Do all fist time dad have trouble at first?

Nikki - posted on 04/08/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am 20 years old and have been with my husband for 4 years. We have a beautiful 4 month old dauger. We used to spend time together as a family and just us before she was born ... when she was first born he spent time with us however, for the past 2 months he is never home he works mon-fri 7-3:30 and as soon as he gets off he either goes to a friends house or band practice. My question is ... is this normal for first time dads? I am a stay at home mom so I do not ask him to do housework ... he does fix major things if they break but other than that I do all of the housework. I have also tried explaining to him how I feel and asking if there is one day a week that we could just have family time he says yes but never shows up I have even tried making dinner reservations but still no hubby. What should I do any suggestions would be great. Thanks :)

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Toni - posted on 04/13/2012

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Show him what he is missing.

Go out on a play day with just you and your daughter. Make sure he knows you are going out. Forget about him while you are out and just enjoy spending time with your daughter.

When you get back, make sure you tell him about everything he missed.

Say things like "Our daughter did (insert whatever) tooday while we were out, I wish you had of been there to see it. It was so cute!"

Dont try direct confrontation, that normally would just annoy most guys. Instead go for the 'Im really happy I had a good day, but Im going to make you feel guilty for missing it' approach.

Sometimes being subtle works wonders :)

Good luck

Valerie - posted on 04/10/2012

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Some guys, no matter how much they say they are, just aren't ready to be dads. My husband was 28 when our first daughter was born and once I had recovered from my csection, he kinda shied away. He still spent time with us, but not the way I wanted him to. I spent months begging him to be the dad I wanted him to be.I stopped begging and focused on being the best mom I could possibly be. He came around shortly after, realizing that he was missing out on a lot of the things she was doing

Nikki - posted on 04/09/2012

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Thanks for the commet and the advice I hadn't thought about the walks but I will try them .... I have made dinner reservation but he never showed up but hopefully things will change soon.

Kay - posted on 04/08/2012

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First time dads have a variety of reactions to fatherhood, so it is within the range of normal for them to withdraw. I would keep talking to him--maybe suggest some activities you could do together. One of our favorites is the zoo. Another is a walk along our local rivers. Sometimes that helps shake them out of their funk and help them see that being a dad is fun.

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