emotional support needed.

Kimie - posted on 11/24/2009 ( 37 moms have responded )

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Well, I've posted on here before about the problems with the father of my child and asked for your advice. Now to fill you all in, my baby's dad and I weren't together very long at all before we found out I was pregnant. He was 17(now 18) and I was 19. We're both young but felt like we were going to be able to handle it. It seemed okay until I started getting really emotional, which I know comes along with being pregnant, but he just couldn't seem to handle or want to deal with the emotional rollarcoaster I was riding on.
Just recently we were trying to get back together, not for the baby's sake, but because we do still care about each other and love each other. Again, this didn't work. He wasn't giving me the emotional support I needed still. Now, he's dating another girl. But he says that if we could start over after our son is born we will. I love him a lot. And I don't want replies saying that I have no idea what real love is...because believe me, I do. I know at 19 its hard to believe I know what it really is, but I do.
All I really need now is some support from girls who have gone through this and even those who haven't. As long as you can provide me with some positive support I appreciate it. Thanks so much!

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Ashlee - posted on 11/24/2009

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Quoting Kimie


I'm not real sure if he will come back. I hope he does, and in the meantime I want to live my life without worrying about whether he will or not, but I do still love him. it's really hard.





If he doesnt come back then that is his loss, and at first a loss for you, but eventually will be best for you.  If he doesnt want to be a part of you and your little ones life then so be it. That gives you the chance to go and find someone that loves you and your child unconditionally.  I dont doubt that your ex still loves you. Part of him always will.  But you need to decide does he love you enough and can you trust him enough to build a family. if you need to talk just message me.

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Kimie - posted on 12/17/2009

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I just wanted to update all of you who commented this post:
Macen and I are back together and it seems like it should work out for us this time. For right now until he's gotten some stuff taken care of I am moving in with my dad until I have our son and for a few months probably until Macen can get us an apartment. It looks like things are going pretty well for us now.
Thanks to you all who gave me encouragement and support through this post! I really appreciate it!

Paige - posted on 12/04/2009

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Trust me girl! When we say we truely love someone, we mean it!

It's true pregnant women are extremely emotional during a pregnancy, and it sucks that your baby's daddy doesn't understand that. But he's young so just give him some time, he'll come around, especially if he loves you back!

What sucks is that after pregnancy, you become even more emotional for about a month or two because your body is trying to go back to normal. So maybe wait a month or two after you have the baby to start another relationship with him again. I'm sure you two can work if you just talk to eachother about how u feel and about everything. Good luck!!!

Kimie - posted on 12/04/2009

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Little bit of an update...

Today I had my maternity pictures taken, some with the daddy and some without. From what I saw on my friend's camera the pictures look pretty awesome. But the biggest thing was what happened throughout the whole day. He was super sweet to me and my family and even talked about moving with me when I move to my dad's house. I'm not sure how serious he is about it, but considering his grandmother is really sick its kinda amazing that he even mentioned it. He's trying to do better for me. oh geez I just wish this was so much easier.

Estie - posted on 11/30/2009

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I know exactly how you feel I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 22. he never really had any patience with me when I was emotional and now when I need his help with the baby it is as if it is to much trouble for him. I know you love him but if it didnt work the first or the second time the chance is very small that it will work the third time around. But you have to do what you think is best for you and your baby and I can only give you advice and the support that you need. Good luck.

Kimie - posted on 11/30/2009

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All of you have been so wonderful with your advice and encouragement. I can honestly say I'm not real sure where I would be if it weren't for this site. I thank God for the person who founded this website. You all are blessings to me, and of course to Jacob. Through everything that you all have said has helped me gain my confidence back and made me feel so much better about everything that is going on.

Emma - posted on 11/29/2009

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hello kimie.

i have been in a similar situation to you.

i fell pregnant wen i was 18 and my partner was 24. we had been together for a month when i fell pregnant. we decided to keep the baby and then he changed his mind and left me 5 months pregnant. he had new girlfriends etc but i had absolutely no contact with him until my little girl was 14months old he decided he wantd to be a part of our lives. we have now been together for almost a year and its fantastic. he's a great daddy and i couldnt be happier, though i hated him for what he did to me i think everyone deserves a second chance. men cant deal with it as easy as we can and they need support too. i fell in love with my partner when i was just 18 so i know how you feel. listen to your heart darling!! there may be some hard times ahead but you will get through it. family and friends will be very supportive. i wish you luck and am thinking of you and you soon to be little bundle of joy :)

Katlyn - posted on 11/29/2009

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My sons father and I were together for a little less than a year before we found out I was pregnant. We had our son and everything was fine. About 6 months ago we ended up calling it quits, because he apparently decided he'd had enough. We tried working things out but we just couldn't come to an agreement. That last few months that we were together he just simply stopped caring about whether or not our relationship worked. He never helped me with the baby, he wouldn't even get up in the middle of the night to help me. I was doing everything on my own.

But my advice to you is, try and work things out. If they don't work out, there is nothing wrong with that. I understand that you don't want your baby to grow up splitting time between the two of you. But you also don't want your child to be in an environment where you are constantly fighting because that isn't healthy. It is hard doing everything on your own, but trust me, its worth it. I hope this helps!!

Laura - posted on 11/29/2009

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I am 19 and my boyfriend is now twenty. We found out when I was 18 and he was 19 that we were going to have a daughter. We had broken up about three weeks earlier. We did not get back together because of her. We got back together because we love each other. It was really hard on him dealing with the emotional stress of the pregnancy. Our little girl was born two days ago. Things are difficult because we're both stressed and aren't sure what to do, but you have to remember that he's not just there for you. You've got to give him the emotional support too. Just talk with him. Ask how he's doing and feeling. You'll get it figured out if you two are meant to be. And being a parent is such a wonderful thing. :D *hugs* Best of luck to all of you!!

Kimie - posted on 11/29/2009

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thank you everyone! I'm feeling a little better about myself now. All of your replies and support have meant so much to me. I'm hoping this just isn't one of my good days and I'll be down again tomorrow. Baby daddy (Macen, so we can use names cause it's easier) and I aren't getting along very well at all at the moment, but tomorrow we have a baby appointment and hopefully we can talk out the things that caused this most recent fight between the two of us.

I'm sure you all will be glad to hear that as of now I plan to be completely and totally focused on me and my son (Jacob). Though I may cry or get upset and have my down days because Macen and I are no longer together, I know I have family and friends and also those of you who have posted and messaged me for support.

THANKS TO YOU ALL!!!

Shelby - posted on 11/29/2009

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I believe that you can know true love at any age, if you meet the right person. Both my boyfriend and I are 17, and though that is young we are truly in love and I know that. No one has EVER made me feel the way he does, he understands me, and doesn't need to ask how I am doing, because he knows by just looking into my eyes. Until I got pregnant everything was perfect, we never fought, and we were living in bliss. Then came all the emotions, and it seemed like all we did was fight. Neither of us knew if we were going to make it, all we knew as that we wanted to make it, our son is now almost 5 months and though we fight sometimes our love only grows stronger. Right now things may be hard, but I believe that if the two of you were meant to be, you will be. It may take time, but some day you two will be in each other's arms once again.

Brandi - posted on 11/28/2009

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I was in the same situation when I got pregnant with my son. My boyfriend and I had only been dating 8 months when we found out. We did and still do live 7 hours away from both of our families, so we are on our own. He couldn't handle my emotional breakdowns either but somehow we pulled through it. Relationships are tough and you have to take the good with the bad. If you truely love someone and things are meant to be they will work out. My boyfriend and I have been together two years now. It's been rough but we are still goin strong!

Tiana - posted on 11/28/2009

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aw that is more then fair enough. It is a lot harder by yourself. Nothing wrong with wanting the support, or to know things will work out. The idea of things not working out like getting a house in the long run scares me :( i hope partner wise it works out for you :)

Kimie - posted on 11/27/2009

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I was meaning for the most that I didn't wanna keep going in general. Cause there's times where I just want to talk to him and tell him what's going on with our son and I can't talk to him. I did get to talk to him and be on the phone with him before bed last night so that was comforting.
I dunno. this whole situation is really hard on me. I just wish he'd wise up you know?

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Quoting Kimie:

You all are so awesome. sadly the days have been getting harder and harder recently. It's just been hard for me to want to keep going. :(


 



You say its hard to want to keep going.... you mean with the guy? If this relationship isnt good for you then you should break it off. You'll only get hurt if you hang on to him, and he is not in it for keeps.

Tiana - posted on 11/26/2009

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it is so hard to find guys who are willing to stand through the thick and thin. I was lucky enough not to have that proble. Though due to the lack of support on his part atm, you are doing amazingly well. Congratulations :):)

Kimie - posted on 11/26/2009

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You all are so awesome. sadly the days have been getting harder and harder recently. It's just been hard for me to want to keep going. :(

Demaris - posted on 11/25/2009

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well me and my bf we have been together through my pregnancy and up till now but with me and him we r still on that roller coaster but we r still working on it and it is hard but just remember this he is part of ur life family and everything else even if he is not with u right now a part of him will always be with u cuz u two made a precious baby together and that will never change anything and i hope for all ur sakes he comes back to u cuz u 3 need eachother and your son need both parents in his life not just one so good luck hope it all works out.

Pia - posted on 11/25/2009

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Hi Kimie. It's terrible that this hasn't worked out for you! I'm so sorry that you are going through this, as if being pregnant isn't emotional enough! Have you tried going to talk to a counsellor or something, just to get your feelings out there in the open with someone unbiased to give you advice?

I had a similar experience with the father of my baby. It truly is the worst time of your life. In the end, I just had to shake myself and tell myself that it didn't matter if he was around, no matter what I was going to be the best mum I could be. I focused all my energy on my baby, and eventually I stopped crying myself to sleep! As soon as I had this thought it stopped hurting so much, because I threw myself into getting ready for the arrival of my son. We sorted our issues out, but I was fully prepared to be a single parent. Good luck to you.

[deleted account]

Aw.... hugs to you!!!! I really feel for you, girl.... Keep your chin up. Remember that most things seem even worse when you are pregnant. Its a 9m emotional roller coaster - hang on to the fact that it will eventually end!!! I believe that you know what true love it. Has he broken it off with the other girl? Honey, your young and you have a whole life time ahead of you, and now you have a wonderful baby to think about. Sometimes its hard to make the right choices, but if he is not willing to give up the other girl and stick by you through thick and thin, you probably would be better off to let him just go his own way. You want a man that cherishes you, that makes you feel like a princess.... someone after you have the baby and your sore and tired and emotional just takes it all and loves you so deep you wonder what you did to deserve him. If he leaves you, then you pull yourself together and you make your kids life the best you possibly can! My sister is a single mom and she is doing so good.... Life doesn't always turn out the way we want it too, but sometimes we have to take life and turn it around. Think of your son..... because it would be better for him to grow up without his dad then with a dad who isn't there for him.... You can always have the dad in your son's life without keeping a relationship between you. (that is what my sister does)

Kimie - posted on 11/25/2009

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Thanks again to those who have responded once or even more than once. your encouragement helps more than you would know.

sadly its a rough day for me. Just sitting around thinking about him and missing him kills me and makes me cry. we broke up almost two months ago now, but we started to try to re-form our relationship the middle of last month and now it hurts even more. I have only two months in my pregnancy left to go and I'm really scared that he's going to leave me completely on my own with our son. He already won't be there for me when I need someone to comfort me. I'm just really bad right now...

Kimie - posted on 11/25/2009

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Quoting Tara:

im 20 and pregnant with my first. It CAN get better! im in the Army National Guard and my husband (was boyfriend) is Active Duty Marine. because we're Dual Military its been impossible to live together (until after this baby is born next month) i've been to every doctor appointment, and ultrasound alone..including a 2200 mile seperation with a 3 hour time difference. lol i'd be the LAST to tell you that you don't know what love is because we've only been together since August of 2008 but there isn't anything i wouldn't do to make it work. For now keep yourself with family and friends...it sounds like he cares about you but maybe is scared about parenting or the stress a baby will bring. Its human. however for you two to be together he has to get rid of number 2 :).... you may feel alone now but just remember you always have a piece of you two together with you...hopefully itll all change when he sess the little one and realizes thats your creation together! i certianly wish you the best!!!


wow. and I thought that I have it hard. I'm sorry you two have to be that far away while you are pregnant.

Stephanie - posted on 11/25/2009

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I believe that you do love him because love makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do. If he still loves you, he shouldn't be dating anyone else. Sorry if this hurts to say lil lady, but guys are assholes, and they are all like that when it comes to you getting pregnant, they don't understand the hormones or the mood swings or the constant hunger. I know you might feel like you have no one else right now, but it sounds like he's just going to continue down this path because THE PREGNANCY part is the EASIER part, you THINK your hormones are bad NOW? WAIT until AFTER the baby comes, THAT'S when it REALLY gets hard on a relationship because you never feel like he's doing enough and you're expected to do everything, and he says "oh yeah, I'll do this or that" and the time comes and he's sleeping 14 hours while you feel rested if you're lucky enough to get 3 strait hours. You're sitting there changing all the diapers, making all the bottles, giving all the baths, takin the baby to all the appointments, paying all the dr bills, and this is coming from a 19 year old woman who is MARRIED, it's 10X worse when you're not bc then his family would give you hard time and everything else. I suggest that you get close to your family and get help from your mom or sisters or cousins, and friends, plan stuff out, don't surround yourself with him because if he's your only fall back, prepare to fall on your ass until the kid is like 14!

Tara - posted on 11/25/2009

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im 20 and pregnant with my first. It CAN get better! im in the Army National Guard and my husband (was boyfriend) is Active Duty Marine. because we're Dual Military its been impossible to live together (until after this baby is born next month) i've been to every doctor appointment, and ultrasound alone..including a 2200 mile seperation with a 3 hour time difference. lol i'd be the LAST to tell you that you don't know what love is because we've only been together since August of 2008 but there isn't anything i wouldn't do to make it work. For now keep yourself with family and friends...it sounds like he cares about you but maybe is scared about parenting or the stress a baby will bring. Its human. however for you two to be together he has to get rid of number 2 :).... you may feel alone now but just remember you always have a piece of you two together with you...hopefully itll all change when he sess the little one and realizes thats your creation together! i certianly wish you the best!!!

Kimie - posted on 11/24/2009

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Quoting Ashlee:

Nick and i were the same way. We would see each other one day and cuddle and hug and kiss and act like we had never broken up, then 2 hours later would be screaming at each other and wouldnt speak to each other for a week. Have you tried to find a couples therapist or a support group in your city for young parents. I know a couple of people that did that and said it helped a lot. A baby changes everything. Who knows what will happen the first time he sees your little one. Do you know if he is gonna be there when you give birth?


He's not into the whole therapy thing. He was in it before and it wasn't too great for him when he was younger. But I am looking for it for myself at least. Maybe going myself and seeing improvement will help him see that it could help our relationship.



He and I are trying to work out the situation so he can be there when I go into labor and for a week after I give birth. I'm going to be living at home with my father so I'm not real sure how this will work out. If he can't stay with me for a week around my due date I am gonna try to find him a ride to the hospital since he doesn't have a license. If he had his license this would be much easier.

Lyndzi - posted on 11/24/2009

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because i'm nosey in my wifes things... and its not because i dont trust her i'm just curious as to what is going on in here lol they dont have super cool websites for dads so what else can i do? but antwho me and my wife met when she was 7 and i was 10 she was my little sisters best friend and i used to pick on her alot. she moved and we lost touch but she found me one day on myspace and it was a time when i needed her most i was on drugs and i was drinking all the time... she changed my life and i love her like no other

Ashlee - posted on 11/24/2009

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Nick and i were the same way. We would see each other one day and cuddle and hug and kiss and act like we had never broken up, then 2 hours later would be screaming at each other and wouldnt speak to each other for a week. Have you tried to find a couples therapist or a support group in your city for young parents. I know a couple of people that did that and said it helped a lot. A baby changes everything. Who knows what will happen the first time he sees your little one. Do you know if he is gonna be there when you give birth?

September - posted on 11/24/2009

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Well I can say that at 19 it is possible to know real love. I meet my husband when I was 16 and feel in love right away! 14 years later we are married and have a son together. In my opinion I think that the best thing for you to do right now is focus on what is most important and that should be your pregnancy. No need in getting worked up over a guy who is unsure of what he want's, it's not good for you or your unborn child. Remember that your baby feels all of your emotions. You are still very young and have plenty of time to find your soul mate. Enjoy the last of your pregnancy :) Best wishes for a healthy little sweet pea! Feel free to message me if you would like to talk more :) Hang in there!

Kimie - posted on 11/24/2009

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Quoting Ashlee:



Quoting Kimie



I'm not real sure if he will come back. I hope he does, and in the meantime I want to live my life without worrying about whether he will or not, but I do still love him. it's really hard.









If he doesnt come back then that is his loss, and at first a loss for you, but eventually will be best for you.  If he doesnt want to be a part of you and your little ones life then so be it. That gives you the chance to go and find someone that loves you and your child unconditionally.  I dont doubt that your ex still loves you. Part of him always will.  But you need to decide does he love you enough and can you trust him enough to build a family. if you need to talk just message me.





Thank you so much hun! I appreciate the chance to talk to you if I need it. And I know he wants to be in our son's life. things get pretty difficult between us because we are sooo different but yet other times things are fine. It all just one confusing mess.

Kimie - posted on 11/24/2009

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Thank you to all of you that have responded already. More responses are welcome and appreciated!

Kimie - posted on 11/24/2009

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Quoting lyndzi:

it is hard and if you need support just email me... this is her baby daddy i'm gonna put my two cents in even if i shouldnt: if he doesnt come back he's a fool...cause your the mother of his child he should be more concerned about taking care of you and your child...


thanks so much! I really appreciate it. And I'll be sure to message you or your wife on here if I need anything.

Lyndzi - posted on 11/24/2009

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Quoting Ashlee:

I no exactly how you feel darlin. My babies father left me when i was 2 months pregnant and made my life a living hell the entire time i was pregnant. We loved each other still but because of my mood swings just couldnt get along. The week before i had our son he called and told me he felt it was best if me and the guy i was seeing at the time just raised adam and he would stay out of our lives. Well i ended up having adam 17 days early and wanted nothing more then Nick to be there. So we called him and he showed up. After i had Adam nick never left my side. He sat with me at the hospital. Basically carried me to the bathroom, changed all Adams diapers, fed me, held the baby so i could sleep. And its now 2 months later we live in our own home and raise our son and couldnt be happier with our lives. Sometimes it takes breaking up and being away from someone to realize how much you really need one another. As long as you and him both try and really want to be together you will be. Good luck to both of you i wish you the best.


i agree with you 

Lyndzi - posted on 11/24/2009

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it is hard and if you need support just email me... this is her baby daddy i'm gonna put my two cents in even if i shouldnt: if he doesnt come back he's a fool...cause your the mother of his child he should be more concerned about taking care of you and your child...

Kimie - posted on 11/24/2009

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Quoting lyndzi:

god i've been there give him space and he'll come back my baby daddy left me and magically showed up when i was hosting a party for one of my friends... he was drunk and looked like he hadnt slept in weeks.... when our son was born we realized just how much both of us need each other and now we're back together... just give him time


 



I'm not real sure if he will come back. I hope he does, and in the meantime I want to live my life without worrying about whether he will or not, but I do still love him. it's really hard.

Ashlee - posted on 11/24/2009

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I no exactly how you feel darlin. My babies father left me when i was 2 months pregnant and made my life a living hell the entire time i was pregnant. We loved each other still but because of my mood swings just couldnt get along. The week before i had our son he called and told me he felt it was best if me and the guy i was seeing at the time just raised adam and he would stay out of our lives. Well i ended up having adam 17 days early and wanted nothing more then Nick to be there. So we called him and he showed up. After i had Adam nick never left my side. He sat with me at the hospital. Basically carried me to the bathroom, changed all Adams diapers, fed me, held the baby so i could sleep. And its now 2 months later we live in our own home and raise our son and couldnt be happier with our lives. Sometimes it takes breaking up and being away from someone to realize how much you really need one another. As long as you and him both try and really want to be together you will be. Good luck to both of you i wish you the best.

Lyndzi - posted on 11/24/2009

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god i've been there give him space and he'll come back my baby daddy left me and magically showed up when i was hosting a party for one of my friends... he was drunk and looked like he hadnt slept in weeks.... when our son was born we realized just how much both of us need each other and now we're back together... just give him time

Angelica - posted on 11/24/2009

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Although my boyfriend and I are still together, I know exactly how you feel because nothing guarantees that he will always be here. We love each other and are doing very well, but instead of thinking about whether he will be here or not, I focus on how my baby will be here soon and there are so many other people that support me. You just have to stay strong and hope for the best. Just remember that no matter what it will be you & baby and nobody can take that away. Surround yourself with the people who do support you like friends and family and just enjoy your pregnancy! Good luck with everything :)

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