I am giving her up for adoption. Is that best?

Hope - posted on 05/26/2009 ( 40 moms have responded )

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I am pregnant as of now. It is a girl. My due date is june 17th. I am giving her up for adoption but am scared that i will regret this later. I do not know the birth father and want her to have a dad. But i want to keep her. Is it as hard as they say?

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Amber - posted on 07/24/2012

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i gave my baby girl up for adoption almost 10 years ago and i have to say it was the best and hardest choice i could have made for her! i could not provide the best life possible for her so i made the choice to give her the best life i could by giving her up for adoption. i do not have any regrets about this at all i still get pictures and letters and updates on how my daughter is and i can send care packages and letters to her and i see in those pictures how happy she is and i know in my heart i made the best choice possible for her! it can be hard around her birthday but i would never change my mind and have no regrets about it!!

Monica - posted on 09/05/2012

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What a tough decision. I know I would never be able to do it and you are a brave girl to just consider doing it for the good of your child. The only person who can answer this is yourself. The way I see it, if you are a strong loving figure in her life she will feel loved and supported even though there isn't a 'dad' at home. There are lots of singles mums out there who will tell you the same. And a 'paternal' figure can also be a grandad or an uncle. You also have to assess your financial and emotional status to keep that child and that is, in my way of seeing it, even more important than the 'dad' absence. A child needs lots and tons of love and attention, support, understanding, patience and obviously food, clothing, schooling in the future. If you can provide all that I am sure you will be an excellent mother.

I hope you make the right decision and whatever it is, be in peace with it.

Lauren - posted on 05/27/2009

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First of all congrats! and secondly i am stuck in the same situation well with the whole adoption thing! i am constantly going back and forth and i, too, am having a daughter and i am due on august 17th! i love my daughter more then anything but i don't know if a life with me is the best thing for her! I will put her before myself. And idk if your a religious person and sorry if i affend you by saying this but i would pray about it. i wish you all the luck and hope you find the answer your looking for! if ya need to talk ever just talk to me! =)

ps- your daughter will love you no matter what and i knoww you love her! just follow your heart! and i totally understand the father thing. Some single moms actually parent better! you might be one of those moms! just a thought...wish you the best of luck!

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Angel - posted on 11/01/2013

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My husband and I were looking to adopt aswell but my goodness they want you to pay out any where from 17000 to 23000 out of pocket to adopt wtheck what are they selling these babys thts crazy

Brooke - posted on 07/03/2013

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My husband and I are interested in adoption. We are looking for a young woman that feels she will not be able to take care of her soon to be born baby. Our only problem is that agencies are so expensive. We have great jobs and make a decent living, but paying out 18,000 is more than we can handle at the moment. please help me find something I do not want my son to grow up an only child.

Casandra - posted on 02/05/2013

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have u considered finding a couple to adopt her, keeping it open and u can recieve pictures of her. its always an option. me and my husband cant have children and we are looking to do just that, but i live in canada.

Jessica - posted on 01/01/2013

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Do what's best for you hun!!!!! You have some time to think about this and debate on weather or not your ready to be a parent and a single mom at that. If you feel you can't give your little girl the life she deserves then adoption is a great way to give her the loving and supporting family she needs and deserves. Have you thought about if you do adoption do you want an open adoption??

Jennifer - posted on 12/31/2012

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My husband and I have been trying to have children in the past, but it has not worked out. In 2010 I was told that I was pregnant with twins but just a few months latter I lost them both and while they was in there they found that I had cancer. I had to start chemo right then, and the doctors say I may never have children. I am now in remission from the cancer. My husband and I have both worked all of our lives trying to have a family of our own and I guess that will never happen. I do hope one day that someone will find it in there hearts to let us raise there child. I promise to be the best mother I know how to be.
See when I was young my mother pasted away and left me with her two younger boys. I put myself in school with the help of my grandparents and got my nurses license. I haven't worked in 2 years but that is because I am trying to have a child before I let the doctor take it all out, because then I will never have any children. I just hope one day God gives me a chance to be a mother. I know you are in a very hard place. Having to decide which way is better for you and your child, and I pray that God helps you find the right path.
My husband name is Lee and mine is Jennifer. Lee is 27 and works for a company called offshore inland and I am 26 and I am not working at this time in moment. My husband and I are looking into adoption and are willing to talk about a open adoption if that would help you with your choice. I know that you have a long road ahead of you and I hope that our story will help you out. My e-mail address is jen36507@yahoo.com if you have any question or concerns. I would be more then please to answer them. Thanks for your time and I hope you have a blessed night

Brittany - posted on 09/04/2012

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My husband and I have been looking to adopt after we found out that I am infertile. I have a 2 yr old son and after him I have not been able to concieve i have been on fertility medications and did get pregnant but it ended in a miscarriage. We have been hoping and praying for a baby girl. Please if you have not chosen a family for your daughter email me at wantoadopt@gmail.com

Michelle - posted on 08/02/2012

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P.S. Think about your reaction when you saw your little girl on the ultrasound. was it "oh my gosh i have a beautiful baby, i love her" or was it, "wow i really fucked up". Now, when you see your baby for the first time imagine that x1000 and then x1000 again when she smiles for the first time, and reaches out for you, and says I love you, mommy.. Now decide, could you give her up??

Michelle - posted on 08/02/2012

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I cant tell you from experience, but my sister did it. She did just fine. It is hard, but having the baby with a man is hard too. she is now married with her 12 year old daugher (who her husband adopted) and a 4 year old and 9 month old with her husband. If you want the baby I would say to keep her.i know there is no way that after i saw my baby i would be able to give her up. she is my world. If you give her up just so she will have a dad, who is to say that the adoptive dad, or even mom for that matter, is gonna stick around? plus, breast is best, and only you can provide that for her :)

Abby - posted on 06/03/2009

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hey i'm a single mom of a 1 year old. Here's what to consider if you are giving up the baby for adoption. it's going to hurt at first yes. i mean she is your daugther but do you have all the resources for her? do you think that she will have the best possible life with you? if your anwser is yes then you could possibly regret it but if you aren't sure then you most likely will hurt for awhile but know that she is being taken care of. i went through this too. i decided to keep my daughter because it was just to hard for me. but i had a ton of support to help me cuz i didn't have her dad around. so really it comes down to where do you think your daughter will have the best possible future. and being a single mom can be hard at time but not always.

Mel - posted on 06/02/2009

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I like your post Amanda, youve given some information that is really good and is 100% reality of how it is having a baby, however its hard whatever age you do it. no one can prepare for being a mother. I sure wasnt prepared for motherhood, im glad im a mum and i dont regret it and if i could go back wouldnt change it, but damn i dont think any one is ready because yeah it is hard. When you want to go down the rd for a 2 minute drive to get some milk that you dont have for a recipe for dinner you can just run down and get it you have tp pack the baby into the car get her out try and get what you need and pay for it with one hand, otehrwise you need to get the pram out and put her in it. then you get the baby back in the car drive 2 minutes home and get the baby out again. i dont want anyone to put you off having this baby though because its a life you have created and i dont want you to regret your decision. i think i have posted an answer to this question somewhere else so im not going to go into just wanted to say this about Amanda's post, and i feel for you Amanda growing up like that i couldnt imagine it since i had everything physically that i wanted. but its not always like this. even if someone is terrible with money and low on money as a teenage mum, they can still be a good caring mummy. I knwo i mention my cousin alot but its because i love and respect her so much for the job she has done and just for always being there and when i have no one or no where to go even at 2am in the morning. but she was a teenage mummy she was 16 and my nanna made her marry the dad he used to beat her , she fell pregnant after tasha and had an abortion because he used to beat her but my point is she was a good mum she protected her kids, and the only abortion she ever had was because she didnt want the dad to do damage to that baby, not for her own selfish reasons. shes had 6 kids now and fostered many and because of going thru so much , and having to do bad stuff to put food on the table shes become such a role model so us girls and always seems to know what we are going through. I do hope you talk to a counsellor who can give you all the options and help you make the right decision

Amanda - posted on 06/02/2009

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Yes it is as hard as they say. I think giving your baby in an adoption is a very brave thing to do. By doing this you are providing her with the best start in life. I grew up with a teen mom and it was horrible. She tried her best I guess but I can tell you that I had to deal with struggles that most kids do not. we were often hungry and running from bill collectors, we lived on hand outs a lot and I always had hand me down clothes. We moved lots to and it was not stable. I did poorly in school and my mom had several boyfriends throguh my life.

My mom is still unstable but I am not. I resent my mother for the life she gave me and while it is easy to say I will neevr do that for my child and I can handle it it is harder than it seems.

Babies only care about them selves and the first 4 months are so damn tough, they wake every 2 hours to feed, some are very colic, some are in and out of hospital with allergies, illness you nem it. it is so draining. So often I read on this site moms asking when will me baby sleep throguht the night or when can I put cereal in his bottle or even I am loosing my mind and feel I hate my baby.

This is reality. that is what life with a baby is like.

No more going out, no more sleeping in no more long phone calls or internet sessions. even a simple trip to the mall can turn into a major pain in the ass.

you need to really think about what is best for your baby, not what is best for you.

yes it will be hard but nothing good in life is easy.

have you looked in to an open adoption? that is where you have some rights with the child. some even get visits. you can make the terms and you choose the family.

I have heard many girls say that after seeing their child with the family they fealt more comfortable with their decision even happy about the life they have given to their child.

Only you can make this decision, a forum of moms with their own ideas cant tell you what to do. I sugest going to planned paretnhood and talking to a counsoller.

Samantha - posted on 06/02/2009

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My little girl is now 3 and a half months and i cannot imagine my life without her. It is your choice, but if you're having a hard time making this decision then it would probably be best for you to keep her. Raising a baby is not as hard as people make it out to be. For me, the first week having her home was the hardest, only because I had to get myself in a routine and get used to waking up to feed her. My daughter now sleeps for 12 hours at a time at night!! I think that if you can provide for your daughter then you should have no problems keeping her. Now for the no father thing, there's millions of girls out there who are single mothers and their children do not have fathers. As long as she has unconditional love she will be fine..I hope this helped you!!

Kelsey - posted on 06/01/2009

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If you do adopt I suggested finding the birth family and meeting them in person. That way you know that your child is getting a good home. Also you can still have visitations written into the adoption contract if you want an open adoption. But really this decision can only be made by you. Do what you feel is best for your child. If you think your child could grow up happy with just you as a mother and you can handle it and still raise a happy child then do it. If you think she'd be better off with another family then find someone for her. Just make sure she is going to a great family.

Samantha - posted on 06/01/2009

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im sorry you ahve to make this decision i was i nalmost the sam position but i was 15 having baby and i was so scared to have my daughter and iwas really consedring adoption cuz i didnt think i was going to be the best mom for her or beable to give her the best life or everything she desirved but then i designed i could do it i realized i had a family that loved me and would love my baby when i had her no matter what they'd support me and help me and i know my daughter father and hes not around much but my daughter has many father figures to be there for her but if you think that you and your famialy cant provied a good life for her and someone eles can maybe an open adotion may be good you can still see the baby or if that not soemthing you want then closed mey be better but if you keep i dont know you but i really think you can do it i was so worried the day i took my baby home i was so afried i was going to mess something up with her or i wouldnt wake up to her but were fine now and we have a great relation ship and a bond that like unbreakable but i hope you make what ever desions best for you and your baby and being a single moms is hard but it not that baby but i think adoptin would be hard but thats my option sorry about the speeling good luck

Samantha - posted on 06/01/2009

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im sorry you ahve to make this decision i was i nalmost the sam position but i was 15 having baby and i was so scared to have my daughter and iwas really consedring adoption cuz i didnt think i was going to be the best mom for her or beable to give her the best life or everything she desirved but then i designed i could do it i realized i had a family that loved me and would love my baby when i had her no matter what they'd support me and help me and i know my daughter father and hes not around much but my daughter has many father figures to be there for her but if you think that you and your famialy cant provied a good life for her and someone eles can maybe an open adotion may be good you can still see the baby or if that not soemthing you want then closed mey be better but if you keep i dont know you but i really think you can do it i was so worried the day i took my baby home i was so afried i was going to mess something up with her or i wouldnt wake up to her but were fine now and we have a great relation ship and a bond that like unbreakable but i hope you make what ever desions best for you and your baby and being a single moms is hard but it not that baby but i think adoptin would be hard but thats my option sorry about the speeling good luck

Kandace - posted on 06/01/2009

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Hi I would just like to comment. I got pregnant when I was 15 years old, I to had to think of different things I should do that would be best for my son. I hope you make the best decision for both of you. If you think you are ready to raise a baby, you can do it. If the only reason you do not want to keep your baby is because she won't have a father my advice would be to not make a decision based on that. I know some single moms and they are amazing, once you have your little girl it will all make sense what you should do. good luck to you and your baby!

Rachel - posted on 06/01/2009

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I agree with Savannah...If you want her you should keep her---yes it will be hard! but parenting is soooo rewarding! and there are plenty of wonderful men out there who would love to raise a unbiological child as there own....So just because the babys bialogical father will not be in the picture does not mean that she will never have a father or a father figure! It takes more than sperm to make a man a dad!....You have to follow your heart! If you give her up chances are you will regret it at some point-but if your heart tells you to let her go then let her go-but if your heart says no then you really need to listen to it! I wish you the best of luck in your decision!

Savannah - posted on 06/01/2009

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Just because there is no father in the picture now does not mean that there will never be a father. If you want her, keep her!

Kimberly - posted on 05/31/2009

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i think that you should give her up for adoption but make sure that you can keep in contact with her through out the years it's called open adoption and you should really hammer the details out with the adopting parents before the baby is born cause if you don't they might change their mind later on.

Desiree - posted on 05/31/2009

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everyone says that a child needs a father. but thats not true. it is true that they need a man in their life but it doesnt have to be a father. it could be your dad if you are close to him. or a really close male friend. Father figures are important but kids can survive just fine with out them. Dont give up your baby because you feel they are missing something like that. I didnt grow up with a dad and i came out fine( at least i like to think so). I mean i did wish that my dad was there for me, but i dont feel like i missed out on much growing up with just my mom. she was always there for me. she provided for me. she got to have double the enjoyment of watching us grow up because she raised us. she did it on her own.

Lyndsay - posted on 05/30/2009

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I would say that if you want your child and feel that you are capable of raising her, then you should keep her. At the same time, if there is ANY part of you that does not want to have the child to raise as your very own then you should just adopt her. As for the issue with the father... I don't think that is a good enough reason.

Kelby - posted on 05/30/2009

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i think that you should do what your heart tells you to do. she can still be raised with a dad. just not her blood dad. and he may not be there right at the begining, i honestly think that if i were to give my son up when he is born i would greatly regret it!!

Angel - posted on 05/30/2009

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Hey I went through the same thing, and the father tried to pressure me into abortion, then adoption, and we broke up, but I decided that it wasnt anyone's choice but mine...I felt in my heart that I would be miserable for the rest of my life thinking about my son with another family, calling someone else "mama" and etc. I would always wonder "what if". Well my parents supported me and I just graduated yesterday as Valedictorian of my high school class. I had lead in our muscal this year, and I am still breastfeeding. I am not bragging, i'm just letting you know that if I could do all that without a sturdy father relationship (he is just now starting to caome around, and my son is 9 months old on june 2nd) then you can get through with being a single mom. if you're worried what ppl will think about no dad, then just imagine what those ppl will think of the millions of women in the world who are single mothers and know that there are more of us than there are of them. we will all unite and those ppl out there who judge will have their Judgement day. It's not easy to be a parent, but that is true no matter what age you are. Send me a message if you need to talk, I've been in your shoes.

Misty-lee - posted on 05/30/2009

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hey hope i am a young mother to a beautiful 4m.o daughter called maddison yes it is hard some days but you can do it and the + side is you get too raise a beautiful Daughter and love her and hold her every single day and watch her grow up and do many things in my oppion i think you should keep you're daughter raise her as best as you can keep your head up high and never look back just think of her 1st birthday and so on keep strong and dont let anyone tell you that you can't do it

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wow, i can't imagine what your going thru. As most of everyone has said it is totally your choice, only you know what is both good for you and the baby. Its hard being a single parent. i got pregnant at 17, left her father, cause of drugs and everything, she barely knows him. i sometimes wish that she would have a father in her life, but honestly, i would not change it at all. i'd rather have her happy and being a good parent to her and doing the best that i can for her without a father, than being with a 'father' that made me miserable. and honestly its not that bad.... yeah theres the sleepless nights but its so worth seeing your baby everyday, seeing her grow, and everything.. its worth every second.. i find it fairly easy actually *knock on wood* and i wouldnt change it for the world.

In any family the father could leave and the kids not know them. You never know you can find the love of your life tomorrow, and he will be the father for that baby.. .. Honestly as long as you have a good support system (your parents, your friends, your family,) then thats the first step. either way whatever you decide to do, know that no matter what you are not a bad mother... a friend of mine gave up her son in february, and she regrets it everyday. she was in the same situation she didnt know the father, and she wasnt sure if she could handle being a mother, and in the end she gave it up, and she regrets it every day. but like i said its totally up to you...that was just her. everyone is different.... good luck with everything.

Savannah - posted on 05/28/2009

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I don't know much about you so I really don't know what to say. But I am about to be 21 my kids are 24 months apart and when my youngest (my son) was 6 weeks, their father told us to leave. We had been married 3 years. If you have a strong support system and you are committed to raising a healthy, happy child it won't be easy but it will be worth it. I have lived with my mom since beginning of Sept. & this Sat I'm getting on my own. I am so nervous but my kids are almost 3 & 10 months now so I am ready. Just have faith and if you need anything send me a message

Alycia - posted on 05/28/2009

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I think what your facing is the hardest decision a parent has to make. YOU are NOT a BAD MOTHER if you give your child up for adoption, I'm sure anyone she would go to had been praying for the moment they could have a child in their lives and will ensure she lives a wonderful life.



That being said there is nothing in the world that compares with the emotions that overwhelm you after you bring life into this world. I was able to be slightly more disconnected during my pregnancy because you know somethings in there but you can't see or touch it so there's a connection but not always a bond. When I worked that hard and brought my son into the world I knew this was the greatest accomplishment of my life and I felt like Superwoman. I'm not a single parent but my husband is away with the military so for the time being I am, I'm still in University done for the summer right now but things are still hard. Everything I do, everything I sacrifice, everything I work hard for is all more than worth it when those big beautiful blue eyes look into mine and he gives me that smile that I know is speaking the words he can't say yet I LOVE YOU MOM!



I wish you strength and courage to get through this tough decision you're trying to make. Know that either way things will work out for the best and either way you're doing what you need to as a mother keeping her or giving her away so that she may live the life she deserves to! Good Luck darlin

Amy - posted on 05/28/2009

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If you cannot decide whether adoption is the best thing for you and your baby, then maybe it isn't. If you knew 100% that having your baby adopted was the best thing, then it would be, but you don't, so you really do need to think things through. You may not have the babies dad around, but with the help of friends and family then you can do it! It's a scary thought, bringing up a baby alone, but with those people that love you and care about you surrounding you and helping you then you can find that strength somewhere! Good luck! And please let us know what you decide. xxx

Toni - posted on 05/28/2009

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I am not going to lie I just had a baby on christmas eve and it is defiinatly alot harder thatn I thought. But you can do it. Just think how many moms have done this exact thing... All you have to do is think if they can do it so can I... And for the father thing you shouldnt worry there are some great guys out there and you will find one that will love you both..

Sondra - posted on 05/26/2009

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Hope, This is 100% up to you. But please stop and think, yes she does need a father, but she also, if not more, needs a mother. Her mother. Yes having a baby is hard. I will not sugar coat it for you. But God will not give you anything so hard that you can not handle. I was 17 yrs. old when I became pregnant with my first child. I was scared to death! I did not know what to do. I had my daughter and I kept my daughter and 4 yrs later I had another daughter. And guess what I was scared to death all over again. It is natural to be scared because you want the best for your child. You do not have to worry about strength...it will come to you. My children are my strength!!! I live everyday for them. I have learned SO MUCH from my children. I would hate for you and your child to miss out on the best of both of your lives. If you do decide to keep your child, there will always be many options open to help you. You said in your post you want to keep her. Then don't deny yourself of what you want. Be there for your daughter. Give her the love she will need. It is ok to be scared. Once you see her beautiful face your fears will not be so bad after all. My best advice for you is to make a plan and set goals to reach for. Take baby steps together and you will be amazed at how wonderful your life can be.You and your baby have so much ahead of you. And it is all worth it no matter how hard it may be. I wish you all the happiness for you and your baby. I hope this helps and I wish you well!!!

Samantha - posted on 05/26/2009

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i agree with the other mums.. it is totaly ur decision.. some people regret giving their babies up for adoption but some dont.. if you think it is best then go for it!! u can always ask the adoptive parents if u can still see her and everything.. or get them to keep u updated with how she is goin!

when i found out i was pregnant, myself n my parnter (the daddy). we were broken up and fightin at the tme.. but when i told him he was going to be a daddy he wanted to stick around and sort us out and to this day we are happy and have a healthy lil boy whom is 10 months old now!

but i no a few single mums that dnt no the father and they have heaps of support behind them.. and like the other mums say u can find the love of ur life and he can be a great dad like model to ur lil girl!!

x

Nicole - posted on 05/26/2009

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I honestly never thought about adoption when i was pregnate. Its a really hard choice, But i think if you deside to give your baby to a great family i think thats amazing.,Most people cant do this. i think babies are gifts and giving a gift to someone that cant have one is so amazing. i cant say the word amazing enough. Now that i have my daighter so young i have been considering the idea of caring a child for someone .in the way future. i look at myself with a baby so young and and what a surprise she was. but i think about all those other people that cant have babys. its really heart breaking. if you wanna ask me anything i dont mind good luck with your choice. : ) Ether way your an amazing mom. even for thinkin about giving your child the best chice

Emma - posted on 05/26/2009

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only you know what is best for your baby.. adoption wasnt an option for me, even though my daughters father didn't want her.. being a mum is an absolutely amazing feeling, and im glad we have her.. im sure u have friends and family who are willing to help you, but if at the end of the day if you want to give ur baby up for adoption maybe consider an open adoption, where you can receive updates on ur baby.. this is a massive decision and unfortunately its one only u can make.. even if you dont know the babies father it doesnt mean that u can give ur baby the best life she deserves.. i didnt meet my dad until i was 11 and i regret meeting him, my life was fine before he came into it!! take care and make sure ur decision is a well informed one!

Monique - posted on 05/26/2009

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no its not that hard single mums do great i have a friend that went through what your thinking amd she kept ot and now its loving life with her daugther and loves to wtach her grow up and teach her new things and us friends help her out when she needs it for time out to herself we look after her little girl and its no problem for us we love it and i am now expectiong and due in 9 weeks and cant waitand there is also family that will help you out im sure

Christina - posted on 05/26/2009

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your in a scary situation that only you could figure out. do you think its best for you to give her up? are you giving her up because you dont know the father or there is no father? im sorry im no help but i could only put these questions out there to make sure you thought this through. you have less than a month to think it out clearly. you never know having a father in your babys life may be a better thing later down the line. if you have parents that are willing to help you then lean on them alittle , im pretty sure your father will be willing to play the father role for awhile or should i say the father figure. that what my dad is doing. good luck on your choice i hope you make the best one.

Jocelyn - posted on 05/26/2009

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only you truly know what is good for both you and the baby. if you want too keep her, and the only thing holding you back is that you want her to have a father, remember no one knows if the father is going to be around in any relationship. you don't know the birth father, but that's ok, you could find the love of your life (and a great dad for the little one) next month, next year etc. my niece would have been way better off if she had never known her birth father. but her mom has now found the love of her life and a great dad for her 3 yr old daughter. if you are scared to be a single mom, there are plenty of groups out there for support. but if you feel that you cannot provide a proper life for this baby (as to the best of your abilities) then give her to a loving family that can give her everything she will need, she will be loved no less. i really hope that you figure everything out, i cant even imagine having to make a decision like this. my thoughts will be with you and good luck in life :)

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