please dont judge me i just need some constructive help

Jenny - posted on 02/28/2010

I'm 19 and my son is 4 months old. I know how hurtful it is when people throw the young mum thing at you because just because we are young doesn't mean we are bad mums or don't love our children as much as anyone else. I know when my son is crying and i can't soothe him i get frustrated .. it's not just you. All i can say is pretty much the same as the other mums, just try to stay calm and if you find yourself getting frustrated put her somewhere safe and walk away for five mins. Just remember crying isn't going to hurt her. If you need someone around your age to talk to feel free to add me. Good luck.

Zenobia - posted on 02/28/2010

Ok, i am not going to judge you because i went through something close to what you are feeling. I am a first time Mom as well and it can be overwhelming when they are at that stage. You have to walk away, if she is feed, changed and you know that nothing is wrong with her and you need a minute to get your self together take it. Crying does not hurt her but if you don't walk away you could hut her. Babies use crying to get what they want but you have to know where to draw that line or she is going to run you and your boyfriend. So it is ok to put her in her swing put on the radio give her some toys or some cheerios and get your self together. Even if it is just to clean and straighten up, you better take that time cause if you don't you may not like her anymore. Also if you have someone that can help you like your mom or his mom an aunt or sister. My sister helped me by taking my daughter when she was like 2 months, she just came and got her for a night. Feeling this way does not make you a bad Mom this makes you a normal one. Give her a Drumstick bone with nothing on it, i mean clean it off. Take off anything that she could choke on. Get the cold teething rings that you put in the freezer. It is ok for her to cry you don't have to pick her up everytime she cries.

Gemma - posted on 02/28/2010

i have felt like that a few tiems thism onth n my lil boy aint teething hes going thru thr terrible 2s early i get reali stressed out with him that i smacked his nappy n told him he was a naughty boy, this seems to ave worked as hes clamed down now n isnt as nasty as e wo, i didnt hurt him in any way shape of form as it was his nappy i tapped but i tihnk it just shocks them into realsing wot they r doing its not always easy wen they r crying n screaming at u, try n get a baby sitter n taking time away from the child even for 1hr it just give u time to relax x

Martina - posted on 02/28/2010

first of all - screw what people say - they always think they know better, but often can't remember or even tell what it feels like having a crying child.
my son - he's the best boy in the world of course *gg* - had these newborn cholics and was driving me mad, after that he got his teeth and i flipped often crying at him, but always feeling guilty, then he got accustomed to waking up every night two to three times until he got two years old - until i decided to take the last step - letting him cry - after that one time he slept through the night :-) (but you should do that only if the kid doesn't get teeth, that hurts and the got a right to cry)
- i still get mad at my son from time to time, and i HATE it - i try to keep my temper, locking my self in the bathroom with ipod, maglite(the light switches are outside), and a book - to block any screams and bumping of my child.
- it is helping, though - but still not always :-(

KellieJoe - posted on 02/27/2010

Hey. I understand your situation all too well. I was 17 when I had my daughter and there were many times I was a little too rough with her. It was a tough go for me and I felt exactly how you feel, that my patience had worn thin and I was beginning to get snappy and angry with her, even though I knew in the back of my head I shouldn't be that way. I decided to join a mother's group in my town, and honestly that really did help. It got me OUT of the house once a week, which was a good thing, and it allowed me the opportunity to speak with other young mothers who were going through the same things. The facilitator of our groups was extremely understanding and I wasn't afraid to speak openly with her about my own situation. She gave excellent tips and strategies about how I could regain my composure in highly tense situations. It really did help. For me, the best thing that worked was putting my daughter into her crib where she was safe, closing the door and going into another room and counting to ten. I know that sounds weird, but for me it worked. I was able to "snap" out of the moment and bring my own emotions into check. My daughter was safe in her crib, even though she would be screaming or crying, she was still safe in there, and it gave me a few moments to myself to come up with an action plan. Sometimes lack of sleep can contribute to your short fuse as well. Nap while she is napping during the day, and this can help. Or contact someone in your support system or the baby's father to come and play with your daughter for an hour a day so you can catch up on some much needed z's. You have to figure out what works for you and do it. And don't be afraid to ask for help. That was my number one problem, I wouldn't ask for help because I felt some weird need to prove to the world that I could do the job by myself. Eventually I realized I was not superwoman and learned to ask for help, for the safety of my child and my own health it was the best thing I ever learned to do.



Good Luck!

Shannon - posted on 02/26/2010

i know exactly how u feel im also 20 with a nine month old. the best thing i can say is even though it breaks ur heart if u need to step away it wont hurt her to cry just step away. i am having the exact same issues and when i talked to my daughters dr. she said that this is a normal stage and that babies get more cranky and clingy during this time.just breathe and know that it will get better.

Kristin Amber Dawn Maire - posted on 02/26/2010

yes its so very hard when your baby is haveing a melt down my daughter did that she cryed for three hours the other night she was loseing her mind freaking right out poor baby I was doing every thing I could think of to calm her down nothing would sooth her at all she just kept crying and crying and crying so long and so loud she woke her big brother up then he was all crying and stressed out gosh I was loseing it too I just stared to cry and cry she was slaping and kicking and head butting so I had to leave her alone for a while I went out side bc she hurt me and I couldnt be around her at that moment she has never done that before omg I hope she never dose it again ethier I was so hard im preagnat right now and at that moment I was thinknig omg what was I thinking haveing another one but we got thro it she tired her self out by crying so when I came back in I was able to hold her and she fell asleep in my arms I think she was missing her dad and her grandma also isnt around she rents the upper suite but right now she is in prince rupert I called her the next day and told her she said to much change also my girl wanted another bath and she already had two long baths that day and it was like 11:30 at night so I didnt want to give her another one and that made her so mad haveing kids is the most rewarding job but also the hardest good luck I agree with the other mom on here with the frezzy thing thats what I did with my kids when they were teething my freinds son is teething and she gives him those teething tablets that dizzolve in there mouth also you can rub her gums and help the tooth break throu good luck it happens to all parents no matter how old you are

Kayte - posted on 02/26/2010

I had a bigger problem with the same thing, and have now just been finally coming to. I don't have recommendation other than the simply walking away when you start to become upset beyond control and learning, for your own sake, to get to a location (front porch, car downstairs) where you just can't hear the screaming (knowing, of course, that the child is in a safe location where she can't get hurt) and think about the situation and take a few breaths for 30 seconds to a minute (or 2. or 3.) to just relax. What REALLY helped me was to get on a different floor then him and scream just like he was... even in a mocking tone at times. It helped... loads. Thanks for posting about it, everything. It was good to hear other moms doubting their ability to remain calm.

Holly - posted on 02/26/2010

Basically the same as the rest of the moms. Just try and relax. Will the dad take the baby for a bit when he gets home from work to give you a break? Do not let anyone fool you, babies are hard work and every mom gets frustrated. Just give her different things to chew on and maybe a soother. My daughter has to soother every time to go to sleep. It will probably help relax your baby. Good luck, I hope you find a solution.

Angel - posted on 02/26/2010

i understand what you mean hun, and you arent the only mom who has felt this way. I gave my daughter baby oragel (rub it all over the gums, just a small amount), baby tylenol is good for the fever and try not to hold her when you are angry she can feel it and it upsets her more. letting her cry is sometimes good for her. just stay calm and let her know you love her. :)

Anastasia - posted on 02/25/2010

My 7 month old daughter is teething right now so i can understand what your going through...so when she's all outta control i grease and massage her scalp after i give her a bath...then i swaddle her up like they did at the hospital give her a warm bottle or her pacifer and lay next 2 her and rub her head or just lay there w/ her....at walmart they have teething biscuits but my baby didn't like those but she does like frozen banana slices and yogurt melts anything 2 keep her mind off the pain, lol, i even let her chew on an extra washcloth while she's in the tub

Heather - posted on 02/25/2010

i totally understand were your coming from, i have 2 boys and boy sometimes my patience wears thin! also i miss sleep lol. it might be her missin her daddy my firstson always acted cranky and out of sorts without his daddy :P my second we ended up doing the crying it out thing.... i donèt think i could have did that with out there dad though cause man you just want to go to them and cuddle them but he was just so cranky and whiny especially after he started teething he would almost push us over the edge. just hang in there maybe does she have a swing my sons really liked theres and just remeber it sucks but the more stressed you are the more stressed the more stressed the baby is, and remeber you are a great mother! :D

Ashae - posted on 02/25/2010

I understand my daughter was as sweet as pie. when she started teething things have changed. the lack of sleep doesnt help cuz shes eight months and still doesnt sleep through the night. but like some above said if you did everything u could think of. put her in her crib and take a quick walk outside. sometimes they have to cry it out even though some people say its not the right thing. but make sure ur together because they sense when something is wrong. Sometimes I have to take a quick cry in another room come back and just hug her and tell myself its not her fault and she will get passed it.

April - posted on 02/25/2010

My son is almost 16 months old now. He used to cry nonstop for the first four months of his life...when i say nonstop...i mean.NONSTOP. It sucked. I would lose my cool all the time. I have never shaken him or anything like that . But i got really impatient and yelled and cried. It's hard...very hard. I know, everyone says to just lay the baby down and come back when ur calm. I did that...i came back and he was still screaming! I thought i would never get through it. But, i did...my son doesnt cry much anymore. When you walk away from your baby make sure she is safe in her crib and go outside or somewhere that you can't hear here for a few minutes. I know, when you come back she'll probably still be crying. But....that's what babies do..they cry..and cry..and cry. She is getting to the age though where she can get "seperation anxiety". She's starting to realize that she is her own person but at the same time she needs you close all the time. Is she crying for a reason, maybe tired? hungry? maybe she has an ear infection or something. Oh, and just so you know..teething sucks! My son has 12 teeth and more on the way. oh man, some long nights! But, just keep thinking that things will get easier. And they DO...i promise. Keep your head up and remember that you are the most important person in your daughter's life and she needs you and depends on you. When she wont stop crying just try to distract her with something else. I used to put my son in front of the mirror so he could see himself crying and usually that made him stop. I mean, anything will work to get a baby at 9 months to stop crying...simple things too. Like going into the bathroom and looking in the mirror then shutting the light off and back on. They're easily amused, but don't always know how to amuse themselves. I don't know what the weather is like where you live, but try going out for a walk or just playing in the grass...or snow..whatever. Hope this helps :)

Amber - posted on 02/25/2010

my son is teething at the moment. hes clingy and always moaning. im always giving him bongela, and recently ive given him a carrot to chew on, just peeled the skin off and it keeps him quiet till he drops it lol.
im not sure what to advise for nighttime as my sons still breastfed and thats how i get him back to sleep no problem.
x

Anna - posted on 02/25/2010

remember that there is no shame in asking for help! It would be alot more shamefull to know u need help and not try and get some for the sake of the baby so basically fuck wt the rest ov the world might think ... at least at the end of the day you can look back and say even when i struggled i did what i had to do to get back on track for the sake of my daughter because you do love her ... and btw u can tell so chin up xx

Delaney - posted on 02/25/2010

I feel like that too sometimes when it's 3 in the morning and my son wants to throw a party in his room! Its ok to feel this way, that's the first thing you have to know. Who wouldn't go a bit crazy? If walking away isn't helping, reach out to someone who lives close by and would understand. Tell them you would like some support, and that if they would agree to watch her when you are at your wits end so you can escape for a bit, you'd appreciate it. And don't feel guilty, sometimes a change of scenery is best for everyone.

Shavaune - posted on 02/25/2010

I have felt this way before many times! I have 4 kids so i can relate believe me! Sometimes you just need to walk away and let yourself cool down. I know it's like nails on chalk board to hear your baby cry but it's better than getting rough with her. I also have a i pod. Sometimes i just plug it in my ears and let them wail. lol I check on her frequently of course. Letting them cry it out sometimes isn't going to hurt them. I also found that my daughters would prefer to chew on a cool wet baby washcloth when she was teething. Sometimes I would trim the edges off of a little freezie and wrap it in a little washcloth and let her chew on it in her high chair. Once they figure out that there is stuff in there that tastes really good they just go to town on it. Using teething gels actually harden their gums and makes it harder for the tooth to pop out. Wait until you can see the tooth under the gum and it's swollen before you use any of that stuff.
Loosing your cool has nothing to do with being young. I had my first baby when I was 18 and my last baby at 29 and there were times I felt exactly the same way sometimes when they were being grouchy and teething. My daughters getting her 2 year molars right now and yesterday I swore I felt like just walking out of my own house and going on vacation. lol If your baby's dad is gone than that can be stressing you out 2 not just the baby so try to make sure that you take time for yourself to get out and have fun still. Even to just go for a walk helps sometimes. Just take it one day at a time and it will get better.

Sunny - posted on 02/24/2010

All i can say is that when it gets too much and it's just the two of you and you know that she is not hungry, wet and all of that pop her in her cot grab a glass of water and pop outside. Take a deep breath, and stay outside untill you have finished the whole glass of eater (which is not that easy to do when your upset) than come back inside... If you need help call someone.Some people will surprise you with their kindness if you let them. I hope it settles down for you soon. If you think it might be because of her dad being away put him on loud speaker so she can hear him, you will be surprised at how well they recognize voices. Good luck x

Valerie - posted on 02/24/2010

Ohhh and screw what people think!!!!!!

Valerie - posted on 02/24/2010

DONT USE ORAGEL IF SHES TEETHING!!!!!! buy the teething tablets they instently melt in their mouth and dont cause there gums to get hard and hurt as bad

Stephene - posted on 02/24/2010

I have felt exactly like that and trust me we aren't the only one's most moms feel just like that although some want admit it. My child has always been the adventurer getting into everything all the time i don't get a break for a second she is two now and still wakes up at night. I love her to death but sometimes i just want to beat her. I have snatched her up a few times and been rough. Walking away for me helps I go somewhere I can't here her crying and believe it or not they mostly cry to get your attention so if you don't come running everytime she cries she will pick up on it. You can't be afraid to just sometimes let her cry. And some baby's tylenol and motrin (rotated) will work wonders. Good luck and your still the best mummy in her eyes!