Men that go out all the time and leave you at home!!! not fare

Andrea - posted on 12/08/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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my boyfriend always has to go out with his friends and drinks or just goes to the bar to play pool and that makes me sad that i cant... anyone feel the same way too!!! i wish i could have the chance to go out and have fun too.... why dosent he stay home with the baby once in a while!!!

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Ashley - posted on 12/08/2009

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i have the same problem but people are always coming over to our house, my bf invites them over without telling me and im tired after looking after my baby all night (in the 9 months shes been alive hes attempted to look after her 1 night in total!!) and havent had a shower which is the only thing that wakes me up in the morning. on top of that i have to wait untill his friends go home so he can watch our daughter so i can have a shower which is sumtime only 2 in the afternoon!...im sorry but im going to have a little rant iv been trying so hard to make our relationship work lately but i feel like its one sided..its like having a baby hasnt changed a thing for him!.when he does look after her he doesnt atually watch her, he watches tv and lets her play with things she shuldnt and lets her put anything in her mouth!..he stays up late drinking with his friends at our house so i dont get to sleep till about 12 and iv given up asking him to watch her in the morning to give me time to sleep because all he does is get angry and ends up sleeping in him self while i watch baby and when he does get up he tells me what a bitch i am for waking him up..and if no-one is visiting at our house he makes little excuses to go out like to get milk which will take about 2 hours!!!..iv been dieing to go to the beach but he doesnt want to do anything i do!!.i feel like giving up trying to make things work its too stressful what should i do?!!
ps sorry 4 the long vent lol

Linda - posted on 12/15/2009

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Compromise...Compromise...Compromise! He needs to make an effort to give you some time to yourself and you guys need to make time to spend with each other alone...and time to spend together as a family. Get family and friends invovled. Even if you guys go out together only for a few hours it will help. If he does not agree with this then there may be another reason he is not wanting a compromise. Get to the real issue then work from there. Hope this helps and I wish the best for you & your fa,ily. ~LMOwens

Gina - posted on 12/14/2009

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thats pretty much the same problem i have...i only go up my boyfriends house every other week for a couple days at a time,& everytime i go up there he leaves with his friends & he goes out and has fun..it not fair! what should i do?

Alicia - posted on 12/14/2009

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He doesnt stay with the baby because unlike you, he still has kept his selfish mentality. Where you put the baby first he just doesnt and it seems your pretty low on the list too. Listent ladies, I know what its like, your in love, hes this or hes that... your both young now you have a baby, maybe he's changed maybe he hasnt.. one thing I can say for sure is that this wont last forever, as you grow older and come into your own and discover yourself and who you are youll have the power and confidance to either demand a change or leave him in the dust.. of which I can also assure you in a fwe years hell be in the same spot. Dont worry about baby daddy problems now, its hard I know adn they can be hurtful and mean, but just because you have his baby doesnt mean your his, and the biggest relief of all is that this stage of your life is only temporary. It all goes away as you diescover yourself, thats the only constant with young mothers is that the majority of us have shitty partners. My sons father is 30 years old and is still acting the same and treating his new wifer the same as he treated me, hes just a little older.. thats really the only difference (well besides the thinning hair and beer gut that makes me smile every time because I am still hot ;))

[deleted account]

Ashley-

My baby's daddy used to do the same things to me. In fact even when he had agreed to get up in the middle of the night, he would get mad at me for not getting up and say "You Fucking Get Up!". He went out almost every night partying and then would come home and tell me that I don't do anything and that he is doing all the work by working 40 hours a week and that I need to do my own share of work. ( I was taking 12 credits, going on the 4th month of sleeping maybe 2 or 3 times a day for about an hour and half, not to mention nursing every 2 hours for about an hour) I decided after nine months of living with him it was not worth it. I moved into low income housing, applied for about all the gov aid that I could, and to my surprise, I have just about everything paid for. I get just enough in child support and aid to make the bills each month and I have full-time daycare so I can go to school and have time to myself. It's 200 times better than living with him. I learned that staying with him wasn't going to make him change to take on responsibility. He still hasn't changed, he does the same thing but, I don't have to deal with him. No more waking up in the middle of the night, no more bitching at me for stupid things, and no more of him walking out or saying he was going to be back in a few hours and doesn't com back till the next morning! You should be able to get your sleep and able to go out sometimes too! It should be 50/50.Talk to him about it but, if he doesn't change, just know that you can walk out at anytime and make your life and your little girls better. I was really scared to move out on my own and wasn't sure if I could do it but, it's not scary, it's actually turned out to be much easier then I thought. It was definately worth it, even though I doubted myself many times in the begining. Also, I would like to add, if you are not already, go to school. There is so much aid available for mothers, especially single mothers and when you are done with school you should have a secure and good paying job (without college debt to pay off)!

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Lovelymom - posted on 03/29/2013

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I have a the same problem accept the circumstances r different..I have an almost 9 month old son whom he has never met his biological father but my boyfriend of almost 6 years (off and on) has been there for me threw out my pregnancy and till this day. He has always been the type to go out and drink. We don't live together and he is unemployed. I am just sick of him being out all the time. whenever we r not together he immediately goes out or to a friends. ive been letting it go bc he isn't the biological father but i just feel even if hes not with us there's no need to be out all the time drinking and being immature if he really wants to step up and be the father figure in my sons life...

Any advice would be nice idk just at a stand still at the point

Leeann - posted on 10/10/2012

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I just started living with my bf of 3years about 3months ago. & things are starting to get rocky. He quit his job thinking he'd fall right back on one, but nope. It's been about 2months and he is still jobless. this past week he's been going out every day with his friends for hours! and not getting home till at least 12-1am. I am 7months pregnant, working full time and I'm about ready to work part time due to fatigue but I can't because this loser pot head still doesn't have his head screwed on straight and won't get a job, he already let 5job opportunities just slip right out of his hands! I'm tired of it, not to mention when he gets home & I am asleep he wakes me up with the sound of chip bags or cereal because of his "munchies" and the need to watch tv. I am so fed up! He jus left again and this time without telling me beforehand I found out once his friend came and he started putting his shoes on. Ladies, I promise I feel like punching him in his face. Please keep me sane /:

[deleted account]

Quoting Gina:

thats pretty much the same problem i have...i only go up my boyfriends house every other week for a couple days at a time,& everytime i go up there he leaves with his friends & he goes out and has fun..it not fair! what should i do?



Stop visiting, then when he asks why you don't go, explain that you've tried to come and visit but he just goes out. He needs to learn that there are times to go out and times to stay home. he might just have no idea about it all...

Christina - posted on 12/16/2009

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i think most of us have that problem. my DH still goes out without the kids often. for the first two years of our son's life, my life consisted of baby, work, school, and baby. i did it all and his father wasn't around. now his father is around and don't get me wrong, his father helps out alot with both our kids, but since i had the second one, its back to i go out with him to a friend's house and i still take care of the kids while he socializes with his friends. or sometimes he goes out by himself and i haven't been out by myself in over 2 years. its frustrating and i get angry, but he's a man and he doesn't get it. so i just do what has to be done and look forward to new year's eve when our youngest is a year and i can finally go out child-free.

Heather - posted on 12/15/2009

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My husband is the same he goes out and gets drunk comes home so i end up taking care of two baby then. my son is a 1 and 4 months now and it still hasn't change men can't grow up. they didnt go though what we did so they just dont get it. I watch my kid 24/7 he goes every where with me he never leaves my side. he hangs out with a guy he works with kids more then his own son.

Claire - posted on 12/14/2009

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i am exactly the sam my boyfriend says he needs time with his mates, but where is my time - i get really frustrated with it all i want is him too stay in with me and our new baby. your not alone in how you feel x x

Alicia - posted on 12/14/2009

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Quoting Nicole:

I have the same problem, I'm nursing and my boyfriend won't attempt to feed our daughter with a bottle so I have not left the house for more than three hours since she was born six months ago. Sometimes he will go drinking and not home home for three or four days and think it should be okay with me. Every time I get mad he just says well I can go out tomorrow then...but of course I can't.



I dont know if you know this or not.. you really have to, but there is only one reason why a guy wont come home for days on end nad in your heart you know this. Realise this, that you two are not different and it can be happening to you. Get rid of this scum bag who obviously has no respect or consideration for you, you shouldnt be okay with a guy treating you like all you are is a vagina to park in once in a while.. especially after the two of you have a baby together. Your worth waaay more than that, I can tell you this is the honest truth and I dont even know you! Even if you are a bitch, even if you do nag, even if you arent the best housekeeper or cook, even if you do smother him... no matter what his excuses are you do not deserve this and your daughter definatley doesnt deserve to grow up thinking that this is normal or okay.. at least for her you need to be an example of a self reliant woman who isnt going to take any mans shit. Your worth it, you know you are.... and he obviously is not.

Mahalia - posted on 12/13/2009

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My boyfriend is alot older then me, at times i think im more mature then him!!! He always goes and hangs out with mates, even if its just for an hour, that's an hour he could spend bonding with our daughter not going out with mates!!! they will never learn!!!!

Nicole - posted on 12/13/2009

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I have the same problem, I'm nursing and my boyfriend won't attempt to feed our daughter with a bottle so I have not left the house for more than three hours since she was born six months ago. Sometimes he will go drinking and not home home for three or four days and think it should be okay with me. Every time I get mad he just says well I can go out tomorrow then...but of course I can't.

[deleted account]

Yeah, I had a similar problem. My name was on everything, the lease, the electricity, the cable, and I was responsible for all of them. He wouldn't move out either so, I had to find a new place and move out but, it actually turned out being nicer and cheaper! Moving was tough but I did have some family to help. If you have low income, there might be some aid to help you move, or maybe if you have an abuse center or a church that people might have some volunteers that would help you move, or maybe there is someone who needs community service hours that would be willing to help. In SD i've found that the Department of Social Services and a Program call My Neighbor, always has the answers to make ends meet. Is his name on the lease? because if it's not, you could just call the police to have him move out. I would think after that he would know that you are serious about him doing his part. I know its tough and stressfuI but, you don't have to stay in that situation. If you can handle living with him and paying for all the bills and taking care of your little girl, I know you you could live on your own and pay for all the bills and take care of your little girl, without him to deal with. I would ask for child support if I were you too. He might get mad about it, but it's practically impossible to raise a little one on your own unless you have a nice family inheritance. And besides, it's his child and his responsibility too, it shouldn't all be placed on your shoulders! So, if he's not going to do the work, he might as well pay for it to be done! If you get on or already are on some gov aid, the court paper work should be paid for by the state (depending on the state you live), and they will handle everything! Have you ever seen the movie He's Just Not That Into You? No one was ever blunt in telling me that he would never change, they were like the women in the movie and said "well maybe he will change." I'm going to be blunt, Men don't change unless they are threatened by something, like loosing his house, or having to pay for something. I can just about guarantee, that if you ask for child support or move out, he would probably say something like " you don't have to be this way, we can work this out. Maybe I could take her for a few hours and such and such a day..." Chances are if he didn't stick to his word in the past, he won't now either. I'm sorry if i sound like i'm lecturing you, but now one was every blunt with me. This kinds of situation is not good for anyone. Stress and Anxiety over a long period of time Will change the chemicals in your brain, and lead to depression (my doctor told me this (: ) and it's part of the reason why depression is on the rise. This will also just add even more stress to the situation. But, as time goes on and your little one get older, she will sleep through the night, and just be less of a hand full, which should alleviate some of the stress. I hope things get better for you! :)

Ashley - posted on 12/13/2009

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i have tried to tell him i want a break, hoping he will realise what he's got and change his ways..the only problem i have is this is MY house!.my names on the lease and i pay for everything!.i just cant get him to leave iv thought about calling the police a few times to have him told to leave the property but i am stressed enough as it is..i dont have any family to turn to because they alll live oversea's iv been on my own since i was 14 and i dont even want to addmit to them we are having problems..i havnt told anyone xcept all of you!

[deleted account]

my bf used to do that, because he thought he needed to make the most of his life before the baby was born (our son isnt born yet) and he thought it was unfair that he should have to stay home and be bored with me if he can still go out because hes not the preg one etc etc. i say maybe bring up a comprimise with him. put on the wall maybe tues and thurs are his days with baby unless agreed otherwise because you totally need space too, to keep u sane :)

Danielle - posted on 12/08/2009

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my partner has been out with the boys so many times and when i would like to go out for a short time and ask him to watch our daughter he always has an excuse we never do anything i would like to do or anything as a family that doesnt involve where he wants to go he used to sleep in on weekends till lunch time then lie around the house not helping at all until i packed my bags rang my grandparents and organised to stay there it all hit him hard after that things still arent the way i wish them to be when it comes to our daughter but he is improving after he knows i wont take his selfishness anymore....most men have no idea how much we sacrifice where as for them its like life is the same but with one extra person in it!

Sammie - posted on 12/08/2009

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My situation is similar but different. My boyfriend works at night n sleeps all day. So I have the baby all day long.That can be very frustrating. I wish I was able to have a normal life and hang out just for a couple of hours, but I can't..

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