disagreeing on discipline

Meagan - posted on 07/01/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Why do people feel like it's ok to comment on how you choose to discipline (or not discipline) your child? I was talking to a friend earlier about why I don't really let people watch my son. I told her how I really don't know too many people who could watch my 15-month-old son & even if I did I don't trust too many people. I went on to tell her how I will let people watch my son but for no longer than 2 hours just because you never really know how well you can really trust the person watching your kids. I've read too many news reports about babysitters shaking people's kids or "trusted" family members beating the children. I've also seen people who aren't the parents spank or yell at someone else's child. I said that some of the people I know have diff. views on discipline than I do & that's another reason. I personally don't like when someone else besides me or my b/f tries to discipline my son because he is OUR responsibility. Yes if my son is doing something wrong then he needs to be reprimanded but other people I know scream at their child or just spank them. I'm not against spanking but no one touches my child & I sure as hell don't want someone screaming at him. I remember a time when we were at a relatives house & my son touched their stereo & before I could even open my mouth 3 people literally screamed at him! I let them know that he's just a toddler (though that doesn't excuse it) but he's gonna touch stuff & if they don't want it to be touched to put it up where he can't reach it. So she was like "so if I was watching him & he did something bad I'm supposed to just let him get away with it?" I don't think she meant it to be rude but that's how I interpreted it. It's not that I'm gonna let him get away with everything (trust me he never does) but I believe the discipline should only come from me & my b/f. I don't get why people see fit to question that...am I wrong?

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Kelina - posted on 07/04/2010

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Nope, not really. And in the situation with your aunt I would have said calmly, no, but when you scream at him you frighten him, but he doesn't know why. he doesn't interpret that as discipline. However I also believe that if peopel are going to invite people with children over to their house, they need to understand that children explore and if there's anything they're really fond of they should put it away. I do discipline other peoples children, but usually only if they're not around to see what their child is doing. for instance if my friend is in the other room with another child. One day at the park, I accidentally told someone kids off for pushing hois baby brother. Totally slipped out before I even knew what I was doing, but I would never yell. I simply told him it wasn't ok to push(his dad was over at the car getting lunch out) I think that other poeple should be able to discipline your child but only in ways that you approve of and only if you're not there, for instance if you were in the other room getting food when he did it. When you're around discipline should be left to you. Not sure If I've explained myself properly I'm kind of tired.

Catherine - posted on 07/04/2010

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Im going to be the odd one here, and no I don't think you are wrong. I don't hit my child, just tell her I will. She doesn't need anymore than a warning. If I am at a friends house or families house I expect them to tell her not to do something if they don't like it. But I would never let anyone hit my child. Yelling is wrong too, I do it when Im really tired and frustrated. I am a single mother it doesn't excuse it but I dont ever get a break so I appreciate time to myself when other people look after her. Shes very well behaved and has excellent manners for a almost 2 year old.

Aymee - posted on 07/01/2010

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I agree to an extent. My husband and I are very strict with our 4 yr old however we are also VERY loving with him. He's a very well behaved child who is also VERY happy. A lot of people tell us we're too strict but at the same time if you put him in the room with many other 4 yr olds he is practically an Angel. He has amazing manners he is very respectful etc. Of course he has his moments as every kid his age does but we work really hard to instill the important things in him. If he is at a family members house or a REALLY close friends house(which really doesnt happen) and he does something we wouldnt usually let him ever do I do actually prefer that the people he is with corrects him or disciplines him for it as long as it's in an appropriate way for what he did and as long as it's similar or the same to how we would handle it. I am not comfortable with anyone else spanking him though but idk like i said my son is 4 so that may be different.

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Lisa - posted on 08/12/2011

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I don't think screaming at him was necessary but being from the other side of this, I have a nephew who doesn't watch his children when he visits and let's them jump all over my furniture. Sometimes you have to speak up if it's obvious the parents don't know any better than the child. I see thats not the case here but I can see both sides sometimes. What I usually do is give a fluffy reprimand so the parent catches on. "honey, that's an uh-oh". As I gently steer them away from the item. (I prefer to say uh oh rather than no no a hundred times a day. Too negative.". This fluffy reprimand is usually enough to give the parents the clue but soft enough not to offend.

Meagan - posted on 07/01/2010

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Thank you! I was starting to feel like I had been doing the whole thing wrong for a minute there. Even my mother agrees that since he is my son that the discipline is ultimately up to me.

Kayla - posted on 07/01/2010

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I totally agree! I don't think your wrong at all. it drives me INSANE when people punish and yell at my daughter. She does get punished by me and my husband when she does something wrong. I don't really let her get away with anything. I also show the same respect I expect and if I have someone elses child over at my house, and they do something I do not approve of (like touching something they shouldn't) I ask the parent to explain to the child it isn't okay. If the parent isn't there I do the same thing I do with my child and I get down to thier level and calmly explain that the behavior isn't okay. I would never yell at or spank someone else's kid and I expect the same respect. When someone punishes my kid I usually try telling them that it feels like they don't think I can take care of my own kid, and to give me a chance before the take the situation into their own hands. Sometimes they just need to be told that it bothers you. Some people are totally clueless and don't think they are doing anything wrong.

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