how to deal with the stereotypes associted with teen mom's?

Phiwokuhle - posted on 09/24/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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hey

I am 19 years old..I had my first kid at 16 it was not planned and I am currently 5months pregnant. (not planned either).I am doing my honours degree in Philosophy...In May this year I was declared the youngest graduate in my province..and I just got a job this week at the department of legislature...I love my 2year old..and I am oing to love this kid as well..but I am hiding from people cause I ofen do not know how to deal with their criticism...people that know of my second pregnany mostly my moms friends say i am a dissapointment..a burden..and it hurts..i cry almost everyday..so many people look up to me in University and my lectures think I am tis bright kid..and they think i have great opportutunities..I am fraid once they know they won't believe in me and they would think I am mess like other people...I really want to be a professor one day..of philosophy and science..and I belive I can..but I wantmy kids to be part of that and I want to give them the best...I am nt what people make of me...I jus happened to have sex without using protection..and I m willing to take responsibility of my actions..but it is really hard with the society just seeing us as loose rebelous kids...it has affected me so much I sped amost everday crying..how do I lve beyond this..and just shut my ears from words out there..said to slay us?

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Michelle - posted on 10/28/2012

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When I would go out shopping with my son, it never failed that I would get at least one person saying something like, oh how sweet, you're taking your little brother to the store with you. I would stare at them and tell them that is my son, not brother. So suddenly this person would look at me like I had strouted to heads, then they would replay well thats a shame and disappointment. My retort that worked everytime, and make me feel better,

" No it is a shame that now you look at me like I will be another statisical welfare case, it's a shame that you now cannot look past the fact that I am sixteen and have a son, it is a shame that you now will never look at all the acomplishments I have done and the hurtals I have had to scale just to succeed in this world because I am a teen mother, and it is a disappointment that there are not enough people in this world to overlook the fact that I am a teen mother and a better one then most 'grown' women.

Wait until you see the look on their face, it's priceless and they look about a foot tall

Ashley - posted on 10/25/2012

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also, remember everything happens for a reason. if you were meant to be pregnant, all the condems and birth control in the world would not have stopped it. i was 16 when i got pregnant with my oldest, and after that i was on birth control and using protection, we still got pregnant again at 18. just give your kids a great life and over time, people will come to respect you and your decisions, and not look at it as a mistake or disappointment. you will do just fine.

Ashley - posted on 10/25/2012

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forget what other people say and think. this is about you and your wonderful kids, and as long as you are taking care of them and doing what needs to be done and showing that you love them every day, that is all that matters. you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and know exactly what you want and you are going for it...more than alot of people can say about thierselves. next time someone has a rude thing to say, simply look at them with a smile on your face, and let them know it doesnt matter what they think because you are happy with your decisions and it could be a whole lot worse. dont give up on your dream, you can do it. and dont let people bring you down. you have already done more with your life than alot of 30 year olds and even older, so alot of people probably envy you for actually going for your dream, even when you are a young mother. for you to keep going for it and raising your babies, makes you a very strong, independent, young woman...dont let people take that away from you with there rude remarks. i hope it gets better for you. just keep your head held high and dont be ashamed of anything you have done. i wish you the best of luck!

Denikka - posted on 10/02/2012

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I had my first child at 19. I was not as young as you others were, and I had already finished school, barely, by the time I got pregnant. We were living on our own and completely self sufficient at that point too.



I was with the father (and still am and we now have 2 little ones). His mother spent over an hour yelling at us and crying when she found out. Told us what failures we were, how we were ruining our lives, etc etc. She eventually had a breakdown and even had to take time off work, just because her baby boy was officially growing up and becoming a father.



Neither my hubby or I drove, so I relied heavily on my grandparents for transportation. They would take me shopping when they went (and usually when hubby was at work), and I would get the most horrible looks. I'm sure you all know the looks I'm talking about. The looks that accuse you of being a *stupid, dirty whore who obviously couldn't keep her legs shut and got knocked up and now is going to spend her life on welfare*



You just...can't let it affect you. Hold your head up high and know that yes, you may have made mistakes, but you're doing your best to make the most of what you've been given. Other peoples opinions don't matter. What matters is what you think of yourself and that you're doing the best you can for your little one/s. Screw everything else.

[deleted account]

Well to your family you having unprotected sex is dissapointing. It shouldn't be, but to them it is. Theyre probably just mad and scared. You just have to continue doing what you're doing and prove them wrong! I was 15 when I had my daughter and I work hard everyday to break stereotypes associated with young moms.

People further outside the situation, like professors coworkers ect, will probably be more accepting of it than your family. To them it doesn't matter of your borrowing money from your family. They have nothing to be scared about so most likely they'll be accepting.

You just have to keep going! It sounds like you're doing a really great job. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, you're a good mom!

Congrats on you baking baby, and good luck!

Sorry if I was rambly, I'm still waking up.

Diedre Mackenzie - posted on 09/26/2012

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I've had alot of people critized me since i had my daughter not even a month after i turned 16. I've always told the people who look down on me. I do the very best for my child, I finished high school and even started college. I'm trying to give my daughter i better life. If are gonna just knock me down then step outta my life. I don't need you. Yes it's true i lost alot of people and friends in my life because they always talking down on me. But If the people haven't walked in your shoes in your cloths and in your body for a day then they have no room to talk. they've made bad descions also so have we but at least we took up responibility for our descions.



don't care what the people who talk down on you say, just listen to what your heart says you don't need to prove anythin to anybody.

Mimi - posted on 09/25/2012

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Hi Hun :-) well honestly, I wouldn't know yet.. I am currently 2 months pg with my first child:-) very exciting! I am kind of scared of when I get bigger and everyone starts to notice. But I can already tell I'm not gonna enjoy it much. My own brother gives me crap about how stupid I am and even tries to convince my mom to get me an abortion.. that really hurt to hear from my own family. I say that as long as you are responsible for it and are willing to do all you can to take care of it, NO ONE has the right to judge or say anything. It's not like they've never made a 'mistake' before, although I wouldnt call it that, maybe just a happy surprise, which is what happened to me. All you can do is be strong keep your head up high and don't worry about what people who dont know you have to say about you. Because it's those that don't know you who have the most to say...tsk tsk. :/ Be strong hon.

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