how do I tell my dad I'm pregnant?

Lavender - posted on 09/25/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )

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I'm 16 and pregnant 6 weeks and a few days. I am single and the dad is in a serious long term relationship with another girl. I only had a one night thing was really drunk. I don't have any feelings for him and at school people will think I'm a whore at school and really would ruined. I only know that I am pregnant by an hpt and one at pp. But I'm really nervous about it. It wasn't even a night just a few seconds and I didn't even know I could get pregnant from it. And now I feel like my dad's going to force an abortion I'm against it but I don't have a job or bf so I'm not sure if I tell him if I'm just going to let him make me abort he did it with my sister or not and he's very prochoice. I worry I'll feel selfish for just doing it because of the drama and how unready I feel. Plus it's going against my principles. What should I do? And should I tell him?

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Amanda - posted on 10/31/2011

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I think you should tell your dad. He may seem upset or even angry at first give him time to soak it in. He will be happy for you. Get a support group, talk to a counselor about it. Set up an action plan if your choosing to keep the baby. Get a part time job. Any income will help. Also maybe do some of your school studies online. This will get you ahead of the game. Don't give up on yourself, trust that you can do this because you can. Once you have yourself organized your dad will trust that you are strong enough to do this by yourself. He may surprise you!

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Eschelle - posted on 10/28/2011

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Tough one sweety. What I would suggest is going into planned parenthood and talking to a councellor, they can help you tell your father by having that third party there so you can feel heard about your choices on not aborting. As for no job, money etc there are government programs to get you the things you need, perhaps talking with welfare would be a responsible choice for you. Even getting in touch with a young parents group they have tons of resources on how to start your life with a new baby as well as help you get all the stuff you need for a new baby with little or no cost!

feel free to shoot me a message if you need me!

Adrian - posted on 10/27/2011

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Two words... CHILD SUPPORT.
Just because you're going to raise the baby alone, doesn't mean you can't have his money. I was 17 when I got pregnant with my daughter, she's almost 2 now, and me and her father are married and planning on having 3 more kids at some point. But the point is, raising a child is hard enough by yourself, I did it for the first 10 months of my daughters life, but that doesn't mean you can't have some financial help from the father. That's my suggestion to you. If he's gonna be an ass, then take his money, and if his girl tries anything, call the cops. Don't let anyone ruin this wonderful time for you.

Mayte - posted on 10/21/2011

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If you feel that you want to have this child in your heart that have it. I do not believe any one can force you into a abortion even if they are your legal guardian or not. It has to be your choice and not someone else's. And if he does decided to kick you out and you go into foster care they will do all they can to get you on your feet and since you 16 if you stay with them till your 18 they will help you get a place and even send you money every month for independent living you just have to stay in school. And again they will help with day care and all they either know a lot of programs in which they can provide you with numbers to or they have programs themselves that may help you.

Casey - posted on 10/21/2011

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As a young mom of 3 children Ill give you a little advice. I was 17 when I had my only biological son. I also have a 7 year old step daughter and a 4 year old step son. My son is 4 years old as well. I was 17 when i found out I was pregnant. I wanted to keep the baby. My mom knew from the beginning. My brother did as well. I didnt live with my dad so I asked my brother to go with me. He agreed. I just came out a told my dad. Im pregnant. There isnt an easy way to do it. I flat out told him I wanted to keep the baby and I wanted his support. He was upset but came around long before the birth of my wonderful son. Hes also accepted my step kids just fine.
As far as him askin you to abort, There is always adoption. I know a few families that cant have children and want to adopt. I think its a wonderful option. There are different types of adoptions. Just stand firm on what you believe this is your body your baby. He cant make you do anythings
I hope this helps you. Keep your head up and stick to what you believe.

Glenta - posted on 10/21/2011

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Hi Lavender...ok I am going to give you my advise as a single mother of a wonderful almost 18 year old young lady that has a sensational 2 year old. So yeah she got pregnant during a one night stand with a married man when she was 14, he was 19. I could have pressed charges, I could have "made" her abort or even put up for adoption. It is a personal choice. One I knew my daughter could not deal with alone. No to abortion because she caused this life, no to adoption because I was a product of it so we made the committment together to raise him. Yes she was the so called "whore" but ya know, the real friends came thru, she is very picky who she dates and is around, She began college for herself and son this year. Very responsible and adores the wonderful life she helped create. God gives us all choices. Tell your family sweetie, that is half the battle. Then make your decision based on how YOU will be able to emotionally handle that decision the rest of your life.

Fhatuwani - posted on 10/20/2011

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Goodthing that you told your dad about this and that you are adamant on keeping the baby, wish you all the best. but you need to be strong and understand that as a minor people will always judge, we never accept it when young people get pregnant as sex is meant for responsible adults that are able to stand the consequences. by the sound of this it seems like your boyfriend is also young as well, at least you told him about it and he also needs to take responsibility for the child as well. Seeing that you don't love him, it is his duty to be able to provide for his child, i would suggest that you also consider child support.Wishing you all the best and your Dad will love your child once he holds him/her in his hands.

Donna - posted on 10/19/2011

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depends are you going to have this baby or not? if you plan on having the kid than i think you should tell him b/c a baby isnt a very easy thing to hide lol

Kelsey - posted on 10/18/2011

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Sweetie, I think you should just tell him. Just explain to him what happened and how nervous you were to tell him. Tell him you didn't want to disappoint him but you want his help. If he really is gonna try and force you to get an abortion tell him you want to give your baby a chance at life. Try to convince him to go along with an adoption plan instead if you're truely not ready. People make mistakes, why end an innocent life ( I personally believe it is a life even if you can't find it's heartbeat yet) just because of the carelessness and hormones. Just take it one step at a time and you will be okay. Pro-choice means (choice of the mother, not grandpa) so just tell him you would prefer to make the decision. If you're "grown up" enough to do grown up actions of having unprotected sex, you should be able to make the "grown up" decision on whether or not to keep your baby. I am personally against abortion myself, but I wouldn't have given up my son for anything even though his father and I were definitely not ready. Just take it day by day and don't stress yourself out too much. Remember, everything happens for a reason. Good luck honey, keep me posted on how it goes.

Zoe - posted on 10/17/2011

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I was 16 when I was pregnant with my daughter and I told my dad by txting him "how would you like to be a grandfather?" ultimitely the choice to keep or abort is yours! don't worry about being selfish because if you don't think about yourself and your feelings who will?? good luck!!

Christina - posted on 10/16/2011

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Some things to consider Lavender. You need to decide if you want to force this guy into fatherhood, or just let it be. No father is better than a terrible father.
Here are some things to consider. If you decide this guy is no good and bad news, then allow him to think the baby isn't his. Do not put his name on the birth certificate, do not file for child support. Do not do anything. Give your baby your last name and the two of you be happy.
If you file for child support, you need to be prepared to hand your kid over to this guy every other weekend for UNSUPERVISED visits! You need to be prepared that his girlfriend is going to play "Mommy" to your baby and take pics with it, and pretend the baby is hers. She will probably try to get the baby to call her Mommy.
This is part of co-parenting. Unfortunately, teenagers and most young adults (crap, even older parents) can't figure out how to do it in the right way where it doesn't hurt their child.

Lavender - posted on 10/14/2011

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well my dad still lets me stay with him I think he thinks it's better to try to convince me. Either way I have found a resource center helpful.

Sarah - posted on 10/11/2011

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You are 16 and if you get a job and show that you can support yourself then you can get imancipated. After that is acheived your dad cant force you to do anything. It isnt easy supporting your self and a baby but your state is there to help and most schools will let you bring your infant with you so that you can graduate. Its very hard but if your afraid of your dad forcing an abortion on you then thats the way to go.

Shae - posted on 10/10/2011

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My brother didn't want to know about my daughter until he held her; he is now wrapped around her little finger. My Grandmother also told me to abort my daughter, she now adores her and can't get enough of her. Just ignore everyone who is negative and think of the beautiful life you are bringing into the world. :) Plus, most of them wouldn't take the responsibilty that you are at 16.

Jay - posted on 10/08/2011

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That is great news about you being able to keep the baby! Stay strong! And remind your sister that she is this little lifes number one auntie! I know that made my sister come around to the fact I was having a baby. I mean when I rang her to tell her the news (test in hand) She replied with ''you idiot, what did you do that for? I hadn't been with the dad too long, but we wanted a baby. (married now, no 2 on the way)..
Tell your sister you really need some support, I dragged mine round mothercare, and before we got half way through the baby clothes she was hooked!
Try to block out the negative people, you don't need that right now, and give yourself plenty of rest and relaxation until the second trimester at least ;)
It will be great, and at least now you can get excited about your lil bub growing away! x

Lavender - posted on 10/08/2011

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nearly 9 weeks and finally told my dad. He's talked about abortion. But I'm pretty adement. I want to keep it. I have told the dad. People at school know. His girl wants to fight me. He denies me. And says I should abort. He's into his gf more than being a dad and I don't think it would ruin things for him. Oh well I am focused on being a single mom I never loved or liked him. I actually thought he was arrogant and racist. I am just trying to get my family to accept the baby. My sister is angry and I think jealous for me trying to keep it says I'm irresponsible for not having a bf or a job. I'm pretty much still a kid to everyone. And in town people know I'm pregnant. Seems hard to get anywhere with such negative people.

Kelina - posted on 10/03/2011

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I know you don't want to go to a counsellor but you said you had a pregnancy test through Planned Parenthood would you be able to go to counselling through there? You do need to be healthy through your pregnancy and they can help you. You should also see about couselling and there's a good cahnce there's counsellors through there as well as prenatal care. Go back and see what is available to you. As for telling your dad, is there anyone else you can go to? If not, I think i'd wait. you're due next summer? My sister hid her pregnancy. Believe it or not she went to her mom one night and told her to take her to the hospital cause she was in labor. I would wait until you can feel your baby moving before you tell him. Pregnancy is a hard enough thing to go through without having someone telling you the whole time that you should have an abortion. knowing that your child is there and real will help you stand firm in your beliefs. And if you don't feel prepared to take care of the baby maybe look into adoption. If you are prepared, maybe he will take it better. Good luck hon!

Lana - posted on 10/03/2011

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I know this is hard for u to go through. If u don't believe in abortion that's your choice. I don't believe in it either. There is no way for you to really hide it from him. My suggestion would be to tell him and stand your ground on what you believe. I understand that sometimes that is easier said than done but it is your body not his. If you don't feel that you can raise this baby on your own there is always adoption. So many wonderful people want kids but can't have them and to those people you carrying a child and having the strength to give him/her to a family that can love and support the child would be a wonderful blessing. Do what you think would be best but remember what u choose to do will effect you for the rest of your life. Also if the father of this baby was as committed to his relationship as he wants you to think you wouldn't be in this situation. Does he even know? If he found out his views on things might change and he could help you more than what you think. He could also get really ticked if you went through with an abortion and he didn't have any knowledge of anything. Good luck to you and I hope that you make a choice that you can live with without regrets and what ifs.

Christina - posted on 09/30/2011

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Legally, your dad can not force you to have an abortion. If you refuse, then it can't happen. No doctor is going to put themselves at risk for a law suit for forcing an abortion on a minor who is unwilling.
That being said, do you live with your dad? If you don't, then just don't tell him for a while. If you do, well, then yes, you need to tell him. You need prenatal care.

Tinker1987 - posted on 09/30/2011

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Take respnonsibility for it...so many parents freak out in the beggining but end up falling in love with their grand-baby! he cant force you to abort. but i think you should tell the father of the baby and get child support.one night stand or not hemade the choice to have sex so he can man up and help pay up.

Shae - posted on 09/27/2011

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Definitely tell him. I became pregnant at 16 and my dad made a joke of it. But he fully supported me the whole way. My mum was furious, but still there wasn't a single thing she didn't do to help me out. If you're dad doesn't want to know, or tells you to have an abortion, tell him how you feel about it. If you don't feel that you can raise a child maybe see if you can find a family that can? Or see if you have any family who will take him/her in? But ultimately it's your child and your decision. Good luck! If you need to talk I'm more then willing to :)

Jay - posted on 09/26/2011

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Is there anyone in your family who you completely trust? An aunt or a cousin that is older? I feel so sorry for you, I would never want an abortion but they are illegal here and I am glad. and I think they are only allowed to 16 weeks in england where some people go from here (ireland)
I would go for hiding it if it is the only option, but I think you need to get some money together and think about being on your own or living with an aunt.
Could you just tell a close relative that you are having some trouble at home and ask can you move in, try to get on and get a job to help out with the bills and save some. Then when you are ready tell them what is going on.
I wish I could take you in my self hun! My Mum was so upset when I told her I was pregnant but I was moved out already for a few years. She got over it by the time I was 3 months and showed her the scan photo. xx

LaShunda - posted on 09/25/2011

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You have a lot on your plate. However you will have to tell your father and there are other choices besides abortion. Try to explain to your father how you feel about abortion. I wish you the best of luck.

Lavender - posted on 09/25/2011

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I live in america it's legal to go up to 24 weeks in many states I know that. I guess I know I can't holdout that long though since I'm 129 lbs and 6'1". I guess I could wait it out as long possible. I don't want a school counselor to know and tell others at school. If I keep it fighting would be unsafe and I'd draw more of that attention towards me.

Brittany - posted on 09/25/2011

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Toni,

She did not mention where she was but, in America yes he can actually force her to have an abortion. He is her legal guardian. If she resists he can kick her out. Now, this is where the loophole comes in....he will not be charged for anything because, once you become pregnant you are considered "Independent". She would then be put in foster care until she turns 18 and then she will be on her own from there.

This is one of the many things I do not like about our laws here.

Brittany - posted on 09/25/2011

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If you are in the US it won't be hard for your Dad to find a doctor who will do a late term abortion. Even though we have rules on late terms abortions, money talks.

For one, if you plan on keeping the baby PLEASE go to the doctor. You need to get on vitamins.

Two, talk to your high school councellor . By LAW they can not tell your dad anything, as long as you are threatening to hurt yourself or someone else. They may be able to help you and also might setup an appointment for you to talk to your dad with a councellor present.

Toni - posted on 09/25/2011

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I cant tell you what to do in this situation because my dad was very supportive when I got pregnant, BUT if I was in this situation I would wait untill it was too late to have an abortion. Im not sure where you are, but here in Australia you cant have an abortion after 3 months (I think?).
If you really want to keep this baby show your dad that you are going to be responsible.
Be mature when you are telling him that you are pregnant. "It was my choice to have sex. I made a mistake not using protection, but I am willing to accept this" or something like that. Dont yell or raise your voice. If he starts to get over heated while you are talking to him, explain that you do not wish to yell about it, and walk away till he calms down. Explain that it is your body and he cannot force you to do anything.
Hope this helps a bit.

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