how involved should daddy's be?

Farra - posted on 02/08/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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hi my names farra, my boyfriend is jamie, and our son is called Alfie.
im a stay at home mom, and daddy goes to work. he out at work from 6am-4pm, and our son goes to bed at 7pm.
daddy doesnt see baby before he goes to work, or we are just getting up as hes leaving.
when he gets home he goes on his computer and says he likes to chill out once he gets home from work.
but he doesnt seem to get it, my son will crawl upto him whilst hes on the computer n he will ignore him, or bring him to me n tell me to stop alfie going to him.
but he doesnt come home as a happy daddy, wanting to play and cuddle, he doesnt do any feeds, doesnt clean any bottles, only has a bath with him if i tell him to.
i must admit when they are together they are amazing, but they dont have much time together.
if i put my foot down and make him spend time with our baby he will, but then we argue about this probably til the next day.
so im just curious, how involved should daddy's be?
am i expecting too much from him?
or is he slacking?

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Rosa - posted on 03/10/2011

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I am on the exact same schedule as you. hubby's work schedule and baby's bedtime... my hubby comes home and instantly spends time with our son... he plays with him, feeds him dinner and changes him... then after our son goes to bed he can do whatever he wants. but i would never have the "it's me time" after work , dad's should be JUST as involved as moms period.

Jade - posted on 02/22/2011

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my partner and i have the same situation in regard to working and Rhys (my partner) tried when I first had Ema-Lea (our daughter) to come home and play on his x-box. I told him that he had a choice ... play his x-box and risk losing everything that mattered to him in relation to our family or spend the hour or so with Em and then spend time on his x-box / computer. and a father should at least do some of the work ... it's not like you got yourself pregnant, :D

Jade - posted on 02/18/2011

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i am no longer with my sons dad, we split up when he was 11months old & now nearly 16months...but when we were together he used to go work full time and i did 1-2 days a week, when he got home he would hardly ever bath or feed him but he was good with playing with him. now im on my own i am knackered as im working 3-4 days a week when my son is in nursery, aswell as doing all the usual house & baby duties, and think that although he didnt do much i could really do with him helping now as he doesnt see him often anymore,.. i think he should be doing more with your son & as family but atleast hes there and working. hope everything goes ok

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User - posted on 02/16/2011

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i agree you should be allowed a brake.
and things do seem so much harder when they are poorly, because they are clingey which makes it impossible for you to do any.
but men are so hard to approach.
if i mention anything to my partner he gets defensive and makes it out like im telling him hes a bad father, which isnt the case, but then he starts to tell me how he thinks im not a good mom, which i think is a childish thing to say, and shouldn't be said.
no ones perfect but i do right by my baby

Shae - posted on 02/15/2011

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I'm in a similar situation, my partner gets up at 5, goes to work at 6.30 and gets home at 3.30. So an 8 hr day. But he seems to think that is all he needs to do, my 8 month old takes up every hour of my time. Being a mother becomes a 24 hr job. So it seems fair to me if he can spend 2 hours a day just with her, so I can do the other household stuff or chill out. He gets his 14 hours to sleep and chill so why can't I? He may work, but so do us mum's, and we work a lot longer. My baby is currently sick, so we have a lot of wake ups at night, the least he can do as far as I'm concerned is let me have a 1 hr nap after he has had his chill out time after work.

User - posted on 02/14/2011

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see i understand he works, but i feel that my job as the full time mom is from when we go to bed, til he comes home from work.
i let him have some time to himself, but then i think it should be family time for the last few hours.
but i guess everyone wants diferent things in life x
thank u all for ur posts i apprechiate them all x

Jessica - posted on 02/13/2011

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also he says that since im a stay at home mom and he works thats my job to take care of the kid so even tho he is home when we get up i still have to wake up with her

Jessica - posted on 02/13/2011

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my daughter is almost 2 and her daddy has changed very few diapers( just because i was working at the time) for 1 month thats also the only time he fed her. he very rarely gets on the floor and plays with her all he does is hold her on his lap a few minutes a day. he works 11pm to 7am and doesnt go to sleep until 2pm

Stacy - posted on 02/13/2011

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look it his kid to he should spend time with the kid i go back to work in 3wks and my OH been work more less ever week from having a baby around my second kids come home he has found it hard to get used to this but he has 10hours to him self a week on top of 36 he away at work ... i now have arountine in place he has 2 spend at least 3hours a week playing with both kids and has 2 do 1night feed and bath time ..... and for this he will help keep thing tired like does dishwasher 3times a week

KELLIKAYZ - posted on 02/11/2011

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HONEY, HE IS WORKING HIS BEHIND OFF TO SUPPORT YOU ALL AND TO ALLOW YOU TO STAY AT HOME. HE DOES NEED TIME TO HIMSELF AND TO UNWIND. YOU SAY THAT WHEN THEY DO SPEND TIME TOGETHER IT IS GREAT SO FOCUS ON THAT. I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS A GOOD MAN AND JUST TIRED. I WILL ALSO ADD THAT ONCE YOUR SON GETS A LITTLE OLDER THIER BOND WILL GROW AS HE WILL BE ABLE TO INTERACT IN OTHER WAYS. GOOD LUCK AND FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE SWEETIE, YOU ARE IN A BLESSED SITUATION.

Amy - posted on 02/09/2011

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she is now 3 haha, sorry if that is dis-heartening. yea that time thing is a bit much, your a family now. he should be with you both. x

Farra - posted on 02/08/2011

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how old is your daughter?
well recently ive stopped this time schedule thing because its silly i cant believe i went along with it. and ive just had alfie myself and refused to let jamie have him, unless he would be with us, rather than just him and the baby.
lets see what happens :) x

Amy - posted on 02/08/2011

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yea thats pretty much all you can do im afraid. brad just recently decided he wants to start putting our lil one to bed each night and do more with her cos he has realised how attached she is to me and not him. maybe in time he will see that too, cos it will happen. kids can see who they get the love and attention from the most and want that person more and more. it might wake him up a bit when he sees that your child wants you more than him. who knows hey. guys are guys haha theres not much we can do x

Farra - posted on 02/08/2011

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thank you :)
ive come to the conclusion that i will just to the jobbies, save the hassle
on his days off he spends more time with him, but, he makes us have set times, like alfie will spend morning til 10am with his dad, so i can have a sleep in, then i have him til 2pm, etc
cos he likes to have set times to play on the computer.
and i understand that he wants to have time to himself, who doesnt?
but we dont really do things together, and once baby goes to bed he stays on the computer because he says he wants to make the most of the night haha sometimes i just laugh at how immature he can be, still surprises me :)
and last night he said he was jealous that i was kissing our son when he was sleeping? its like a catch 22, he doesnt want to spend time with me but wants all my attention?
thanks for ur support! xxx

Amy - posted on 02/08/2011

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hun he is probably just very tired. they are long hours to work every day. does he work weekends as well? if not how is he on the days off. my boyfriend doe about the same hours sometimes longer, and for him its the PS3 haha. it does sound like he should do a little bit more. but unfortunatley i have found that asking them again and again only makes them not want to do it, like its a chore. maybe try to plan things that will get you all together. like dinner or something. and on his days off try to do something where he will have to interact with the little one.
i am here though if you need to talk. i know it can be frustrating. xx

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