Need advice...please help..

Jacey - posted on 01/28/2010

i kind of was in a similar situation, except instead of an ex it was alcohol and my dad. my boyfriend didnt want my dad around the baby much because he drinks a lot, so i told my dad he cant see the baby if he's been drinking, of course. one time i didnt know my dad was drinking and we went to visit, needless to say i had a big fight with my dad and my boyfriend said he can't see the baby anymore at all and i told him he can decide that about his parents and i can decide it about mine so we came to an agreement. things are ok now, i dont talk to my dad when he's drinking and he knows he can only see the baby when he's sober. anyway, it took a big fight for things to get right, hopefully you won't have that problem. my advice is to sit your boyfriend down and say listen this is my dad and i love him and i want him to be in the baby's life, and tell your dad you love him and you want him to be part of the baby's life but you dont want confrontation around the baby. honestly your dad will probably agree to whatever you decide needs to be done because your his daughter and he'll want to be in the baby's life. wow sorry that was so long haha.

Kacelyn - posted on 01/28/2010

First an foremost, I know you want to keep your baby's grandfather in her life, but you should definately keep her daddy too. Sit down and tell your father that it is rude, and you don't appreciate it. Also talk to your boyfriend and see if he oculd be civil with it, tell your father when he comes to your house that he CANNOT bring your ex. I feel it is disrespectful to your boyfriend and his grand baby's father. If it is a family function then it is out of your control and if you want your baby close, you may have to suck it up (for occasions like Christmas) also it wouldn't harm you if you let your bf and father get to know each other because this baby bonds them for like, this baby needs her father and grandfather and needs to see them getting along, whether they want to or not. Also, before breaking up with your bf because your father doesn't like him you need to take a lot into consideration. A.) Will you be happy with out him? B.) Are you up to being a single mommy (it's hard with two parents, i couldn't imagine just one) C.) Who do you feel is being immature in the situation?! This should not fall on you or your baby, your bf who you love is the father, and your father needs to come to reality with the whole idea, he can hope and wish you were with your ex, but you aren't, and if you don't want to be, there should be no reason he keeps bringing it up. I wish you good luck family matters are hard, but look at if from your babys POV and do whats best for her.

Lindsay - posted on 01/28/2010

I agree with India. In my oppinion it's one of those situations that's a sticky one but hopefully if other people are willing it can be worked out. I think you need to have a talk with both of them seperately and possibly together in any way possible. If they both love you, as im sure they do, they should respect you and your wishes and should be able to set aside their differences for you and your daughter. Don't make yourself miserable, and certainly don't put yourself in any situations that make you unhappy or uncomfortable just for someone elses sake. Believe me when I say that you can't make the rest of the world happy unless you yourself are ! If either your dad or your boyfriend agree to come to some sort of agreement and the other aren't then that just tells you which one really does love and respect you. I'm sure if you really sat down and had a good conversation with both and truly let them know how you're feeling they would be willing to work something out. Good luck with everything and remember that you and your daughter deserve to be surrounded with people who love and care for you and nothing less !

India - posted on 01/27/2010

i think you should talk to your boyfriend and your dad. let your dad know that you love him and you want him to be a part of your baby's life, but that you love your boyfriend too. but i think that you should also talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you are, under no circumstances, going to cut your father out of your daughter's life. it's important for her to know all of her grandparents. and you should also not ever do anything you don't want to, even if you feel like it is for the person you love.

and i understand your concern about being a single mother... my family is messed up in different ways and all i wanted for my daughter was to have a real, normal family. but in the end, there are worse things than being single and if your boyfriend isn't willing to treat you right, you should wait for someone who will. you have to do what is right for you and for your daughter in the end, sweetie. and sometimes, you being with or married to the baby daddy and ending up fighting or being neglected or breaking up later on is not the best thing for anyone.

i hope that helped