normal for 25 year old to spend the night at home?

Sarah - posted on 06/15/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My daughter was just born April 7th. My boyfriend is 25, and ever since she has been born goes out about once a week. Going out once a week for a couple hours to hang out with friends is fine, but for the past few weeks he has been leaving once a week and staying the night out!..He just goes to his parents house but still.... i feel like since he is 25 why is he still spending the night at his parents? it drives me nuts. Is it too much to ask for him to not do that? we have gotten in multiple fights, i dont know if im asking to much.

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Melissa - posted on 06/16/2011

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Are you possitive he's going to his parents house? Realistically, he's 25 years old, and he's a father. I don't think he should really be doing this, either. I mean, there's been times where my boyfriend, our son and I have slept over my parents house, but it's after all of us were hanging out and it was late so we decided to stay. Him having weekly slumber parties just sounds funny.

Amy - posted on 06/20/2011

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I think that it depends on how he acts the rest of the time. If he's helping you with the baby and generally doing things that he needs to do, then he may just be overwhelmed by the baby and need some time away. I would suggest talking to him about you getting a night away, even if it's just for a few hours. It can make a world of difference to a stressed out parent, mom or dad.

Monique - posted on 06/20/2011

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If he is really staying at his parents he may be overwhelmed and if it's possible try talking to him about how he is feeling. If you get along with his parents maybe you could ask them what he does there and what they think is going on with him.

Amelia - posted on 06/20/2011

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Guys get over-whelmed really easy with new situations. I would sit and TALK, don't yell because it's just going to be a bigger fight. Ask him why he is spending the night at his parents weekly? Does he feel he needs a break from you and the baby?
Maybe his parents don't see anything wrong with it because you are mom, therefore it's your job to look after the baby.
I am willing to bet it is just a miscommunication between everyone. Good luck!

V - posted on 06/16/2011

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sounds like hes beig a lil selfish wn u have kids u have to put the bs behind u and grow its not about u anymore its about them and all of u as a family. and everone needs a break he should consider let u go out for a breeze atleast once a week or every two talk it out thats the only way to work toward positive things in the relationship with ur kid.

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Angela - posted on 06/22/2011

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Ask him is he is overwhelmed. New babies, lack of sleep, finding out what grown up life is about all at once ... this is what happens when children come into the relationship. Remind him that adults work through the relationship stresses through talk, negotiation and support.

He may simply have assigned a night for himself with his brothers to hang out, express himself in ways he doesn't think you would like and have a boys night out. If he is downing a few beers coming home might not be the best answer anyway.

If he has good reason, are you OK with it? If he is honest about his needs, can you support this? And if he has a night away and you are the ipso-facto babysitter then ask him to do the same for you. Maybe he could cut the running away to once every other week with your turn on the weekends he is at home with your daughter.

Of course, I may say that having therapist mediate this discussion would be preferable but, unfortunately, men are the least likely to see this as a solution. Perhaps you could talk with his parents around to mediate. After all, they understand that raising children is hard.

Sally - posted on 06/22/2011

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i wouldn't know, i have an older sister who has been married for only 2 years now, but she lived with my mom up until then & she is in her mid 40s. i was only 22 when i got married and couldn't be happier . he probably isnt ready to have more than one person dependant on him right now,or he just misses his own bed who knows wish i had some real advice for you but i'm sorry i dont all i can say is good luck

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/20/2011

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Something is wrong.. period. If his mother in law wants the baby to spend the night like she keeps begging for you to do (from your other post, I got this :) why aren't you allowed over the night when his brothers and him hang out and spend the night?
The fact you aren't invited is strange.
Expecially since MIL wants baby overnight.
Why wouldn't this be an equal compromise then?
I don't think it's okay. I would tell him to quit, period. Something is weird.........

Tina Marie - posted on 06/18/2011

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seems hes just not quite ready to grow up.and it does take guys longer to mature than girls.but youll have to decide if you want to waite for him to mature.and you handle the baby and homefront on your own wile hes playing with his brothers or whatever he decides he needs to do.in my opinion u need to do something wile the baby is little and change his routine. or the little one may grow up thinking daddys actions are normal and be used to an absent parent.which may make baby loose respect for that parent. just for the fact baby is used to him being gone, even for a few days out of the week.its up to you to straighten it out and maybe you can try letting him know that it bothers you that he chooses to leave you and the baby out of his plans even for a short time. well good luck.. i hope it all works out 4 you.

Noelle - posted on 06/18/2011

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^^Totally agreed. Why would he rather spend the night at his parents house then at home? It's time for him to grow up a bit, and step it up. Going out with the guys is fine, of course, but there should be no reason for him to need to stay out of the house for an entire night. That to me seems shady. Like Abba said, his parents should not be encouraging it. They should be telling him to go home..

Seinati - posted on 06/18/2011

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I think he's needs to accept the fact that he is now a father. Going out once a week without you & baby is a NO NO ! esp if its happening all the time. There's more to it & you do need to talk to him about it. IF he is at his parents place, then they shouldn't be encouraging him to be there or at least ask for all of you to spend the night there? Its not too much to ask & I do hope you guys get to work things out. Eventually he'll grow up but by the sounds of things he still wants to be the little boys? Good luck darl :)

Sarah - posted on 06/16/2011

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Yeah I am pretty positive, he will send me pics while he is there and also his mom will say stuff about it.. It is very weird to me..

Sarah - posted on 06/15/2011

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oh and p.s... im not invited when he does this. he comes to me and says "im going home for the night to hang out with my brothers" me, nor the baby are invited.

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