Gave my baby for adoption...

Kym - posted on 02/25/2010

Hi, I read all of the comments here & i have to say that.... Im sorry to anyone if this sounds bad but just my opinion! I think yuu were very very brave giving yuur baby up for adoption but yuu have to be even more brave to keep yuur baby! it takes more to keep yuur baby and raise it than it is to give it up for adoption! But i think yuu should go see yuur lil girl, it might give yuu an idea with what to do with yuur 2nd baby! so i kinda agree with everyone here!! I had my son when i was 15 (AND IM STUPID CAUSE I WASNT USING PROTECTION OF ANY KIND WITH MY BOYFRIEND... NOW FIONCAE) Im now 17 and my son is 2 & i wouldnt change anything for the world... Im now using protection with the (rod) in my arm! And im planing to take it out next year and try for another baby!! Anyways bye

Holly - posted on 02/25/2010

oh and I sent ashley a personal message saying sorry, would you like a copy of that too?

Holly - posted on 02/25/2010

ARE YOU BLIND! now I am starting to get annoyed, I SAID SORRY LIKE 10 TIMES LEARN TO READDDDDDD !

Tiffany - posted on 02/25/2010

oh my god holly ava and heather learn to read she was 18 with the first one and now she is 22. she isn't getting pregnant back to back so just stop and leave her alone. and hte couple that adopted her daughter are probably really grateful because maybe they can't have kids. really just stop.

Tiffany - posted on 02/25/2010

okay holly you are being a jerk. birthcontrol doesn't always work. I think that Ashley is very strong because adoption is a hard choice. Ashley, if you want to see her and can't stop thinking about her then just visit her. Knowing that she is okay and seeing how big and healthy she is might make you feel better. And as for the adoption thing just figure out what is best for not only you but also what is best your new baby.

Adriana - posted on 02/25/2010

im so sick of hearing people say birth control doesnt work well duh the doctor told you it doesnt work 100 percent ...sex can lead to having a baby if your not ready to have a baby then you shouldnt have sex i lost my daughter to sids and it was the hardest thing i was so upset i did everything i was supposed to it makes me mad how some people have kids and dont deserve them they dont realize that they our a blessing if you feel like giving your child away will help that child then do it dont keep the child if you cant take care of the baby that baby didnt ask to be born and deserves the best life!!!

Heather - posted on 02/25/2010

Let me start off by saying you're a very strong young lady and I commend you because you were doing what was best at the moment for you baby. If you go see your baby it may put your mind at ease and make it easier to cope with. But honestly I think you have to search within yourself for these answers because I could say keep it or give it and go see her/don't go see her, but its all about you doing the right thing and being content with that decision. So, I say this as a mother myself if it feels right then it is.... ~Just listen and follow your heart and everything else will fall in place.~

Laura - posted on 02/25/2010

i'm sorry now i do have to agree with holly. she has said she was sorry on here a couple of times and some of the other mothers either havent read through the comments to see it or r just disregarding it, but holly there r other mothers on here who have left comments as rude as ur first and havent apologized and i think (besides jay naming u) r aimed towards them to. i know my original comment was aimmed towards the other rude comments.

ashley- i hope that u r getting some help from the mix of comments. u can add me if u would like to talk more or vent :) i hope all is well!

Ashley - posted on 02/25/2010

she has already said she was on birth control she was trying to prevent this so she wasnt being silly.

Danielle - posted on 02/25/2010

i also think your very brave to give a baby up but why arent you protecting safe sex, you should have learnt the first time. i would have used extra care. its just silly

Holly - posted on 02/25/2010

Okay can people stop bringing me up. I was the only one who apologized. Seriously, let it go.

Heather - posted on 02/25/2010

I dont think you should beat yourself up. Thats not going to make anyhting better. If you wish yo see your daughter you should go see her. even though you gave her up for adoption doesnt mean that she is no longer yours. You created that beautiful little girl and gave her parents someone sooo special that only YOU could create for them. I would not go see her though until you think that you can handle it emotionally though. Becasue it can make the dituation worse for you if your not realy and you do go see her.

As far as your new pregnancy do what you feel is right. If you think that you can now handle a baby then keep it. If not, since you know the pro's and con's on adoption you have time to think about what you want to do. Juat understand you need to do what YOU think is right for this new life. If you think that you can't provide for he/she like they need to be cared for then adoption is always a good option. You could even have someone in your family take the little one.

Keep your head up!

Jay - posted on 02/25/2010

i was 12 years old when i had my first child i was raped by my father and his best friend i gave birth to a little girl named hayley and i gave her up for adoption i think you are a very brave girl to even think about going and seeing your baby i am now just 18 and i have two other kids so if ppl (holly banks) want to judge you they can judge me to hunny coz i think you are a very strong perso and you no it takes alot to be a perant and you are a good one coz even thought you are confussed you are thinking of noting else but your two children good on you sweet heart im PROUD of you YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE A GREAT MOTHER take it from some one who had a child so very young good luck hunny all the best to you

Tiffany - posted on 02/25/2010

So many women out there cannot fall pregnant and adoption is the only way for some of them to have a child so do not slander this poor girl (no matter how old she is) it must be the most difficult thing having to decide something like that but clearly she has the understanding that she is not ready for a child and accidentss happen, but at least she isnt going to have the baby and kill it like some mothers sadly have done before!!

I think yoyu should do wat is right for YOU! if you are not ready then you have every given right to give the chils up for adoption to make another family happy and give them hope! GOOD ON YOU!!

Sarah - posted on 02/24/2010

im sorry but idc how old u are ur ne thing but how can u even think about something like that what makes this baby different from the first how can u give up the first one and thing okay i am keepinig this one...serioulsy what makes this one better then the last honestly when i had my baby and felt that strong bong between us i would never think in one million years to even give her up at all. but i guess if u couldnt afford it or whatever then i gues that was ur decision...but i could never do somthing liket hat. but its kind of nice that u did help out a family in need. but u would think after the first one hey im going to be careful till i can afford and love and raise this child. but its ur life live it the way u want. choose what u think would be best for ur child and urself.

Britney - posted on 02/24/2010

i understand the "come from" on some opinions but were all young and teenage mothers. can we keep our way of thinking to ourselves and give supportive advice. like saying something as simple as "follow your heart and do what you think is right in your gut." thats all it takes. their are certian people that need to be adults about things they say. they can be hurtful to a person who is in an emotional situation in their life. Live your life ashley and do what your gut and your heart say. good luck and lots of happiness in your future.

Patricia - posted on 02/24/2010

i was 15 when i fell pregnant and 16 when i had him he will be 5 this year in august i tell u if u dont have the help around u it is a very hard thing to deal with on ur own.. what would the father be like?would it be an option to maybe see if he could take responsability or maybe his family.. is there any family that would take on the responsabitity

Patricia - posted on 02/24/2010

hmm how old are u now?? and would u have considered aborting maybe? thats if u dont want it?

Carrissa - posted on 02/24/2010

ive been there before when i was younger i accidently got pregnany despite the fact i was using b control and at that pont in time i was DEF not ready to have a baby.... and i too gave her up for adoption... It was and still is the hardest thing ive ever done.... but i know that it was the best for her.... but my thinkin is maybe you should take on this challange.... you know... there is nothing in the world like being a mother.... and it might help you to hold off on sex for a while? Dont let adoption be an escape route for you. I know you felt it nessecary the first time... but i really think you should take the challange head on.

Mikayla - posted on 02/24/2010

to the ppl who dont agree with adoption - i understand that ppl shouldnt keep getting preg when their not ready, but have you thought about when these mistakes happen how brave they are in choosing adoption, after ging thru pregnacy and birth, giving your child up must be the hardest thing to do, and its not done lightly, and about the adopitive parents, think about how they must feel, many of them cant have children of their own, and to be given the chance to adopt a baby form the day of birth is much better then the birth mother getting preg by mistake and feeling like she sould try and do her best with the baby and then not coping well at all and the child getting affected by this and then eventually taken away from the mother anyway.
i think that yes people should be more carefull but mistakes happen, and not always at the parents fault, so if you really dont think you are ready and you may not be able to cope, then adoption could be for you, and you will be making an infertile couple very happy and giving them their miricale. i my slef could never do this, i think i will just cope with the children no matter what, but i do know that it is the right decison for some people.

Jessica - posted on 02/24/2010

If you think that you are ready to have keep baby and take the responsibility keep your new baby if you know you are not ready then why not ask the couple that adopted your first baby to adopt this one. Then you would know the new baby was being loved and taken care of and I am sure if you pick adoption agian with the same family it will make your first born happy to be a older sister. I hope you make the right choice the best of luck to you and your new baby.

Holly - posted on 02/24/2010

I already said sorry but I think people are ignoring that. So again, I am sorry. I understand your just are trying to give your child a better life. Hopefully everything works out for you.

Tara - posted on 02/24/2010

I have to agree with Holly and Ava BUT you obviously provided a better family for your daughter and that kind of love is beyond belief. You are strong for doing what you did and getting pregnant again was a mistake but we all make mistakes, they don't know your situation and should not judge what you did/do. I personally am very religious and if you are too, then you need to pray about this and put it all in God's hands. I'm very sorry for the hurtful things they are saying.

Tiffany - posted on 02/24/2010

That would be a very hard decision! Are you in a better situation than the first time? Do you think you can handle giving your baby up again, or do you regret giving up your first child? How does the baby's father feel about that? You just found out you are pregnant so I am assuming you are early in the pregnancy, so you have quite a while to think about it, nevertheless, I commend you for not getting abortions, I would have had a problem if you were getting pregnant and getting abortions, but I love that adoption is the alternative that you rather choose. Think very hard about this, you are young but this is your child! Do you think that once times goes by that you can go on without wanting your child, it is a hard thing to give up a child. Do you have to give the child up? Do you have any support, family? There is support out there if you don't. Hope I gave you some thought!

Nikki - posted on 02/24/2010

i think you need to understand how it will affect your first child if you do start going and seeing her since you havent seen her since she was born 4 years ago. maybe talk to the adoptive couple and a childs counsellor to find out the pros and cons of just coming into her life. it might be hard on you not seeing her but imagine how traumatic it will be for her.

with this current pregnancy i feel you should see a counsellor also and discuss how you are feeling and explain to them why you gave your first child up for adoption.

good luck in your decisions either way but remember to not only think of yourself but how this child will impact your life now and how you can support it.

if you chose to give this child up for adoption talk to your doctor about getting an IUD as it will be effective for 3 -5 years depending on the type. there very effective.

Shae - posted on 02/24/2010

hey i think that u r a great mother for giving up your baby. for doing what is in her best interest. i no what u r goin through i gave up my first child when i was young. its hard and it takes a special kinda mother to give up there child. as for goin to see ur daughter i would cuzz as she gets older she is ganna need to no that u still love her and didnt give her up cuzz u didnt want her u just couldnt give her wat she needed.

and as for the new baby i think if u cant support for this baby then u should talk to amandas parents and see if they are willin to take this one so they can stay together. if u think u can take care of this baby then keep him/her. it will do u good to see how it is to be a mother it is one of the greatest joys in life.

as to all the bashin bitches u should back the fuck up u have no clue wat she is goin through and how hard it is to give up a baby and watch some other family raise ur child.

if u need anyone to talk to hit me up am always open to listening

Alavaila - posted on 02/23/2010

i think you should keep the bubbah, go see the other one to settle your mind. might make you want your unborn more.

seeing your lil one will help u make up ur mind anyway

good luck babe =)

Billie - posted on 02/23/2010

Ashley- I believe everything happens for a reason. I commend you for giving up your 1st because you felt you weren't ready. That was very brave. I had my daughter when I was 19 (a day after my bday actually so I was 18 when prego) and even though it has been hard, I wouldn't change a thing. I have no idea on the seeing your adopted child, but I do agree with some of the others on if you do than make it a consistent thing. Also take into consideration how that will work with the next one on the way now. If you feel like you can handle it this time (is the dad is supportive as well) maybe you should keep this one because being a mom is a life changing experience and so wonderful. Good luck to you and best wishes.
People- She was 18 the 1st time and 22 this time. That's 4 years in between, so i'm pretty sure she knows about protection. I was 19 when I had my daughter and am only 21 now, but I'm planning for my next. Adoption is always better than abortion in my eyes. There are tons of people out there that want to adopt because they can't have children of there own. It's better than living in poverty with a child and not raising them properly as far as I'm concerned. Had to put my two-cents in!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/23/2010

WOW how rude. SHE WAS 18 FOR THE FIRST AND 22 FOR THE SECOND!!!!!! maybe you should read. how dare you people tell her to keep her legs closed.
YOU are in the group for teen/young mothers. keep YOUR legs closed if thats the problem.

Katie - posted on 02/23/2010

Ashley- I wish I had time to read how rude and self centered some women can be but I don’t and what I have read just shows how uneducated some people are. You asked if you should go see your first daughter. I would ask yourself is that something you are going to commit to? If so you should discuss with the family that adopted her, what they would like you to be referred as? She is only four and it maybe confusing to her. Second about you new baby congrats!!! Only you know if you are ready to be a mother. You need to look in yourself to find an answer to that!!



And to all the mean people she asked for help not to be belittled for choices she made in her life. I know that NO ONE is perfect so stop jumping all over her for what she has done in her life!!!!

Haley - posted on 02/23/2010

i dont know her situation but mine i wasnt having sex i admit i lost my virginity when i was 11 but i didnt have sex again till i was 14 and i wasnt expecting to have sex any time soon but i went to a party and i was not being smart i drank way to much and i know ill probably get insulted over this but i didnt tell anyone even my mom i was prego till i was 7 and a half months along i knew my mom would lose it! she was already raising my sisters 2 kids and they were babys my mom told me to get out so i went to the dad and he tryed to run me over i talked to my youth minister and he suggested adoption i talked to my mom and the fathers family who talked to him and he wanted to do it and my mom wanted me to and i knew i couldnt do it alone and i knew he would have a way better life cause i would be able to give him half of what he needed and believe me it was the hardest thingg in my life to do IT WASNT THAT I DIDNT WANT HIM!!! it was that i couldnt take care of him and you know by the time he was 1 he had already been to europe and he travels all the time he is the happiest little guy and i know i wouldnt be able to do any of that not to mention by the age of 2 he knew english , spanish , and sighn language. I KNOW I DID WHAT WAS BEST!! and if you felt it was the best thing you could do im sure it was ! and it take balls to give your kid a better life and it also takes alot of heart think about all those people who keep the kids who cant take care of them and how some babys end up in dumpsters and all those kids abused.

Vicky - posted on 02/23/2010

if you don't mind me asking why you made such a big decision like that, i know it's got to be hard.

Brittany - posted on 02/23/2010

wow people are rude. You did what was best for you, dont listen to all the insulting remarks. They're the ones looking like idiots. You clearly said you were on birth control. I think you should go visit her. Maybe itll make you feel a little better. As for the new baby, if you really feel like you cant do it, then you do what you feel is right. I cant imagine what your going through. It must be hard. I think that if you really set your mind to it, and try hard enough, you can raise that baby. You just need lots of love & support. And giving up not only one, but two babies, will probably affect you a lot more than it already has. I think you have a lott of thinking to do.

And as for you Heather & Ava. Just because she gave her daughter up for adoption, doesnt make her a bad person. Atleast she didnt just assume she could do it, and then bring the child up in a bad environment, she just wasnt ready. Nothing is 100%, and that is one thing i do agree with you both on. But thats ALL i agree with you on. Grow up, you have children? wow you think you two would have more respect than that. Clearly you two werent ready to be mothers either. Shouldve made sure you matured a little more first. & if your not gonna give her support. Then keep your smart*** remarks to yourself.

Brittany - posted on 02/23/2010

Ashley, if I were you I would not listen to what these people are saying bad about you. Just remember even though it was a mistake, you helped a couple who wanted to adopt due to their personal reasons. I would definitely go and see my baby if the family was willing to have me in her life, because when she gets older she is going to want to know who her real mother is and she has the right to know you. And do not feel guilty about having sex still and getting pregnant again while being protected, it happens and you should not deprive yourself from sex because people don't want you having babies. I do suggest that you really think about keeping this baby especially if you are supported by your family and the father of the baby. Being a mother is a wonderful thing. I am 19 turning 20 in March and I have a 6 month baby boy. I am still in college and very supported by my family and the baby's father. And if you don't keep this baby, again, remember you will be helping a couple obtain their dream. Good Luck and I hope you make the right decision for you and your family.

Holly - posted on 02/23/2010

I was told to understand what the girl is going through and not too judge and then get called a low life. I'm pretty sure that's judging me. I have my opinions and I stick by them. Maybe I was too ignorant and that wasn't fair. It is partially the truth. I was angered by this post and took it a little too personal. I have already apologized for this. My point is do not be a hypocrite Emma. You judged me. Anyways, sorry for not being more supportive to your emotions. Do what is best for you and your baby. Maybe it is meant for you to be a Mother. There are a lot of kids for adoption and there are people out there waiting. So yes, you are fulfilling someones dreams of being a mother. That is a positive. If you don't want a baby, just try a little harder not to get pregnant. Sorry again, Ashley.

Haley - posted on 02/23/2010

i had my son at 15 and i gave him up the adoption parents said that they would send me pics and i could see Cole anytime i wanted i went and saw him quite ofeten at first and i have to admit it was really hard after seeing him i would go into a deep depression no matter how happy i knew he was it was hard giving him up and even harder to see him call them mom and dad but i knew it was for the better. last time i saw him was 2 and half years ago i have tryed to go see him but i guess the adopttion parent know i have my own kids they think i can go with out it or maybe he's just getting old enough to ask questions im not sure but they dont think i should see him and i kinda understand but im glad i got to see him as much as i did but i pretty much no exactly what your going through so if you need some one to talk to just add me and ill be glad to talk!

Kerin - posted on 02/23/2010

Ashley,
I suggest ignoring the people whom are bashing you. They apparently cannot read since you already stated that you were on birth control. I think sometimes when we are upset, stressed, or unsure of the future we can make rash decisions. Think carefully before choosing adoption again. You obviously miss your first child Amanda and I feel that reading between the lines I see regret. Do you really want to have two of your children living with adoptive parents and be missing them both? I do have to give you extreme amounts of kudos for considering adoption instead of abortion. I feel like you are wanting what is in the best interest of your child. However, don't think you are not good enough to be a mom or that you cannot do it. I had my oldest son when I was 16, he is almost 5 now. I had my second son while married when I was 18, he is also 3 now. I had my third child semi-planned at 21, she is 2 months old now. It's been a challenging road but it's not as hard as people make it out to be. It's about giving up a lot of yourself for your children. If you do not think you can do that then I suggest adoption. I see so many young mothers having their children and then leaving them to go out all the time. When you are a mother you have to give things like that up. You also have to be careful who you will bring into the child's life. Sleeping around and switching boyfriends often would not be healthy for the child. Just keep in mind those kind of things also when making your decision. I wish you well and if you'd like someone to talk to I am only a couple clicks away.

Brittany - posted on 02/23/2010

ava and heather i disagree with you you have no idea the circumstances so its not your place to judge or make fun grow up you have kids maybe it was easy on you she could have got raped had no money no nothing so

Lucy - posted on 02/23/2010

I am torn in this situation, I do have to agree with Ava and Holly but at the same time I do understand. I have a daughter and I also had an abortion after her. I was on the Nuva Ring and still using condoms and became pregnant. And getting the abortion was a very very hard decision for me that led me to tears. I truly feel for you and I know how hard this is. I don't believe you will find your answer through anyone respinding to your post, this is something that you, and the father of your unborn child will have to discuss. What are the reasons that you feel you may not be able to care for this child properly? I do applaud you for attempting to find a good home for your child but, please please try to be more careful. I def. learned my lesson after getting my first abortion and vowed that I will never do that again....if I become pregnant again I will keep and love my baby like my first one. Motherhood is such a beautiful, I hope you get to experience it, and love it!

Laura - posted on 02/23/2010

go see ur amanda if it makes u feel better. u being in her life now might help with the harder questions later. but if u do go see her i suggest making a commitment every month or every couple of weeks to see her. u did a wonderful thing giving up ur baby to a loving home when u werent sure u could provide for her the way u wanted to. i was on the depo shot and used condoms everytime and i now have a 2 and a half months son. i couldnt bear to give him up but u were strong in doing what u did, if u think u can provide for this one and u r ready to be a mother i think u should keep it but if not dont be afraid to give ur baby up for adoption. but im sorry some of the mothers on here r being very rude. my mother tried for 10 years to get pregnant and to adopt she was lucky and finally had me but it was a struggle for her to keep trying and not give up. the best thing u can do if ur not ready to be a mom is to give ur baby to mothers like mine who have tried everything and r on their witts end. a baby is a blessing and by adopting u r sharing ur blessing and even tho i kept my baby IT DOES NOT make me a better mother than u. and putting ur child up for adoption DOES NOT make ur child unwanted. u r giving them a chance to live in a better home than u think u can give and to people who r ready to care and nurture and love ur child. im sorry but the ignorant mothers who r just bitching and not actually giving advice u can use, can shut their mouths and leave u in peace u did something some moms who definately shouldnt have kids ( aka alcoholics, drug addicts, etc) arent strong enough to do.i give u a standing ovation for what u did by giving up ur first. if u r ready to keep this one there r places that can help get u ready to be a mom. congrats on being pregnant! i hope this helps and i wish u the best of luck!

Hillary - posted on 02/23/2010

i think it would be easiest on you if u were to not go see her. its a very hard thing to give her up i feel it will jus make it harder for u after seeing her. why dont u see if they can jus send u pictuures via mail... pry would be easier. and for ur other baby on the way... i think u should consider some birth control there are alot out there and there are places u can get it free if not dirt cheap.

Lisa - posted on 02/23/2010

Sadly no matter what anyone thinks this situation is an all to common one. Truth is you need to have the contact with the first baby and it sounds like the adoptive parents are more than willing to bring you in and have you havea relationship with their daughter. And have you thought about if you do give this next baby up ... maybe approaching the parents who adopted your first daughter with the option to adopt this one.

As for preventing another pregnancy after this one until you're ready .... you need to be getting with your doctor and letting them know what you have used previously and the results. If you are to concieve yet again after this one and be posing the same question as this ..... the responses will be even harsher then this panel of comments.

Erin - posted on 02/23/2010

your so brave 4 giving ur baby up for adoption, go with wat feels right 4 u about seeing amanda, but dont feel guilty if you feel 2 give ur 2nd baby up for adoption to, goodluck i hope everything goes well for you :)

Ashley - posted on 02/23/2010

If you feel you are still not ready for a baby, that the time is not right, and you find a family you are comfortable with, then BLESS THEM! That is what adoption is, it is NOT a means of contraceptive or a push-off because you can't take responsibility. There are thousands of more than worthy parents that simply just for whatever reason cannot carry a child in womb for which case there is adoption!
Being a mother, single or married (or with a second parental figure) is never 'easy.' That's the bottom line! You are mature, unselfish, and a phenomenal woman for having the heart, to not only carry and nurture a child for 9 months in YOUR body, but to then give the baby to someone, a family, that will love & provide for your child for which cannot produce their own. I like to call them 'walking angels.' You are alive & breathing, and doing a deed of God himself, giving the blessing of life & parenthood to a deserving family.

If you start to see a negative comment, then just skip it, don't even read it. Obviously since this would be your second child in a few years you're not just a town whore looking for a way to skip out on responsibilities.

And to those who think that adoption is stupid and blah blah blah, such a horrible thing, then what are surrogate mothers? In all reality the basics are the same; a woman carries a child and then legally gives the child to a deserving family that cannot produce their own child.

In whichever decision you decide with your firstborn, and your current child, I wish you absolutely nothing less than the best! God bless you, for being a 'walking angel.'

Alyssa - posted on 02/23/2010

AVA - "By the way, you can use more than one type of birth control in tandem, such as a pill and a condom. How about you just shouldn't have sex at 15, and if you got pregnant then, you should have learned your lesson and waited until after 18. I think you should also have to keep your child, because you're also adding to the problem."



she said she was 18 when she had her 1st, now she's 22.

Ashley - posted on 02/22/2010

I am a very best friend, might as well be sisters, with someone who gave her firstborn up for adoption. In Indiana there are no legal adoptions, it's a matter of birth & adoptive parents agreeing or disagreeing on whether they want the birth family involved. She now lives in Arizona, her firstborn here in Indiana. She seen him (he is now 2 and a half) atleast 3 times a year, always out for lunch. She calls herself auntie when talking to him, as he is still too young to understand. One day, he'll want to know though, and know who his birth parents are, what they did with their lives, where they are, etc. If knowing that birth & adoptive parents agreed to allow visits, it just adds to the questions and confusion, you could have seen me why didn't you.
No matter what YOU are that little girl's BIRTH mother. No one can take that away, and neither can a legal paper saying she was adopted by another couple.
It was harder for my friend to see her son at first, many tears were shed. At the time, she was just not ready, very young, still in high school. Instead of selfishly having an abortion, she opened her heart to a family that couldn't have a child of their own, and not only gave that baby life but also gave their family life, the life of a precious gift from above.
She's due in June, with another boy, and it's hard because she's engaged now to a wonderful hard-working man (her firstborn's was, not so great), and his family is judgemental, doesn't accept her past decision, so it makes it even harder. Then the pregnancy emotions, etc. She is overjoyed, though. God let her help a family, bless them, when her time wasn't right & theirs was; and now he is blessing her, with her second pregnancy & child, now that the time is right.

I would say ABSOLUTELY go & see her! It has helped my friend immensely in healing, and knowing without any guilt or unsure feeling that she DID to the right thing, how beautiful HER baby is, how much he looks like her, and how much he is loved! You can't be there for every moment, but the moments you can only come once -- don't miss them while they're here!!

Lyndsay - posted on 02/22/2010

First of all I want to say congratulations on giving your baby up for adoption. I think that too many people keep unwanted kids because they don't want to look bad, and the children end off worse for it. Second I want to say, try some birth control. :)

For your adopted baby, unless you want to be a consistent part of her life then I say don't bother with it at all. Move on with your life. As for your current pregnancy, if you feel differently now (older and wiser, I guess, lol) and you feel like you can handle the child then keep it. If not, give it up for adoption. It does not make you a bad person to get pregnant and give the child to a loving home... many parents are on the adoption list for years before they finally get a child. However... it does mean that you do need to make some better decisions, like investing in some condoms or something.

K. Erin - posted on 02/22/2010

I think there is alot of strength in you. Making a decision like that has to be severely hard and I praise you. I was 17 when I had my son and from the moment the pee test was positive I knew I would keep him. But my life was sad and kind of empty and he brought me out of that, I truly believe he was meant to be. And maybe your uterus is meant to be used for other's children. I hope you are using protection and hope you'll go see her atleast once, for your own sake...ease your mind and know she is in good hands...hands you felt you couldn't provide. Good luck sweetie...take care.

Cynthia - posted on 02/22/2010

I hope my advice helped message me if you want

Cynthia - posted on 02/22/2010

Ashley,
Don't listen to them ignorant people that say giving your baby up was a mistake. It wasn't a mistake. You did what a mother had to do. And thinking and doing what's best for child makes you a GREAT mom. No matter if you gave her up or not your still a mother and if you want to see her then ask the parents if you can. You are an important part of her life whether she is small or not. Going to see her now and once in a while will help her understand in the future that even though you gave her up you still loved her and looked for her and that right there will create another bond for ya in the future. Also maybe seeing her can help you decide whether or not to keep your second child.