How dare someone tell me to put my baby up for adoption :@

Megan - posted on 08/02/2010 ( 106 moms have responded )

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hello im 16, and i worte a conversation on one of the communities about being scared about being on my own and not having help and all the usual things, and a lady has told me that im still akid and should put my little man up for adoption :@ what do you think??
xx

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Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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Me Rude? umm I felt quite objective , how many teenagers always want hear things that don't want to, oh hum.
Also to often a teenager 15- 16 want sTO BE LOVED themselves, thus feel a BABY will fill their voids in life life,
IF you dear read carefully, I do say as she created it, she should keep it, as its not societies responsibilities to pay her bills and debts, now is it?
All hand ups to should be that, who like to feel their are charities to always be given to?

FACT: Having babies soo young, doe snot give Self esteem, only gives very big wake up calls, specially when a baby may not be picture perfect and cannot sleep for days, then wakes 15 yrs old up all hrs am...umm
But then, you all will say different, this is to be expected. Geppeers, even 15 yr olds still like to sleep in 10am on weekends lol! party when they like, show us one that dont, tier suppose are some exceptions.

Goodness, why do such young girls feel they have to prove something, if they are always right lol.
This 15 yr old Car, says: GO Woman? umm thier is the lack of insight already, 15 girl thinks she is a Woman cause she can have a baby? Biological yes even younger girls know to have babies, but thier are still children.
Having a baby so so young, does not make you a
Woman, Goodness just to much. Wel lest she will feel she is getting some attention she no doubts lacking somehow through having babies so young.

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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Reply to Samatha, about 16.17.. yr olds no different to 30 -40 um well got to disagree there, it takes more than Love to raise a Baby to Adulthood, 30-40 yr olds for one, don't need to reply on their parents , while the child's Grandparents can truly enjoy having Grandchild and not raising others children all over
again.
In some places, Grandparents that may be age 40
get $0 for placing all their tome and care for babies that where not the Grandparents in the first place.

16-19 yr olds often Don't have support from

Samantha Doyle: No maturity does not look down on 16,17,18,19 yr olds... as you say?

You also cannot compare any 30 -40 yr old Mums with 16 yr olds? Goodness, however 16 yr olds have good stable incomes, facts are far more 16 yrs olds have UNPLANNED pregnancies and a lot barely know their own bodies at that age, or feel it would be
neat idea to have a baby.

See hear there is absolutely no picture of the facts it also took a sperm to make the baby, there fore where the Father, guess he really wanted the baby? we don't know as all fact are not explained carefully here.

Not only 30- 40 year olds have life life alot more, they often have worked and paid taxes ( of which a lot goes into others unplanned babies)own their own homes, and can give FULL emotional time and care, which fact are 16 yrs old cannot.

Hey yes keep the baby that is good, just hope they have learn't family planning after wards.
Their are always X2 sides of any story, and I for one, feel there is more to this than just saying whooo, some ones say's this and that , WHAT about the FATHER of the child, its not the Childs fault that he or she may never have must input by x2 loving Responsible Mature parenting, this all the time, nothing new to them, but please 16 yr olds, UNLESS you did not deliberately want to get pregnant to keep
you boy friend what ever, don't cry to strangers that don't have all the facts at hand about yourself, standup then , buy your selfs a home for your own of offspring get a good paying Job, pay taxes, then
you shall have your answer. 16 -19... cannot be compares with those who have done the real hard yards first in life... even if you dont every own your own home, lest know what it takes and cost before you to the wild thing with your Boyfriends in the future -:) Good luck

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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To the first Original comment from the 16 yr old new Mum.

When you join these boards, then ask for comments of course some may not be as you wish, however main thing is there is a NEW LIFE here and not just your own to think off, I think the comment you did not like was not meant to hurt you, but a true fact that you are only 16, and unless you have full support form your parents and the Father parents, then can you supply ALL your baby needs by yourself, and or with the help of the father of your baby if he is stillin the picture.

Having made the Conception of making baby takes
seconds, but how many very young girls, really do under the 18 yrs ahead of them? not many at all, let alone Mature woman, at 16 , you are simply still maturing yourself, and with no disrespect and been unbiased of any age , a Mother needs to be sacrificing her needs above the best interest always
a baby infant, prepared to be hands on 24/7 .

The feelings a young girl has in her mind about having babies, and the if they can supply all Financial and Emotional needs, not to mention all costs for Doctors, clothes etc cannot be left on society to pick up the ends, not saying you are or would be, but many babies just become a toy to young Mothers, and to often its the Grandmothers that know the true responsibilities and costs, it takes to bring up a
happy Infant to their Adulthood life, you are still a young girl, thats simply the point there.

Also babies and Children are not owned by any one, they are their own person in their own right. You have used the wording, MY baby, what about the Father? extended family hope if you want to keep you baby you have support form them as well, as you will need all you can as a 16 yr old Mum -:)

PS: Also a lot of young girls this age are still interested in parting what ever, not saying you are,
but a lot.

There is also no mention of a Father here, really its a very sad world when woman or girls tke the or whant to take any of the GOOD Father figures out and there are some -:), as they feel its THIER child, Fathers are extremely important factors, not only woman been able to have a child in the first place, but for good balance a baby/child may ever need in life.
All said and done, if girls are older enough to have babies, and don't like the experienced comments of life, then really what can anyone say.

If you are wanting just what you want to hear, fact is this would not be honest for others to do, rather facts are the best from people with experience from all
sides of life.
However no one should ever feel they are been compelled to give up a baby with out ALL the fact in front of them. Also if any younger girls know what is best, then they would not be asking questions, therefor their is not a level of Maturity for that age or time to of had a baby in the first place, unplanned babies are to many. Hope you have found peace in your situation.

[deleted account]

I thought I should give you a view point from someone was given up for adoption when they were born. I have know from a very young age that I was given up and I am very greatful to have been. I have a wonderful mother and father and they have given me so much in life. I am lucky, I know my birth person didnt have the money to support me in any way. I do not know you or what is going on in your life. But if you really do not think you care support the baby(both emotionally and money wise) I would say dont think of adoption as a good thing. They have open adoption, please dont think I am saying you need to give your baby up! I just thought you would like to know the view point of someone who was given up for adoption

Britney - posted on 08/06/2010

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saying that "it will come naturally" and "you can dafinatly do it" is just as bad as someone telling her to have an abortion/adoption. the facts are not everyone young or old "can" do it. also the worry and fear doesn't leave after the baby is born, if anything it gets worse. when your pregnant you are able to control most of what happens to the baby but after the birth that control is almost completely taken. what if god forbid something was found out to be wrong with the baby after birth, im saying this from experience that is a whole new situation than just the "normal" baby fears. all i say is don't let ANYONE on either side of this debate munipulate your decision in any way. also do not feel guilty with your decision whatever it is. parenting is not just something you can TRY if you make the decision to raise your baby it is for life. they are not toys or puppies that you can take back if you do not like them. there are so many wonderful things about parenting that could be told to you but if anyone says it is all wonderful and easy they are lying or in denile.

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Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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PS: Remember dears, just to make things clear here,I was NOT the person that said this young girl
should do this or that at all.

How ever, just as young girls have their own opinion, so does experience.
I was once a teenager to -:) I had a story to... just that mine a different one, and I learnt lessons, Lesson here is right in LIFES class room.

Age and experience DOES always matter, unless you had a terrible time with your own Mothers, then remember the goodMums are the ones that turned into the GrandMothers, and you forget , they often pick up the pieces.
Not to place a guilt trip, rather the 15 yr old here on this site said QUOTE: she would laugh about others advice, fine then dont ask for any advice in the first place.
I have personally finished on this topic

Destanie - posted on 08/11/2010

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i would be absolutely LIVID!! i was 16 when I had my first son and my mom pulled the whole adoption route on me and I wasnt having it and that was from my own mother! if a stranger said that I need or should put my child up for adoption id be pissed! who is she to tell you what to do with YOUR OWN BABY? adoption is a very VERY touchy subject with me since my mom put me through a lot when she found out i was pregnant! EVERY new mother no matter the age is ALWAYS nervous about being a good mother or being financially stable! age DOES NOT define hoe good of a mother you are!

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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Jana Star, READ all I have mentioned.
Yes I agree 100% all teenage girls that want to keep their unplanned babies and planned, should keep them. Would save all this, round and round in circles
Agree how boring,
Yes a messy person says a lot.
and Oh crap about the older you are and genetically born with defect, honey its not actually just age,booze and AFS syndrome crack babies, are" by FAR more born nowadays.
Dear you simply don't know if I do or don't have children either honey -:)Comments ask by any one, then answer as I keep on saying but like younger people just like to hear what they want, are always
not going be what one MAY like to hear, so thats
what discussion is all about, agreeing, disagreeing.
Thats life.

Britney - posted on 08/11/2010

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marie you have some good points but you have gotten way out of line, what you are doing now is considered harrassment she has already decided to keep her baby which by no means is a mistake so it is about time you went your own way. we should explain to young girls about the difficulties of having children not putting them down. i really hope you do not talk to your children that way. god bless megan you will be in my prayers, truth is no one knows what type of parent you will be good or bad but i pray you do your best now.

Ena - posted on 08/11/2010

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and its a horrible thing to say ( certain people) that older parents are better parents, sooo not true, theres bad and good in every age. Im now 27 have a nearly 9 year old , 6 year old and 4 year old , and have worked from day 1 as a fitness instructor and still am! not once have I had the dole! its the person thatmakes a good mum, not the age!!!

Ena - posted on 08/11/2010

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Whaaat? thats out of line for her! its ur decision what you do, and yes its possible to b a young mum and a good mum, unless you were a drug addict and couldnt stop, theres no reason you couldnt b a great mum :) good luck with everything

Jana - posted on 08/11/2010

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actually, the older you are, the more likely your child will be born with genetic problems. i said that SOME older people make bad parents. you're just saying things to get a rise out of us, because you're wrong and you know it.
I was 26 when i had my son and i think that was the perfect time for me. i was a messy person, didn't make my bed or anything until i was about 6 months pregnant. the thought of being responsible for another person made me responsible for myself.
marie, you really need to get a life. no matter what stage in your life, you can be a great mother if you want to be.
i have a real problem with you thinking you're better than other people simply because you are older. you think you're wiser? your grammar is horrible, and your spelling leaves something do be desired... is that because you've learned so much in your long life filled with experience? really, i have been taking care of children for 12 years, have degrees in child care development and psychology and i know for a fact that people AT ANY AGE can be horrible parents and others can be wonderful parents, the rest fall somewhere in between. Truly, age has NO BEARING on what kind of parent you will be. JUST DROP IT!

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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LOL! oh dear JANA STAR: get a grip, though all you
guys where saying age does not matter, now you are saying yourself older people in life make HORRIBLE parents lol! Maturity can take that comment on the chin as to say, very funny.
However does not change facts and statistics. Older you are you do in fact have MORE experience good and bad, thus can see form ALL sides, not just through younger eyes.

Back to the facts: There is now perfect time to have children regardless of age, rather its about responsibilities, and most Older mUms are still trying to get there 15 yr old stop make their beds, or do the dishes lol! So unless ALL 15-17 yr olds DONTget any help and alot from tier breadwinning Older parents, just how do you think they would PAY real money for a human being s kept? the Dole? Or perhaps other not so good ways that can bring in alot of $$$, cause its ant alot of Grandmas that feel hey great my 15- 17 y r old,. that does have any savings to her name, or a house, or works is having a baby, so its NORM to that most sanest of Grandmothers would genuinely have concerns, as most of the responsibility goes back to Them the grandmothers more so, a child at home having a baby? Hunnies the fact are you are so defensive also says alot.

You all seem to think people are getting at you because of age, this is just so far form the truth. But as the old saying goes, cannot place older wiser heads on young shoulders, just don't fit.

Jana - posted on 08/11/2010

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no one said that teenagers know more. I'm just saying that age has no bearing on whether or not you'll be a good mother. obviously she was asking for help and suggestions, but you seemingly hurt her feelings and have since been defending yourself to a bunch of people who are offended by what you said. telling someone their options does not offend people. i don't know what you said in the initial post, i did not read it... but you obviously did not just casually mention that adoption is an option.

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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Swearing on this site not good. Fact is if she did have support from her family she would not be asking for help here. um

ALso we all project our experiences here, good and bad, this is what this is for to learn from others.

Yes I agree 100% all teenage girls that want to keep their unplanned babies and planned, should keep them. Would save all this.= round and round in circles. OFr the fact some are NOT really sure, thus means they should get professional help. The attitude that 15-16 yr olds know more than others is rather funny.
If people ask for comments, then receive some things not so as they would like to hear, then don't ask, simple. Life is NOT all about saying and agreeing to everything.

Tabby - posted on 08/11/2010

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i seriously think thats the dumbest thing ever!!! well just know that alot of us were young and scared ect ect. when we found out that we were pregnant i know i was and i was 17 i didnt have much help and my sons dad's family hated me and tried theyre best of ability to make me sad, mad, and cause stress for me, but all i could do is ignore them. But if you ever need someone to talk to you can find me on fb Tabby Jimmie

Jana - posted on 08/11/2010

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can i just add? being a child care provider for 8 years, i can assure you that MANY women who have their children later in life are HORRIBLE parents! it doesn't matter your age, it matters if you're willing to give yourself and your time to your child.

Jana - posted on 08/11/2010

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if you have support and family, you'll be fine. just don't give up the life you had planned. that won't benefit you or your baby. it may take longer, but you'll be fine. anyone who thinks they know what's best for you is just projecting their life experiences on you. don't put any thought into it. the b!tch who said that obviously wasn't mature enough at that age to handle a baby, but that doesn't mean you aren't. besides, our friend marie doesn't know you, she doesn't know your situation, and she doesn't know how to spell. lol!

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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Cora ream: 15 and pregnant, says be your own



Cara: 15 and Pregnant, umm and you say you
would laugh at faces?
Um well, guess you may now before you know any reality of real parenting and what it takes.

Getting pregnant at 15 is not smart, its quite a simple fact of life. Doe not take any IQ there.
Again young and selfish, only thinking of self, and no mention of the Child's needs been meet 100% by a 15 yr old, umm a bit in la la land.

Alyssa - posted on 08/11/2010

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listen to yourself hun dont listen to people who are rude like that do what you want to not what other people tell you to do.

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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For those Mums Having been 30-40 ages and planned a baby, and Know you can take on these
responsibilities, is far different from NOT knowing much at 16, gezze. Some can see the difference there.

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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OH, and ADoption is not the worse thing as their are many Mature kind loving parents that do Adopt so but , its still hearing the same ol song of Unplanned Pregnancies thats the point hear?
So even if you get do as your heart says advice, its a NEW life here , thus we all hope thatChild does not become a statistic. Yes the odds are against you, personally I would not have any thing to prove at 16...
Rather been open to all ideas and not just for anyones selfish reasons, whatever way you or others see things. Keep it bring it up, learn from YOUR own mistakes be the best Mum you can be get over yourself about your age ( else you would not feel to comment and ask for comments), as yes was
not the babies mistake. umm

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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Also,,,, sorry to sound judgmental, but fact s are people do and can judge. You ask for a comment, you may just get all the facts you may not want to hear, but its still truth about differences of ages DO COUNT in Mother HOOD-:) Hey but this person is only16, so understand no insight to life it self yet, um.

Love is waiting.... not wanting for self. there for it is sad 16 yr olds are having babies, as there have not even waited for a responsible guy to hang around a bit?!

Marie - posted on 08/11/2010

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PS: suppose to read" that did not want to be Grandparents in the first place,, by the way I am not a Grandparent but know to many that did not think their babies at 16 would be having babies-:)

Megan - posted on 08/09/2010

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well he is called Macauley James Farley and he was born st 1.08pm on the 8/8/10 weighing 7.8lb 2 dayd early (: and im bottle feeding as i thought it would be bset seeing as im oung and maybe need help and then when i g back to school (: but he is really good wouldnt change him for the world :) i love him to bits ♥ (: x

Merry - posted on 08/09/2010

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whats his name????? how are you feeling? my best memory of erics first few days was learning to breastfeed, oh so painful but still the best memory :) Now he is 16 months and still nursing away! (like right now as I type this)
Tell us all about you little boy!!!

Megan - posted on 08/09/2010

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no it wasnt her place to say that, well i had him yesterdayy and im am obvisly keepng him i wouldnt change hi for the world (: x

Joanna - posted on 08/09/2010

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It wasn't their place to tell you that because of your age that you should put your child up for adoption. That being said you need to make your decision based on what's best for him and not just what you want. Luckily there are programs out there to help young single mothers who decide either way.

Sarah - posted on 08/08/2010

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hell no, i know bein a teen mom is hard but there is no reason a 16 year old can't do it. hang in there and be strong tell the narrow minded butt holes in the world that you can and will make it on your own. your son don't care how old you are i bet he just knows you are his mommy. that's all that's important

Jessica - posted on 08/08/2010

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that lady dosent know what type of parent your going to be . listen to you heart . you can do anything you put your mind to

Valerie - posted on 08/08/2010

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I was 17 when I got pregant, my babies father left me and my mother had cancer. I was told by many people to give my son up for adoption. I did what I felt was right. My choice wasnt easy, I had a rough first year but i made it through. I am married now and have another son. You need to do whatever you feel is right. It can be rough but you can make it through.

Jordan Ashleigh - posted on 08/08/2010

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You need to follow your heart. I also got pregnant when I was 16 and my own mother was the one pushing for adoption up through my second trimester. I didn't listen to her. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me - my world revolves around her. I graduated high school with my class, took a year off, and now I'm going to college to pursue my nursing career. It's definitely do-able and if you want to keep your baby, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Amy - posted on 08/08/2010

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no way hun, if you feel that what you should do then that up to you, but never feel pushed, i was 19 when i had my little man, i was so worried i would be so alone or scared , all kinds of thoughts went thought my head but my heart was so strong i knew i could manage, and thank god i did not give up coz now i have a great little boy and 2 girls, some people just need to keep there ops to themselves x

Maranda - posted on 08/08/2010

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I believe that you should listen to your heart. Age doesnt define the type of parent you will be.. I had an aunt who offered me money and a car for my son, and i wouldnt do it. So she called the Department of Family and Children Services (better known as DFACS) just so that she could get him. I have now not seen him in alomst a month and its about to kill me. Do what you feel in your heart. No one should try to make your decisions for you.

Caitlin - posted on 08/08/2010

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Everyone told me to put Madelynn up for adoption. Her father walked out, then passed away leaving me to be a single mom (until we found a loving partner a few months later). I got told to give her up for adoption because there was no way I would be a good mom to her. My mom's church had brochures that said single parenting is bad. That children from single parent homes turn out to juvenile delinquents, do drugs, drop out of high school, and turn into young parents themselves. They said there was no way I would be able to take care of my daughter properly. And I had so many people telling me the same thing. I didn't listen to them and went through with my pregnancy. Today, my daughter is 10months old. She is healthy, happy, and one active 10month old little girl. Yes, it is a struggle for us at times but we manage to make it.
You will be a great mom. Do what you need to to get on your feet for your baby and you. Good luck hunny.

Katrina - posted on 08/08/2010

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being young doensnt mean you can handle a bub i was 17 when I had my first son and it was hard but I did just fine and I bet you'll make a great mom age doesn't matter in most cases

Kathleencekala - posted on 08/07/2010

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I was 15 when I got pregnant with my son And I had him at 16 and I placed him up for adoption and I have never been able to let go thankfully its an open adoption but every day you ask your self what if I kept the baby and will he ever want to see me again and I think that raising a baby as a teen mom wont be easy it will probably be a hell of a lot easier than giving a baby up. Do what you feel is right. I am 17 and im 16 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby,and I'm keeping this one because I never want to go through this kind of heart ache ever again it gets easier over time but never goes away and to those people who are telling you what to do all I have to say to them is God gave me this baby for a reason and if I couldn't handle it then I wouldn't be pregnant. More than likely the ones telling you to give up your baby have no clue what it feels like. Plus there are plenty of teen moms out there who are ten times better than some of the moms who waited a little longer to have kids. Just have faith do the best you can and everything will work out for the best.

Jacquelyn - posted on 08/07/2010

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Don't do it. I lost my daughter 14 years ago and she recently found me on fb. I found out I am a grandmother and have never seen my grandkids. Being away from my daughter hurt me so much over the years. You do what you need to and ask God for your guidance in raising your beautiful son.

Desera - posted on 08/07/2010

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It all comes down to what u feel in ur heart! If u feel that u can take care of ur lil one then go for it!!! Kids r very expensive and it will be hard, even if u do have a man to help! Being a mom is rewarding but u will have to work for it!! I was 14 when i had my first and 15 when i had my second. I finished high school and I am in college. Its been hard but fun! I would not trade my life or my boys for ANYTHING!! My husband, their dad was there with me every step of the way and that make it a lil easier. He is 6 years older than me so he worked to pay for everything but still. I did have my family and that made a difference too!!
So if u kno u can do it then go for it!!! Dont listen to what others think! I hope u and ur child have a good life and i hope u choose whats right for not only the baby but also urself!!

Deureka - posted on 08/07/2010

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i know the feeling i was told that and my family said that would be best for me then offered an open adoption and i just couldnt do it...so i did what was best for me and ppl looked at me as i was dumb and thought i knew what i was doing but i just knew i couldnt carry a baby to give my baby away and not to know how or where my babay would be and be treated like wtf do they think i am just a baby boom machine...? its nthn like your first anything so i decided to keep my man and decided to tell everyone get away from me with al lthat negative energy

[deleted account]

Well I was pregnant at 17 and I had my partner's sister tell us that we couldn't handle it and that we should give my girl up for adoption.

Boy was I p'd off. I told my partner what I think of his sister is a very colourful sentence.

Well I am raising my daughter fine and she is happy and eats way too much. But she is healthy and it is great. I think that people are just down-right nasty.

If you feel that you have very good reasons as to why you cannot raise your child, then you can always think of adoption. But you never know until you try!!

I think that you are more than capable. You will need the support but in the end it will be great fun. ^-^

Sally - posted on 08/07/2010

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i agree with Amanda, doesnt matter how old you are its just the situation of the matter. my oldest daughter had a baby at 16 she is now 18 i personally thought that she was too young to be a mom,but she has proven to be a greta mom,grant it she needs to go back to school to get her diploma, but she is proving she can do anything.she dont live with me & my husband but she is doing her best, so we know you can, it will be hard at first but in the long run it will be very rewarding, good luck

Shannon - posted on 08/07/2010

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she should shut her mouth. its ur baby, and if u honestly thought u couldnt do it, u would. when my mom first out she told me to get an abortion, then she said to give her up for adoption, but after i ended up in the hospital 10 weeks along, she was happy with being a grandma. my daughter is 14 months, and i never once thought of adoption. its ur choice, and if ur prepared for motherhood, no matter ur age, then ur doing the right thing. good luck, and if u need anything, lemme know

Puja - posted on 08/07/2010

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what!!! who was that??? what a crazy person!

everyone has it hard... some people have no one... other people dont have money. But that doesnt mean you should give ur kid away. What did you say to the crazy lady?

Sam - posted on 08/07/2010

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Dont listen to that I was pregnant at 16 and had my baby girl at 17 everyone told me i wasnt ready and that i should give her up but I didnt listen and now i have a very happy 6 month old who loves her mummy :) dont listen 2 negative advice

Britney - posted on 08/06/2010

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i understand where your comming from. women sometimes get that confused with their priorities. men can come and go but you and your children are forever. don't get me wrong i love my husband with all my heart but i have never and will never put his needs above my kids, and our relationship has never suffered, we accually have a wonderful relationship. i got pregnant at 17 and none of it was easy, thankfully i met an amazing man (my husband) who accepted my and our son and we made a wonderful life but it doesn't always work out that way. i was told my a lot of people numerous times that i should abort or adopt out (my son's bio father raped me) but to me my baby did nothing to deserve murder and i knew i could and would give him the very best live, i am no millionaire but he has always had everything he wants and needs so i decided to keep him. i have never regreted it and if i could go back and not have went to that party, i would still go because all of the things in my past have made me who i am and gave me the wonderful life i have. can a teenager raise a baby? yes of course so. is it a good idea? planning a baby at that age is not but if you find your self pregnant you have to do what is best for THE BABY not yourself if anyone has kept a baby because they were thinking about their best intrests than you kept for the wrong reasons. i also in no way agree with abortion but that is a different topic. I would like to know how a woman could believe abortion was right for them but adoption is too hard? i am not trying to make anyone mad but im confused.

Merry - posted on 08/06/2010

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Yeah Britney, Iv heard some young moms say how 'fun it will be to dress them up' or that they can always 'drop the baby at grandmas for a while to go have fun' or that having a baby will be like creating your best friend etc. I just wanted to make sure the op knew that keeping the baby just for the sake of having a baby and loving a baby isnt what good mothering looks like. Its a real, hard, time consuming, stressful job and I know young moms can do great but often they dont realize its not like babysitting for a few hours. Its so hard! Its hard for me and I was married, with us both in stable jobs, and a nice apt, and money in the bank, and awesome family, and it was still so hard sometimes! I cant imagine doing it at 15, or so with less help and support. I dont know if I could do it so I commend everyone who is parenting well as a teen :) Keep on putting that babies needs before your own and it should turn out great! I always say to myself that the proper order of priorities is this
Baby's needs 1st
Mom's needs 2nd
Baby's wants 3rd
Mom's wants 4th
(It really helps me to also remember that for a baby, emotions are needs not wants.)

Stephanie - posted on 08/06/2010

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You are only 16 and it is an incredibly hard decision to make- at 19 (2 days after xmas) I had an abortion. I'm now 23 with 2 boys under 2. I regret that choice every day but it was what was right for us at the time- I most certainly didn't have the guts to put my baby up for adoption... if you did put your son up, you could go with an open adoption and choose a family close by or what not and visit as often as you like. maybe you could work it out so you could babysit or something- I most certainly am not telling you to put your baby up, but you would be able to hand pick the family he would live with and they would provide him with so much more (usually those couples who cannot have children put aside money or earn enough money) to ensure the child has everything imaginable- clothes, toys, formula, diapers, baby food, safety stuff, the list goes on and on.... you could provide the necessities like a roof over your head, clothes on their back, and food in their tummy, but its a tough decision to make. if you find the support you need through the state (wic, medicaid, food stamps, home visits) then you could succeed... just think about you and your son- make a list of pros and cons for raising him yourself (what you could and couldn't do) and what the pros and cons would be for an adoption, whether it's open or closed... best of luck

Britney - posted on 08/06/2010

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I thank you for not getting upset. I was just needing understanding on what was said. So many "ADULTS" on here like to argue and call names to others for not having their same views on things. I do understand where your comming from about needing to be their for your child as much as possible though, to many women use children as toys "only wanting to PLAY with them" not taking the accual responsibility. In some ways i admire you for being able to be old fashioned in the world we live in and believe there is no perfect way to raise children. Thank you for the prayers.

Merry - posted on 08/06/2010

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no offense taken Britney!
I have seen you around circle of moms and I always find your posts encouraging and well informed.
yes I am old fashioned, no its not the only or best way of parenting. When parents truely put their kids needs before their own then I have NO arguement. I juts know quite a few who act and say that kids come 2nd to 'your life' and this saddens me. No I dont think you have to be with your kids 24/7 I definately am not with eric that much, i just am saying that when you really wont be abl to be with your child the majority of their day, its worth considering.
So I see your point and agree! I am not the 'norm' in 2010 but I do feel content I do the best I can for Eric :)
Thanks Britney, Ill be praying for your little girl.

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