Help on Dating after being a teen mom

Amber - posted on 02/24/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Is any one else having a problem dating? i mean i get to talking to some one then i tell them that i ahve a 14 month old and they bail wat am i doing wrong?

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Tracy - posted on 03/01/2009

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Quoting Suzi:



you will find it but until you do, stop looking! be secure in yourself and happy being single and a mum. he will find you when you are ready and he will be lucky to have you.






First off, I know the advice above that Suzi gave to you is PROBABLY not what you want to hear.  However, it's the truth!  You could meet him next week or ten years from now.  I vowed to not date in order to protect my son.  This also meant that I vowed to be single until my son was raised.  I was perfectly happy to do this because I felt that my son didn't need to grow up with mommy going out with all kinds of guys.  I was taking classes to better our situation when I met a guy in my class.  Actually, he met me.  He overheard me tell someone else in class "F**k them!  Who cares what they think?" (apparently louder and more enthusiastically than I intended).  He immediately told himself that it was someone he wanted to meet.  Later that day he introduced himself to me.  We hung out as friends only with my female friend(s) around so that my son would see he's a friend and not some suitor sniffing around his mom.  This also gave me the opportunity to see how he interacted with my son without the pressure of "is he daddy material?"  He became my best friend and later became my husband.  I was not looking for him and he was not looking for me.  Life brought us together when we were both ready to receive the gifts we had to give each other.  We've been married eight years now, he's adopted my son (at my son's request) and after many years of infertility we are now expecting our first child together! 



Lastly - don't EVER think that YOU are doing something wrong because some guy doesn't step up to your expectations.  Your child deserves nothing less than your highest expectations in a mate.  You have every right to be the "high maintenance girl" as long as it's in the interest of weeding out the undeserving men.



 

Kyndra - posted on 03/14/2009

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If a guy doesn't want anything to do with you after you tell them you have a child, then you don't want them around anyways. I have a 2 yo and i'm due in June. I was dating some last summer (before i was preg). I'm always upfront. I let people know i'm a mommy and thats my life and i love it and if they want me they have to treat my child right also, that's number 1. I of course havent dated recently because i am preggo. I'm trying to work things out with their dad (both kids have the same dad it's a back and forth thing). we're suppos to start going to counseling

Lauren - posted on 02/25/2009

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Hey Amber,



      I know how you feel. I have a 71/2 month old son named Eli. His dad left me right from the getgo.  I started dating but like you they bailed when they found out.  It wasnt until Eli was 2 months old that I found the right guy. It's been hard because we live far apart but it's well worth it. 



I'd just be careful guys get the wrong impression that just because your a single teen mom that it means you "put out "   In my experience stay away from guys that are completely freaked out by it chances are you cant change their minds, and stay away from those that seem like everything is fine chances are they arent and are just using you.  Got to find the happy medium. Someone that is proud of you and adores your child but is a bit scared of the situation.  Because come on what guy wouldnt be?

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Rebecca - posted on 03/03/2012

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It is very hard to dating being a teen mom. It is a lot of trial and error, but once you find the right guy snatch him up like a hot cake. But as to what you mite or mite not being doing wrong is another story. Most Teen boys want nothing to do with responsibility or Babies! And they only think with there Mr.peeper. Or you get that really great guy and he turns out to be a total ass and cheat on you. But Mr. right will show up

Keshia - posted on 02/27/2012

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how do you deal with feeling lonely? shoul;d you settel for less than your expectations just becuase you dont wanna feel lonely? for me, i feel im too picky

Keshia - posted on 02/24/2012

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i get the same thing...except i have two boys ( ages 2 and 1). do guys turn you down? or do they realize down the road that it's too much? for me, dating older men seems easier. but how do you deal with it?

Adell - posted on 03/25/2009

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i deff think you should tell ppl about having a baby..that would b like putting toilet paper in ur bra and then a guy goes down on u and its fake lol...we have roles in life..mine are that im a worker,a student,a daughter,and a mother..hopefully if i meet the right guy or his father comes to his senses ill b a girlfriend to..but we shouldnt hide it..its not an odd thing to have a child young..but i mean we shouldnt look at guys with children bad either unless of course there not taking care of them..but if a guy ur talking to has a problem with it..just b like u kno i have a child and hes a big part of ur life..and i love being a mom..but im still a person to..and im not looking for a father type so dont worry..

Patrice - posted on 03/25/2009

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Hi Girl,

I know how this feels I to was a teen parent at the age of 17 I left the guy that I was having my baby girl by because I knew I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him.Anyway when my daughter was still very young I started dating. This was quite difficult being a teen and a new mom. Well when my daughter was about 10 months my sister introduced me to this guy from her job . I stayed intouch with him for a while and when we went on a date I didn't jump right into oh yea I have a baby. I told him after like date three. He was shocked but glad I didn't tell him right away. because he may have done the scared guy thing and run(lol) Anyway he said he got a chance to learn a little more about me and we kept Talking 2yrs later we wer married and have been for the last 7yrs. We also added two more little girls to our family. So the guy that you need to be dating or whatever is out there just give him a chance to know you. Let's face it you have been you before you were a mom and give them the oppurtunity to see that so you and your child are loved.

Blessings,
Patrice

Rebecca - posted on 03/24/2009

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honey your not doing any thing wrong its the men your trying to pick up there totaly not mature enough to be with you and  your child .... i had the same issue  but i havea all mosst 3 year old little boy so i figured  if im going to date  ill just let ithappen  aand if it does it does andif it doesnt well then at the end of the day i have my son because if the guy aare just leaven what example or message  does that send to our kids .. that  there not inportant enough to stay around ..... see my p oint why hurt the kids like that cause we  all love our children to death :)

Rebecca - posted on 03/24/2009

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honey your not doing any thing wrong its the men your trying to pick up there totaly not mature enough to be with you and  your child .... i had the same issue  but i havea all mosst 3 year old little boy so i figured  if im going to date  ill just let ithappen  aand if it does it does andif it doesnt well then at the end of the day i have my son because if the guy aare just leaven what example or message  does that send to our kids .. that  there not inportant enough to stay around ..... see my p oint why hurt the kids like that cause we  all love our children to death :)

Samantha - posted on 03/22/2009

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thats stupid. I agree with Kyndra if you love your kids and they are a part of you the guy who wants to be with you should know right from the get go and if they leave they aren't worth it, Someone will come and love you for you and your kids.

Marie - posted on 03/13/2009

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Honey you are doing nothing wrong besides being a good women and mom just looking for that male attention. I had the same problem as you for awhile. If a guy wants something to do with you before you say the fact you have a baby & then say you do and wants nothing to do with you then it wasn't mend to be. You need a guy who is mature and responsible enough to be with you and your baby you will be willing to be there for you both and not care about what other people think.
Stay strong girl that man will come when the time is ready, just don't push anything.

Suzi - posted on 02/27/2009

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If they bail when they find out you are a mum they are not worth knowing anyway!



I agree with Lauren, you do get the guys who think you are easy because you are a single mum but that just isn't the case. i am 31 now and had my daughter at 17 i had been with my boyfried a year when i fell pregnant and he was my first boyfriend, we were together 2 years before i came to my senses! lol



As for dating, do just that. be honest with the guy that you are a mum, you will get the whole "what do you do" question when you first meet anyway so tell them then.



Take things slowly. go for dinner or to the movies and don't invite him back until you are sure he is really into you, i suggest at least a month or 2 together. if he is really into you he will be happy to take on the baby too.



I know i'm a bit older now but i have now been with my man 8 months he has never been out with someone with kids before and i asked him if it was a problem or if it bothers him. his wonderful reply was that he loves me and as my kids are part of me he loves them too and having them has helped to make me who i am today!



That should be what you are looking for and you will find it but until you do, stop looking! be secure in yourself and happy being single and a mum. he will find you when you are ready and he will be lucky to have you.



Good luck x

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