hour on xbox he has to get up with your baby in the night. i'm really mean but i hate the xbox!!!!

Leanne - posted on 04/24/2009

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im right there with ya girl! xbox, ps3, working on cars, drinking with friends... anything my fiance can find to do that doesnt include helping me out He's Found It!!! It's been 7 months since i had my son and i think he's changed maybe 10 diapers since he's been born! (and thats over-estimating!) what helped me out a lot was going back to work.. then he was forced to help out! i would purposly leave for work knowing i didnt make any bottles ahead of time for him (which i used to do! biggg mistakee!) so he would have to clean them, and make them, and change diaperss!!! i also talked to my mom alot and she would help me find a way to tell him how i feel.. he's the father of your child, as much as he pisses you off, it's hard to talk to him when you know you're guna hurt his feelings! so i just sat him down one night when i had had enough and i just blurted out everythinggg! and then i cried waiting for him to respond to all the hurtful things i had just said to him! but it worked! he realized how i felt and it even opened up his eyes and he realized how little he did to help me out! and now i even get 1 day a month to go and do whatever i want and have a "me" day!! :) so just be completely honest, let him know you dont want to hurt him, but it's hurting you more then he might think!



good luck!! hope this helps!

Leia - posted on 04/24/2009

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dont have another one just bc he wants one!!! you dont want to regret your child when you are tired and out of patience!!! tell him if he wants another one then he needs to step up and take responsibilty for the one youve got!!! have you talked to him about your feelings on the x -box, lack of help, and a new baby!!! maybe he just needs to know what your thinking!!!

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