I'm a 16 year old and about to have a baby girl in April I have no clue about some of things that i'm going through i would love to have some advice.
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Lauren - posted on 01/31/2009
Hey the one thing i can say is that everyone will have advice for you and tell u what u should be doing. LISTEN, but make your own choices. don't let anyone make u feel guilty for not doing what they say, this is your daughter and ultimately you will make mistakes but u will learn together! enjoy your baby, she will be the hardest but most amazing gift you'll ever recieve! good luck xo
Melissa - posted on 01/25/2009
Since you're not really specific, I have some advice that's in general directed toward teen mothers. Obviously, we haven't all made the best choices in life and that's why we got pregnant so young, right? So, I'm going to assume that, though not all, most teen pregnancies are due to not exactly 'pristine' lifestyles. I had my daughter when I was 17, from what I've noticed about myself and other girls that I know that have had children young, I have derived some advice, and this is in no way directed at you as if you would do any of these things, they are generalizations taken from many different examples of young mothers [good and bad]:
1. It is NOT about you anymore. Partying, staying out late, leaving your child with someone else so you can date/party/leave/etc, is irresponsible. [Once in awhile, however, is a necessity for your sanity]. You are no longer a teenager. You are no longer someone with the ability to do whatever you feel like on a whim. Your friends without children have nothing holding them back, they may leave for college, vegas, parties, trips to other states, Europe, cruises, etc. Be prepared to feel lonely and left out once in a while.
2. Your parents, grandparents, siblings...are NOT your child's parents, YOU are your child's parent. Be a parent.
3. Your relationships, whether you choose to stay with the father or not, are vital to your child's positive emotional development. If you are in an unloving, abusive, tension-filled, or argumentative, unhealthy relationship, it is NOT, I repeat NOOOOOT good to 'stay together for the kids'. Your child will learn to love like you do, they will react to people the way you do, and their relationships WILL reflect yours.
4. If your baby is crying and you can't take it anymore, CALL SOMEONE.
5. Taking a break is something you definitely need.
6. Making friends with girls in similar situations to your own is vital to your mental, emotional and psychological health :]. Feeling you belong is important. You are different than most girls your age. You will most likely be more mature and feel awkward around 'normal' girls your age because they will seem MUCH younger than you after you've been a mother. [At least they should].
Some girls don't mature when they have their babies, these girls think that it's okay to leave their kids with whomever and go out and party and sleep around and have multiple boyfriends, etc. Think about your baby. How do you want her to be in the future? Be a good example to her, be patient, be available, be positive. Remember that your problems are not her problems, all children deserve to live in a sort of 'la la land' for as long as possible. Be flexible, choose your battles, say 'yes' as much as possible.
Good luck =], be prepared to be surprised at how much you can love someone, and at how naturally you become a mother.
Kimberley - posted on 01/24/2009
what sort of things u stuck on i fell pregant at 16 n had mine at just b4 a turnd 17 n it wa hard. the one major thing u need to contantly rember is that u can do it n if u do find bits hard just make sure uv gt family or friends round u if u do hav any qs just ask hun x x
Natalia - posted on 01/22/2009
I was 14 when I first had my oldest daughter, I am now 31 & she is 17. It's been tough but I don't regret anything. I love her dearly & I think I've done very well with her. You could email me at email@example.com if you have specific questions.
Good luck & hang in there.
Mercedes - posted on 01/21/2009
you know, oddly enough, Laura just reminded me of one thing you should know.. when it comes to labour, you remember it hurting, but you don't really REMEMBER it.... it's like, a hazy memory. The only part I remembered was when I first held him, and fell in love..... that feeling overcomes any pain you felt before that and wipes it from your mind, trust me!! lol, best of luck and have fun!!
Laura - posted on 01/21/2009
Hi Kalyn- I know that it must be hard for you. I got pregnant at 18 and had my babv boy just 3 weeks before my 19th b-day. The father did not want anything to do with me or with the baby. To make a long story short. I place him up for adoption. He's is in an amazing home with two really great people who otherwise would not of ever had children, he just turned 6 yrs old. I get letters with pictures from time to time, and I see him every once in awhile. But 4 months after I had him I got pregnant again- only this time I kept my son. And trust me no one will ever understand why I chose to place my first child and not my second-I was too emotionally upset from the adoption to go through with it again and in my heart i knew what was best for me this time around. My 5 old boy has changed me in so many different ways-that I'm greatfull for this journey I get to go through with him. I know and understand what you are going through. It's not going to be great all the time but it will get easier, and you do what is best for you and for your child no matter what others may say to you. I'm happily married now and I just had another baby back in Aug. 2008 I had a little girl. Just remember even if you don't believe-God does not give us things that we soon can't overcome. Right now is just a storm that one day will calm itself down. And BTW-don't let your friends and people around scare you about labor, it's not as bad as some say-and you'll get over it look at the outcome, and don't be scared about it. and when that time comes you'll be ready-trust me, you'll be ready-it's only natural even if you are only 16.
Mercedes - posted on 01/21/2009
I turned 17 about a month after my son Jaden was born.... and, I'm sorry to say, but not everything comes naturally!! I was terrified of bathing him and so he didnt have a proper bath until he was almost a month old, and learning how to breastfeed properly was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, lol!! But ultimately, if you truly love your child, even the things that dont come naturally will eventually become routine and easy to accomplish. Jaden is now 2 and a half, and happy, healthy, and a wonderful little boy. All anyone can say is just to do your best, and use any and all resources that are open to you and your child. If you need anything else, just let me know...
Alina - posted on 01/21/2009
I was 18 when i found out i was pregnant and had my daughter at 19 i was so scared when i was pregnant...... then in labor everything that could go wrong with me happened............. alot of things happen when your pregnant like you might be worried about the baby not moving babies do sleep in your belly just like when they come out the sleep ALOT but if you get concerned call a doctor i was so worried about everything but im 20 now and my daughter is 6months healthy and very very very smart just let me know what your questions are
Cassandra - posted on 01/19/2009
hi. my names cassandra. my son is just 11 weeks old. i got pregnant when i was 18 and had my son 3 months after my 19th. if u have any questions or just need someone to vent to, msg me. ill help any way i can
Caitlin - posted on 01/19/2009
I was 16 when i got pregnant and 17 when i had my son! I am now 18 and he is 10 months old today! It can be hard, but there is always someone there to help. My son has been a blessing...he has never been fussy or "high maintenance." He has his first ear infection right now and that is pretty difficult. I am also in college so that is pretty hard too. But someone is ALWAYS willing to help. I was so scared about the whole labor thing too. But it is different for everybody so don't listen to all the "horror" stories. I actually didnt even know that i was in labor. But if you need ANYTHING just let me know. I know how scary it can be and how snooty some people can be in high school (I had a hard time with quite a few of my teachers). but if you need any advice just ask
Molly - posted on 01/19/2009
I might be able to offer some. I am a 25 year old married, mother of two. I know how scared you are because I had my first child when I was 17. It can be pretty overwhelming. If you want to talk you can contact me. firstname.lastname@example.org
Ellie - posted on 01/19/2009
i got pregnant when i was 17, and had my little girl at 18 (im 18 now)....enjoy your life right now, but be prepared - your whole life is about to change. you will feel like a completely different person, and in some ways you will be, but don't forget who you are. try to give yourself time to "discover" yourself you know? your whole life is about to be consumed by this adorable little baby - and yes it is the happiest, most rewarding job, but don't forget about you. because if you don't have it together, who will she look to?
im still trying to figure out who i am now, who my friends are, what i like to do, people i like to be around, just lots of stuff - and its 6 months after! but yea...i dont think i answered your question now that i read it again! lol....but anywho....
if you have ANY questions, dont be afraid to ask...my name is Ellie :) other than that, congratulations on your little girl :) im sure she will be a joy
Qurina - posted on 01/18/2009
I got pregnant with my oldest daughter 2 weeks after my 15th birthday and had her at 15 as well. She is now almost 10.. If you have any questions for me, just ask and I will help with what ever I can..
Jacqueline - posted on 01/18/2009
I was 16 when I had my baby girl and most importantly the things to expect is your pattern of life. You must always keep in mind that you aren't just taking care of yourself, it's the baby as well but most importantly to NEVER forget yourself! There are things that won't be as easy for you to do without help but never be afraid to ask for it! As a young mom, you're going to have to develop a little bit of tough skin because there is always going to be that person out there with cruel or hateful things to say about you but once you hold your daughter for the first time and kiss that beautiful baby your heart will never be the same....congratulations... if you need anything....let me know!
Melissa - posted on 01/18/2009
Hi sweetie, I became pregnant on my 16th bday 2/19/87 and gave birth 12/22/87 to a 8lb 06oz girl, she just turned 21! I didnt really understand to much b/cuz I was raised by my grams in a Catholic family and sex wasnt discussed, like it was tabu...go figure! I had alot of emotional issues going on, I was drinking severly and just playing russian roulette with my life and noone told me the ramifications of doing this, my daughter has a speech problem. By the time I was 19 I had given birth to 3 kids, by 3 different fathers, the last 2 were adopted out,there was no way I could have done it. I was an only child spoiled and such but very lonely thats why I got pregnant in the first place, her father and I were going to be wed but he left me when she was 6mths old, he talked me into not naming him on the b/cert I was just so naive til this day she hasnt met him...I can go on and on about all of it trust me! I am now 37 and 2 more kids both sons 16 and 11, I am married 12 yrs tomy youngest sons father. I was always the black sheep of the family I dropped out of high school on my 16th bday, and it took me 12yrs to get my GED but I did it. To this day my daughter who is 21 and I dont really have a relationship b/cuz I screwed my life up I dont regret having her so young shes a great kid, I just wish I could have lived my life better...as long as youhave a great support group, go to parenting classes, believe in yourself I think you will do great! If you need to talk about anything please feel free to send me an email or leave a msg on here,heres my email addy: email@example.com just put circle of moms in the sujbect area so I dont accidentally delete you! lol...please take care and like I said let me know if I can help...good luck mommy 2 be!!
Sarah - posted on 01/17/2009
i was an alcoholic and i smoked pot more than twice a day. I was 16 when I started drinking and smoking. When I was a month away from my 18th birthday I found out that I was pregnant. I wasn't happy at first, But I learned a few things. I was going down the wrong path. I didn't know who I was back then. I learned that things happen for a reason. I stopped smoking and drinking. I've been sober for over two years now. And the reason for that was because of my son. I'm now 20 years old and now have two beautiful children, and I'm enggaged to a wonderful man. Even though things get rough and seem like they couldnt get worst, just remember that the come out to be the best things that ever happen to you.
And I look at it this way. God gave us the things to produce the children for a reason. And that reason is because they are going to keep the world going. So dont look at it as a bad thing that you got pregnant. Its a wonderful, and beautiful change.
If you have any questions or concerns, or you just want to talk. message me. I'm on here every night and I answer all my messages.
Syria - posted on 01/17/2009
hiya love i was 16 when fell pregant n just truned 17 when had my little boy
everything will cum naturally
and one thing i will say is enjoy it while u can as they dont stay babies forever they grow up so fast
Melanie - posted on 01/16/2009
Hi! I had my first son about 3 weeks after I turned 16. He just turned 16, and I have since also had 2 more sons (almost 8 years old and almost 4 years old). I was scared out of my mind when I found out I was pregnant, and his father didn't have much to do with us until my son was a toddler. Luckily I have 2 awesome parents that never left my side, and to this day, hold a special bond with my oldest son. I was in the middle of my sophomore year of high school when I had him. Things were not always easy...physically, emotionally, financially, or mentally. There were times that I didn't think I could be a good mother, as I was still a child myself. But with my family helping me, and by the grace of God, my son and I turned out fine. I am now married to an awesome man who loves my oldest son just as much as he loves our other 2. You just have to believe in yourself, know that God will not let you down if you believe in him, and love your child! I am open to any questions, or if you would just like to talk. Good luck, and God Bless You!
Audrey - posted on 01/15/2009
yea i got pregnant at 17 and had my son two days after i turned 18 and it was all so wonderful the only thing i really had a big problem with for a while was the fact that people treated me differntly bc i was so young. i wasnt taken seriously as an adult or as someone who was old enough by then to actually have a bank account and people looked at me llike i was white trash though i got married before i had him to the dad and always wear my wedding rings. it wasnt until i decided to act much older and mature that i stopped having problems. now im taken as seriously as anyone else and i can enjoy motherhood without all the rude stares in public. :)
Colleen - posted on 01/13/2009
I was 16 when I got pregnant and 3 months later I turned 17. Now I am almost 30 and my son will be 13. what kind of questions do you have? I can give you all the advice that I have if I know what kind of advice your looking for?
RonchÃ© - posted on 01/13/2009
im 16 and had my baby in april 2008. i was also confused about a few things but then i found out about these great workshops that u can check out, they give u all the info u need plus some fab goodies.. so if u can u should check it out
Toni - posted on 01/12/2009
hey hun, im also a teen mum. had my first boy when i was 17 and my second 10mths later when i was 18. i was alone for the first 2yrs after i had my youngest, it is hard but everything does seem to come naturally. i think the hardest part is when they learn to walk and get into things so try not to stess too much and enjoy it the best u can
Evelyn - posted on 01/12/2009
hi, like some of the other posters i was 16 when i fell preg and had my daughter not long after my 17th birthday. while it is hard, its also very rewarding and you'll be surprised how many other young mums there are in your area. i'm now 19 and Raechel is 2 and 5 months, but i can still recall the very day i had her like yesterday. i didnt believe the people that told me they grow up too fast but its true. i often wonder where my little baby went. cherish your pregnancy and your daughter and remember you can only do your best. no one can expect more than that from you :) xx
Leanne - posted on 01/11/2009
I also got pregnant at 16 had him at 17 ( the father is involved still to this day so I was guess I was lucky there) and had a daughter at 19 then my last one when i was 21. ( my husband is the father of the last 2 ) The only thing I would say to you is be sure to have lots of support from your family and listen to the advice they give you when the baby is born. Also you will surprised but your mother instincts will kick in and you will know :) I joined a group through the local health unit for pregnant teen moms and new teen moms. It was a big help to talk with other girls going through what I was. You will cry and you will get frustrated DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP also talk to your doctor he may know of some groups you can join. It is all worth it I promise, my first son Graded last year and my daughter is now 16 and the youngest is coming up to 14. I do not regret it for a minute! I love them to death and would do it all again.
Stephanie - posted on 01/11/2009
hia i was 16 wen i fell pregnant and 17 when i had my son he is now 7 weeks old, i had i really tough time with my partner and still am but everyfin is perfect between you and the lil one when they arrive u giv them nothing but love love love lol xxxx nothing can get in your way iv u wanna talk im ere x
Desiree - posted on 01/09/2009
Listen, idk what you're going through in your life right now, but being that you're so young it's prob really tough. Pregnancy is a really hormonal time (i'm sure you've heard that like a million times) what that means is that you're gonna get really emotional and probably over exaggerate everything that you're feeling...basically depending on what is happening in your life you're gonna feel really happy or really sad or really angry...there's hardly any inbetweens....hopefully you have some support cuz that helps a bunch! Your first pregnancy also brings about a lot of fear and worry especially when you're so young, but that's all natural. It means that you're gonna be a good mom.
Now some of these posts say that being a mom will come naturally...and i'm not saying they're wrong...some of it will come naturally...and a lot of it the nurses will explain to you before you leave the hospital...the rest will come from experience. You and your baby are unique people (everyone is) so you have to find a routine that's right for you and your baby girl. You might have to try some stuff out and see what works for you both...and that applies to everything! When it comes to bottle feeding or breast feeding all the way to when she should start potty training and beyond.
Remember, being pregnant and having a kid is a very overwhelming and beautiful thing! Don't forget to ask for help when you need it cuz you can't do it all on your own. And your baby comes first before everything and everyone but don't forget to take care of yourself too! If you have any further questions or just want a friend to talk to, email me :) firstname.lastname@example.org
Susan - posted on 01/08/2009
being a young mum is hard. is there any young mums groups in your area maybe with the health visitors? i love being a mum but its a huge changebub comes first, wen ur pregnant everyone wants to judge u, but u gottA STAND UP AND SAY IM GONNA BE A GREAT
Lisa - posted on 01/08/2009
I was 16 when I had my daughter and she is graduating from high school this year. You will go through so many ups and downs, just stay calm and think things through. It's ok to ask for help. Be proud of yourself that you are having your child and set good examples for your daughter as she grows up. Let me know if you need anything! GOOD LUCK!
Tracy - posted on 01/08/2009
I was also 16 when I got pregnant with my first son.Its a tough life altering experience.My son is 11 now and i wouldnt change a thing.Any questions you have dont hesitate to ask.I couldnt have done it without the help of good friends.
Kelsey - posted on 01/08/2009
I got pregnant at 17 and was so worried, I felt like I was going to be so lost and my boyfriend didn't even know what a onesie was. A million people are going to say it and it's hard to believe or understand but most of it really does just come to you, and instead of wanting help you're going to be telling people to back off and that you've got it under control, because you're the momma now!
Bonnie - posted on 01/07/2009
Was a teenage mom as well. Now am 31. Have three girls eldest is 11.. all three natural labor, healthy ect! Did it all by myself as well (no parental help or guy), so hopfully I can offer you some advice.
But the book that helped me the most was "what to expect when your expecting."
Kelly - posted on 01/06/2009
Anything you need advice on just ask me.I had my first daughter at 15 she is now 13 and i have 4 other children who are 11,8,3 and 10 months i know its hard and very scary but im willing to talk about anything you need.
Amanda - posted on 01/05/2009
i was 17 when i got pregnant and had her when i was 18 (10 days before i graduated) . It was painful after i had her so i got lots of help. i was kinda hesitant to be around her at first but now its so natural. i lived with her by myself since she was 3 months old and she is almost 7 months now. not to worry. it will come naturally in time.