not talking to my parents and wondering if i should (super long story, be warned! lol)

Iysha - posted on 03/09/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

1,914

26

So, my fiancé and I had to move in with my parents after he lost his job and I was forced to put my job on hold due to complications in my pregnancy. After my daughter was born, my fiancé had a drug problem for less than a month and couldn't stop even though he wanted to until his mom and I found him help. He was on heroine and was dependent on it physically but we couldn't afford treatment from a rehab so we found someone that detoxed him for free. He was completely sober after a couple weeks. My parents decided that we "waste" too much money which is not true. I am in charge of our finances and the majority of our money went to past due bills (car payments and insurance payments) and our new bills. All bills were for things that were necessary like doctors, cars, gas, and food. We payed for all the food to support 5 adults. My fiance used $400 worth of gas a week just for school. We bought our baby diapers, wipes, clothes, whatever she needed too. So, since we "waste" our money my parents decided it was my fiance's fault because he uses most of it so they wanted him to leave the household but, wanted me and our daughter to stay. In the county I live in, a studio is about $1000...even if he worked and got money for school and lived on top roman he wouldn't be able to afford to continue school and live. Not to mention that WE are a family and shouldn't be separated because my family doesn't like him. So we decided to move together with baby and start fresh and try to make it on our own. The only way we could do that is to move somewhere where the cost of living isn't so high. So we moved 3+ hours away near my fiance's mom. Where rent for a 2br apt is only $550. We were stoked to find a place that was cheap and nice and near some family. So we told my parents we were moving as soon as we get our tax returns. My mom was sad and mad at my fiance. My dad made a big deal saying that I'm an idiot and that I'm taking kylie (my daughter) away from them to spite them because my fiance "made me turn on them" and that he "doubts he will even get an invite to kylie's 1st birthday" since we are going to "run off" and never come back. He was being a complete ass. I explained that I wasn't taking kylie away, that I will send pictures and keep them posted with the new things she does and that we can meet once a week to hang out. And that was still not good enough. My dad said that he was "surprized that I would listen to [my fiance's] mom" and "turn my back on my own family." When we left, I was actually relieved to be out of that house... Before saying anything to them, I was sad. I'm close to my mom, but I knew moving was best for my fiance and I and kylie too. Living at my parent's house contributed to my fiance's addiction and fueled the arguments we got into almost every day. We were never like that before and aren't like that now. When we got to our new apartment, we were settling in for the night and I got a call from the police department in the county I used to live in. They called because my mom called them because she was "concerned for kylie's well being" because there were 8 beer cans in my room, foil, and a capped needle. My fiance drank the night before we left, I administer medication through an IV and sometimes the needles get left in my scrubs and the foil had marks on it from 6 months ago that was left in a bag of garbage he collected from his car when he cleaned it out before we left. My parents know that he would not ever do drugs again and I can tell when he's not right and would never allow him to be around me or kylie like that. My parents had to dig through our trash to find that piece of foil and look way down in that trash can to find that needle! And to call the cops instead of calling me is wrong. Kylie could have been taken from me for nothing! They were that desperate to get her back in their home that they would call the police and tell them that I must be injecting and smoking drugs and getting drunk with my baby in my room! My fiance is on his last year of probation from when he was 18 for something non drug related but can still get in major trouble for even drinking even though he's well over 21. So he could have gone to jail and my parents know that too. So it has been a month and my mom wants us to meet up with her for lunch since we need to go pick up some of our stuff and I said that I'll see if we aren't too busy. I don't really want to talk to her after all that. I haven't forgiven her and don't really think I should. Should I just forget about it? What do you all think?

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Genevieve - posted on 03/09/2010

27

47

I don't think you should forget about it. It's horrible about your parents trying to tear apart your family, mine were doing the same thing for a while. You should go to that lunch with your mom, but tell her that what she did was wrong, and that if she can't accept the fact that you have a family of your own that you need to put first then she's going to have to learn how to not be a part of your and your daughter's life. With my parents it took a while but now we're at a point where they realize that this is what I'm doing with my life and they need to accept that. I still get comments occasionally but things are better. But at the same time, try to look at it from their side of the story. No they never should have called the cops, that is unforgivable. But now that you're a parent you want ot do everything to protect your child and keep them close. You want to spend every available second with your daughter because you love her so much and only want the best for her. Your parents want the same for their daughter, as well as their granddaughter. Right now they probably feel as if they're missing time from their baby and that your fiance's drug problem might be hurting their baby and grandbaby. Also your fiance sounds great, and that's really good about how he got clean, but you should also keep an eye on him, as I'm sure you are. I have to do the same with mine, except with him it's his attitude, and it effects our lives about one a year when he's get an attitude problem, starts treating us like crap and forgets about what's really important. So like I said I think you should do lunch, but make sure your mom knows your upset still and that she will have to get over whatever is wrong with her, and that you see where she's coming from.