Just took a dna test for my daughter and her father..Now I'm worried! Please help moms!

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

I am an 18 yeard old mommy to a beautiful 1 year old daughter. My daughters father and I decided to go seperate ways when I was 2 months pregnant. I found out he had cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. We dated a year and our daughter was planned. I lied to him about the baby not being his and when she was 3 months old I had told him the truth. He threatened me on many occasions and his family called my mother and I "sluts". It got really messy.

He asked to come see her the minute I told him and I agreed. I had my best friend come over to be a witness and he brought his friend. 2 months later he came to see her again with his other friend and I had my best friend there also. We agreed to visits 4 hours every Sunday. He lives 3 hours away from us. When a Sunday came around he didn't show up. I texted him over and over and finally responded and said " I can't make it, it's a hassle to drive 3 hours there and back for only 4 hours and my truck takes alot of gas". Couple months later we went to his city because my grandpa was in the hospital and had him call me to make plans. We decided to go to the zoo, he said he would pay out way in, and guess what, I paid for us to get in.

Last Friday we made plans to sleep over at his parents house for the weekend, it was all good. His mother suggests we get a dna test done the next day because I lied about him being her father and they all wanted to meet my daughter yet, they didn't think she was his when they look exactly alike and they don't see it. I felt pressured into it because his mother wanted to take her shopping after the test and deep down it was about time they started stepping up so I did it because I felt pressured into it. So now we will get the results at the end of Jan and once dna comes back I am worried that they will try something.

I am 18, I go to school for my GED and than University. I am funded through my school so all expenses are paid and I am half aborigional so my band helps me out also plus her child tax income. I've tried to make him apart of her life but he doesn't seem to take intrest in her until the dna test was done then he took intrest in her. I am being fair to him and his family on letting them see her. But I will not allow sleep overs when he can barely visit her and she cries everytime one of his family members holds her and screams "mommy". Should I file for full custody or what are your suggestions. I am just trying to protect me and my daughter. She is my world. Also I have saved all my bank statements, texts from him, conversations we had (not over e-mail, or text) face-to-face, trying to keep receipts on her basic care needs such as formula, clothes, food, diapers, wipes, ect. He does not help me out whats so ever.

Have any of you been in this situation? What was the outcome? What are your sugesstions on what should I do? Thank you moms!

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9 Comments

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Christine - posted on 03/10/2012

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did you have to get one too i was told My baby the father and I have to get it. its 300 each thats 1200 i dont get why i would have to get one i know im his mother

Holley - posted on 01/15/2012

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I am been there and done that hun so if you want to talk about it i am here to help. As of right now he cant do anything. I would also say dont put all this effert in having him see her have him call you if he wants to see her. What you should also do is keep a notebook on everytime he sees her and gets her things. So when you go to court you have it all so that you can show him how much he dose anything with her and for her. I have been there with my son so i know what i am talking about. Also right you need to file for sole custody of her so then when it comes back that she is his he and his family cant do anything to try to take her away from you.

Crystal - posted on 01/15/2012

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If I was you I would go file for sole custody now. And once the results come in I would file for child support. He needs to step up and take responsibilty.It will be hard and stressful for you b/c him and his parents are going to try to talk you out of doing it. they will prolly tell you that they will help you and the baby and they might for a couple months. Then they might actually try to take her from you. I know that it is very hard. But seriously it would be the best thing for you and your daughter. Good Luck and message me if you would like to talk.

Tessa - posted on 01/12/2012

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Im not sure what the laws are like over there. But here in Australia you have to attempt to sort custody out between yourselves, if that doesn't work you have to go to mediation (a third person is with you and they try to help you guys sort out your problems) and if that doesn't work then you go to court. However court is extremely expensive and it takes the choice away from you and the father, the judge is the only person who's opinion matters.

If it comes back that he is NOT the father, no issue there for you. However, you say it is deffs his, so you will need to sit down with him and explain that you want to have full custody, and why. Basically, you two will need to talk it out. Keep a record of the conversation as you have been doing. Keep journal entries of EVERYTHING. Even save THIS thread and print it out. Make a record of ALL the advice you have been given. Go onto google and look up the laws in your state and country - and print them off. Look up parenting plans and print one off. This website is where I got a lot of information from:



http://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/Br...



http://www.legalaid.qld.gov.au/legalinfo...

[deleted account]

I have been keeping track of everything. The results come in at the end of the month. I want to file for sole custody that's all. She has been in my care since the day I found out I was pregnant. He has not gave me one penny to help out even when I asked. Since I left his house we've talked little. In some of his txts he says I was an amazing mother and says he knows she's safe with me. I've kept those and printed them off.. Once dna comes back I am scared as to what he will do or his parents brain wash him.. What do you think I should do? I need to protect myself and my daughter from exactly what Tessa went through. I would never let my daughter stay the night at his house!

[deleted account]

His mom paid for it. She sprung it on me when my daughter and I went to have a weekend sleepover with his family. I felt pressured into doing it. It was $550.00 I am from Canada.

Tessa - posted on 01/10/2012

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Hi there!

After my daughters father and I split up we had a LOT of custody issues.

My best advice is to keep doing what you are doing, EVERYTHING on paper. record in a diary like form (date, times etc) EVERY time you see/communicate with him and his family. Save records of all conversations etc.

If you are worried about him doing what my ex did and take the child off you and not let you have the child back, then get a plan in place which clearly states everything regarding the child.

- Who has custody
- finacials (i.e he pays for nappies, you supply food, you split medical bills, etc)
- Where bubs is for special occasions (birthdays, christmas etc)
- ANYTHING else that you think is neccesary.

When the plan is being done, have yourself and your ex sit down to discuss it together, you both have to agree on everything that is in the plan. Have both of you have a support person with you, and pick someone that you feel will be able to help diffuse any form of difficult situations.

The reason I say to have the plan in place is this:

After my partner and I broke up, he took my daughter from me and refused to let me have any form of contact with her, and refused to even let me know how she was, for a month. I could not get her back from him as I couldnt prove that he was harming her in any way and we had no parenting plan in place. When I went to the police asking them for help they basically told me there was nothing that they could do about it and we had to sort it out for ourselves. I ended up getting her back through a loop hole in the law which is that when she is in his home, she is in his custody and it would be counted as kidnapping if I took her from there without his permission, and vice versa for if she is in my home. However if she is in public she is in both of our custody and either one of us can take her home with us, with or without the others permission.

Anyway, if we had a plan in place that said where she was supposed to be at that time (i.e Mother to have Saturday from 10am - 6pm) then the police could have simply gone to his house and taken her off him and given her back to me.

Check out the legal aid website which has some great links to draft parenting plans etc, it was an awesome help to me.

Christine - posted on 01/10/2012

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where do yo live.. and how much did it cost i have to get a dna test done im freaking out.. justwondering

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