I am giving her up for adoption. Is that best?

Hope - posted on 05/26/2009 ( 171 moms have responded )

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I am pregnant as of now. It is a girl. My due date is june 17th. I am giving her up for adoption but am scared that i will regret this later. I do not know the birth father and want her to have a dad. But i want to keep her. Is it as hard as they say?

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Jess - posted on 07/10/2009

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hi i was 17 having the same problems u r i had him and it was the best thing i havve ever done its had but u can do it if i can i still get looks from ppl wen i take him out but i dont care anymore i love him u will never hav someone love u bk the way ur own child does there r lots of groups that will help u im not telling u to keep her but u sound like u want her. u r the only 1 who can make this choice u r the 1 who has to live with wat ever u choose to do good luck

Yolanda - posted on 07/09/2009

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Flag as inappropriate Are you sure? Yes | No Posted by Helen Lowery Jowett (June 14, 1:49 pm)

i think u should keep her y should u give her away like a pr of jeans u dont want if ur stupid enough to let ur self get pregnant then u should deal wiv it an live wiv ur mistakes how could u ave her growing in side u an not feel like u want her poor little darling she asked for none of this is it cos ur so worried bout not bein able to go out clubbin ect thats wat got u into this ness u made ur bed now lie in it





















Who the hell says something like that!? Your a total (sorry to say) But Bitch! Why would you say something like that to a girl who is thinking of her daughter, You don't really know her situation! You are so rude!

Yolanda - posted on 07/09/2009

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i am a single mom and I am doing it ll alone.. i wish the father was there, but I am so blessed to have such an awesome baby.. I never thought about giving him up. Everyone was telling me to, but I am the mother I chose what is best and my son and I are so bonded and it is an amazing feeling. please keep her.... she will make you worth living! You have a blessing dont give it away.

Samantha - posted on 06/25/2009

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Quoting Helen:

i think u should keep her y should u give her away like a pr of jeans u dont want if ur stupid enough to let ur self get pregnant then u should deal wiv it an live wiv ur mistakes how could u ave her growing in side u an not feel like u want her poor little darling she asked for none of this is it cos ur so worried bout not bein able to go out clubbin ect thats wat got u into this ness u made ur bed now lie in it



By the way giving a baby to a family who can support and love her is not wrong i was going to do that with my little boy, if you have a problem with adoption then you should have a problem with foster care which thousands of kids go to every day cause they are abused by there family, do you think its okay to abuse kids? giving a child up to a family who CANT have kids is not wrong is a good thing to do. My cousin doug and his wife have been trying to have kids for 5 years and they cant do it.



 



Its not that shes worried about not being able to go out clubbin or whatever(sorry i live in a small town and we dont have clubs) shes worried about not being able to support her baby and give her the love that it needs. Maybe shes not ready and it was a mistake, and mistake that a family wont find to be a mistake, but a baby of hope, that they can love.

Sadie - posted on 06/25/2009

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i would say do what u feel best.

i know from experience as i am adopted as my mum was 17 when she had me and my sister. it hasnt done me any harm i dont really remember to be honest. yeah questions do go round my head about y and what if etc.. my twin sister has gone to live with her as our adoptive mum and dad have disowned her got very good reasons.

but like i say up to you as i went through being abopted i have always said to my self that when i have kids i dont want them to go through what i did. i have a gorgeous boy who is 6 months now and couldnt understand how she did it the last thing isnt ment to sound harsh

Aimee - posted on 06/24/2009

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i think you should keep her. MANY women raise their children alone and there is no reason you can't. you said yourself that you WANT her. That is enough.

Kimberley - posted on 06/24/2009

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I had my first child when I was 14... ya I said 14... My baby is now 18.. I did it.... I believe you can too... Family Support is what got me through.. I had the chance to give my girl up.. but I thought why she will hate me.... and just bcuz I wasnt ready to have her, She was the best thing that happended to me... Look at being pregnant as a blessing... Im 33 now and have 4 kids... Now i cant have any more.. My advice to you is... Keep your baby, you will regret it if you dont, who cares if the father isnt there... I raised 2 girls all by myself ........

Samantha - posted on 06/24/2009

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Do what is right for you, i was going to give my son up for adoption, but i had a c section and ended up spending time him and since then i cant imagine how anyone can give there child up.

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2009

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I honestly think you should go with your heart i was pregnant at sixteen and thought the same thing i did keep my son but i had my parents full support and help so that made it easy to decide he did not have a father until he was 8 years old when i married my husband and he is now a very happy healthy almost 16 year old so just do what you think is best for your baby she is who should matter most and just an fyi my husband and i are looking to adopt a baby and give it a wonderful home i am a stay at home mom and have four children my youngest is nine and we are unable to have anymore and we tryed but due to medical problems i could not concieve we have money and stable jobs so if yo have not found a great family please email me best of luck to you and please follow your heart and think of her and what is best may god bless you

Elly - posted on 06/21/2009

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i would not give her up ,it will be the biggest mistake of your life you will regret it in the long run . yeah it will be hard but im 15 and im keeping my baby boy :) xxx

Sian - posted on 06/21/2009

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i wouldn't give her up for adoption because once she's gone thats it. im pregnant and due in 3 weeks and to be honest i wouldn't dream of giving her up for adoption and i probably wouldn't be able to live with myself if i did. keep her

Tiia - posted on 06/21/2009

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i would keep her! i was going to give my little one up for adoption cuz i wanted her to have a good life! but i couldnt, as soon as you hear her cry or see her will wish you did,
but it is totally your choice!

Carissa - posted on 06/20/2009

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Reading your post, it made me think about how I felt when I realized that I was pregnant with my first. It is a horrifying experience. You wonder how you are ever going to manage to take care of another life. I was lucky enough to have an amazing husband when my son was born, but many do not. My best friend has a 5 month old daughter and she is managing just fine on her own. But only you understand what your lifestyle is. Are you will to make the sacrifices in your life to be a mother? Because let me tell you...the social life goes out the window. It is very rewarding, however, I am 20 years old and I swear I feel like I'm 30 sometimes. Are you going to be able to provide properly for you child? Do you feel as though you will be able to prioritize your life so that you child is the #1? I'm by no means telling you which way to go...I just wanted to share with you some other view points that you may or may not have thought of. Being a mom is tough, and a single mom, tougher. Amazingly rewarding, but tough. So just think long and hard about your decision. This is one that you will always have to deal with. The best of luck for you both!

Amber - posted on 06/20/2009

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Keep her, It will be hard but it will be worth it. My daughter is going on 4 months old and her biological father was gone since before i knew i was pregnant. I have an amazing boyfriend and he helps me take care of her. You will find her a dad some day, but trust me you'll regret giving her up.

Crystal - posted on 06/20/2009

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Plus to keeping the child. You learn to love unconditionally and perhaps learn to be more responsible. You will learn lesson your peer probably won't learn for years to come. Downside is, as a teen your employment options are limited and you being able to provide for her the type of life you may envision may be next to impossible. I had my son when I was 16, he is now 13 years old. As I look back, I regret that he's missed out on a lot because I could not provide for him financially they way I wanted to, and would always have excuses as to why we couldn't do somehing. I am thankful God put him into my life and helped me to learn valuable life lessons at an early age, But I mut say I often think about what life he would have led had he had parents who could afford a better life for him, and whether or not my decision to keep him was selfish. But you must weigh both sides of the spectrum, and regardless of your decision you need to decide what would be in the best intrest of the child and not yourself. Good, luck with your decision!

[deleted account]

You may have given birth already, but it's your baby girl and you have the right to take the time to really explore your options for what is best for this new angel in our world. Suzanne Suzanne is right - seek advice from a counselor, your family, local church, local community centers that offer mom and baby programs, local young and new moms in your area. This may sound selfish, but do what makes you happy and satisfied for your young and precious life - you are a baby girl too Hope.

Take care always,
N@

Rosy - posted on 06/19/2009

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im 16 and i have a 3 month old i had a very hard labour but its so worth it my boy is gawjus and has just started giggling i thought about giving him up in the pregnancy but i went a head i still think would he be better of but i could never do it i think im an amazing mum when u have a bby no mater how old you are you grow up an take more responsability its so much easier than u would prob think i live about 40 mins drive away from my bf the father, my dad takes us every weekend, i live in a flat thats supported by a mother and bby assc they help with spending expensis etc , theres loads of help out there i really hope you keep your lil girl but i cant tell you wat to do i wish you luck !!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kayla - posted on 06/18/2009

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I've noticed people just keep telling you to keep your baby.

You need to put more thought into it than that! It really sounds like you want to keep her, so if you have help (like from your parents, an older sibling..whatever) then it really sounds like a good idea. I thought about giving my son up for a little while when I was pregnant too. I was 16, his dad smokes a lot of weed and I knew he wasn't going to change, or find a steady job for that matter. We tried to make it work and it didn't, so eventually I left.

It was hard at first, but I stayed with my brother and sister-in-law for a while, and my parents have been a tremendous help! You don't have to give your baby up juast because you're young, some young mothers make excellent parents! But if you honestly think it's in the best interest of your daughter then of course it's a good idea. And now days you can set up agreements with adoptive parents, so that you can stay in your baby's life and she'll always know that you wanted to keep her, but you wanted her to have a good life more. It's a huge decision, you should really put some research into it.

Lisa - posted on 06/18/2009

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keep her!! wen i found out i was pregnant i wernt sure wat id regret mre not having baby or having her or putting her up 4 adoption but i chose to just have her and its the best decision ive made, its the best thing in the world to hav ur baby in ur arms n seeing her smile at u n knowing thatbaby relies on u but u wont know tht feeling until u have this baby. now i look at my beautiful baby girl n i coulnt b wivout her she is my life n yea it was hard for the first few weeks but once u get bk to ur old self its great. i love being a mum but i was so unsure at first. u got to reli think hard about ur decision but ur baby needs u, ur baby is part of u and if u give her away u will be wondering ur whole life wat she is doing, wat she looks like, how she is.... u can do it, it myt b hard wivout the dad but ur hav family n friends n there mmost important thin right now! dnt get her up she needs you!!

Samie - posted on 06/18/2009

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keep her !! i thought about adoption at the end of my pregnancy and i was with the dad nw we ave sperated his choice its hard but wth family and freinds ull get there just keep ur ed up through he hard tyms cz wen she starts smilin and u wake up to that its the best feeling eva !! xx

Emma - posted on 06/16/2009

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Keep her for sure. even though u do not know the birth father having that bond with your daughter is the most precious thing in the world. I was thinking of giving my daughter up for adoption or having an abortion with her but im so glad i didnt. she means the world to me and i love every mintute i spend with her. Though some times are tougher then others we always pull through.

Brittany - posted on 06/16/2009

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thats my birthday whata ya know. im almost 19 and Im a single mom of 7 month old little boy. It is tought work, financially and mentally..but looking at him smile and laugh at me is the best feeling in the world. i would say keep her..but you should listen to your gut.

Brittany - posted on 06/16/2009

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keep her it doesn't matter if you have her a dad my mom had 6 kids she was always a single mother.she did it and she has a good life and she said to me that I didn't need my baby's daddy but I still have him but my mom said I could do it without him like she did.

Kirsty - posted on 06/16/2009

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I was pregnant before and thought about adoption but i couldnt, its extremly hard to have your baby & give it to someone else. and the end of the day it's completely up to you but you gotta remember your baby is going 2 love you with or without a father. good luck!

Lauren - posted on 06/16/2009

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Keep her. My son is 1 month and a week, and he is my world. I think it would be very hard to give up your own child. I couldn't do it.

Jessica - posted on 06/14/2009

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i would igonre the people telling you what to do remember this is your baby and your decishion just make it wisely maybe try some counciling before you make your mind up

Jessica - posted on 06/14/2009

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It is you decshion im a teen mum and i love it i couldnt imagine a better way to spend my time there is nothing wrong with been a teen mum or a single mum im not single but my mother was a single mum of 3 kidsw and she did a fantastic job im so proude if her

Ashley - posted on 06/14/2009

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It's completely your choice. Being a mom is far from easy. I had my daughter at 15, she is my life, and I love her more than anything. However, it was easy getting to where we are today. You grow up and life isn't about you anymore. If you can provide love and security for your child keep her. If not give her the chance to live a life of security with a family that can provide for her. Best of luck....

Nikki - posted on 06/14/2009

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Quoting Samantha:



Quoting Helen:

i think u should keep her y should u give her away like a pr of jeans u dont want if ur stupid enough to let ur self get pregnant then u should deal wiv it an live wiv ur mistakes how could u ave her growing in side u an not feel like u want her poor little darling she asked for none of this is it cos ur so worried bout not bein able to go out clubbin ect thats wat got u into this ness u made ur bed now lie in it






This is quite possibly the rudest thing  I have ever seen.  How dare you degrade this courageous girl for wanting the best for her child.  Adoption is not a selfish thing, and it's not an "out" so she can "party it up".  One of my best friends gave her child for adoption to a very loving, stable family because she was going to get kicked out of her house and have no where to go, and she didn't want to hurt her child with that burden and struggle.  She still cries about it every day because it rips her heart out that she can't see her little girl, so for you to attack this girl for considering something selfless, amazing, and difficult such as adoption, makes you a cruel person.  Best of luck Hope, and God bless you and your baby girl! 

Nikki - posted on 06/14/2009

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Quoting Samantha:



Quoting Helen:

i think u should keep her y should u give her away like a pr of jeans u dont want if ur stupid enough to let ur self get pregnant then u should deal wiv it an live wiv ur mistakes how could u ave her growing in side u an not feel like u want her poor little darling she asked for none of this is it cos ur so worried bout not bein able to go out clubbin ect thats wat got u into this ness u made ur bed now lie in it






This is quite possibly the rudest thing  I have ever seen.  How dare you degrade this courageous girl for wanting the best for her child.  Adoption is not a selfish thing, and it's not an "out" so she can "party it up".  One of my best friends gave her child for adoption to a very loving, stable family because she was going to get kicked out of her house and have no where to go, and she didn't want to hurt her child with that burden and struggle.  She still cries about it every day because it rips her heart out that she can't see her little girl, so for you to attack this girl for considering something selfless, amazing, and difficult such as adoption, makes you a cruel person.  Best of luck Hope, and God bless you and your baby girl! 

Samantha - posted on 06/14/2009

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Quoting Helen:

i think u should keep her y should u give her away like a pr of jeans u dont want if ur stupid enough to let ur self get pregnant then u should deal wiv it an live wiv ur mistakes how could u ave her growing in side u an not feel like u want her poor little darling she asked for none of this is it cos ur so worried bout not bein able to go out clubbin ect thats wat got u into this ness u made ur bed now lie in it



This is quite possibly the rudest thing  I have ever seen.  How dare you degrade this courageous girl for wanting the best for her child.  Adoption is not a selfish thing, and it's not an "out" so she can "party it up".  One of my best friends gave her child for adoption to a very loving, stable family because she was going to get kicked out of her house and have no where to go, and she didn't want to hurt her child with that burden and struggle.  She still cries about it every day because it rips her heart out that she can't see her little girl, so for you to attack this girl for considering something selfless, amazing, and difficult such as adoption, makes you a cruel person.  Best of luck Hope, and God bless you and your baby girl! 

Sandra - posted on 06/14/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

Wow, I can't believe some of the answers you are recieving. I could never tell you to either keep your baby or not to. You have to make this decision for yourself. If you are making this decision because you think that you will be giving your child the best chance at life, then you are doing the right thing. You obviously care very much about your child. This is a huge decision as once it is done, it can not be undone. I'd definately go to a councellor and talk about the reasons why you are thinking of this and what other help is out there for single parents should you chose not to go ahead with it. I wish you all the best and I hope you make a decision you can feel good about.


i totally agree with melissia, at the end of the day nobody is going to step into your shoes and wear them for you, this isnt a decision you can make easily, especially without professional advice and a lot of thought for wats best for you and your baby i wish you the best of luck with ever you decide for the best!!!

Helen - posted on 06/14/2009

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i think u should keep her y should u give her away like a pr of jeans u dont want if ur stupid enough to let ur self get pregnant then u should deal wiv it an live wiv ur mistakes how could u ave her growing in side u an not feel like u want her poor little darling she asked for none of this is it cos ur so worried bout not bein able to go out clubbin ect thats wat got u into this ness u made ur bed now lie in it

Rebecca - posted on 06/13/2009

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Dear Hope,


I was a young mum, I first fell pregnant when I was 16 yrs old. Had a beautiful little boy just after I turned 17. Tyler is now turning 10 this coming August and he has three gorgeous siblings. I waited for 4 years before having another and then had three in three years.


I can't possibly tell you to keep your precious bundle of joy and I certaintly can not tell you to give her up. This is a decision you need to make and with if not support from home then professionally.


Do you have any emotional support. IE) From mum, dad or another older sibling. If you have emotional support you will find raising your daughter will be easy. You will have emotional days when you wonder what you have gottn yourself in for. I still do today at 27. There is going to be days when you wish you could go out with friends. And then there are going to be those days when you sit back and look your sweet daughter in the eyes and just crumble with love.


Giving birth is not easy and will be hard on your body. You will never have the pre baby body back as over night you have become a women. You will be alot more mature and have an emotional attachment to your daughter wether you raise her or let someone else. You will always have the undying love for her.


Hope, I hope that you end up making a decision that best suits yourself and as another reply has already said the decision does not haveto be made straight away. If you find that raising your daughter is becoming to emotionally draining or financially you can't do it on your own. You can always do an open adoption later.


Best of luck Hope


If you do need to talk to someone feel free to contact me.

Sophie - posted on 06/13/2009

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of course it's going to be hard giving up your lil gal. it's up to you hun but personally i think you should keep her.
good luck
xxx

Samantha - posted on 06/12/2009

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by the way, if you ever need anything, I'm open and willing to talk/help or anything. Just let me know!

Samantha - posted on 06/12/2009

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Only you know what is truly right for you and your child. I personally couldn't have ever given my daughter to someone else to raise. I couldn't live without seeing her face every day. Also, a best friend of mine had a baby and placed for adoption a little over a year ago, and she still calls me, in tears, wondering if she made the worst mistake of her life. She wants her daughter so badly, but it's too late. Just know, your choice to place her would be permanent. best of luck, and you and your child are in my prayers.

Angel - posted on 06/12/2009

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You don't have to make this decision while your pregnant. You can keep her and if it becomes more than you can handle you can give her up for adoption.

However, it will be hard if you keep her. Blissfully hard. My daughter is now 14. I had her when I was 17. I didn't even consider adoption. I have only now wondered would she be better off now had I given her up years ago. I don't share that with many people.

I love being a mom. I am not a good mom in my opinion. I had another child when I was 24. I love my kids. I am not with either father anymore. One moment with your little princess and you will possibly not want to give her up.

Anita - posted on 06/12/2009

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If you wante her, keep her. There is plenty of support availble out there you just have to look. I had my baby on my own, hailee's dad doesnt want to know her at all. Sometimes it can be hard but most of the time it is the most rewarding thing you will ever experience.

Aleese - posted on 06/11/2009

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i was 16 wen i had my baby girl and i am not with the dad but she is the best thing that has happend to me, my family has been here to help me alot. She is 2 now and i am 18 any my family still help a huge amount of the time. No doubt your family will help and you will never regret keeping your child but u may regret giving her away.

Tiffany - posted on 06/11/2009

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no one can tell you one way or the other... you need to just think about if you are up to the challenge. i had a son at age 18. i had ppl pulling me in both directions. it was the hardest time of my life. and i know how you are feeling. i decided to keep my son and he is the love of my life! but also know that being a parent is the hardest but most rewarding thing you will ever do. all a child needs is love. there are tons of outlets to help single mothers. like WIC and medicaid. i also think that adoption is a good option. there are many familys that would love to have a baby. its all up to you and if you are willing to do anything for this baby...or are you willing to make the hard decision to give her away??? let us know what happens..

Karen - posted on 06/11/2009

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U are doing the right thing...If she wants to look for u later on she will.I have six children but i had a baby that had spina bifida and she died at 26 weeks i had to terminate her and i tell you i even regret that,as i am against it.I had no choice as she was not living.But you have made the bravest one of all.U have created life and are willing to give that special life to someone who can take care of her.Never Regret

Amanda - posted on 06/11/2009

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do what you feel in your heart would be best for YOUR child. Just think how you would want it to go if this was your mom and she was pregnant with you. Also, think of the responsibility....monetarily, emotionally, physically. Are you ready to do all of it on your own? Do you have a support line? What kind of steps are you willing to take for this child if you keep her? She will be here in a short time and you need to think about being a parent and if that is something you can really handle right now. I am nineteen and have a 6 month old. There are times when I think about what I would be doing if I didn't have my son then I think about the joy he brings to my life and I wouldn't want it any different. Everyone is different and needs to think about their life situation and if they can or want to handle the responsibility of a child no matter where they are in life.

Melissa - posted on 06/11/2009

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Wow, I can't believe some of the answers you are recieving. I could never tell you to either keep your baby or not to. You have to make this decision for yourself. If you are making this decision because you think that you will be giving your child the best chance at life, then you are doing the right thing. You obviously care very much about your child. This is a huge decision as once it is done, it can not be undone. I'd definately go to a councellor and talk about the reasons why you are thinking of this and what other help is out there for single parents should you chose not to go ahead with it. I wish you all the best and I hope you make a decision you can feel good about.

Lisa - posted on 06/09/2009

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No one can make that decision, except you. It is your baby. Whatever you feel is best for your baby, then do it with her best interests at heart. Even though the father is not in the picture, that doesn't mean that you wouldn't be able to do a good job raising your baby. I'm sure your family would help you out. Good luck and best wishes with whatever you choose :)

Taeko - posted on 06/09/2009

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Keep her if you want to, don't give her up because you think she needs a father. Even if you were married that would not mean that the father would always be there for her. And the Child Welfare system is just not a safe place for any child.

Heather - posted on 06/09/2009

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If you feel like you really want to keep her and the only reason you want to put her up for adoption is because you don't know the father then chances are you will regret your decision. I think you should keep her...being a mother isn't extremely hard & it's the best feeling in the world.

Theresa - posted on 06/09/2009

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this is entirley your choice you do what you think is best, you obvouisly not happy bout adoption, otherwise you wouldn't need help. You little girl dosen't need a dad, your hyer mum and that's all she needs, all your love and that is so easy when you meet your baby. If you gave her away all your life you would wonder what she's doing and if you'd have kept her. I really hope you keep your little girl when she's older she will be so proud of you. hope i've helped you, let me know what your decision was, that is if you don't mind, good luck wiv the birth xx

Stacey - posted on 06/09/2009

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Keep her! alot of people out there cant have children! wat if one day u cant ahve kids?u can suddenly say u want her bk! when she is born u will love her so much... keep her u can do it

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