Relationship Question can anyone help???

Crystal - posted on 12/10/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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im 19 n 4 months pregnant all me n my boyfriend do is fight. its getting really bad we fight over everything. i dont like him goin out nothin but then when hes home i dont want him here. i feel like ever since i got pregnant our relationship has just turned into all fighting. its not just bout us fighting i dont want him touching me or anything i dont kiss him nothing. before i got pregnant we were the happiest couple then i got pregnant n we just started moving farther away from each other. is this the end or will things get better? plz i need help i love him n dont want to lose him. will things get better after i have the baby? will its start to get better sooner then that? can someone help?

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Ashley - posted on 12/11/2009

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i was reading some of the other moms response, and i know that your baby is VERY important to you. but one thing that i learned is that, your spouse is the most important person in your life, not your baby. your baby is EASY to love, it comes natural. but you have to work everyday on your relationship with your boyfriend/fiance/husband or whatever it may be. if you and your spouse arent happy, neither will your baby, i know this from experience. my husband and i went through hell and back when we got pregnant and married, if we can make it through that and be genuienly happy now, so can you! =)

Ashley - posted on 12/11/2009

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hey, i got pregnant when i was 17 and also got married. while i was pregnant we were the SAME way. i think we even only had sex like 2 times the whole time i was pregnant, and we fought anytime we were around each other! after the baby was born, we were ok for a while but then it turned into the same thing, so finally we went to marriage counseling, and it SAVED our marriage, i would recommend it to anyone. we didnt have the money to pay for it so we went to a church and it was great. now our son is almost 3, weve been married for over 3 years now and happy as can be. it WILL get better, but its going to take a lot of work for both of yall, you have to want it to work.



oh, by the way, i know yall are married but yall can still go to counseling.

Sam - posted on 12/10/2009

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I am 19 and 25 weeks pregnant now. My fiance and I were the same way wen I was in the beginning of my pregnancy but now were better and even the baby loves to hear his voice. I think things will deff. turn around just give it some time

Leslie - posted on 12/10/2009

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Crystal, it should start getting easier in your second - third trimester. That first trimester of pregnancy is HARD! If you aren't one of those moms that is throwing up all the time then you can be very irritable! It is because your hormones are going crazy adjusting for the new baby. This usually settles down in your second trimester then some moms may experience it again in thier late third trimester before the baby is due. Try to be easy on yourself and explain to your boyfriend that this is not really you right now talking but hormones!

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Helen - posted on 04/16/2011

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this happened to me and i went to a doctor and he said i had post-natal depression, i know you havent had your baby yet but it could be the beginning of it, you need to just try to understand that he needs to go out and be with other people aswell.. try to give him a bit of space you dont want to push him away

Jordan - posted on 12/14/2009

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Well, there is no telling what will happen, but it was the exact same way for us. Just realize that you have a raging amount of hormones right now. I was 19 when I was pregnant, now 20. I absolutely hated my boyfriend but wanted him sooo badly. As soon as my daughter was born things changed, I mean from the moment we heard her first cry. The only thing is that it did get worse by the end of my pregnancy because I was always in a bad mood and just wanted my wee one here. You just have to stick together and love each other, try just laying down together and snuggling and just try to forget the world around you. We are still together, Lilly is six weeks old now. I wish you guys lots of luck! "hug"...I know I needed them.

Jessica - posted on 12/14/2009

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the same happended with me and we are stil together just make it through the pregnancy its hard but most deffintley worth it

Frann - posted on 12/14/2009

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I've done a lot of research on this kind of stuff. And soooo many women become repulsed from they're men when they are pregnant. it's sad! I've read so many things that say women often end up divorcing they're husbands when they are prego. it sucks but after you have your baby things should return to normal. try taking him with you to your doc. appt. and talk to them about it... it helps!

Alicia - posted on 12/14/2009

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It was the same way with my first pregnancy, my sons father and I fought all the time and just didnt get along, he didnt help matters much with his comments and fighting back with me, but neither did I with my end of it either. We had our first son and then another a year later, it was about a year after that things finally fell apart. Looking back now I realise that alot of what we went through was both of our frustrations at knowing in our heart of hearts that we werent right for eachother, but when your young you dont think of the long term, just hes hot for now and gieves me what I need, and of course its easier to get along before kids and pregnancies, theres no stress! The person you were before you got pregnant and the perosn he was is slowly changing... wether or not you two will make it to the end only time will tell, but dont be so blind as to think that this will definatley last forever just because of the baby... when your young and unprepared for this it can have a pretty devistating effect. People will do or say things when they feel cornered that they wouldnt have normally done, John and I were great before the kids, I mean he was no nobel peace prize winner then either, but it was easier. Oncew the baby came it was real, I really needed him, he had to be a man, he had to provide, he had to settle down, and for some men this is hard.. while they may love there babys to death as john did ours, they whole of it was just too much for both of us... but 8 years later I am in a new relationship that Ive been in for 4 years, and going through our first pregnancy together was nerve wracking for me remembering the way things were with John... I thought for sure Patrick and I wouldnt make it and that we too would fall apart.. but our daughters one and we got through my emotional rollercoaster pregnancy with ease, he was supportive and although at times frustrated, he was there for me in ways john never was... what Patrick and I have is real, what me and John had we hoped was real, for the sake of keeping our family together, but it wasnt. Everyones situation is different and only time will tell... good luck and stay strong!

Natalie - posted on 12/14/2009

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When I was pregnant with our first 3 years ago we could not live together it got really bad all the arguing and shouting so we decided to live apart and we did so right until 3 weeks before our little man arrived. We still saw each other but there was no stress there. i am now pregnant again and the arguements have returned which isnt good for me our unborn child or our little boy so I have decided to move in with my mum for a little bit for a bit of tlc and to relax. This situation may not be ideal for everyone but it sure as hell works for us. Men do not always understand what we go through when pregnant and even when you try to explain they just think your making up excuses. He is a lovely bloke and so easy to get on with until my hormones go haywire!! I hope this helps and good luck with everything x x

Sasha - posted on 12/13/2009

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my fiance and i where exactly the same when i was pregnant i idnt want him anywhere near me i didnt even want him looking at me but when he was away form me i was jealous and mad that he wasnt around for me but after i had the baby things started to get easier but just keep in mind that you being pregnant makes you very hormonal and not know how to react about your feelings. things may not get better for use after the baby is born but if u really want it to then all you can do is try your hardest! best of luck

Carman - posted on 12/13/2009

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Things will get better after the pregnancy.. When you're pregnant you aren't really yourself and the slightest thing can set you off. My boyfriend's friend who had a baby already warned him that I'm going to be arguing, complaining, crying, and fighting with him 24/7. Thankfully my boyfriend just sat there and let me yell at him and didnt fight back cause he knew thats not how I normally am. After I had Landon everything went back to normal. We started fighting and arguing again and I was getting over emotional about everything he did. If he wasnt with me I'd think he was out somewhere with another girl.. come to find out Im pregnant again so us fighting seems about right. Just something that happens when you get pregnant. Everyone that i know thats gotten pregnant has been the same.. Just try to calm down and not fight. Itll get better. :]

Katlynn - posted on 12/13/2009

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the hormones from pregnancy can have alot to do with that, and adventually it will change (not necissarily right after you have the baby it takes a while for your hormones to go back to where they were) but he also needs to understand how you are feeling and respect that. Its not easy to be pregnant. Just talk ot him and adventually things will turn back t normal!

Crystal - posted on 12/13/2009

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Quoting Samantha :

well i cant give u advice thats going to fix this problem but i can try to help. you say u love him? well what is it that make u not want him to touch you? there is obviously something below the surface thats making things this way. have u tried talking to him about it and trying to work this out? i agree with the "it's just the pregnancy" thing because your hormones are all over the place. i know exactly how you feel because i am in the same boat. im 3 months pregnant and already my moods are getting the better of me. me and my boyfriend seem to be fighting more than normal but i know he will stand by me because i trust him. this might not have been a big help but i thought i would just share my thoughts with u :)
stay strong ♥ xx



hey samantha,



yeah i know what ur sayin.. i do love him, i love him more then anything in this world right now besides my baby.. its just we have been goin through some things.. well actually a lot of things.. he owes a lot of money to the courts cuz of him speedin when he was 17.. also just the stress and the pressure from the hormones and having a baby in 5 months and everything else.. well with him touching me i just dont like it for some reason it pisses me off and even sometimes i cry.. see i was raped when i was 13 and it happened a few times after that.. but from havin something like that happening to me my doctor said that everything im goin through is very normal.. its just i was havin a break down cuz i wanted to fix everything with me and him cuz i dont wanna stress over the fightin anymore and i wanted us to become closer.. but after hearing everyones comments me and him have become much closer and we dont fight near as much as we use to.. things are goin to get tougher and tougher but as long as we have each other to comfort and love we will be ok.. we are no where near purfect but things are gettin better.. hope u and thats a very good thing u trust ur boyfriend i trust my fiance with all my heart but i have some trust issues and because my body is changing i dont like him goin anywhere because i dont want him finding someone better ya know its just the way i feel.. everyone has diff feelins.. best of luck

Samantha - posted on 12/13/2009

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well i cant give u advice thats going to fix this problem but i can try to help. you say u love him? well what is it that make u not want him to touch you? there is obviously something below the surface thats making things this way. have u tried talking to him about it and trying to work this out? i agree with the "it's just the pregnancy" thing because your hormones are all over the place. i know exactly how you feel because i am in the same boat. im 3 months pregnant and already my moods are getting the better of me. me and my boyfriend seem to be fighting more than normal but i know he will stand by me because i trust him. this might not have been a big help but i thought i would just share my thoughts with u :)

stay strong ♥ xx

SHalene - posted on 12/12/2009

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the same thing happened to me.before we had our son everything was great.we loved eachother very much and we were very happy.when i found out i was pregnant everything changed.i hated when he touched me i hated the fact that he wanted to rub my belly..he wanted to kiss me and it made me feel so sick..the thought of his tounge going in my mouth..lmao.but im so serious like it was so bad..i also treated him kinda bad.bc i would get so annoyed..that really changed our relationship..a little while after i had my son things changed..i wanted him around..but he kinda distanced himself..it was really hard for him to understand it was my hormones and for me to understand it was him acting out.thankfully we both got over it and are still together..

Chicquita - posted on 12/12/2009

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1 word HORMONES. You probably ain't the first and won't be the last that have this issue during ur pregnancy. That child will probably looks just like him.

Britnie - posted on 12/12/2009

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Oh ya i was there for sure. Except it was opposite i wanted all that stuff and he didnt we faught alot too with the stress of work, school, now a baby. When our daughter was three months we actually broke up for seven monthe we just got back together and are happier than ever! our daughter is now a year. But pregnancy changes everything and guys dont know ho to take it and in some cases women cant either. just be strong it will pass and your relationship will be stronger than ever :)

Hilary - posted on 12/12/2009

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my boyfriend and i have had the same problems. hon, you and him are both under mass amounts of stress. your hormones are running wild, and believe it or not, his are too. there's no guarentee that after the baby's born, everything will get better, but everything will definitely change, both for you and him. you both need to realize that so much of what you're going through is made more stressful by the sweet little baby you're about to have. suddenly, nothing is easy, and there are no simple answers. so here's my advice, from the experiences i've been having: don't take anything he says personally, and don't end any fight or argument with the worlds "I mean it!" because you don't. take it one day at a time. hell, take it slower than that, even. realize that you both are under pressure (don't disregard his fears at being a new father; he shouldn't disregard your fears, discomfort, pressure, pains, or anxieties either.) you both are human, and the next five months are going to really put the axe down on your relationship.
i'm eight months pregnant, my boyfriend lives three hundred miles away to work a new job, and my friends live eight hundred miles away (i moved right after i graduated). so i understand how you feel. daily, my boyfriend and i have it out over little things, and big things. our biggest argument: where to live after i give birth. and finally, after two months of grueling effort, of fighting, bickering, nagging, and crying, i realized, that since i'm pregnant, i'm in no fit state to be making decisions. understand that as well.
nothing you say or do will stick right now.
you need to worry about your pregnancy, not about your relationship.
trust me.

Kc - posted on 12/12/2009

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i was like this for like 6 months of my pregnancy with my bf i was just so short tempered and angry horomes def didnt help! but my bf stuck it out and now were back to being happy as ever with a 6 month old
mayb just tell your bf how your feeling that you still love him but dont feel like the displays of affection just make him understand you still want him around

[deleted account]

I think things will get better! the first part is very hormanal and stressfull and ull feel yourself doing weird shit like being grumpy etc etc and the more preg u get the more you both learn about how each other feel about the baby and what you both expect etc like he will learn u need support and its not time to party up and leave u at home and you'l learn he's a male lolz hope that helps

Crystal - posted on 12/11/2009

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thank u everyone for the help.. a lot of this is goin to help me save our relationship cuz i dont want to lose him i want him in mine n the babys life.. we actually r getting a long much better.. i think like one of u said that its just the first trimester.. we still have a lot of issues to work on but i think it will get better.. i think its a great idea bout the counseling n im planning on getting on for myself n then trying to go through it with me n my boyfriend.. we r planning on getting married but i dont want us to do that before we work out everything that we have been going through.. a lot of ur comments were very helpful to me.. n i thank all of u for the help n sharing with me bout ur relationships while u were pregnant.. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE

Ashley - posted on 12/10/2009

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its worse after the baby is born because you'll be tired and there will be 100 new things to stress about...

Emma - posted on 12/10/2009

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dont stress too uch i was the same right the way through my pregnancy u just have to try and explain to ur bf how ur feelin i hope it gets better for u but dont expect it to be patient if its meant to be he'll stick around and support u good luck

[deleted account]

hey

its not heathly to be in a stressfull relatiomship,

number 1 priority for u at the moment is being happy, so the baby isnt born into a stressfull relationship.. if you are stressed the baby will stress.

if you's both agree that you's want to work it out, try reading relationship books, counselling, or maby a little bit of space is needed between you and your bf.



best of luck!!!

Stephanie - posted on 12/10/2009

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I was the same way with my boyfriend and we are still together...i think its just the pregnancy. I really wish i wasnt that way with him though because he don't want to cuddle with me anymore :(

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