Please help - I put my hands up and surrender.

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

I found out I was pregnant a week after I turned 18. Best thing that ever happened to me, I was going in the wrong direction fast. Her dad and I were partners in crime. Always best friends (also before we were together). We had been together from the age of 15 until I was pregnant. He was my first and I had an idea of what love was. We broke up when I was pregnant over family disagreements and then he proceeded to have sex with multiple girls, a few being personal enemies of mine. He totally left us high and dry. My daughter is a year old this Sunday. I don't get out much and don't have a chance to meet people really. Now I have a lingering fear of intimacy. I think the whole pregnancy/labor process had a lot to do with it. Going through all that alone, that is as well as being completely betrayed and disrespected. Are there any of you who have similar problems? I feel completely alone with it.

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Jenna - posted on 11/05/2008

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It is hard to raise a child by yourself. I have many friends that have done it. The only advice that I can give you is to get involved in community play groups and things so that you have people to talk to and your daughter will have other friends to play with. You went through your pregnancy by yourself and you need to know that you are very strong in order to do that. I wish you all the best to you and your little girl. I hope that maybe at some point you can find someone that is good enough to deserve you and your daughter. Don't ever settle for something that you know you can do better at always keep your head up and remember that You are raising a beautiful healthy baby girl and nobody can take that from you. Sometimes the best things that happen to you are the things that are the hardest and once you get through each obsticle you are stronger and stronger each time!! As long as you and your daughter are healthy and happy not much else matters. Things will slowly fall in place.If you havent finished school you should try to get it done if you can!! It will help you and there is a lot of financial help out there for single mothers to get through school. Good Luck and I will you all the best.

Dominique - posted on 11/05/2008

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I am the single mother of three children.
I had my first son at 17 and proceeded to raise him alone. I never went to clubs, barely interacted with people my own age. I really wanted to do a great job raising my child. When I turned 24 I started dating a man who seemed wonderful. I had so many trust issues from my previous relationship so it was so difficult to have a normal relationship. He turned out to be a real jerk just like my son's father and left when I got pregnant with my second son. I was now a 25 year old single mother with 2 sons. I didn't date for another 4 years, focusing on my two sons. I met another man and gave relationships another shot. I waited a very long time to become intimate with him. I needed to know that if things happened that he'd stick around. My birth control failed and I was pregnant AGAIN! This time I had a girl.
I am now 30, raising three children and we're doing great. I have smart, beautiful kids. I am proud of what I've accomplished but I don't see myself with anyone. It's so hard to trust after you've been deserted. They say a woman is vulnerable when pregnant. Her entire life is centered around creating life. If she doesn't receive the support necessary, she can become scarred for life. I am living proof of this. I am working very hard to overcome this but it's difficult. When you have children young you neglect a very important part of yourself. It's called growing up. Most young adults have time to discover themselves and make mistakes. When you have children you need to deal with life.

Try and see someone, I regret not having done that at 17. Maybe I would have had better luck with men if I had dealt with the issue at the time it happened. Maybe I wouldn't have had two other children after that. God only knows. Just do the best you can with what you have. Take care of yourself along with your child. Don't let life get you bitter.

Good luck.

Adrianne - posted on 11/05/2008

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I know how you feel! Its awful. Its almost like you can not trust anyone again.

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