Help.. My 14year old wants to have sex

Angela - posted on 01/08/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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My 14year old son has a grilfriend. He told me last night that he wants to have sex with her. I am grateful that he told me. I advised him that he was too young and I would rather he wait; however, I think he already did the deed and just wanted my thoughts. Anyone have any experience or advise they can share?

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Zsxfdcgvjbhnkerdftgyhuj - posted on 10/29/2012

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14 is a good time for luring an allso if he is having sex then go him he is oviacly good for somthing so just let him ok.

Toni - posted on 07/18/2012

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Firstly, you must be a great mum for him to be able to ask you about sex. My mother was not the sort that I wanted to talk about anything with, let alone sex.
Secondly, all you can do is make sure he is safe. Talk about STD's, teen pregnancy, and then how to protect himself against it.
Just be open and approachable, thats pretty much all you can do.

Kirsty - posted on 07/17/2012

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14 years old is way to young to be having sex! he should be playing with his action men or on his computer not thinking about having sex... hes still a baby himself and i wouldnt give him condoms as this will encourage him... tell him hes way to young to be doing things like that yet!

Amanda - posted on 01/25/2009

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I lost my virginity at 17. When I found out my younger sister was having sex at 14 I flipped out at her. Yes I was doing it, but I think 14 is way too young to start having sex. She isn't doing it anymore though, which is GREAT. I agree, give him all the info you can, and tell him to be responsible!! In the end he's going to do what he wants. He's a teenager, and this day in age it's all goin down hill which sex, drugs, and alcohol. Everyone is doin it younger and younger. But, he will at least be informed. I agree also that it was brave fo him to come to you, and you have to be a great mom that he did that. Usually teens keep parents out. So great job!!

Aline - posted on 01/20/2009

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hi Angela, i am myself a young mom of Three and i think first it depends the relationship you have with your son (since he was young) but o be honest it is a good sign that he did talk about it with you!!!! So maybe try to ask him what he thinks about it, and why he want to do it, How he feels when she is around and especially why he thinks he needs to have sex with her and especially what changed ??? And last try to talk to his girlfreind and tell her what are your expectetions ...okay i hope i helped and if you need anything let me know and sorry for my english but i am frenc ..God bless

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26 Comments

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Tim Evans - posted on 07/13/2014

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My son is 15 and his girl came over to have sex but I said no
then he walks in on my and my husband having sex

Monica - posted on 06/02/2013

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I got pregnant at 18. I'm now 19 and my daughter is 4 months. I'm engaged to her father and we've been together since we were both fifteen.
He is the only person I've ever slept with, the only person I've ever dated. We were very good friends before we became anything more.
I feel like you should know that to better understand my actions

I don't do things lightly, before I had sex we talked about the possible consequences, we knew there would be no abortion, and no adoption- the baby would be our responsibility

I had sex at 16 with the person I knew I'd be marrying. We had decided to get married before I became pregnant. Of course, there was no rush so we thought we'd wait til 21 to even get engaged at that point, but, we still knew what we wanted.

I don't know how I would've handle it at 16, much less 14. At 18 I had more job possibilities, I could rent an apartment in my name, own a vehicle, have a pg&e bill in my name, etc.
But I still worked very hard to get where I was before my daughter was born.
And it was stressful.

Honestly, there are two things you need to have before you should sleep with someone, one is that you have to really have your heart broken to know what real love is at that age.
The second, he needs to be able to drive and have a job.
Tell him once he can support a baby, the choice is his as long as he comes to you first do you can make sure he's safe.
You can't stop them, no matter how hard you try, being unapproachable just makes it worse.
I had sex at 16, it was the right time and the right person. Even that seems young to me now, but it is the age of consent so there must be a reason for that. But honestly, at 16 I don't know what I would've done. Much less 14.. Hell, I didn't even start pueberty til 14, it's just too early :/

Gianni - posted on 06/22/2012

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Give him condoms and talk to him about how to properly use it! Condoms stat!

Kim - posted on 06/21/2012

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my son also is having sex, and I am scared that she will become pregnant(she is almost 15) her parents do not know. They have had two scares recently and I am worried that they are planning on having a baby real soon. They think they are sooooo much in love. I say it is puppy love. They both do not understand the consequences of their own lives with a baby. He also wants to drop out of school, because he wants to spend every waking minute with her. He has informed me that her parents do not know and if they did, she would be kicked out. I don't believe that at all, she is the baby. I am going to put him in counseling to help with this matter along with a few other issues. Neither child understands how there lives will change forever and the responsibilities that follow.

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2009

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As a child, I was homeschooled and was given very strict curfew hours. I was always expected to spend dinner with the family, go to church with the family, and be home by 8pm (9pm on weekends) except when working. As much as I hated it, it kept me out of trouble. I have never tried drugs and did not drink until I was 18 (and only drank for special occasions).



Even with all the restrictions, I lost my virginity unwillingly when I was 17. But, to this day, my parents do not know. I have never felt I could talk to them - go you for having a good enough relationship with your  son to be able to talk!



I suggest that you keep things open to discussion and that you remind him that sex is something to be shared with VERY special girls only. Also, as some of us have discovered, protection is not guaranteed prevention - ask him if he is ready to pick up a full-time job while going to classes AND helping take care of a baby. Let him know that if he gets anyone pregnant, you will not watch the baby for free, you will not just give him a free ride! I think that when any child realizes that their parent(s) cannot "make it better" when a baby comes along, it makes the decision more about responsibility than of fun.



Good luck!

Samantha - posted on 01/20/2009

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I dont know about every one elses story but I got pregnant with my son when I was 14 and believe me. My mom locked me up talked to me try'd to scare me with gruesome storys of stds and pap tests she did every thing she could. I dont think you can ever change a kids mind about something like this and telling them they cant do something just makes them want to do it more. I dont really know what a good awnser would be but education him couldn't hurt. Also If you lock him in his room bar his windows and home school him till he's 30 that should help.

Alina - posted on 01/20/2009

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I lost my virginity when I was 14 yrs old..... I regreted it since the day i did it!!! Sit down and talk to him and let him know if accidentally he gets someone pregnant how hard it is to support a kid at that young of age. There is a tv show thats called Secret Life of an American teenager you could take a look at that because its all about kids that think sex is ok they are the same age as your 14 yr old that might help you with some ideas to make sure hes not having sex

Amelia - posted on 01/20/2009

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Honestly, your son is going to do whatever he wants to do. He may ask for your thoughts but the best thing you can do is explain to him the dangers of having sex so young and for instance, if his girlfriend gets pregnant what responsibilities go with that and if anything, buy him condoms. If he wants to do the deed he is going to do it, so at least provide him with needs to do it safely.

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2009

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just gotta say ive got 3 boys myself 19 17 an 12. all u can do is let him no that your there for him to talk to you and make sure he uses protection.

i always do the shopping list and they always let me no if they need any.

also in theyre xmas stocking i always put heeps of condoms in there so they have enough 4 the festive season LOL.

my 12 yr old isnt there yet thank god.

i was a teen mum at 15 so i just try so make it safe 4 them so theyve got time to enjoy their teenage years without 2 much responsibilities.

hope this helped somehow.

Tammy - posted on 01/19/2009

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My advice is to limit any opportunity he has to be alone with his girlfriend. Get her parents on board with this too. And continue talking to him. While it's normal for a teenage boy to want to have sex-- obviously he is not ready to handle all the consequences and risks involved (even with "safe" sex).

Charis - posted on 01/13/2009

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I agree with the post before me. My parents always told me to never have sex and that was all the conversation amouted to; we never talked about the consequences or why i even wanted to. Teenagers are going to find a way to do what they want to do and trying to force them on a particular path will only make it worse. Because my parents told me no and never sat down and had a two sided conversation with me i wanted to do it even more and i did. I had sex the first time when i was 15. i regret it and i wish my parents or someone io looked up to talk to me as a friend and wanted to answer my questions instead of just trying to tell me what to do...if they had i most likely wouldn't have been in such a hurry to have sex and wouldn't have gotten pregnant at 17.

just trying to help.

Nancy - posted on 01/12/2009

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I think you should pray to whoever your God is and ask for help. I would be Glad to pray for you and your son if you want me to.

Marcie - posted on 01/12/2009

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I was having sex at 14, here's the down side i also got pregnant at 14.

i didnt tell my mother, she found out i was having sex when i was 13 weeks pregnant with my son. Talk to him about it, there is no point in telling him not to, because he will behide your back.

goodluck

Brittany - posted on 01/12/2009

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I agree with everyone but I think you also need to tell him that IF he gets a girl pregnant he needs to take responsibility and do everything in his power to support his child and the childs mother. To many girls are left abandoned by their boyfriends after getting pregnant. If he wants to have sex he needs to be willing to accept any of the consequences.

Lindsey - posted on 01/11/2009

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I agree with most everyone else, just sit him down and talk with him. I was 14 when I lost my virginity and was a mother by the time I was 16 and now have two children at age 19. While I love my children dearly life is VERY hard and I wouldn't want your son to get caught in something like that just because he thinks he needs or even just wants sex this young. Good luck!!!

Hendrika - posted on 01/11/2009

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Ground him and put him under lock and key. You think I'm kidding but I'm not. Like I've read above, go over all the stuff about it std's pregnancy etc but at the end of the day he needs you to be his mom and that means laying the smack down. I got pregnant with my son when I was 18 and on the pill, I was being "responsible" right?!?! What I needed was for my Mom to lock me in my room. If he's 14 the only way you know you're doing a good job is if he hates you for making the tough decisions. When he's 18 he can make all the mistakes he wants but until then you're allowed to do your darndest to make sure he doesnt. :) Tough love... that's my advise...for what it's worth.

Leanne - posted on 01/11/2009

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I have a son who is almost 14 , I told him everything I could about sex, std's, hiv/aids, protection the works. I also told him about me being a teen mom and how hard it was for me. I got pregnant with a condom and I was on the pill. Nothing is 100 % affective except not doing the deed, I would talk with your son about all the in and outs of being a father and see how he feels about it. He should know how many teen pregnancies there are ( you can find stats for your local province or state on line) None of us planned to get pregnant but wow it sure does happen ALOT!  You must be doing something right if he was confortable enough to talk to you about it. :)

Chelsey - posted on 01/09/2009

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I think that you should just worn him what could happen to him and what he could get from having sex but i think that you should really tell him to make sure it is safe sexcasue now in these days people have sex when there 12 years old now so i think you should just worn him about everything

BRITTANY - posted on 01/08/2009

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i think u should sit down and talk to him, answer his questions, and tell him always, always,always protect himslef...thats all you can do... im no t condoning it...however you can't b with him 24 hours a day...i am 20 now, i had a child when i was 16, if i had someone to talk to, some one to take me to get some birth control when i needed it...im pretty sure it never would have happened... i love my kids, and i am blessed for them to be here. i know the last thing u want to think about is ur baby having sex, but it happens, and in this day in age it is happening earlier and earlier... hope i was some help



GOOD LUCK!!!!

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