I have a respectful abortion question

Cindy - posted on 01/06/2011

I know its hard to understand Laura I was raised as a Catholic you just don't do the abortion thing!! But its pro -choise now... when a child grows up and they know there adopted most go look for there teal parents its hard living your whole life wondering if this child is going to find you its like a emotional roller coaster! !! Years and years ago they destroyed record of finding your real parent!! Now its very easy to find them ... it can destroy a family if they know nothing about this other child. We all know when a baby is conserved its alive, but a lot of people don't see it that way"" it sounds to me like your raking your brain to find the right answer Hun there isn't a right or wrong answer for this!!?? This is why its called pro- choice. I'm sorry but that is just my opinion, and there is nothing you nor I can do about it. Sorry you are taking it so hard, but I hope somewhere somehow you can rest your mind!!

Cindy



Cindy

Nikkole - posted on 01/05/2011

I could never abort a baby if i were to become pregnant it was my choice to have sex so i deal with what comes of it the baby did NOTHING to deserve to die who knows that baby could be the next president and if you abort youll never know! If i were this girl i would have rather given my child up for adoption i would have picked the family and had an open adoption and had it written saying i could see the baby every so often and receive pictures! I would rather tell his/her brother that mommy couldnt afford two babies so we had to give your brother/sister to a nice home rather than i couldn't handle another baby so i had to get an abortion and then have to explain what that is! Like i ALWAYS say you should always use 2 forms of birth control like say you are on the pill so your bf or husband wears a condom to! I know mistakes happen and people get pregnant but if you dont want it to happen again and CAN'T afford or mentally deal with another child then keep it from happening dont have sex.

Adriana - posted on 01/05/2011

because she isnt smart how do u give up a child after raising one i will never understand it i would think that u would appreciate children after having one and not just abort it there is no excuse for what she did she is wrong

Brenda - posted on 01/05/2011

i was 19 and pregnant with my second child. my 1st was hospitalized because he is handicapped and we were dealing with some issues. i don't judge people for their decision to do abortion but i will say that i owned up to my responsiblities and i don't regret having 2 children before i was 21. it wasn't their fault.

Amber - posted on 01/05/2011

i had an abortion when my son was two. i was a single mother living with my mother, and there was no way i could afford to feed two mouthes and give them both a good life. i got pregnant while on the pill and i had an abortion and i don't regret it. not for a second. that's not to say it didn't suck, but my son's life is better for it and i never would have met my fantastic husband who is an amazing father to him. just sayin' :)

Amanda - posted on 01/05/2011

I always said abortion is so wrong and I would never do it and no body should ever have an abortion. But things change when your put in that position. I thought I was pregnant again when my daughter was only 11 months old and we were still living with my inlaws. There was no way i could stop working in a year again and we just wouldnt be able to handle another baby and yes i was on BC, but i was very lucky and it turned out i was not pregnant. What im trying to say is never judge anyone until your in that position yourself because you can say all you want i would never do that but you really dont know until it happens. I personally dont think i could ever actually go through with it though.

Bridget - posted on 01/04/2011

i think that she should have given the baby up for adoption..personally i could never ever have a abortion i think that its wrong there are so many people who want to adopt babies

Sheila Sudlow - posted on 01/04/2011

because she cant see the baby in real life its not there so its easier not knowing what is being get rid of .we have just covered abortion in depth on our blog post if anyone wants to know what really goes on please visit it i was alarmed when i knew what size a baby was at 3 months see ( premature baby dot info ) now to know more!

Marc - posted on 01/04/2011

Hello Laura,

i have a very good understanding of how this girl on 16 and pregnant felt as i was pregnant at 14 and had my son at 15.
i am now 22 and my son is 7, when i found out i was pregnant i went with my mam to the doctors to see what options were available. it was explained to me that i was unable to have an abortion as i was past the 12 weeks ( i was actually 14 1/2 weeks)
after a long and difficuly chat we booked an appointment with my local bupa clinic to have an abortion. i lay down on the bed and the doctor gave me a scan.
both me and my mam looked at the screen and looked at my baby.
i agreed an abortion untill we left and sat in the car park, i sat in the car and cried to my mam i wanted to keep it. we then went to buy me bigger clothes.
without the help of my mam i am unsure how i would of coped and i am sure i would of had an abortion.

now for the second part of my story...
at 15 still with my new boyfriend (19) i found out i was pregnat again, i used condoms and i was on the injection as i was so scared of ever having a baby.
i had severe post-natal depression and after some very long and hard chats we decided that abortion would be best for us. i had a son that i was struggling to come to terms with and another baby would be a burden. i know this sounds hard as it didnt ask to be on this earth but this is how i was thinking at the time.
the day befor my16th birthday i had an abortion.
i can honestly say that the experience will haunt me for the rest of my life but i treasure my son more.

adoption wasn't an option in both pregnancies as i couldn't cope knowing that my baby would be out there with another family, i had kept one baby and how would i explain that i had chosen one and not the other. i also spoke to a close family friend who explained that when she was 16 she was forced to give her baby up and she hated herself every day because of it.(she is now 56).

i am now in a adult relationship and getting married this year, we have spoken about childent and i have explained i will neevr have another baby as it's not fair on the one i had aborted.

i hope this has helped you to understand.

Tina - posted on 01/04/2011

i was 16 when i got pregnant and my sons father is not in his life cause he and his whole side of the family tried to get me to get an abortion but i dont belive in it and i would not give him up now he has everything a lil boy could want and im proud my parent supported me the whole time

Ro-selina - posted on 01/03/2011

its because of the bond that pregnancy creates :( its better to not be pregnant and its could possibly be better for the baby too specially if you already have a child ..:/

Randie - posted on 01/03/2011

Its really strange that people are heartbroken when they have miscarriages but the choose to abort doesn't feel as bad...I honestly feel like if you really wish something wasn't wrong (like abortion) then you will make up as many accuses in your head that will make it feel right.
example: right now I KNOW cheating is wrong. But in my last relationship I cheated. and I would think in my head all the reasons why it was okay in this circumstance, and the more accuses I made up the better I felt about doing it. Now... I know its wrong and I know I was full of crap with all my "accuses" as to why it was right.
Doing something wrong can always be sugar coated to those that WANT it to be right.

Sarah - posted on 01/03/2011

Krystal, i think thats an amazing, loving thing you did for your aunt and uncle :) What i am trying to understand, is after the first time you discovered you were pregnant, why didn't you use contraception? Don't you think if you had have been more safe you wouldn't have had to suffer through so much?

Ashley, i totally agree that everyone has a right to their own decision! but.. i assume if you know you aren't capable of having another you are being safe so you don't need to abort.
I disagree that life starts when they take their first breath, because that means all full term still borns never lived. Of course they lived, they move and kick and hear and breathe amniotic fluid and have a heart beat, fully formed organs, how is that not living? I also don't think people who have aborted should be made to feel like they've murdered someone, people should be respectful to their decisions and not be so cruel as to say that to them, but basically, abortion is murder, its ending a life before it has begun, and in some circumstances there are no other options but in most there are better options and people need to understand the consequences of their actions before they make the decision. :)

Krystal - posted on 01/03/2011

HI there. Me personally have been through all four. Abortion, miscarriage, parenting and adoption. I first found out I was pregnant at 15 and knew straight away I would not be able to look after this kid. Not to mention the fact that i didn't know who the father was. I also selfishly wanted to get my life sorted out and carry on with my education and just simply thought that this would get in the way. So, I easily made the decision of having an abortion as it felt best. Having an abortion did not affect me at all as I guess I didnt really see it as a human being at the time. Then two years later at 17 I fell pregnant with my boyfriend who I am still with. We both were still trying to decide what we were going to do when I had a miscarriage. This was something that ripped me apart and I just couldnt stop crying for days. I couldnt believe that my baby had just died and thats when I started thinking of the abortion I had had 2 years ago and fell into a depressed mode where I thought myself as a murderer. It was a really tough time and thats when I got to realise how the abortion actually affects you. Thankfully my partner helped me get through it all. Then a year later once again I was pregnant at 18 and knew straight away I had to keep her. 9 months later Perseyyus Dezahree Matene Naera was born on the 13/12/2009. She is the most precious thing in the world and it made me think why would I give up something like that. However 3 months down the track and I was pregnant again and here I was thinking again. We didnt feel that it was the right time to have another child and also that we wouldnt be able to give it the life it deserved. I knew that I definitely did not want to abort this one but my partner was also against adoption. We were literally stuck. I talked to my aunty about it and found out they wanted kids but were infertile. Straight away I knew that if I could reason with my partner this would be the best option. I told him that giving the baby a chance at life would be better than killing it and he agreed. 22/12/10 Mason Sydney Matene was born and we adopted him to my aunty and uncle. We still see him everyday and I think its the best option

Ashley - posted on 01/03/2011

i think its a very personal choice, I know personaly if i was to fall pregnant i would have to weigh up all my options, I have a 10 month old daughter, who is the apple of my eye i love her so much and am enjoying the time we have together and watching her grow up, to add a baby at this point would strech the time i have for her and everything else... I dont belive that life starts at conseption.. i belive that life starts when they take there 1st breath, and every woman should be able to make there own choice about what they are going to do with there body, if they are mentaly and finachaly ready to havea child. its a lifetime comitment, if ur not ready for it u shouldnt be made to feel like u have murdered someone.

Randie - posted on 01/03/2011

Jami you are 100% correct in my opinion...love your post. And congratulations. I actually found out I was pregnant with baby #2 ON christmas day lol. I havent told alot of people yet. Trying to find a unique way to announce it. Congrats tho! Good luck with your mother inlaw lol

Jami - posted on 01/03/2011

It's easier to do anything less moral... Not bashing it, so please no rude remarks. However, my views are, that it's always easier to do things "sinful" ( if you are religious or not ) in nature, than the right thing. But what people do not realize is that doing the right thing, instead, though it may be harder ; builds character, respect, responsibility, ect. The only situation that I can see that it would be okay to consider abortion ( though I still highly discourage it ), is if the mother was gang-raped, or some severe situation as such. I believe that if you wanted to have sex, and/or be promiscuous ( like the girl who didn't know the father because she slept around ), then you deserve to suffer the consequences-how else will people learn right from wrong? If i was promiscuous at 15, sleeping around with different guys and found out that i could just have an abortion & there were no consequences for my actions, i probably wouldn't have used protection, either! And would most likely have aids or some incurable std, by now! lol When i found out I was pregnant with my first, my mother & mother-in-law-to-be (lol, I was engaged, but not married yet) both pushed me to have an abortion, but I wanted my baby - my fiance & I had actually been trying to get pregnant. Here we are 2 years later & he is the LIGHT of my life! I don't know where my husband or I would be if it weren't for him... probably dead somewhere!( okay that was an exaggeration, ha ) Just found out we're pregnant with number 2, about 5 weeks, and told family on Christmas. You would think that because we are actually married now, and doing great, that they would be happy, but my mother in law, well I guess shes just psycho, isn't happy for us or supportive for that matter. No matter what way you do it, someone is going to rain on your parade but I don't see that as a reason to not allow who COULD be the next president to live! you know? but I'll stop rambling on now hahaha! just had to get it all off my chest X-D

Shae - posted on 01/03/2011

I know for a while there I seriously looked at all options, my boyfriend and I decided neither of us (but especially me,) wouldn't be able to hold the child in our arms, feel it kick, etc. and give it to someone else; so, we thought about abortion, maybe it would have been a better decision for us, I don't know, with both of us being 17 and neither of us having a job it has been hard; but we both love our little one and we are proud of our decision to keep her. I have seen so many of the people around me who have had abortions, generally because they feel they don't have the support to raise a child. I think that abortion is a hard choice to make, for some it is the right choice however, and whether you feel bad about your choice or glad you made the appropriate choice, so long as it was YOUR choice that is all that matters. It annoys me most when people don't make the choice and the child suffers for it. I know a girl who perhaps should of made the choice, but continued to put it off because she didn't want to be responsible for making said choice, now her little one is ignored and generally taken care of by the girls grandmother. So in her not being responsible enough to make the decision to let the little ones soul back in to the universe, she ended up with the responsibility of the child itself, and isn't doing very well. I think sometimes you have to be more strong to make the decision to not have the child then make the decision to keep it. I'm proud of my friends who did make the decision, because THEY made the decision, and that makes it best for them. It is when people are pressured into the decision of having and abortion that problems come.

Tabitha - posted on 01/02/2011

Hi, im kinda new to this app on facebook, i was reading thorugh all the posts before i replied... growing up i was always taught that abortion was wrong, that god would look down on my sin... But i always believed that certain situations should get almost like a free pass... people get pregnant even though they are careful and some people get pregnant through no control of their own...

I was 18 when i got pregnant... i was with this guy for.. about 3 years... thought he was my world... only problem was, his parents didnt like me, i wasnt living at home, and my home life, even on the good, was not so much... i was up for scholarships for college.. i had life going for me, so many plans...and i was trying to get out.. to be something... i decided to go for the abortion... i have in fact regretted the decision, the second it happened i cried to take it back... too little too late... i ended up moving up north for just under a year to help me deal with the anguish i felt... my boyfriend got scared (he was having a hard time dealing with it too) and stopped all communication, i never told my family because i thought at the time i wouldnt have any support... working through the problems of life... i now have a baby boy of 3 years... he is the light of my life... when i found out i was pregnant... i was 19.. only a year after having my abortion... there was no thought of abortion or adoption... i always think about what is older brother or sister would have looked like... i think about if it was a little girl i let go or a little boy... but i cant live in the past.. its not healthy....

Now why i didnt go with adoption... i believed at the time that i would have lost my family... they were very strict when it came to this topic... also, my boyfriend, yes scared, but could not bare the thought of another family raising his child... which i understand, but i fully think adoption is the best choice, but i believe it can be the hardest... the feeling of being pregnant, feeling the connection between your self and the being inside is something that words cannot begin to explain... and a lot of women have a hard time letting go, specially if they had to endure hardships from the life around them because of this decision....

Being afraid of the child being abused and so forth i think is more a movie thing... now adays the screening process is so intense,.... they dont just give babies to anyone... also, people who are afraid to give up a child and keep it, that child may suffer and that is an even worse thing.... trying to protect can hurt...

I now am a single mother, no support, my family lives out east, i work full time... i do the best i can for what i have... now if i had kept the first pregnancy i believe my life would be much different, but i do not believe for the better... it has taken more than 2 years for my father and i to speak... the father and i split very recently after we found out i was carrying... i believed i made the right decision and i also believe that had i decided to go adoption, i would have a child a year older, the feeling of being pregnant was one of my highlights... i had a very easy going pregnancy..... also i forgot to mention earlier... i got pregnant at 18 while i was on birth control.. and had been for over a year... i was also worried about birth defects... but i know i would not have been able to let go, signed agreement or not...

Any ways.... i dont believe you will ever have your question answered because i dont believe there really is one... every single person is different, whether it age, upbringing, area, skin color... we all have different opioions. everyone is entitled to what they feel... and as hard as it is to grasp for some, its seems easy to others.. its good that you have an open mind though and see that there is other options out there and its comforting i think, to know that no matter what your circumstance, all these are always available...

Sarah - posted on 01/02/2011

Michelle, nothing against your decision at all, if you feel you did the right thing for you then thats good, andi think you are courageous for sharing that with us, but i don't think abortion is a better choice than adoption in general. Without taking peoples personal situation into consideration, adoption is a much more kind thing to do. The baby didn't ask to be brought to life and that soul deserves a loving family if that person is able to provide one. I know in your situation, you were not able to do so and i fully respect that, but like i said, just in general, adoption is a lovely generous thing to do, make a family for a nice couple. I felt i didn't need to adopt my baby out because even at 15 i could give her a loving family, but thats just me; and like you said emotionally it would be destroying to give away someone you love so much,
I suppose you could live with the comfort that your child is living a great life, one that you could not provide for them :)

Randie - posted on 01/02/2011

Controversial Talk on Circle of Moms

Michelle - posted on 01/02/2011

i think an abortion is bettr choice than giving up the child, as we are not so attached to the baby that is so little and if the pregnancy is in early stages, its more "easy" to do it,

I considered an abortion myself when i was 19, it wasnt the best time for me to have baby, asi was abroad, and i had just the one night stand (stupid thing to do), i considered to do an abortion, i was 7 weeks pregnant, it was the worst day of my life, the pain and the feeling that i actually killed my child was so big, but over the years, i learned that it was the only way i could go, obviously the experience ive had, will never go away i still think about that, and i remember every moment of that, but i know that i wouldnt be able give to the baby the best start, as my parents arent much supportive,
now, 6 years later i am a mother to a 16 month old boy, and i know that he is my world,
Knowing that u getting attached to the child from the first sings of the pregnancy, i wouldnt be able to give it up for adoption (my first child).
I think that considering abortion is a good choice, but only if mother relize that she cannot provide for the child.
Adoption is even more painfull, as u going through the pregnancy, u giving the birth and that, its not easy at all!

Casey - posted on 01/02/2011

I use to say that i will never have an abortion but that all changed when i was faced with the similar situation as markai. No one knows when they will face it, so you can't say that i will never have one. It would have been my second child but at that moment i couldn't do it because of certain circumstances so my boyfriend(my daughter father)and i weighed our options and felt the same way as markai so we went along with the medical abortion. I dont really think about it. It hasn't affect me and we dont talk about it.In life we never know what we will face so don't say never will i do this or that. I know for sure that was my first and last abortion!!

Iysha - posted on 01/01/2011

I think it would be easier to have an abortion...just because when you are in those first months of pregnancy, you havent felt a kick, havent seen what looks like a baby in an ultrasound, havent seen the baby move in your tummy, haven t gave birth, havent seen the baby, havent heard or held the baby. I know that if I was to have lost my baby while I was pregnant, it would have been a lot easier than losing my baby after giving birth to her. That bond that happened after she was born was way more intense than anything that I experienced while I was pregnant, even while I was int he hospital for preterm labor and not knowing why or what was going to happen. With that being said, if someone was in a bad situation and didnt want their unborn baby, an abortion can seem like an easier and even better option than giving birth then giving away their baby. I know I could have lived with an abortion but I dont know how easy it would have been to give my daughter to someone else after having her...I think it would have been way to heartbreaking and painful for me.

Randie - posted on 01/01/2011

Lisa...can you see my point about a women being so scared or nervous that of course they are going to consider abortion if its an option. Thats why I dont think it should be an option. If we are scared of what people will think if we have this baby(especially in a teenage mind), or scared of how hard it will be, then abortion will seem so simple at the time. If you were against it before and considered it at the moment then it seems like its easy to not think so clearly when you are scared and dont see another option. I wish people had to look at the face of who there baby would be before they choose abortion. I know that looking at my daughter it seems crazy that if I aborted her.. this life of hers would have never happened. (Which for me I never considered it or even thought of abortion)

Lisa - posted on 01/01/2011

Honestly I have been against it my whole life. I got pregnant when my daughter was only 6 months and that was the first thought to cross my mind. It shocked me that I would even consider that. I now know that you can not know whether you would do it or not unless you are in that position. I didn't have one. But my husband and I have a ton of help. It's still very hard, but these girls are my life.

Jamie - posted on 01/01/2011

I'm 21 right now, I was with my ex boyfriend for maybe a year. I got pregnant on our last date. We planned on one last time together and that was it we'd break up. Turns out I got pregnant. I didn't tell my parents for a month. All 3 options were running through my head. I couldn't choose what was best. One day I called the abortion clinic and decided to make an appointment to see what they do. I went and it scared me for life. I could never imagine getting an abortion. After I left I decided I had to keep the baby. I feel like abortion is ok if you honestly feel like you can't take care of a baby. I couldn't imagine giving my baby up for adoption either my only choice was keeping the baby. I give women a lot of credit for knowing the right decision is adoption, they are very selfless! I think if you believe you are making the right decision then that's what you should do. Now my son is 1 1/2 years old and I could never imagine my life without him!

Marty - posted on 01/01/2011

I've had to make the EXACT same decision as her when my daughter was only 5 months old...
It wasn't hard and it's not that I didn't think it was a living thing. I was totally aware of that.
I chose abortion over adoption because I couldn't see myself having a very happy or healthy pregnancy, knowing that this child wasn't going to mine, risking depression, resentment, whatever you have it. It was easier to bear with the thought of the abortion then the thought of giving birth to something so beautiful and regretting at the last minute and dissapointing the couple who may have adopted my child.
It was about pro's and con's when I chose. I had a worker make me write down all 3 options and how chosing them would affect me NOW, 1 year and 3 years down the road.
I've never thought back on it, never regretted, my life went on and I'm happy.
But it's NOT an easy decision.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/01/2011

That boy was adopted internationally from an orphanage institution when he was 4. BIG difference from a local adoption from day 1 straight out of the hospital.
With your daughters autism, yes bonding is hard, but an adoptive mom would love her child too, and be trying her hardest to be the best mom she can.
They don't pay tons of money, sit through background checks and home checks just so they can abuse a baby. Adoptive families are usually so desperate for a child to love that they tend to err on the side of spoiling, not on abusing.
We had 25 foster babies through private adoption, and honestly those adoptive couples were so scared to hurt the baby! They treated those babies like they were royalty because they knew how lucky and blessed they were to be given the greatest gift possible.
There's even a special on tv about a couple who adopted 17 some kids all with special needs, all with serious health or behavioral issues and those parents were awesome! They adored those kids and gave them a life so good.

Christina - posted on 01/01/2011

Actually, adopted kids are abused just like kids being raised by their biological parents. Did you not watch Dr Phil where that mother was being extremely abusive to her adoptive son? My daughter could not bond with anyone. It took her until she was almost 4yrs old before she was able to fully bond with me. At 8yrs old, she still has issues relating and bonding.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/01/2011

I can't say I've ever heard of adopted kids being murdered these days, foster kids yeah, but infants adopted from birth I've never seen bad stories about any abuse. An adoptive parent has kinda the same relationship as a dad or grandparent does because only the birth mom has the baby inside her, everyone else meets baby the first time after birth, so I think an adoptive couple would be just as easily bonded as a dad would be.

Christina - posted on 01/01/2011

I considered adoption with my first two children. If I believed in abortion, I would have aborted my second child. I was not in a position to take care of her. I was already a single teenage mom to a 1yr old boy and in school full time trying to better our lives. It was the hardest decision I ever made. I would have placed my second child for adoption if my exhusband would have allowed it. He refused to let me give her up, so instead I married him due to pressure from our families and had another two kids with him. Fast forward a few years and I became a single mom to four kids when I was forced to leave the marriage due to abuse. In the past two years I have completely started over and have a very happy life with my four kids, my fiance and my stepson. However I still wonder what my life would be like if I had the strength to have an abortion or leave my ex-husband then instead of marrying him.
My daughter was born with autism. She was a very difficult baby and still is a very difficult child. I love her unconditionally because I carried her and had to fight for her my entire pregnancy. Strangers could not love my daughter like I do. There is a very good chance she would have been abused or murdered by parents if I had given her up for adoption.

Andi - posted on 01/01/2011

Also there is no guarantee that once the adoption is closed that you will ever see or hear from the adoptive family or even know if your baby is safe. Once the adoption is closed (finalized) the birth family can choose to either continue to have communication with you or cut it off. I couldn't live with myself if I ever found out that my baby I gave up for adoption was getting hurt by the adoptive parents. That is if I ever chose adoption or abortion which I never would.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/01/2011

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Andi - posted on 12/31/2010

Well lets say you are in her situation and you choose adoption. That baby has been moving and growing inside of you for 9 months. You give birth to the baby. You see it, you hold it, feed it, change it until it can leave the hospital. Then you have to hand your baby to some stranger to where you may never see or hear from again once the adoption is closed (even if it's an open adoption). With abortion, you wouldn't experience all of that. Either decision would be hard to make but I personally believe that adoption would be the harder of the two. I would never be strong enough to choose adoption and I personally do not believe abortion is right FOR ME and that is my choice

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/31/2010

There is private adoption where the birth mom hand picks the adoptive family, you can meet them, get to know them and they adopt the baby. You can choose open adoptions where you get to visit the child here and there and get pictures letters etc as well.
Foster care is usually just for kids who were taken from their moms by a court, or kids who are abandoned, or kids who are suddenly orphaned.
My mom did private foster care, we had the newborns straight from the hospital for 3-6 weeks until the birth mom signed the papers giving up her rights. And the whole time the adoptive parents visited a few times a week. Some states let the adoptive family take the baby right from the hospital. It's not like abandoning your baby and hoping for the best,you can be certain that they go to a wonderful family and get to see-through their life that they are happy and well.

Beth - posted on 12/31/2010

i dont understand it myself as i couldnt do it, but i can see in some situations it can be seen as an option. i believe its down to the woman who makes the decision.

Amanda - posted on 12/31/2010

with my first son, i considered abortion. i was only 16at the time and was scared. but then i made the decision to keep him because i knew his heart was beating and he was my baby. i then also got pregnant again when my son was 6 months. i kept going thru the list of adoption abortion or parenting, i personally wouldnt be able to give up for adoption for so many reasons. but i didnt chose to abort, i chose parenting. i think this girl probabbly thought having an abortion would be easier because she could just forget about it pretty much or not have the thoughts that adoption wasnt right for her. she could basicaly just look at it like it never happened and just carry on with her life? i too am also pro life, after having my son i could never imagine having to go through an abortion. maybe for her it was a life lesson? i dont know if im really answering your question but im just saying whats on my mind about it. i think maybe if it was hard for her to do it then she will eventually regret it, especially looking at the child she already has and just wondering what her baby wouldve looked like and stuff. if i was her i would have chose parenting, i mean if u already have one child, whats adding another? youve already been through it so you know everything already?

Randie - posted on 12/31/2010

for me I think abortion (if I ever considered it, which i never would) would be harder then adoption (which i wouldnt do either in my situation) but if I did have to consider adoption or abortion....abortion to me would be killing a baby...and it would be harder for me to kill something then to give it to a better family...trust me I know how hard it would be to adopt (thats why I would never do it lol) but killing a baby would be a bigger burden I think

Randie - posted on 12/31/2010

this is a hard topic because its hard to speak your mind with out hurting someone elses feelings. I think its truely sad that we have an option to kill a baby in the making...yes i believe you are killing....god made that baby and you didnt allow it to be born. If someone is trying to conceive and that person has a miscarriage they are sad because there baby died...so if someone was to purposely make the baby die thats killing it. Is that not sad?? Its a selfish choice in my opinion, and we twist it and say its not murder because it wasnt born yet just to make ourselves feel better about what we did.
So yes I agree that people that abort dont think of it has a human being. They dont think of it as life, a growing life...im not sure what they think it is...I dont think I will ever understand.
The purpose of sex is to conceive a child... we shouldnt have the option to kill it just because we didnt realize we werent ready for sex...because if you have to think about abortion then no you werent ready to have sex. Abortion would be the easy way out...sadly at the expense of a life....
If you have had an abortion Im not hating on you, you probably did it out of fear and noone can blame you for that. I dont think that doctors (or whoever aborts) should give the option to abort because while a young girl is scared she wont be thinking clearly and of course she will think of abortion...

Julie - posted on 12/31/2010

i think that unless any of us have been in the position where we have to decide that we dont know what we are actualy capeable of. To some abortion is a NO NO but to others its the best option. To go through a pregnancy feeling the life grow inside you and then to give birth and hold the child is not easy to do if you are giving it away. Abortion seems easier than this. I respect any ones decision the same as you but dont try to understand it because you wont be able to. It doesnt make them bad people just silly girls who never thought of the consequences before their actions that ended up putting themselves in the upsetting situation of choosing the outcome that THEY feel is the best for them and their unborn child. Other reasons for abortion are still difficult for the people concerned regardless of age creed or colour or religious beleifs. Doctors however do not let people take this option lightly. They are fully aware of what it involves and are probably scared but feel they are between a rock and a hard place with only one way out. Good luck to any one in that difficult situation and God bless and look after the little souls

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/31/2010

No, Myetta, you are most definitely not heartless.
:)if you honestly feel no regret or sadness for that choice then that makes me think it really was the best choice for you at that time. Like your mind and heart understand that it wasn't ment to become your baby. And I'm sure your children keep you happy and busy and help you not regret your choice.

Myetta - posted on 12/31/2010

I've been in both situations...in a sense actually.
When I was a teenager I found out I was pregnant. I had just had a child a few months prior, and stupidly wasn't on birth control and didn't make my partner use protection. I talked with my mom the moment I relized I was pregnant and she asked what I wanted to do and told me she would support me either way.I decided to go with abortion, assuming it'd be the best decision. I never really considered anything else.
Fast forward 6 years and I'm pregnant again. This time I have moved out and am working and able to support the baby. My boyfriend and I seriously consider adoption because we already had children and it'd be difficult to raise another. I started filling out the paperwork and meeting with families and talking to my children about the baby not coming home from the hospital with mommy. For days and days they cried that they wanted the baby, and it broke my heart knowing that I was going to come home fromt he hospital empty handed after carrying this baby through a stressful pregnancy filled with hospilizations and sonograms every week. I finally decided to just raise the baby as best as possible. I know emotionally I wouldn't have been able to go through with the adoption. Knowing my baby is out there somewhere, wondering if he or she is alright.
I don't really think about the abortion, I got over it pretty quickly. Don't know if that means I'm heartless *shrugs*

Sarh - posted on 12/31/2010

Laura, I will admit that I did start to regress, FORTUNATELY my mom was there for my daughter and kicked my ass back into play! My mom was also a young teen mom, but she was 18 when she was pregnant with me so she had a few yrs of her teen life to herself. At the time I was so pissed at my mom for being on my ass about school and work and whatnot, but now I am sooo thankful!
I honestly don't think I would have regressed if my mom would have allowed me to move out onto my own with my daughter. It was very stressful raising my daughter in her home.

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/31/2010

In her defense, she was using the depo shot and missed her apt for another dose, she thought she had a buffer of sorts where it still protected her for a day or so, but it's pretty clean cut when it's done working. And thankfully she took full responsibility for the misunderstanding, she said she should have looked it up online to see if they were still protected, but she didn't.
But I think it's equally her drs fault for not making that clear.
And equally her partners fault for not checking it out himself or putting a condom on just in case.
She said now they use a condom every time as well as her depo shots. :)

But yeah, the whole sibling thing gets to me, I mean looking at their daughter would show them what the next. Baby would be like, I couldn't imagine.
It sounds like while all options are hard,abortion is the easiest choice, as once it's done it's done and all you have to do is deal with your emotions or regrets.
Keeping the baby seems in the middle as you should be shaping up your life to be a mom, but some can keep it and just pass it off to family daycare etc most of the times, and it's the most emotionally gratifying choice cuz you get to keep your baby for yourself.
Adoption seems the hardest, cuz you have to be so completely selfless to give your baby to another person, admitting that this other couple will be a better parent to your baby then you.
But in the end I think more babies should be adopted, if every mom stepped up her act, got her life in order, and put baby first then of course baby is best with mom.
But facts show many teen moms struggle, they regress and want to go partying, they want to date, they want to have free time, and baby suffers for it.

Hard choices, and I think every single mom has a different reason as to why she chose one or the other. And I couldn't speak for any one else.

But I still feel sad for the babies who never get to live....

Sarah - posted on 12/31/2010

What i don't understand about the chicky on 16 and pregnant is, once you've had a baby, you know how it works right? you know that unprotected sex, and sometimes protected sex makes you pregnant! I think that knowing this, she shouldn't have been unsafe if she knew there was no way she could look after another child.
I also don't understand how she could possibly be okay with having an abortion after seeing her own baby, like she is killing that babies little brother or sister :( However i do think she is brave for being so open about it on international tv.
I can see how adoption is harder than abortion, getting 'rid of' it before its really a person, rather than carrying it 9 months, giving birth and handing it over, i think i would find adoption harder than abortion, but given only those 2 options i would choose adoption.
I don't think abortion is wrong in all situations, but i do think it is far too common.
When i got pregnant i was 15, at school, stupid, immature all that, i had no support from anyone except my partner and even had my mum trick me into going to an abortion clinic! But i stuck to my guns and it was the best thing i ever did :) I just think, that if i can do it, a lot of other women can too but don't because its not what they want for themselves.

I must sound awful here but i don't mean to. I fully understand that some people don't have any other options are are actually doing the right thing :) i hope i haven't offended anyone!

Tessa - posted on 12/30/2010

When I found out I was pregnant I considered it, but I knew there was no way in hell I could ever kill my baby. Then I thought about adoption, and I knew that there was no way in hell I could just hand my child over to strangers and hope they would be great parents. So I choose to keep her. I was in a bad way at the time, doing drugs, going no where with my life. But I stoped all that as soon as I found out (before I decided to keep her) and I got myself a good job and work hard to give her the best. Now were living in a five star apartment and she has all her toys all over the place!! I was terrified of keeping her, but I knew that no matter what, I would love her to bits, keeping her was the best choice I have ever made.

Sarh - posted on 12/30/2010

I also do not see abortion as an option! I don't think I could ever have an abortion, but I also don't think I could ever give a child of mine up for adoption!

My godmother just had a hysterectomy and has no children, but wants children. My mother and I were talking about one of us having a child for her. I told my mom I wouldn't be able to emotionally! I get so attached and so happy when I am pregnant. However, if we had her egg fertilized by my uncle and then I carried the baby THEY made it would be much easier on me, unfortunately there was no time to 'harvest' any of her eggs. BUT that is a different convo!

Bottom line! If I was in Marki's situation I would definitely keep the baby or at least adopt the baby off to a loving family who wants and can provide for the baby! I don't understand how she could basically kill the baby rather then giving it up for adoption. In my eyes that is just selfish and she will most likely regret it!

A friend of my aunts had an abortion when she was young and in a horrible relationship, that was about 15yr ago and she still to this day regrets it and cries about it even though she now has a beautiful 2yr old baby girl!

***Please! No one take anything the wrong way! I know in these types of posts it is hard because you can't hear the tone in the persons voice.



**Edited to add: I was pregnant at 15. My mom got the call that I was pregnant (we both found out from this phone call), she looked at me and asked me what I wanted to do. There was NEVER even a slight thought about abortion or even adoption! I wasn't working, I was running the streets, etc. My daughter saved my life!

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/30/2010

I still am not sure how it's easier to abort then to do adoption, is it just me or doesn't it seem easier to at least know your baby is alive, thriving, and well?
Open adoptions let the birth mom keep in touch, semi open adoptions let the birth mom have some info, and closed adoptions let the birth mom have a 'clean break' with no contact.
Id just be happier knowing my baby was living happily rather then living with the knowledge that my baby would never get to live because of me.

Maybe it's just my feelings, I guess I might not know why others feel differentlyits just hard to wrap my head around.
Thanks for the input! I'm still trying to understand the other thoughts on this issue.

Mary - posted on 12/30/2010

Hi,
I was 15 when I found that I was pregnant and really considered abortion, I had booked it and everything, but then I realise that I couldn't abort a helpless child, so decided to keep her instead. That was the best decision that I ever made.
My friend also discovered that she was pregnant at a young age and came to me for help, and she too as going to have an abortion, but social services are no helping her look after her baby.
I don't think that abortion is wrong, but should be used if the mother really can't look after the baby and could never pass it over to another family to raise.