How did your relationship change after the baby was born?

Erin - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 30 moms have responded )

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Hey mamis!

I keep hearing that things change and get so much better after the baby is born. So I just want to hear different women's experiences because everyone's situation/relationship is different. How did things change with the baby's father, your mom, his family, your family, friends, etc.? Right now things are awkward with me and the baby's father but I still decided to move in with him last week. We're both 20. He's in the Navy and we used to live in different states. So living together he will be able to see our daughter more once she's born. My relationship with my mom sucks. I have a better relationship with his family than my own. They are the only ones calling me and checking on me during my pregnancy. But people keep saying 'when the baby comes things will get better'. I'm not so sure about that though (first-time mom). Please share your experiences and if you live in the Hampton Roads area please add me to your circle.

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Mia - posted on 02/18/2013

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I've been with my baby father for 3 years and it was always rocky. I have birth to our son in January, he's my entire reason for living and brings me joy.
Unfortunately his father and I were on the outs when I realized I was 5 weeks pregnant. I thought I was making the right choice by helping him and staying around...I hoped this child would make him softer. To put things blandly, he didn't participate at all during my pregnancy. He did nothing to help make me comfortable or happy.I even let him name the baby in an effort to involve him. My delivery was difficult and he again was no help to me. He just say there while I was in labor for nearly 2 days and ended up having a cesarean.
With all the resentment I have built up towards this man is it any wonder I've developed protective complex. I've turned into what I didn't wanna be....a gatekeeper mother. This in turn has created all new drama between us... I feel he uses the baby against me. Tells me the baby doesn't need me as much as I think he does. There has even been talk of lawyers and custody schedules..

I'm 30 years old and when I hold my baby I can't help but cry because I promised him everything and so far I'm failing him. Now he'll have split homes because I couldn't cut it with his father. And for that I'll always be sorry for..

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Julie - posted 5 days ago

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It's never too late to leave. It won't be better for you or baby to stay. What will your child learn about love between man and woman in the relationship you have? Will you be able to give this baby your all when you are miserable most the time? And believe me, experience talking, it's much easier to leave when the child is a baby because it will be harder on the child ( and thus harder for you) once they have that father around and then suddenly don't as opposed to when they are infants and don't know any better. Best of luck to you. I've been there and I waited, ten years I'll never get back and felt even worse having to watch my kids go through us separating.

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Erika - posted on 02/20/2014

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My relationship with my husband is terrible. We were always rocky but we are older parents and have been together since we were 21 and 22. We were on the brink of divorce at 41 and 42 and I got pregnant. I know, weird! But now we both adore this little boy but still hate each other. It's sad. I try but I feel like kicking him all the time. I should mention we went through a lot of fertility testing a few years back and were told our best hope was a donor egg..lol. He doesn't respect me for everything I went through and I am disgusted by him most of the time. I'm so scared for everyone's future because now we share this perfect little boy who is only 12 weeks. I know it's about my son now, but I'm scared because I can't stand this guy barely.

Failed At - posted on 02/10/2014

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I had occasionally thought of leaving BEFORE I got pregnant, now that we have a baby things are worse than ever. I just hate him so much, he can be such an ass hole and now we have a kid together so no matter how desperately I want to leave him, I would be the bad guy for breaking up our 'family.' No he wont just leave me, he's controlling, he screams all the time (in front of our baby) he never does ANYTHING around the house then yells at me when I don't. He never does what he says he's going to do and he NEVER spends ANY time with his daughter. I want to end this relationship so bad, but now that we have a kid together it isn't as easy as just breaking up. I know this is an old post, but to anyone who reads this, if you think having a baby will FIX a relationship, you're seriously seriously wrong. If you are fighting and arguing before the baby imagine how much worse it will be when you're both sleep deprived and exhausted (and you have a boyfriend/father who just REFUSES to EVER change a diaper.. Ever.)
If I would have known I would have ended this relationship while I was pregnant. I feel so stuck and now it's like I'm just with him, waiting to die.

Fairest Dakota - posted on 02/04/2014

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after I had my son the 26th of December last year my fiancée has been acting very odd. we argue a lot sometimes he does not even want to hold is own son. me and him have not had inter course but once since I had our son and he gets so mad that I keep saying no but I can not help that im still hurting from giving birth. he calls me lazy and puts me down sometimes, I do not know what to do...I love him dearly and plan on marrying him but I am afraid he does not feel the same anymore and I really do not know what caused him to start acting like this toward me. could he be jealous of our son getting most of my attention??

Shavanda - posted on 12/14/2012

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Me n my NT have been together for 5years. When I got prego our relationship grew stronger. As time went by we had our ups and downs. Now that my daughter is 2 and she's almost completely potty trained. Me n her father were brought up differently n it starting to show. But we still love each other. Things might not get better but u have to keep strong and think of what's best for your baby. Me n my mom had our ups n downs as well, but we are way more closer than we ever have been. Now I hope that doesn't change cause she married now. But keep ur head up, stay strong.

Brianna - posted on 08/05/2012

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My daughter was born almost a month ago now. I Have been with my boyfriend for close to 3 years and we have lived together for close to two years. I am close with his family. Ive never talked to the WHOLE side of my family so the only one i talk to is my mom and cousin. Mom and i are fighting because she was overstepping her boundaries and wanted to be at my house constantly and we were always tired. His family gave us our space and visits once in a while.

The feeling between me and the boyfriend is amazing right now. I have loved him from day one but i have never felt as close to him as i do now. Its almost overwhelming and i miss him constantly when he is at work. I would do anything to spend more time with him everyday. He is wonderful to his daughter and everytime i see them together i feel joy. I am so in love with him and we hav been talking about marriage because i think we r ready.

On the other hand there will always be stress between the couple because of the baby (especially if this is your first). Adam and i switch off every two hours for feedings and time with baby at night. Sometimes she is screaming so we both get up and help each other. Once in a while the tone of his voice sounds frustrated or irritated and i get upset. We are both just tired and we always just keep that in mind and apologize afterwards.

Couples should just stay calm and relaxed. This will help the relationship and how baby is also feeling. A baby really needs both parents and family members so he/she will get all the love it needs especially from the parents. If you are single just bring some family over once in a while and give baby extra love.

Kelsi - posted on 02/21/2012

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I have not had the best of relastionship with my parents and they hated my boyfriend we went through a difficult time when our house was flooded last Spring and split for a short time we got back together. No one knew we were back together because my parents said they would disown me if I got back with him (for no apparent reason they're over controlling) well then.... I got pregnant and then they found out. It was a rough couple of weeks for me i was pinned in the middle with no idea what to do, finally my parents came around and they have been my biggest support throughout my pregnancy I don't know were I would be without my mother. As for me and him couldn't be happier everything as worked it's way out and I cannot wait to bless him with this little girl if she'd just hurry up and get here already!

Abby - posted on 08/13/2009

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i was told the same way. me and my mom did not get a long at all and i was getting along with his parents a lot better and i ended up moving out and telling my mom. i was 3 months when i told everyone then. My mom finally came along closer to my due date and was there for the delivery. she adores my son and loves being with him. things will get better and its the best feeling in the world.

Bobbi - posted on 08/11/2009

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Hey! After my baby was born my relationship with my husband did get better and she made us closer but my mom and me have never been really close she still really has nothing to do with me but his family is great to me they treat has if I'm there own daughter I love them so I just imagine his mom has my own which she is my mother n law so yea.. But good luck I hope I kinda helped :)

Stefani - posted on 08/10/2009

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My relationship changed for the better Me and My boyfriend Broke up when i was 5 months pregnant , He just couldnt stand my mood changes and i wont lie i was being a B*tch .But we still Lived in the same house and slept in the same bed we were together but we werent if that makes scence . But as soon as our daughter was born we got back together and everything is SOO much better then it was even before my daughter was concived , She has made us realise how much we need each other and im thankful for it everyday

Kathleen - posted on 08/10/2009

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well my experience is that as soon as i had the baby my relationship with my ex boyfriend disappeared. he left me and yea i guess it didnt work out the way i wanted it to... but ooh well everyone is different. it just makes me sad to think back to when everything was great and we had the best relationship...

Paige - posted on 08/10/2009

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I have been with my fiancé for over 4.5 years and we now have a six month old daughter. You should expect ups and downs. I wouldn’t say the things get better. Often the baby and all that comes with having a baby can cause tension; the lack of sleep and getting used to having this little human to care for, and not just yourself anymore. You also have to get accustomed to it not just being the two of you anymore. You have to be ready for the little arguments that occur over nothing just because of the above. But don’t get me wrong; what I’ve said doesn’t happen all the time. But like my mum said to me a few months ago when I was worried about our arguments etc, if your relationship can withstand all the comes with bringing your first baby into the world, then it can overcome most probably anything. I would just recommend, you don’t buy a house over 150km away from friends and family and try packing up and moving with a three month old baby, then buy a puppy. That wont help :P Take it from me!

Kortney - posted on 08/09/2009

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After my daughter was born, my boyfriend decided that he was quitting his job. It took him two months to find a new one, so things between him and I were not very good then. But ever since then, things have just gone further downhill with me and him. He always choses his friends over his daughter and me. Lately, he's just been driving me crazy even more. He refuses to take care of our now 7 month old daughter when he is with her, he's so consumed in his social life, and I can't stand it. But when I try to break up with him, he tells me he has depression and starts going suicidal. So right now between me and him are sort of on the rocks. I do love him, but right now he wants me to put him and his needs before my daughter and her needs. During my pregnancy, my mother was driving me crazy, now she's very supportive. His mom was extremely supportive because she went through this herself, and she told me that my boyfriend is being similar to how his dad is being. Now, his mom is still being very supportive. My dads not really in the picture, but when he is he adores spending time with his granddaughter.

Ariel - posted on 08/08/2009

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My bf and I have been together for about four years, but our relatinoship still got a bit rocky while I was pregnant and for a little while after the baby was born. I think it was just because of all the sudden stress of a pregnancy we couldnt necessarily afford and conflict between him and my family. And right after our son was born, obviously sleep became an issue. Lack of sleep, money, and added stress caused us to fight a lot and just push each others buttons. But as soon as we got a handle on how to raise our baby and became accustomed to having little sleep it did get a lot better. You honestly have to learn "how" to fight. You will fight and argue, its a stressful situation for anyone, but you have to fight fair and not fight just to fight because youre tired and irritated. Hope that helped!

Alicia - posted on 08/08/2009

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As a couple we became much closer to each other, and our bond once our son was born is now stronger than ever.

Ophelia - posted on 08/07/2009

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for me, my relationship with my husband got worse.
i can't stand him most of the time and the other times i don't even care anymore...it seems like he wants me to put him before my daughter and that is NOT going to happen!
i used to be very close with his mother and after i had my daughter, my mother and i haven't been closer and i don't speak to his mother anymore (i would NEVER keep his side from seeing her though). my mom and my younger sister are the ones who are really there for me whenever i need anything.
but hey, it's different for everyone...

Brittany - posted on 08/05/2009

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for me and my boyfriend everything got soo much better! although, my boyfriend grew up with 3 older sisters, so he has a very big sensitive side :) ... when I was pregnant his parents were soo nice to me and when I had the baby, things really changed... whenever I'm not over at their house they are angry about it, they constantly want to see the baby and it's very hard because I have laundry to do, groceries to get, appoointments to go to, etc etc.



so I guess for me, it got way better with one person, but a lot worse with other people. I've learned to only focus on my new family than what others want from me.

Ciara - posted on 08/05/2009

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My situation is a bit different, me and my ex werent together for 6 months when we had sex and I ended up pregnant, things were ok for the first 5 months or so and then he ran off on me and basically didnt come back until I was 8 months pregnant, he stuck around until 4 weeks after our son was born and then he ran off again, I spent my entire pregnancy hating him and the first year after our son was born angry.. Since then however things have gotten alot better, he's more responsible and takes our son daily, we are also doing alot better and are friendly and civil with each other. I've been with him on and off for the last 7 1/2 years and who knows what will happen from here on out but I have to say the first 4 weeks he was around when my son was born was the best time of my life!!

Nicole - posted on 08/05/2009

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i think if your baby is planned and your stable and everything is good it gets better but when you dont have a stable place and you werent planning on haveing a baby it seems to get harder always worrying .. me and my baby daddy together and i think the first year is the hardest

Amy - posted on 08/05/2009

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Hey i dont live in the states but i thought i would leave you a UK opinion. My relationship got worse with my baby father. We both have had very different up bringings. He is Jamaican and has only been in England for 7 years but i have been brought up middle class british. So out ways of bringing up children is very different, we argue mostly about the baby and what i am doing with the baby. Me and my mum's relationship has got a long stronger as i can now think how she does..



Hope its help..



Amy XxX

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