Should I give my baby up for adoption now that i'm single?

Kymberlee - posted on 01/25/2010 ( 170 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I split up three and a half monthes into the pregnancy. I don't believe in abortions but now the father of my child wants me to give my baby up for adoption when the baby is born but I dont think I could do that either I have wanted a baby for so long at this point I think it would break my heart if I had to give my baby away. I guess my question is am I doing the right thing?

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Jessica - posted on 01/26/2010

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hunny i was 1 month pregnant when my bf of 2 years decided to leave me. i, like u, thought of adoption because i'm also against abortion. i really looked into it and everything because he didn't want it, then he did, then he didn't. when it came down to it i knew i'd never forgive myself for making a choice based off his feelings! this was my child that i would be giving birth to no matter what choice i made. i'd have that motherly connection no matter what. if u can't take care of ur baby because of financial reasons then by all means look into adoption. but if u have support from family and friends u can do it! i had the hardest pregnancy because of my son's father, and then had postpartum depression once he was born... but i got through it! my son is my world now, and guess who's back in the picture... baby daddy! things happen but ur child is a blessing♥ i'm not saying ur a bad mother if u choose adoption, everyone has their reasons, but think real hard about it. u will never regret motherhood, tho, i promise u that! and if u ever need to talk add me to ur circle :]

Kirsty - posted on 07/17/2012

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i dont believe in abortions or adoption... im sorry but this baby didnt ask to be here u and your ex created a life and now u have a role as a mother to look after and care for this unborn child forever... its your baby so u need to take resposibility for that child... dont mean to sound harsh just my opinion

Lauren - posted on 08/10/2012

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I think it's great you are talking with your ex about your options, but if he doesn't want responsibility and that's why he wants to put the baby up for adoption, then perhaps you may have to consider raising the baby on your own without his help if you want to keep him/her. While I personally feel it IS his responsibility to help if he made the decision to sleep with you, sometimes choosing to raise the baby on your own can be the right choice--then he would have to agree to no visitation rights if that's what you wanted. You could have the baby and chase him to court for support, but from the experience of seeing my fiance deal with his mom and dad doing that, it caused way more undue stress than was necessary--and it's still a horrible situation even though we're adults. Sometimes a bit of extra money isn't worth the stress--and money and time away from home/work you'd have to spend going to court.

If you want this baby and can raise him/her well, then his opinion can't stop you from doing that. But I think keeping this line of communication open with him is important. Regardless of your relationship into the future, you have a baby together, and that could mean you're connected for life. I think you two need to talk about where your opinions are stemming from and decide what each of you desire after the baby is born. At that point, you can then decide how to move forward.

Brittany - posted on 01/31/2010

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If you want your baby then you should absolutely keep it. He isn't carrying the baby, he doesn't have to go through the entire pregnancy and labor and emotions that come with giving up your baby after YOU went through all of these things. F that guy he just doesn't want to man up and accept his responsibility. You can do it without him, I assure you.

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2010

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no I do not think it is wrong. I think as long as you know he wants you to give your baby up for adoption and you don't expect his help, it's fair. Trust me, ESPECIALLY because you have the support of your parents... it'll be fine. I am 18, had my son at 15, became a single mom the month I turned 16.. I graduate college in May I have TWO jobs... it's possible and I say don't feel bad. Just don't expect his help.. only his help financially. =)

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170 Comments

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Grace - posted on 06/14/2013

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Keep the baby- i advise you to keep it. I'm a mother of four and i had my first at 15 and i raised them all without a man in my life, i now realise that without my boys and my girls then I would be so lonely.... keep it :) x

Corina Mia - posted on 01/15/2013

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your doing the right thing by keeping your baby. i am a mother of three and i've raised them on my own. it just makes you stronger and more independent. so i would say don't give your baby up for adoption. keep it its a part of you you can't give up something thats a part of you.

Giselle - posted on 01/15/2013

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GISELLE here, anything is better that an abortion, so that's the first right thing that you did. i was very young when i found out that i was pregnant. and it was hard, and to make things worst i had nobody to lean on my daughter's father lied to me and was already taken, my entire pregnancy i prayed and prayed, when my baby was born things however got better, i found some1 else and i couldn't ask for a better fiance and father for my child. Kimberlee life goes on, single or not, when your child is born you would no longer be. GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kassidy - posted on 01/15/2013

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Girl please don't give up! You can do this, I'm a single mom and even though I had my baby with a guy I care nothing about doesn't mean that I'm going to give up my little man. My boyfriend and I thought Nickolai was his and when it turned out to not be it broke both our hearts, but I wouldn't give him up for the world. Trust me, as soon as you see your little miracle, you'll know.

Laura - posted on 01/14/2013

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You have to do what is best for you and what is best for the baby. Will you be able to support this child on your own? Is he willing to support it? Will you regret keeping the baby because you will struggle? These are some questions you need to honestly answer before you make such a decision. If you choose to raise your child, remember, you can still do everything you did before, just find a support system such as your family. If you are still in school, make sure you finish so you can give your child a chance with a decent life and not one of poverty and government handouts for his entire life. By helping yourself, you will be helping your child and setting an example for him. I had 4 siblings my mother gave up for adoption because she could not raise them on her own back in the 60's and 70's. She never forgot those children and always told us about them. She knew at the time it was in their best interest but it was still hard for her knowing they were out there somewhere. Glad to say she was reunited with all of them when they became of age. It was a sweet and tearful reunion. Do not give up your child for someone else's selfish choices, you must know what you want and do what is best for the both of you. It sounds like you love this child already so you probably know what you want to do. You can make it work... the boyfriend will be the one missing out. Good luck and think things through before you do anything.

User - posted on 08/20/2012

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If it were me I would Not give my baby up. This baby is a person that You created. This baby is apart of you and its a beautiful thing! This child of yours will be there through the good and the bad. Your baby will love you unconditionally because you are its Mama. There is no love like the love you have for your own child. Its such a blessing. Its so rewarding. I have never felt love so strong as I do now for my baby boys. My heart is swollen with love for them. Keep your child. You wont regret it. God bless you Kymberlee.

Ruth - posted on 08/16/2012

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You do what you feel is right in your heart, I suggest maybe to pray on things and see how you feel if you believe in prayer that is. If not then there are alot of young women with kids who are single parents. One baby is not as hard as having 2 or 3 and being single. if you look forward to adoption that is also a blessing to others but remember that will always be a burden in your heart. as long as you can live with it freely and know that your child is getting the support and nurture that it needs from another family it seems like a good decision. Take a moment not to listen to others but what you really want to do, remember its your child and if the father doesn't want to be a part well hey there is always a man out there that God will bless you with to be his father. I hope you make the right choice and keep the baby if not then giving it up for adoption is never a bad choice it is just a hard one.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/16/2012

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Keep your baby. The request of a dumbass man isn't worth it. Be a mom! Be a strong independent woman and raise your baby by yourself if you have to. (If you have a job and the means to support your child that is)... IF you aren't working or do not have higher education, go do those things for your child!!! Being a mother is the most amazing thing and giving up your baby because this guy wants you to even though you really want a baby will scar you for life!

Juanita - posted on 08/14/2012

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I say keep the baby. It dont matter what the boyfriend wants. You wanted children and u should not let any one change your mind on what u have in your heart . I am sure that u would make a wonderful mother .You have wanted the chance at becoming one dont let it go because of some one else's decession. You do not want to make the decession of giving up your baby and then regretting it because some one made u feel like that was the right thing. do what your heart wants u to . if it says have your chil and keep them in your arms like u wanted, then do that. But only u can decide what u want . not no one else. They dont have to live with the regret . you do . ....

Mandi - posted on 08/14/2012

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All I can say is do what you feel is best, at the end of the day your the one who will feel guilty if you make the wrong decision. I just had a little girl four months ago and her father is not in our life. I have family and friends who are there for me. I'm not going to say it's hard to be a single mom but some days are better than others. Don't ever let someone convince you to do something you don't want to. I love being a mom and I couldn't imagine giving my little girl up. She gives me even more courage and strength to do good in school so I can better our life. Do whats in your heart and something you won't regret. Good luck!

Julia - posted on 08/13/2012

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if i was you id keep the baby its you dat will be raring the baby not him and if u go on just wat he wants then u could end up regreting it so really think about it xx

Joanne - posted on 08/12/2012

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Yes, make a concrete decision that you are able to live with. He already made his decision and if you think, you can love your baby and support him/her on your own then do and Dont expect anything from him... not even a visit. Having a baby requires both parties but raising the baby seemly falls on one- especially even the current situation.

Lauren - posted on 08/08/2012

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It is really how you feel that matters. If your ex didn't want to stick around for you and his responsability then that is his problem. It is your body and you have thr right to chose whatever you want. You can do it on your own. There is plenty of support and support systems in the world that you don't ever have to do it on your own. But that isn't saying it will be easy. It might mean you little one will have to go to daycare early so you can work, it might mean that you will miss out a little more on the fun things with your friends. but really as a teen mom, being there for your child and taking on a responsability this big at such a young age, having something to say for yourself..its the best feeling. and even if your alone, right now once that baby is in your arms you wont care because you'll have the love of your life in your arms. but if you want to go with adoption, there are also lots of nice families wishing to beable to have a new little baby. but you really have to be ready for that kind of choice. its a big choice that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. seeing by what you wrote, so you really want to give your baby up just beace your ex walked out on you and now tells you to give the baby up.???? sure says alot about what kind of person he is. stick to your guns on whatever you decide. ♥

Shelly - posted on 08/08/2012

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The only way I could ever give up my child for adoption, would be to some one I meet with, get to know, and know that they will let me be a part of the babies life. Not the parent or the decision maker, but I would want updates on the child, pictures and just for them to know that I truly loved them.

Gwynne - posted on 08/06/2012

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no way! Your body, your baby. The father of the child who couldn't even stay with you and provide support (financial or otherwise) through the pregnancy! He forfeited his say when he left you and your baby. You don't have to abandon your precious baby because he says so. If baby can't have a father at least he/she can have a loving mother. Stay strong, although life has its challenges you can make it through.

Michelle - posted on 08/02/2012

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This is your child, why would you let a man you no longer have a relationship with run your life. And thats exactly what letting him decide for you would do. This decision will change EVERYTHING from this point on. What you need to ask yourself is that if it is worth not getting to raise your child and have a relationship with someone you created out of nothing just so your ex will be happy. Obviously it didnt work out, and the last thing you should do is continue to listen to him. If you already want this baby this badly this early, then there should be no question about it. I have a feeling you already know you are keeping this baby and only asked for reassurance. :) keep your baby. you'll regret it if you dont. I mean, maybe if you give it up, you'll have another. But, maybe you wont....

[deleted account]

This is completely your decision as only you have to live with it. I am so glad you didnt abort Kymberlee good on ya . I dont know where you live but maybe get some advice with someone you can trust. . Their is no right and wrong in this it comes down to are you able to care for this child .

Cassie - posted on 07/30/2012

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Look in your heart, can you love and support your baby on your own? If you think that you can, keep your little one and give them all your love. If you know that you can not support your little one but do not want to be out of the childs life try looking into open adoption. But the truth is follow your heart and it will lead you to the right answer.

Julie - posted on 07/29/2012

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Precious Mommie:

ONLY if you can keep him in the family - It is that important to HIM!

CONGRATS on being selfless and wanting him to have better life than you can give him ...

every child deserves a mommie and a daddy -

Shawna - posted on 07/29/2012

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No!! No!! NO!! FORGET HIM!!!!! they have so, many programs that give you everything once you are a single mom. you can receive beds, play yards, clothes, cash assistance, bedding, furniture, FOOD a HOME! there is no need. He's an adult who is here able to make his own decisions about life why cant your baby. He's being a loser. He left you now wants you to give away his responsibilites. ERRRR wrong anwser girl! Keep it moving you should know motherhood is a far more rewarding experience than having a man!

Susan - posted on 07/28/2012

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Hello! I think as the mother of this baby, you must follow your heart. If you decide to keep your baby then being a single mom may make it more difficult, but you are not alone as a single mom....find support and you and your baby can have a beautiful life.

I wish you all the best!
SL

Katie - posted on 07/27/2012

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You wanted a baby forever, you say? Then keep it- dont let some guy tell you other wise. Women try for years the get pregnant, a child is the best gift in the world... Don't deprive yourself. You can do this with him or without him- remember this.

Shaquincia - posted on 07/26/2012

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I wouldnt give my baby up because some fool feel he isnt ready to be a father. He probably wasn't going to help from the start. You laid down and made that baby, now it's time to stand up and take care of that baby. If you want the baby keep it. Put him on child support

April - posted on 07/26/2012

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I am adopted and it is the most precious gift you could give someone and I would not think of it as giving your child up but more like giving your child a family that will love and are for them. My parent my dad use to say that I was a gift I have three sister He said he had no choice with them but I was his gift and was a chosen one . I was made to feel special my whole life.
SO remember their are lots of couples looking to build a family and would do anything to have a chance to raise a child and maybe give them things you could never give them . I wonder what the percentage of adoptive children go on to college and higher education I want wager it is high.

Patricia - posted on 07/24/2012

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don't give up your baby you say you want your baby if you do you will regret it your whole life single moms are great moms to you can do it he just does not want the responsibility he is being selfish and only thinking of himself i have a hubby but he does not do anything i do it all care for the kids the house and pay for everything to and i have 10 he just sits in the other room playing the play station or at a mates house i can see from what you have written that you already love your baby and want the baby so keep your baby and forget about the dead beat father because he is what i call a sperm donar and that is it if you are really concerened go to a solicitor and get him to give up all rights to your baby legally

Amber - posted on 07/24/2012

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https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/ct/eng/site/pregnant/what-are-my-options/adoption/

Simone - posted on 07/23/2012

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don't give up the child i've seen several single mothers do great on their own you shouldn't care what the guy wants he walked out its not his decesion anymore and you can't go through a pregnancy and want to give it up trust me its fabulous and worth every second i can't wait to have another

Debbie - posted on 07/23/2012

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If you feel in any doubt don't do it. My belief is that... I have a daughter and when she was 3 I had an abortion... Thing is I thought about it and came to that conclusion 100%, I did seek other avenues like getting the father to make an agreement to take full care as I had no family that would help and it would have been much too much for me. Your alternative could be to try to get your trusted family member to adopt? At the end of the day be 100% and don't let anyone take over your inner voice.

Caron - posted on 07/23/2012

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Absolutely, if this is what you want go for it. Motherhood is one of the hardest jobs of all, but it's also the most rewarding. No one can tell you what to do, this is your choice. Don't be bullied into doing something you may regret for the rest of your life. You hear so many stories about women who give up their babies for very good reasons,however then regret their decision. If it was what you wanted then there is nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of people wanting to adopt children.
Be strong and stand up for both yourself and the child. Being a single parent does not mean your child is disadvantaged. I was on my own with three children at one point. It was hard but I would not have Had it any other way. Eventually you will find someone new who will take to your child and treat him/her as their own if their biological father wants nothing to do with them. Being a good father is about commitment and being there. Donating sperm does not make you a dad it's the hard work and love that's given.
Good luck with everything I'm sure you will do well. If you get stuck or need advice just put another posting up and we will be there for you. X

Mommalove - posted on 07/20/2012

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It sounds like you would not be doing whats best for you and that you are trying to do whats best for him. You want your baby he does not, so why give it away? If you give your baby away and you do not want to you probably will regert it. Just do what will make you happy, i am not saying he as no say so because he do it is he baby too, take in what he says into consideration but do not make your decision based only on what he says, just remember at the end of the day you if you get rid of it you have to live with that guilt and if you decide to keep your baby and he do not want it you have to live with that to. It is your body, your carrying it, you have to give birth, and you have to make your own decision.

Kay Genevieve - posted on 07/20/2012

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It can break your heart, but what's right for your baby? You have to make sure if you keep your baby, you have to be able to provide for your baby. I hope this helped, good luck on your decision.

Crystal - posted on 07/20/2012

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I dont believe in abortions either, i could never give a child up for adoption just because the father wants me to, no way in hell. does he not want anything to do with baby?? if so tell him u will do it on your own and wont involve him, and dont expect child support etc. Men can be so dumb sometimes

[deleted account]

Open adoption is a wonderful option. If you are feeling that you have no choice but to parent a child that you do not have the means for...Think about it. In an open adoption you get to watch your child thrive in a family you choose and you get to be a part of it. Your child will have all of his/her needs met and you will be a loving, caring birth mother who may not of been able to do it all, but you did your absolute best.

Soky - posted on 07/18/2012

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I think the ONLY reason why he wants you to give the baby up for adoption is because of CHILD SUPPORT. There are lots of mothers out there that are single and doing both jobs as mommy and daddy and they do one hell of a job I must admit. Once the baby is born you will know what real love is. That little baby is going to need his/her mommy more than ever and you will know that no matter what you do, where you are or whos with you that a childs love for their mother is just out of this world. If I was in your shoes I would never ever have the heart to put my baby up.

Stephanie - posted on 07/13/2012

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no one has a say in what you want to do , dont let people tell you otherwise , i dont think you should give they baby up ( how will you feel in 18 years time when he wants to get back in tough then you relize you mist out in all that spesho time with him ) bot in the other hand its your disision and you do what you thinks right . not to mention 1ce you sing him over to be adopted you cant turn back hun , think this 1 through before doing it

good luck

Shelby - posted on 03/30/2011

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if your heart is telling you to keep YOUR child ((not any one else's)) then you keep your baby!.! if the daddy wants you to give the baby up for adoption tell him if you dont want to keep your child then sign the papers to give up parental rights && stay the hell out of your life. you have every right to keep your child && no body else has a say in it. the mother has the biggest say in the decision for adoption.
being a mom is a great gift, dont let n.e one take it from you.
Good Luck!.! : )

Tiffany - posted on 03/30/2011

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your mom and step dad have no say whats so ever in it even if your are a minor. been there dealt with that. if you want the baby keep him. if not put it up for adoption. if your ferering to "him" as the baby up there. think about it this way. you are his mom. you will be making his decisons til he turns 18. its not his decison whether or not you give him up. its your call. do what you think is right.

[deleted account]

Hi Kymberlee, The question you need to ask, is what is right for your child. Are you able to proivide a safe and stable home for you baby? Are you able to feed and provide healthcare for him/her? The right thing must be for the baby. Do you have a job? Are you still in school? Do you have the support of your family? All of these are questions you must answer honestly. I am available to chat if you would like. Emotions run high and decisions are difficult. Sometimes it is easier to speak to a 3rd party that has your best interest at heart.

Amanda - posted on 03/29/2011

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I was about to put a long post up but I seen the post was created over a year ago so I guess you already the made the decision lol and I see the pic on your profile so congrats and good choice!

Tina - posted on 03/29/2011

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From what i can tell the father is just trying to avoid taking responsiblity for this child and that is probably why he wants you to give it up. This is you're child. If you really didn't want it I was say adoption is best but clearly you don't want to and what better place for a child to be than with it's mother. The best thing for you and the baby is to be together and nothing should get in the way of that. Goodluck and congratulations wish you all the best. There's no greater feeling than holding your very own child.

Aimee - posted on 03/29/2011

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u should not give your baby u adoption just cause your ex wants u to if u want to keep the baby u should u would make a good mum and show him u can and not by showin he can tell u what u can do.i have 5 children and when i was preg with my last child my family asked me to get rid of the child as i had a operation and i would not cope with all of them i even went to the abortion clinic even if i didnt belive in it sat there and had the conversation and would not speak to my partner for about a week then 1 day he came home and said no we are not gettin rid of him we are goin to keep him and i had him then they told me the same put him up for adoption so i moved away and had him and know i luv him as much as the rest and from then on i would never let anyone tell me what to do. u have your own mind if you luv your child as u must do then u would not listen to him hope this helps

Kara - posted on 03/23/2011

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hes not the one carrying the baby...i mean my sons dad left me when i found out i was pregnant then came back when he was 2 months old and was gone by the time he was 4 months old...and has only seen him a couple times since....and i agree with the other ladies on here do what makes you happy..as hard as it may be to be a young mom its all worth it...all the first's you will be to experience like the smile and steps laugh...there is nothing like the love of your baby..and if the dad does not want to be there for his kid there is nothing wrong wit taking him for child support even if he does not see the kid...i look at it as his lose..just remember you can always get help and you will never be alone

Siobhan - posted on 02/03/2010

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Hi just thought i would post here.

My names siobhan. My fiance left me when i was 5 months pregnant. I get my child support from him but thats all.

I was 18 when i had my baby i am now 19. he is 7 months old and i can assure that yes at times its testing but being a mum is great! ive been a single mum since day one and not yet have i regretted it. i love it and prefer it to having to look after a man aswell.

You will be fine my darling s long as you have the love for your baby there is nothing else either of you will ever need. x x x

Casi - posted on 02/03/2010

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My boyfriend and i split up two weeks after i found out i was pregnant because he started hitting me, the thought of a baby scares guys and it even scares mamas but dont let a man tell you what to do with your baby. My little guy is my whole world! i wouldnt give him up for anything and trust me, life is so not easy. Being a mama is a 24/7 job, you work your a** off but it will pay off in the end. Dont give up on what your heart says!

Sammi - posted on 02/01/2010

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i was engaged when i became pregnant, and my fiance told me 'its me or that wart growing inside of you' and wanted me to have an abortion. i told him there was no chance and i was choosing the baby. he did come round after a day or two tho, and even tho he was a complete twat, he stuck with me. he was great for 1 week after my beautiful daughter Skye Ruby was born, 2nd week, not so good, 3rd week, he just didnt come round. then we split up when my baby was 3 and a half weeks old and he barely comes to see her or ask how she is. we are better off without him and my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me and i wouldnt dream of giving her up, i find it difficult just leaving her for a night off! now id say he is not her dad as he doesnt deserve that title. he is barely even a father. as far as im concerned, it was immaculate conception! :)

i think your best option would be to go with your heart. do you want to keep this baby? will you be able to handle giving birth - producing a beautiful little life - and then handing it over to somebody else and not having a say?

how much are you going to regret making the wrong decision?

i think your baby deserves to have you as a mother and im sure you would do a great job without its 'father' xx

KORIN - posted on 02/01/2010

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dont give the baby up.. my boyfriend and i at the time were not together and wanted nothing to do with each other but trust me if you want the baby keep the baby.. forget what he wants.. u have 2 live with ur decision and so does he.. so tell him to go to h3ll and if you want the baby keep it.. he is just running from his responsibilitys!!!!!

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