i wish people would stop judging

Larsene - posted on 01/27/2009 ( 35 moms have responded )

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Im 20 years old and have twin daughter that will be 7months, i just wanted to give u all kudos for being young at taking responsiblity and takin care of ur kids. But it really bothers me when people look at me and judge me because i am a young parent, im not ur average 20 year old i always have my daughters and to all u young parents who just dump ur babys off at the sitter or with ur parents just soo u can go out get drunk and party, the ones who arent really thinkin bout there kids when they drive home drunk or get into a car with sum1 who is drunk, why'll there baby is sound asleep home in bed expecting to see there mommy when they get up, you young women arent thinkin bout ur babies, ur not thinkin bout the outcome, wat will happen to ur baby if u get into a car accident or if something happens. Your not thinkin bout anyone except urself and how u want to go out and party. dont get me wrong we are entitled to go out and enjoy ourselves but not abandon are kids every weekend to be stupid and immature. I have no respect for those kind of mothers and those are the type of moms that give young parents bad names all over! U have a kid now its time to grow up! lifes not just bout u anymore!!!!

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Angie - posted on 02/20/2009

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i was a young mum at 16 and when we had all our children by the time i was 21 we did not go out i would rather wake in the mornings and see the smiles on my childrens faces than over the toilet bowl not all young mums are bad yes i agree some will only have children to trap a man and then think life is for free or life owes them something i had a few friends who would rather spend there money on clothes and party every weekend than stay in and have fun with the kids i am now 34 and i am living my life with the kids i can have nights out with my daughters and i dont have to palm my kids on to someone to many young mums have kids with a number of dads some never no who the dads are am just happy i married my childrens father and we can now go out and have our time with our friends my girls are teenagers i have drilled it in to them that have children early is hard very hard but i also think its down to us once young mums to make sure our children are not having babies early i made sure my children had the implant for them to have a life to go out have fun and see things rather than unlike there friends they have seen friends who had children early suffer just how hard and how cruel some people can be but not all young mums are bad mums we do good sometime x

Rikke - posted on 02/20/2009

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It sounds to me that ur juding a little bit... ??



Offcourse its not okay for ANY moms to party all the time..But agree with me that you have to remember too be young too... Its hard to be a young mom, i know.. I have a son Sebastian, hes 15 months old, the love of my life.. :) He is the best thing that has happent too mee, love him with all my heart.



I allow myself to go out with a girlfriend once a month.. Not allways party, mostly just to go see a movie an stuff... Do you think that it is wrong??



I just have to say to all young moms.. Remember to be young to... an with that i DONT mean PARTY all the time, but go to a friends house an be YOU for a little bit... Even moms that are 40 do that...



Right??

[deleted account]

Continue to be a dedicated and responsible mother and the judging will subside! I had my first son 2 wks after I turned 19...now I'm 29 with 3 kids. It will get better and easier!

Emma - posted on 02/20/2009

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i was pregnant at just 14 and had my son, now 4, wen i was fifteen. i was judged alot because of my age and even had social services on my back. with the support of my mum, i fought of the social services befor my son was born, and even managed to stay in school and complete my gcse's. im a great mum and noone can tell me different. it used to bother me when i got looks from strangers, especially when i was in my school uniform, but now it really doesnt bother me in the slightest because i knw, as does everyone that i care about, that im a good mum and i do my best. it shudnt matter what these strangers think because they are nothing to us.
what really bothers me about judgement towards young mums is when, in my case, if you get pregnant young u instantly have people breathing down your neck like there waiting for u to mess up, yet there are people way older popping out kids every year that become victims of child cruelty yet thats not picked up till its to late. if they spent more time doing there jobs properly then, then trying to catch us young mums out all the time, they could help loads more babies and children that need it.
i think the main reason we are judged is beacause there are quite alot of young mums having children like there a fashion statment and talk about them all the time yet really and truelly theyre hardly ever with the child, and its dumped on the grandparents. these people need to fix up and stop giving us mothers that are truelly trying to bring up our kids the best we can a bad name!!
anyways, to all you mums that have been victims of unfair judgement, as long as u knw in ur heart of heart that your ane doing the best for your child then sod them all! children dont come with a hand book and all u can do is what feels right, mothers instinct! :D xx

[deleted account]

Wow!! Well, I agree with some of you. There are irresponsible moms in every age group. However, having had my first child when I was 18 I know the assumptions that people will make or the tone that they speak to you with because you are young. Alot of times they assume you are irresponsible or that they can talk down to you. I have learned to hold my head up high and walk with confidence. Everyone has made mistakes, being a young mom just happens to be a mistake you can't hide.

Lauren - posted on 02/19/2009

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I agree. What bothers me the most is people just assume that becuase your only 16-20 and a single mom that you do that kind of stuff. I find it very hurtful. I had my son at 16 and I'm now a single 17 year old mom still going to a normal public high school. I'm the only teenaged mom there and on top of that I bring him with me because like you said I dont want my son to be raised by some one else, especially a daycare. I totally feel alone because I dont go out anymore, I dont really socialize at all with my own age group. I wish my friends would understand what its like to have a child. 

Sarah - posted on 02/18/2009

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Going out and acting immature is sometimes what us young mums need, we need to feel like ourselves sometimes but apart from the odd night out every few months, I am never without my daughter and I've ditched all my friends who used to get annoyed when I took her with me. I'm her mum, where else is she supposed to be, if not with me?

Christin - posted on 02/18/2009

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Well Im A veryy Young Mom Im Fourteen Years Old And Its Been 2 Years Im WithMy Boyfriend Wich Im Still With. Im Pregnant Im 8 Months And People Judge Me Before Getting To Know Me I Hate It. I Know Lots Of Young Moms That Get Drunk And High Theyre The Ones Who Give us Young Mothers Bad Names! Just Because Where Young And Have A Baby That Were Stupid Kids And Wont Take Care Of Are Young Ones. I Dont Drink Or Smoke I Dont Do Any Drugs What So Ever And I Still Go To School Well Going Back In September. I Am Proud And So Are My Parents! And Me Being Pregnant For A Little Boy Helped Me Alot Because I Had Lots A Problems Because My Grand-Pa Is Passing Away And My Mom Has A Lung Disease Wich My Grand-mother Died Of. I Cant Wait To wake Up And See This Lil Bundle Of Love :) And For All Those Mothers All Aged Mothers That Leave There Kids At Home Alone Or With A Babysitter To GO Do Drugs Or Get Drunk YOUR THE ONE THATS GANNA REGRET WHEN YOUR BABY PASSES AWAY OR IF ANYTHING HAPPENS SO CHANGE NOW BEFORE ITS TO LATEE!!!



[deleted account]

wow, you have some really strong opinions going on there.

If it bothers you that people look at you and judge, it's really simple, you learn not to look because you are going to be a young mum for the rest of your life. If at the end of the day you can reflect back and say that you were the best mum that you could of been that day then you've done a good job. No matter the age group there is always going to be good and bad parents.

Ashley - posted on 02/17/2009

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definatly no what ur sayin im 19 and have a 9 week old and everyone who looks at me is like wow u just messed up ur life and i wanna beat them

Louisa - posted on 02/17/2009

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HAHAHA. I was just thinking this too. I know someone who after having her baby like seriously a month after, asked me if I wanted to go to a club. My son is 11 months old and I dread leaving the house without him, even without his brother and sister who are 6 and 7. I know people need alone time but I admit it I LOVE spending time with my kids. I rather be with them then anyone else. But you are right we are judged because the bad is always seen more then the good.

Gina - posted on 02/17/2009

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I completely agree with you: Im 22 years old and have a 2 year old son. Im married to his father, and were a family. But everytime we go out together, or Im out with my son at the mall or whatever, I get rid stares from people around me, ESPECIALLY from senior citizens. It gets me SO angry. So what if Im young. I actually believe that when you have kids at a young age, you have more patience for your kids rather than waiting til your 30+ to have kids. I look at it this way, when my son is going to college, my husband and I can still live our lives, still have all our life to do what we couldnt do when he was younger, and When my son gets married and has kids, Ill still be young enough to ENJOY my grandkids.



And to your note about women who go out and party. I agree and disagree. I go out every now and then and party with my friends. I dont get drunk or whatever, but we go out to a bar every now and then and have fun. I feel that all mothers have SO much on their plate that they should be able to get a chance to go out and just be the age they are, especially with the young parents. I completely devote my life to my family. but I like some "me" time every now and then. BUT i can NOT stand those parents who are out EVERY single weekend, getting drunk and dumping their kids off with their parents all weekend, and then the next day cant wake up bc their too hung over. If i do go out the night before, the next morning I am ALWAYS up with my son, ready for the days activities. So i never let me few nights of "freedom" get in the way of my parenting abilities.

Kerry - posted on 02/17/2009

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I could not agree with you more. It saddens me to see something liek that happen. I was never a crazy partier, but did go to my share of parties. The moment I foud ut I was pregnant everything changed. I was born to be a mother, and I said that even before I had my son. I was always looked at as the little mommy because I worked at my grandmother's daycare and took care of my younge cousins. I find it horrifing to here some of the stories of girl that I went to high school with and how they are doing. I can not stand to be away from my son. Of course I would liek to spend alittle more alone time with my son, but I usually do not go out unless I bring him. I feel bad having my mother babysit. Even if it for a quick second so I can run out to the store and not have to load him in and out of the car making a 10 min errean an hour. I believe the day my son was born is the day my life began. That is when everything was put into perspective for me. I now am determined to finish school for him. I go to work only because I have to for him.

User - posted on 02/16/2009

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Quoting Larsene:



Quoting Kelly:

wow ur making bad asumptions not all young mums are prats lol most are really good i was 16 when i had mine an she is neraly 1 i have only been out 3 times since she was born






Im not making bad assumptions, i know alot of young parents and i totally respect the ones who step up and actually are a parent to there kids, but i also know alot of girls who would rather be out partyin, drinkin and smokin then takin care of there kids. There facebooks and myspaces have 100s of pictures of them partyin and drinkin but then they only got 5 pictures of there kid!Im not judging all young parents im judging the hypocritical one who in front of other ppl that have kids they want to act like a really good parent but in reality they never even have there kid.





I have two boys that are my life. Judge me if you like but I still get out. You have too! Theres nothing wrong with mom time, as long as its with in reason of course. Its not healthy to stay cooped up all the time either. You need a time out to so you can refresh your battery and focus on the kids.



As for only posting pics of partying maybe the mom is putting their childs safety in consideration? I dont post pics of my children. Am I a bad mom then? What if you offend a person on here and they want to hurt you back? Whats to stop them from taking your child? They know what your children look like thanks to all your posted pics. Im sorry but Id rather be safe than sorry this internet thing could be a bad thing.

Stasia - posted on 02/16/2009

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It is tough to be judged by other people that act this way but I am hearing some people saying they NEVER want to go out or never do and are ALWAYS with their kids. I think it is still important to have time for yourself and with your friends hubby or sig. other and it is important not to feel bad about that. I started up a group of girls to do yoga with once a week just so that I could get my sanity back and learn to communicate again using more than just the words "num num and poo poo".

THere is nothing wrong with going out (as long as it is not your priority), re connecting with other people is important in keeping you balanced and a balanced healthy mom is so much better for baby!!!!

Christina - posted on 01/31/2009

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i was 20 when i had my son and i didn't go out for the first 2 years of his life.  i lost all the friends i had before i became pregnant and found new friends & connected to an old friend who were in my shoes and understood what being a mother really means.

Amber - posted on 01/31/2009

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Quoting Hayley:



Quoting Mallory:




Oh yeah. I'm the only young mom that I know and I'm in college so my social life definately suffers. But to me it's worth it to sit home with my 6 month old. My friend's my age don't understand responsibility. I'm lost my best friend because of it. It's absolutely ridiculous.








I definately agree with Nicole. I know parents who are in their 30's with 3 or 4 kids that leave them at home to go party. If we're gonna have kids we need to be the ones responsible for them.










yeah i definalty agree ... must of the mum's i'm talking about are older than me.................






i got pregnant when i was 19 and my litttle girl is now 3. they are between ages of 24-30  with kids between the ages of 1 and 14,and they go out all the time.... to start i don't know how they can afford it... kids aren't cheap and all my left over cash i prefer to treat my daughter! even their kids partys start off about the kids and then loads of adults come and it turns in to chance to get drunk!






 and why would they want to part all weekend when their kids are with someone else






I partly agree.  I think it's fine to want to go out once a month or one weekend out of the month Just so you can be with people our own age or with our partners and spouses. But to do it every weekend that's not right. Our kids are our responisbility. If we can lay down and do it then we need to step up and face the consequences. now i love my boys but i do like to go out evry once in a while just to have me time. I don't go out at all right now cause i have no reason to. I usually go out with my hubby but he's in korea right now so going out to party or what not is not on the top of my list..

Mallory - posted on 01/30/2009

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Oh yeah. I'm the only young mom that I know and I'm in college so my social life definately suffers. But to me it's worth it to sit home with my 6 month old. My friend's my age don't understand responsibility. I'm lost my best friend because of it. It's absolutely ridiculous.



I definately agree with Nicole. I know parents who are in their 30's with 3 or 4 kids that leave them at home to go party. If we're gonna have kids we need to be the ones responsible for them.

Chelsea - posted on 01/29/2009

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It's people like that who give us good young moms a bad name... If you are a young mom people are going to judge you, regardless of the situation... But if you're not a good young mom you definitely look like trash...

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2009

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i hate when people think you can just drop everything and get drunk.. i don't.. I'll ask my mom to babysit so i can go out for a few hours to go shopping maybe... never really to drink... i think I've gone out once to have a drink... my sons 8 months old i don't want to drink away his first year i want it to be something i can look back on and be proud about! i know a few girls like that.. its annoying. I try to avoid making friends with people without kids.. its easier if they have kids because they're more likely to understand. not to mention playmates!

Larsene - posted on 01/29/2009

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Quoting Deborah:

hi all,
i had my first son when i was 15, i am now 29, and have 5 sons, and my god its been a long hard road,
there really are only a few young mums who do the wrong thing, but it is those few that people see, and all of us young mums cop the negative attacks for them.

it is hard being a teenage mum, but, these mums need help, and support more than they need negative comments and attitudes.
my eldest is 14 now, and i am so proud of how he turned out,
not all young mums are "bad mums" they are just kids themselves,
and even mature aged mums go out on the town, there is nothing wrong with having some "me time", as long as the baby is safe and being looked after.



im not trying to jugde teen moms my mom and 2 of my sister where, but they didnt go out every day and party...im talkin bout the kind of moms who didnt care bout there babies from day one when they found out they were preg. I know this one of this on girl who smoked, drank and did coc.  threw her pregnancy and she had her baby at 5 months and her baby weighed 1 lb and was in ICIU  and why'll her baby lay in the hospital she continues to go out and party like nothing...u think her daughter would have been an eye opener. I also know another girl who smoked and drank thre her pregnancy and we hung out one time when i was preg. and she went outside to smoke and she told me not to judge her...how could i not judge her body is not only hers ne more its the home of her daughter and she was poisoning it!

Larsene - posted on 01/29/2009

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Quoting Dominique:



I totally agree with you :) your twins look so adorable xx






aww thanks they are my life i spend all day everyday with them minus when i go to school at night then they stay with there daddy

Jaimie - posted on 01/29/2009

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I feel exactly the same when i was in labour with my son jayden i didn not have one nice midwife they were really rude and treated me terribly! one midwife in particular was terrible she said things like babies shouldnt have babies and rolled her eyes and she completely ignored everything i asked her! all because of the way some people act. My son is absoloughtly spoilt ! dont get me wrong me and my partner dont have alot of money but when i was pregnant i worked up till the day i gave birth just so i could buy him things. He had two sets of drawers full of clothes my whole wordrobe was full with nappies formula dummies wipes his pram car seat cot cot sheets shampoo everything you could think of i worked my ass off for only to have people just assume im a bad mum!

Deborah - posted on 01/28/2009

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hi all,

i had my first son when i was 15, i am now 29, and have 5 sons, and my god its been a long hard road,

there really are only a few young mums who do the wrong thing, but it is those few that people see, and all of us young mums cop the negative attacks for them.



it is hard being a teenage mum, but, these mums need help, and support more than they need negative comments and attitudes.

my eldest is 14 now, and i am so proud of how he turned out,

not all young mums are "bad mums" they are just kids themselves,

and even mature aged mums go out on the town, there is nothing wrong with having some "me time", as long as the baby is safe and being looked after.

Larsene - posted on 01/28/2009

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Quoting Kelly:

wow ur making bad asumptions not all young mums are prats lol most are really good i was 16 when i had mine an she is neraly 1 i have only been out 3 times since she was born



Im not making bad assumptions, i know alot of young parents and i totally respect the ones who step up and actually are a parent to there kids, but i also know alot of girls who would rather be out partyin, drinkin and smokin then takin care of there kids. There facebooks and myspaces have 100s of pictures of them partyin and drinkin but then they only got 5 pictures of there kid!Im not judging all young parents im judging the hypocritical one who in front of other ppl that have kids they want to act like a really good parent but in reality they never even have there kid.

Hendrika - posted on 01/28/2009

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It's so hard. I honestly feel badly for the young mother's who feel like they are left with no other option. I remember what it felt like to be cooped up in a house all day long with some kid who sucked on you to you were raw, but I never left him. It's hard. And it really sucks some times. But I really believe all the mom's here are really trying their best and from what I've seen there are many amazing women here! I've been blessed with a wonderful support system and I think it's important for all of us to be there for each other cause not everyone has what you have.

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009

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I completely agree. I know this one girl who has a child and she parties all the time!! Everytime I see a picture it ticks me off. Once you have a child you can't be like that anymore. Grow up!!!!

Amber - posted on 01/28/2009

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I agree. I'm 20 and i have 2 boys. My eldest is 2 and my youngest is 6 weeks. I never go out to party and i hardly go out to a movie or anything. My Husband is in the army and he's in korea fora year now so i'm on my own withthem. It's tough but i manage..

Heather - posted on 01/28/2009

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i agree with this 100% i have my son when i was 17 and my boyfriend was 18. We are very good with our son that is now 16 months old we hardly ever go out we are devoted to our son. I have a friend that is the same age as me and that is how she is she goes out every weekend and hardley ever has her daughter she is always with her father. me and her are no longer friends because i couldnt stand to hear her talk about her daughter all the time when she was never there to rasies her.

Heather - posted on 01/28/2009

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i agree with this 100% i have my son when i was 17 and my boyfriend was 18. We are very good with our son that is now 16 months old we hardly ever go out we are devoted to our son. I have a friend that is the same age as me and that is how she is she goes out every weekend and hardley ever has her daughter she is always with her father. me and her are no longer friends because i couldnt stand to hear her talk about her daughter all the time when she was never there to rasies her.

Nicole - posted on 01/28/2009

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its nice you give kudos to us who take full resposiblity of our babys. but i also feel no matter what age group you are there will always be the odd mothers that leave there kids with sitters or there parents. i also think when people look at you they dont consider the fact your young it could be just because you have 2 beuatiful daughters. dont think all people look at you in a bad way.. good luck with everything. : )

Ashley - posted on 01/28/2009

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ya, all my friends think that i can just drop everything i'm doing when they call, or get mad at me cuz i don't have time to hang out with them...



they don't seem to understand how busy u are when u have a child

Kelly - posted on 01/28/2009

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wow ur making bad asumptions not all young mums are prats lol most are really good i was 16 when i had mine an she is neraly 1 i have only been out 3 times since she was born

Hayley - posted on 01/28/2009

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i completely agree with you, it makes me really annoyed when i see other mums my age dumping their kids off, and friends getting annoyed with me because i won't dump my little girl! i had a child to look after her not for other people too.



i just wish they could understand that i would rather wake up with my liitle girl than a hangover!!



 

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