I am going to be a grandma at 38

Bobbie - posted on 05/02/2012

Life is about to hit her squarely upside the head. I can only assume she will need states assistance at that age. They will give her guidance and encourage parenting classes. Don't make it easier for her by baby sitting just so she can have time to herself. She doesn't get time to herself when she has a baby. it has been my experience that those young girls who get help when the baby first comes home and gets all the babysitting they need to keep living their life at school and have any socializing time, have a tendency to have less patience with their children and become aggressive. You would think being with the baby all the time would cause that issue but what it does is bond the mother and baby closer so she learns the baby's cries and what each cry means. She can sooth the baby easier after she learns these and gains confidence by seeing how she can settle him/her down quickly.
If her father allows her to remain at home after the baby comes it will be a miracle. Daughters usually want to move in with mom thinking "built in babysitter" so that may be a very bad move on everyone's part. Seriously, how are you going to say no to loving on a beautiful little baby while she gets to act 14 and hang on the phone texting, even if she stays home. No, your best bet is to make her wing it, learn the ropes or decide adoption as a choice.

Chelsea - posted on 08/05/2009

Have you talked to her father? Maybe you two could sit down with her and talk to her. Another suggestion is have her talk to a few of the mothers on here who had kids around her age. Maybe hearing about the real struggles would get her to understand. Is she against the idea of adoption??

Ciara - posted on 08/04/2009

Annette, I was 14 1/2 when my first son was born and let me tell you it took me for a rollar coaster, I too didnt realize the responsibility it took to raise a child and I refused adoption support because I figured oh I can handle it I've raised enough of everyone else's kids. At first I did great, but after a while as my son got older I wasnt such a great mom, I wanted to be a teenager again and have my fun and sadly my son paid the price for it. But after I turned 18 I guess you could say I finally got my shit together and started realizing my son was very important to me and I couldnt deal with the fact that hed latched on to my grandma the way he had because she was there to support him during my wild outtings. Its going to be a hard road for your daughter and the best thing you can do is support her in every way possible, same for the rest of your family, support her and help her but let her know she has to be responsible for her child once the baby is born.

P.S. My mom was a grandma by early 30's

Jenny - posted on 08/04/2009

Well at 23 with two of my own and one on the way I definitely would not say to let her make her own decisions. I would say just to keep on her and keep trying as much as you can to let her know that she has your support and that you worry about her. When I got pregnant at 16 my mother couldn't have cared less plus she sat around with her husband at the time and said things in front of my little sisters like that I was trying to kill my baby and that I was a whore and this and that. It ruined mine and my mother's relationship or what was left of it. I never felt that my mother really ever cared about us and when a girl starts out like that then has children of her own it can have a lot of emotional affects of her. Also if she would be willing I would tell her to get on Circle of Moms...there is alot of support and help here. Also remember she is still a child and may not make choices for her and her child that you agree with but when it comes down to it as long as you support her she will realize sooner or later the faults that she has made and she will thank you for being there for her when she feels like no one else is.

Jade - posted on 08/03/2009

my mum was a mum for the 5th time at 39 and a grandma at 41 :D. now back to the question lol



I think it is important that she gets some guidance, does she have a step mum sho can direct her? an older sister who she may listen to? a trusted family friend? a sensible friend of hers who may be able to help? the baby's fathers parents? the baby's father? (all this assuming that she won't take it from you)



sorry i am rambiling abit, jsut rying to throw some ideas around