Husband or Boyfriend?

Olivia - posted on 06/25/2010 ( 160 moms have responded )

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How many people here are married to their baby's father or still have this as a boyfriend?

Right now my baby's father is still my boyfriend. He wanted to get married but I want us to be together a little while longer before we do that. Plus, I want him to actually propose. lol.

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Stifler's - posted on 10/14/2011

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Just because you're not into it doesn't mean everyone else isn't allowed to have their day. Why just because we're mums can we not get anything we want out of life?

Jennifer - posted on 07/07/2010

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I always said, If your know your going to be together forever, then it doesnt matter when you get married. Tomorrow, in a month, a year or never. If you know your going to be together forever, then there is no rush to get married!!
Good luck!

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LovingMom - posted on 11/01/2011

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we were married 8 years before our son was born, but separated and divorced 3 years later, so now I'm a single mom while he remarried! So my son is groing up in both a single mom's home and a married home as he lives week-week...

Eschelle - posted on 10/30/2011

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I have been with my partner for 7 years and two kids... guy still hasn't proposed to me. He better before i'm 30 thats for sure!

Emily - posted on 10/26/2011

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i just had my 2 baby.. its a girl, my boyfriend was there and he was vary happy and so am i..

Brittany - posted on 10/22/2011

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I'm married to my babies' dad. We got married when I was 19. It hasnt always been easy. In fact we split up for about 7 months, got divorced and then ended up actually getting back together and remarried. We love each other so much so it's worth all the hard times we have had.

Sarah - posted on 10/16/2011

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First of all my husband practically has to force me to spend money on myself (even getting my hair trimmed) and even when I do I feel guilty about it because I feel like I should be spending that money on my kids. Seond of all, if all we wanted was the piece of paper saying we were married, we would have gone down to the court house and gotten married. That's why we did it at my pastor's house. And third of all, I have always wanted a big wedding, with a beautiful dress and the fairy-tale, my point was that as you get older and as you have children your priorities change. We didn't have the money for a wedding, we didn't have the money to save for a wedding, and we didn't even have the money to do everything ourselves for our wedding. That is why we got married the way that we did.

I was not saying that you shouldn't have the wedding that you want or the proposal that you want if you can make it happen. What I was saying is that if you are living with your parents with three kids and you are worried about saving up for your wedding then your priorities might be a little skewed.

My comment was directed at those that are more concerned about their wedding and what they want than they are with their children, which is exactly why I said, "some" and "if". Sounds like someone feels guilty to me.

I wasn't trying to be rude or offensive to anyone. I was just trying to show people that when you really love someone you don't have to put on a big show to show it to everyone else or spend lots of money to do it.

Angela, My parents did the same thing when they got married. I even helped them make some of the stuff for the wedding and my grandmother made the dresses. I agree, you can have a nice, traditional wedding without it costing a lot of money, whether that be because family wants to give you your wedding or you are making things on your own. But if you can't do that and if you don't live near family and/or they aren't going to help you out, you don't have to go broke trying to have a wedding.

It is a person's/couples perogative and people are going to do what they want to do regardless of what I say or feel about it. I was just trying to give a different perspective.

A lot of people go to the Justice of the Peace but you can have your wedding vows be a little more intimate than that and still not spend a lot of money on it.

And Melissa, yes, you are right, that is when the white wedding dress came about but did you know that it was a political move? She did it to prove that she would not be spending money needlessly because white was the cheapest color dress to make (which is kind of ironic when you think about it because there are lots of people that put themselves into debt paying for their wedding dress and wedding). It was a political move. Before (and even after) that though commoners and people who did not have a lot of money just wore the nicest dress that they owned. So, logically, it would make more sense that most people would just wear the nicest dress they own instead of buying a wedding dress. Also, if you are Christian and if you were brought up Christian, as I was, then the white dress signifies purity and virginity. While this is not true (blue is actually the color of purity) this is what Christian churches labled it as and this is what I was brought up to believe so I am sorry for the historical innaccuracy. Next time I will make sure that I check my facts before I respond to a question in an informal public forum. I thought I was done looking up every single little fact and citing my references when I finished my master's degree in July but apparently I was wrong. So, thank you for pointing that out.

Angela - posted on 10/15/2011

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I believe a wedding should be whatever the happy couple getting married want it to be. It may be as elaborate or as simple as THEY wish. I don’t feel marrying in jeans & T-shirts is “tacky” at all. However neither should we assume that a big fancy wedding is “selfish” if the couple have children (either with each other or from previous relationships).

People will always be able to budget for what they really want. Some couples have parents who are willing to help them with the cost of a wedding, others will work overtime, maybe take a second job, realistically decide what they can do without and just save up really hard. Yet others will involve their extended families and their friends so people all chip in with the goods and services that go to make a great wedding without spending a fortune on “professional” wedding services.

My husband and I saved up hard, we did a lot of stuff ourselves. I was driven to Church by a colleague of my fiancé’s (my soon-to-be-husband at that time!!) – he took me in his lovely silver car which we decorated with white ribbons. My partner’s best friend, a professional photographer did our photos. I made my wedding cake myself, it was heart-shaped in 3 tiers. I also got loads of silk flowers very cheaply, cut and arranged them into bouquets and buttonholes, made purple satin cummerbunds for all the groomsmen – in fact I did a lot of sewing and made loads of things. My fiancé did as well. We had our reception in the Church Hall upstairs from the Chapel where we made our vows. Our wedding had all the usual trimmings of a traditional wedding but cost us 16⅔% of the “average” British wedding! And the total cost giving rise to that percentage included the cost of the honeymoon abroad as well.

A low-key, intimate wedding for just the 2 of you and a couple of witnesses is absolutely fine – you’ll still be legally wed! If this is what you both want and will both be happy with, then good luck to you – no-one has the right to criticise your choice.

If you decide to have children BEFORE you get married, then yes, it will be harder to find the money OR the time to arrange a traditional wedding but it’s still possible. Good luck to everyone planning their weddings.

Melissa - posted on 10/15/2011

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Yeah I have to agree with Emma. Someone can have a big "fancy" wedding and not spend a lot of money. My boyfriend and I are not in any rush to get married, we've been close friends since I was 15 and we've been together for 3 years, we're comfortable enough with each other and our commitment to our family that we don't need vows to state fact. But we do know that we do want to be married when we can afford the wedding we want. I already plan on making my bridesmaids dresses, and I've designed my dress and know a dressmaker who's already agreed to help me make the dress of my dreams when the time comes. And I want to point out that wedding dresses were not traditionally white until Grace Kelly’s marriage to Prince Monaco, before that wedding dresses came in any and ever color. The idea that white "signifies" virginity is not historically valid. So for one to have a big "traditional" wedding, it wouldn't at all mean that the dress would have to be white. But if the bride/mother DID chose to have a white dress, she wouldn't at all be making any sort of false statement. I'm wondering if you, Sarah, have ever spent any kind of money on yourself since becoming a mother? Maybe a new outfit? Fresh haircut? Some makeup? How very selfish ... I'm sure all that money you're wasting on yourself would be better spent on your children and their education! It seems like you're assuming we're all pinching our pockets and chosing between our children OR a wedding. If you can afford the wedding you want while not robbing your children of their needs and wants, then how exactly is it selfish to do something for yourself? What a very jaded notion ... And I'm sorry, but getting married in jeans and a t-shirt (to me) is extremely tacky and severely downgrades the celebration of your love for one another. But that's my opinion. If it worked for you then more power to you. That's the wonderful thing about opinions and preferences, we all get to have our own, and they don't have to be anything like anyone elses :o)

Sarah - posted on 10/14/2011

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What I don't understand is why some of you want to have a huge wedding and a huge proposal. I'm not trying to be offensive but a white dress signifies virginity and if you are truly wanting a huge, nice, traditional wedding then you would be wearing a white dress which would not be an accurate depiction. Also, if you have kids (which all of us do) and you don't have the money to have a huge wedding (I have read some comments about saving up for it) then why are you worried about spending money on a huge wedding? Wouldn't that money be better spend on your child or saved for your child's or childrens education? I just don't understand why people have to put on such a huge show and have to have the best ring and the best proposal. My hubby and I had both been married and we each had a child from our previous marriages when we met. When we got together we fell in love pretty quickly and we talked about what we wanted in a spouse if we ever got married again and the things we would not allow someone to do to us if we got married again. My hubby is in the Air Force and he ended up having to go over-seas after we had been dating for 8 months. I stuck by his side, took care of his bills, his apartment, and his things while he was gone. I did all of this while I continued going to school, working, taking care of my son, and maintaining our relationship. I loved him so to me it wasn't a chore or a burden. We talked about getting married while he was gone and decided that we would do it when he came home. We got married in my pastors house in front of his wife and his daughter. My hubby and I were wearing blue jeans and white t-shirts. I still do not have an engagement ring or a wedding band and neither does he. We have been married for 6 1/2 years and have been together for 7 1/2. We are more in love with each other today than we were when we got married and every single day we fall in love a little more. To us it was never important to have a big wedding and to me it was never important to have a huge proposal and a really expensive ring. What was important to us was taking care of our kids and doing what was best for our family. What was best for us was for me to finish college and for us to do what we needed to do to take care of our kids financially. And before anyone says "well you were married before, you didn't need a big wedding", yes, we were both married before but he got married at the justice of the peace and I got married at a parade ground area on the Air Force base by my father and the only people there were my exes parents, my parents, my siblings and his and two of our friends, no cake, no flowers, no photographer, no reception and no wedding dress. The only thing I did have different the first time was an engagement ring that my ex husband used to pawn all the time for money. My husband and I didn't need a huge wedding to prove our love to eachother and although I did want a wedding dress, that's the only thing that I really wanted and I could not justify spending an insane amount of money on a wedding just for a dress and the pictures of me in it. Besides it was a selfish thing to me and I did not want anything about my wedding to be selfish, I wanted it to be about my hubby and I and our kids and that was it. We are planning on having a renewal of vows ceremony for our 15th anniversary but all we are going to do is get me an empire waisted really airy/flowy (cheap) dress, my hubby will wear khakis and a white t-shirt and my friend is going to take the pictures for us. We plan on renewing our vows on the beach with a few friends there to witness it and with the same pastor that married there to marry us again. We will also have our kids there with us and they will be involved in it as well. After that we are all going to go to dinner and celebrate for a little while and that's it. It's still not a huge wedding and it's not expensive but for us it will be a chance to have our kids there to witness it as well. It's going to be fun and cheap and an expression of our love for eachother in front of our kids. I just don't understand some people's logic, I understand wanting the fairy tale wedding, I understand having a dream since you were a little girl of what your wedding would be like but I also know that things change when you have kids and you have to grow up and rearrange your priorities a little bit when you have kids and if that means that you can't have a huge wedding or a really nice proposal, or a really expensive ring then so be it. You are the one who made the decision that led to you having a child in the first place. Own your mistakes and make decisions that are best for your family not just for you.

Megan - posted on 10/14/2011

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my daughters father is still my boyfriend, we will be together two years in december and my daughter is 8 months old. i dont think there is a need to rush into getting married. we are only 19 years old.

Jules - posted on 10/11/2011

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I also want to add to Angela the 14 yr old pregnant with her second child. While it might be great having a baby and all but your first child can't be that old and to have sex regardless of the risk i think is irresponsible. It is not something reckless i would do at 14 especially with one child already. I don't think you have thought through the consequences and ramifications having a 2nd baby when your that young. While i dont mean to sound nasty or have a go at you. I just think you should think before you act and especially when your only 14.

Jules - posted on 10/11/2011

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I am not sure if i have commented on this post before but i will comment in case i haven't done so before. I am 21 and married to the father of my 4th child due in April 2012. I have 2 girls to my ex Jake and a son to my ex Greg. I didn't plan on having my first daughter at 17 but i finished school before she was born in March 2008. We broke up when Lacie was 3 months old and i met Greg 9 months later around Lacie's first birthday. I fell pregnant in 2009 but Greg and i split before Jacob was born in April 2010. Jacob was born preemie and was in hospital for over 3 months, during this time Jake and i got back together but it didn't last more then a few days. I fell pregnant roughly a month after Jacob was born and had my 2nd daughter Lily in Feb this year. Almost right after Jake split i met my now husband Mike and we got married in June this year. I am now 14 weeks pregnant with my husbands baby which is due in April 2012. I know i will have 4 kids to 3 different dads but frankly i don't care. Not everything worked out the way i thought i would. I honestly thought Jake was the 'one' but our relationship didnt last. Same with Greg but i never thought it would last especially when i fell pregnant. He never wanted kids but now adores his son which is great. I think sometimes you take a risk in a relationship. Sometimes it works out but sometimes it doesn't. I am just so grateful for my 3 kids and super excited about my 4th child.

Misti - posted on 10/10/2011

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My childrens father is still my boy friend. We have been together for 7 years! Maybe one day we will get married who knows. But I am glad we have made it this far because no one thought we would since we werent dating very long when I got pregnant

Angela - posted on 10/10/2011

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I am in my early 50's and divorced from my children's father. I'm now married to my 2nd husband, we're very happy but obviously too old to have further children.

I trying to think of a way to express myself without offending anyone on here. I don't think it helps to moralize about having children when very young or having children before marriage. However if you're having babies when you're too young to be earning a living to support those children and yourself, having a second child whilst still in school etc ... I doubt whether you're mature enough to be a parent OR a spouse. If you actually planned to get pregnant and have these children, that's pretty poor planning! If your pregnancy was unplanned that's even worse! You're not even mature and responsible enough to have a sex life, never mind a child and a marriage!

A couple of ladies on this thread have said that their partners want to marry but they'd like to be proposed to!! Well romantic dreams and fairytale endings are pretty thin on the ground for teenage couples with babies. The reality is a long way from romance!

Well done and huge respect to those teenage parents that got their acts together and finished college etc ... before marrying.

I'm sure all of you have wonderful children and you're great parents but a part of me is wondering how a 14 year old expecting her second child is coping with pregnancy, school, caring for the older baby, looking after her relationship with her partner - and - who's paying for all this?

Emily - posted on 10/08/2011

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i'm 14. and i'm pregnant again with my boyfriend. his parents are bad cuz were having anther baby, but me and my boyfriend love having sex and we don't care,

Jessica - posted on 10/08/2011

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We eloped 5 days before our first son was born in 2008 (his due date was a couple weeks from then.) I was 20 he was 26...Still happily married, with our third on the way :)

Melissa - posted on 10/05/2011

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me and my baby's daddy are still togthere not married but have been togethere for 6 years going on 7 dont want to marrie him infact we are going or own ways and are happy about it hope everything works out for you girls

Mer - posted on 10/05/2011

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Going on 5 years of being with my love. 3 years we have been engaged and expecting our 3rd baby and will be getting married a month before Im due.

EMMA - posted on 10/05/2011

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iam married to my youngest daughters dad we've been together for 7 1/2 yrs married for 14 months1

[deleted account]

I am now married to by baby's father. When I got pregnant, we decided to wait to get married (if we still wanted to) because we thought it would be a mistake that young. I finished school and we were married just before our son turned 2. And now we have another handsome little boy.

Chrystal - posted on 05/17/2011

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I was married to my daughter's father. We were together for a total of five years and married for one. It didn't work for us because he only married me because of her not because he loved me. My advice is to marry for love not for children. If you feel that it is right then you should do it. You have to trust your heart.

Amy - posted on 05/17/2011

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My son is 22 months, now. His father and I are married. We got married almost 4 weeks ago. He and I were engaged over a month before I fell pregnant. He and I have been with each other for 3 years. ♥

Alice - posted on 05/15/2011

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my babys daddy is my fiance and not planning on getting married for a while lol

Amanda - posted on 05/14/2011

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Me and my hubby got married when we were 18. December 2005 and graduated high school together. Now i am 24, still married to the same hubby and have two kids ages 4 and 15 months.

Megan - posted on 04/30/2011

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I am in the exact same position! I love my babies dad to death and its been almost a year and a half now but because of the sudden pregnancy and everything that comes along with it i've realized I want to ride it out just a little longer....and I want him to propose to me to instead of casually bringing it up all the time!!

Amanda - posted on 04/30/2011

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Been with my kids dad for 12 years and married for 8 :) the kids are 9 and 6 now tho...

Maria - posted on 04/29/2011

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I've been with my son's father since Dec '06. We had our son June '10 and my boyfriend proposed to me Feb '11... we plan on saving some more and getting married spring '13 but even bother we started dating we had been for 3yrs

Krista - posted on 04/26/2011

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The father of my son and i have been together for 5 years, I want to get married, he is undecided, I am 19, he is 20.
He is a shy guy, i have decided in our relationship, i will be the one to pop the question.. I am considering the idea..

Melanie - posted on 04/26/2011

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I am seperated from my kids father and we are getting a divorce. We have only been married for 15 months and while i dont regret marrying him, for us it wasnt meant to be.

Sarah - posted on 04/25/2011

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I am married, we had our daughter a year and a half after our wedding. I'm just curious, some of you say you have a child with your boyfriend, and you love each other, and plan to get married after a few years when you are more financially stable.... but I don't understand, if you already have a baby together, and already live together, and already are supporting your child/each other, you are practically married anyway, so why not just get married legally? Why wait? When the situation won't change for you whether you are married or not? I'm not trying to offend anyone I swear I just don't understand. :)

Lynette - posted on 04/24/2011

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Well Olivia when believe it's time for a change then go for it...and if you are waiting for him to propose well alright but make sure he knows that you love him and want to marry him...

Alexis - posted on 04/24/2011

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My husband and i dated for 5 yrs before we got married. We started dating in sept 2005. We had our daughter in Nov 2007. We got married Feb 2011. it took him a minute but he finally asked me to marry him. give it time if it is meant to be it will happen.

Crystal - posted on 04/22/2011

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My sons daddy is still my bf and i really really want to get married so he says the proposal is just around the corner and he has it all planned out I can't wait:)

Crystal - posted on 04/22/2011

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My sons daddy is still my bf and i really really want to get married so he says the proposal is just around the corner and he has it all planned out I can't wait:)

Heathur - posted on 04/21/2011

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I am still with my baby's father. We will have been together for 7 years this coming June. Our daughter is now 4 and a half. He is my best friend & we'd be lost without one another. He proposed to me when we had both just turned 17- 6 mos before I even knew I was pregnant. He's given me 4 rings since then but we are not yet married. I suppose we are common law married but haven't had the ceremony. The way I look at it- it's just a piece of paper. I would however like to get married for the simple reason of sharing the same last name as the man I love & my daughter. I just can't bring myself to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, but I also don't want to do justice of the peace- I want a momentous day & huge ceremony. I know those wants totally contradict one another but it is what it is lol.Someday :)

Rachel - posted on 04/07/2011

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my babys father is now my fiance' .... we planned our daughter and planned to stay together forever .... we are very happy and want to have another baby before we get married ..

Xiomara - posted on 04/06/2011

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i was married to mydaughters father but we got married when i was 17 and we were nt ready for all the responsibilities so we got a divorce. s by age 19 i was a mom and divorced but three years ago my ex hubd and i got back together and we are planning to get married soon but we are not jumping into it because we are really sure about us being togethe and we know we want to be with eachother and for that reason we are not rushing things. neverthless wether your bf/gf or married i has nothig to do with the kind of parents you will be and being married doesnt make you any better. first work on being good parents and the rest will follow through if it is meant to.

Allie - posted on 04/06/2011

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Right now my baby's father is my fiance. We want to get married but not right now. We are waiting awhile before we get married. I want to finish college first before we get married.

Rose - posted on 04/05/2011

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neither we broke up shortly after our son was born, he's still in our son's life and i intend on keeping him in our son's life and so does he

Gillian - posted on 04/05/2011

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my babies father is now my husband
we have been together for over 6 yrs and married since oct 2010

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 04/05/2011

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Hes still my bf of almost 6years! Im 21 hes 25 and we have a almost 5yo, almost 3yo and 14month old.

April - posted on 04/04/2011

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I'm married with my children's father. We were both 19, we've been married for almost 3 years now :)

Amanda - posted on 04/04/2011

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I am now married for 9 months to my daughters father but we have been together for almost 8 years now.

Melissa - posted on 04/02/2011

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My son's biological father bailed a couple of months after I got pregnant. The man we all consider to be my son's father, however, has been there all along. He's been my friend since I was 15, and when I was about 4 months pregnant we got together, and we're still together. Couldn't have asked for a better daddy :0)

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