'Should i stay in a relationship for my child'

Chris - posted on 03/17/2013

well in my opinion which will be extremely southern, i think as long as it isn't abusive in any way, if you both love each other, and you're BOTH willing to work on it then you should. I respect all the single moms out there, but I think it takes two people two raise a child, because being a single parent isn't easy. It won't only put stress on you, but also on your kid. I think it really depends on how much the both f you are willing to work on it, but he isn't willing to better himself for the sake of your baby then, I wouldn't put up with his bull.

Jenn - posted on 01/12/2013

If he's finding the time to cheat multiple times like you've said, he could sure find the time to get off his laZy ass and get a job! Don't ever stay in a relationship just for the sake of children. Kids are smart, they'll definitely pick up on the tension and resentment the two of you have. Give your child a happier life as you seem to have your head on right (going to school, working, and raising your baby) so you can definitely do it on your own! Good luck to you. You can find someone way better that will cherish you, and be a real man and support and love his family!

Sally - posted on 10/02/2012

Lose him. Being a single mom is hard, but you're already doing most of it alone anyway.

Get a lawyer to make custody and child support arrangements. They can be pricey, but you can usually get some sort of assistance with that. Then make him stick to whatever legal agreement you make.

Do not let him treat you like this. Do you want your son to think he should treat his woman this way when he grows up?

Good luck

Eroleen - posted on 09/29/2012

Sarash Susan...................i understand u doing whats best for ur son but this man is gonna use your son to try and get back with you....Stand your ground give him a day and time and if he doesnt show up than you know what to do...its gonna hurt ur son more if he keeps disappointing him!! god luck

Eroleen - posted on 09/29/2012

Hi guys i guess i should update, well.......... its been 5 years now that me and him and known each other, but since my last post i got pregnant i have a 2 month old daughter with him now but he also have a 5 month old daughter with someone else...i should of left him alone along time ago but i have finally did it, sometime i think"why should i waste 5 years of my life, i should just stickit out but its unhealthy"...Im taking care of both my kids by myself and being the best mom i can be, Because they deserve better

Sarash - posted on 09/29/2012

I was in a relationship for 4 years since my son was 6 months and he completely took responsibility. I love and respect him for it but since we are not together its been really dysfunctional, and my new relationship is going good but he does not approve so much, he says that he should do more or not be involved. I get scared to tell him i do want him in my sons life but im afraid he'll think we are still interested in each other. The other day my ex went off on me calling me selfish for not letting him see him but i wait for him and he does it on his terms and is not really teaching him how to be a brave little boy. please any advice??

Jessica - posted on 08/14/2012

Take your baby and chuck up your deuces! A man like that don't deserve you. The longer you stay the lower your self esteem be. You got a child to care for and don't need to add another to that equation. Hell he don't even have a job! Please boot his behind out. You will be fine you'll hurt for a little while but the end result will be a lot better than where you are today. No need to add any more stress in your life.

Marilyn - posted on 08/14/2012

You do not need to stay with a man, for the sake of your child. In the long run it will not be good for you or your son. Move on,there are better men out there. You are not doing yourself any favors living with a man whom is constantly cheating. He is still out there looking for something better... and when or if he finds it hes gone....

Michelle - posted on 08/11/2012

I have had a truck load of issues with my partner as well. He is my daughters father, he has seen many girls and i have had him tell me he doesnt love me to he doesnt know if he loves me as well as the I want to be with you forever. He apparently hasnt slept with any of them but I know he has made out at the very least as he admitted to it but I know he wouldnt tell me if he had done more as he doesnt know how I would react. I stayed with him for the sake of my daughter to work it out. I do love him but if it hadnt started working and if we hadnt started getting better I would not have stayed. The best thing (in my opinion) for your child is to see their mother happy (and their father whether it be biological or other), seeing them in a disfunctional relationship does not help their self esteem and trust when it will come to their relationships. If it won't work and you know you will not be able to move on and forgive him and he will not change then you may need to leave him but do not stay simply for your child.

Lucy - posted on 08/11/2012

Hi There, I can relate to what your saying in your relationship. As I feel I am staying with my kids father for the sake of it. I have two kids with him a 3.5 yr old little girl and my son who is 18months. I think we mainly struggle with culture he is 50 and I am only 33 and from a pacific islander culture. I have been back and forth to Nz as that is where we first met we found out about my daughter 2 months after we had been together. So we had children very early on in the relationship. Ive been exhausted trying to make it work as best I can I have been back and forth constantly between countries. As, he has a job here in Nz and I want to relocate back home in Australia but he has another son from a previous relationship who is now 15 yrs old. Finally we bought a house here not a permanent situation just until we are able to move back to Oz. His son's stepfather is now in Australia and they want to leave him here and he wants to live with us full time. I said I can do it as Im too stressed with everything else ive got on my plate. My partner has told me if he stays he will move out and live with him. As I have told him I cant parent him full time. Im just thinking should I be waiting my time 6 months until he leaves me or his son decides to stay or just end the relationship now? As I am just so hurt and angry all the time and have become very depressed and struggling to cope as a parent with no support here.

Alyssa - posted on 12/22/2011

I was with my son's father for 3 years. I tried and tried, about three times we broke up because of cheating and lying ( coming from him ) and in the end he ended up sleeping with my bestfriend and i didn't know. I found out and still took him back, we stayed together for another year, but eventually there comes a breaking point. Honestly, it will hurt, but eventually it won't. I waited until I literally had no feelings left for him, and that hurt him more than just a break up. No feelings meant I was pretty ruthless. Eventually you will hit your breaking point, child or not, I made the best decision I ever did leaving, I have dated some real losers since him, which make him seem like a better option but after this long and this drama it isn't worth it. if he loves your kid this much, then you shouldn't worry about the break up, he'd still be around, and if he wasn't there's always a better guy out there.. one who YOU can fall back on, not have to take care of. your son will take to another, i'm assuming he's still young. In the end it's ultimately your decision, but like another post said, happy mother is a happy baby, it's really true. me and my son have never been as close as we are now since me and the daddy broke up.

Amanda - posted on 12/09/2011

you should leave him alone if he is cheating on you then he really dont care and its not like he is supporting you n the baby anyway

Crystal - posted on 12/09/2011

im am so sorry for what you are having to go through... i hink if he cared about you and your baby at all he would g out and get a job to support you at least i understand he isnt the babies father but he has got you and when you get married he is suppose to support you and your child... and if he is cheating on you he doesnt love you because if he did he wouldnt hurt you so badly that many times...i understand a mistake but after a chance or two i wouldnt think twice about leaving if it was me... but im not telling you what to do but this is what i would do if i were in your position... if not talk to him and tell him what you have told us and let him know that if he wants to be your husband and that babies father figure he needs to step up and act like it... sorry about your problems... hope you work everything out for you n baby,.Crystal..

Eroleen - posted on 12/08/2011

thankx guys, i know im a little late but i did leave hima lone for a while but as usual we got back together and he still did the same things!!now a year later he as another female pregnant and im also 8 weeks pregnant smh but i did leave now im just trying to start over and be happy without him in my life

Michelle - posted on 09/25/2010

dont stay just for that my daughters dad was not around until the last few mths but my daughter is almost 4 now i was engaged and with this guy for 3 yrs that is who my daughter knew as her dad but he used me stole from me ...i had to let him go i miss him and love him still so does my daughter but this is what was best for me and child. do what is the best for you and your son

Amanda - posted on 09/24/2010

dont stay just because of the baby! And if your not happy nobody is! Trust me, you are better off with out him!

Rebecca - posted on 09/23/2010

ok i was with my baby's father for six years in the end we were constantly fighting and not getting along i stayed with him for a while just for my sons sake but really you need to think about you baby first is this the enviroment you want to bring him up in, do you want him to be brought up by a man that doesnt respect women because that is the way he will turn out, your son may be young but dont underestimate him they feel and understand more than you think they know when things are wrong and everything that is around them they soak up like a sponge. your boyfriend is not the role model you want for your child it sounds like your friends are right aswell remember they are looking out for you! but anyway i left my partner and happier than ever it took me three times to finally leave but i did it for the good of my son! you obviously have a good head on your shoulders working going to school and being a mum so you can do it its just up to you to make that first step.

Nichole - posted on 09/23/2010

RUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!! sad mommy makes sad baby he wants his cake and eat it too kick is nasty ass to the curb if he loves that baby he can visit but u need to be happy for u and ur baby

Adrian - posted on 09/23/2010

I am so sorry to hear that. But i would like to say that if the relationship is hurting you, eventually, it will effect your son too. I would say, don't stay with him, but don't take him out of your son's life. I know it's a really hard decision, but it's really important if you want to continue to be strong for your child. Even if you love him, it seems like it's to the point where it's not worth it anymore. You either need to leave him, or find a way to whip him into shape... which, sorry to be a party-pooper, doesn't really sound like that is going to happen. Do what is best for you and your child

Laurie - posted on 09/22/2010

FIRST OF ALL LET ME SAY CONGRATS ON BEING A MOTHER. SECONFD NO MATTER HOW MUCH U LOVE THIS MAN IF U CONTINUE TO PUT UP WIT THE DISAAPOINTMENT, STRESS, BELITTLEMENT, AND INFIDELITY IN THE LONG RUN IT WILL HURT THE CHILD MORE THANIT HURTS U RITE NOW SO BE CAREFUL FOR THE CHANCES AND DECISIONS U MAKE.

Amber - posted on 09/22/2010

Honestly, you do not need a man in the picture to raise your son. Yes it is easier with 2 parents full time, but if you're honestly struggling mentally a separation for even a small time might help. Cheating is nothing to be proud of and you shouldn't have to stay in a relationship just because of your son. Do what you feel you need to to make a better life for you and your son.

Shae - posted on 09/22/2010

I know my parent's stayed together for my sake for 8 years, added my little brother in the mixture, and all it did was hurt us in the long run. I know my brother adjusted to the difference easier then I did. My step sister's dad left them and I know the younger one adjusted better then the older. I think if you're having those kind of problems it's better to get out sooner rather then later. The older they get the more used to having their 'daddy' around.

Petrina - posted on 09/22/2010

if he is cheating on you, and won't get a job, then dump his sorry butt. you don't deserve a man who won't get off his lazy butt to help support you and your child. he might tell you that he isn't working because he has to take care of the baby, but really, he probably thinks he shouldn't have to help because your son isn't his. you are going to school and working to provide a better life for your son, while your bf doesn't do anything. both you and your son deserve someone who is willing to help out in every way he can, and won't lie to you or cheat on you.

Kendra - posted on 09/22/2010

This is where we have to be strong as women. U supporting you, yo son and him!!!!! Girl you good. u doin it by yoself already. u doin the hard part. you taken care of the baby, you taken care of him but who's taken care of you???? i know its hard to get child care but as a single mother its so many resources out there for you to use to get daycare to go to school and work u dont need em so Dont let that be your excuse to keep him around and dont let him use the baby as an excuse of why he cant go cus if he loved u or the baby he would work to support you and that baby instead of havin you break yo back. i dont believe in staying in a relationship for a child. your baby is still young if you feel it wont last an u aint happy make the break. The older he gets the more he'll remember.A women can only take so much and if you dealing w/ cheating an heartbreak ect..... its not worth it. u have 1 baby and it sounds like you got a good head on your shoulders and i believe one day youll find a man who has some good things goin for himself as well and he will be the type of man to appreciate the type of women you are u being able to stand alone an proud. Men love independent women and a independent women dont NEED no man she WANTS a man. You sound independent an it dont sound worth it. i know its hard to let go of love but just because you love someone dont mean you need to be with them or that there best for you. Let go, keep it pushin an make way for new love honey. u deserve it

Stephanie - posted on 09/22/2010

You should never stay or get married for the baby, if you're not happy the baby won't be happy. You should be with somebody that makes you happy, because the baby can always tell when you are upset and they get upset. My advice to you is do what makes you happy

Nicole - posted on 09/22/2010

NEVER EVER EVER stay in a relationship because of a child. It never helps.... your child would rather see you two apart and happy then together and miserable. Maybe you two need to split up and see what happens.... I was in the same situation, I left, he realized what he had, and came running back, now things are better than they ever have been... we just needed the break. Godd luck hun!

Ashley - posted on 09/22/2010

leave him it never gets better trust me i was dealin with the same thing

Kristie - posted on 09/22/2010

If that man really loves you and you son he should get his ass up and get a job instead of staying at home and only thinking about cheating. now to you it's time to be strong for your son sake because i don't know what he's done in the past to make you hold on so tight and keep taking him back but guess what you can't do one good thing and a million bad things and on purpose. So you need to get him out and mean it because when a man cheats once sure a woman might take him back because we somehow think we had something to do with it and we should work harder but when he does it twice and seen how much it hurt you the first time consider that man as just weak and that should be the end of it but in your case you showed him that he could f*** up and you'll forgive him because that's just you in his eyes.I could only immagine what goes threw your head when you leave him alone at home, you don't deserve that your because you was built strong and intelligent and was given the gift from god to bring life in to this world so the big question you should ask yourself is why let a dead beat immature deceitful man be around you and your son. He's a bad influence to your son because if he sticks around longer and your son reaches a age where everything influences him he's going to grow up to be a man just like him. So make up your mind because quite frankly that jerk has no money , no job and i'm sure his you no what ain't goal.

Jessica - posted on 09/21/2010

That's a really hard situation to be in . You are the financial support of the family , @ the same time i know you are thinking of your child , but you also need to think about yourself and what's good for yourself .

If he stays at home and takes care of the child , while you go to schoool & work - that's actually great . because if you didn't have him .. who would you have ? i don't know your situation .. and if you have relatives and family that can take care of your child while you go to work . If you do have someone , the best thing you do is leave him because a relationship will never work out without trust and someone always lying .

Chantrice - posted on 09/21/2010

I just stumble on this subject.. I have one advice for you. The best gift that you can give your child is to show him a loving relationship. Hopefully you two can come together and become a very strong foundation for your child or children...You can also have a successful relationship as friends rather than lovers.. But first you will have to teach him how to be your friend.. That is with Tough love. When he makes hurtful remarks to you, Call him out on it and explain to him how his comments hurts you... I hope this help.

Courtey - posted on 09/21/2010

my mum always told me to never stay for your children n i didnt my babys (sperm doner) wat i call him was never there for her so i spli with him when she was like 5 mths im now with an fantastic guy who my daughter calls daddy iv been with him coming 2 yrs n he has knwn my daughter form 7 mths he dose way more than wat he could ever or has done coz to be honest he hasent done nothing for her (sperm donNER)

Audrey - posted on 09/21/2010

I too was in the same situation awhile back and it carried on for years and never got better. Finally woke up and got my life back and never looked back. It's not worth it to stay, not even for the sake of the baby.

Sarah - posted on 09/21/2010

for real girl drop kick him. your son may love him and u may love him but in the real world he aint doing nothing but causing you pain. and he's holding you back from getting to a better place for you and your son. and honestly that is not a good role model for him either. think about whats best for your son. a father that does nothing andwont teach to be a man or tech himto be a man on your own mold him into a good man that one day will make a women happy not some bum playa.

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2010

honestly im in the same situation but we ha e two kids together, and i feel the same way you do, lol

Jessica - posted on 09/21/2010

having grown up with a broken family as such, my parents have been divorced since i was 4 and i think its the best thing that my mother ever did. my advice: do not stay with someone just for your son. not only is this boyfriend hurting you mentally and emotionally, his physically exhausting you. your working your bum off to support him while he sits on his bum!!! your doing a great job atm working and studying!! i myself have a 12 month old son, work part time and study so i know how hard it can already be on you but happy mummy equals happy child and your not happy by the looks of it. your strong already; you just cant see it! good luck!

Jessica - posted on 09/21/2010

If he is cheating he is not affording you any respect or your child as he is also cheating on the family you have worked so hard to create. Have you tried breaking it off for a little while. It is sad to say that if he has done it more than once and is still there he propably bel;ieves you will always put up with his behaviour.My advice,,,,,,give him a scare. Best of luck:)

Catherine - posted on 09/20/2010

be strong, and get rid of him!! think of ur sons happiness and welfare, as well as yours! but if u really want to try and work it out, make it for your sake too not just for your son, you could always give him an ultimatum, tell him HE has to go out and get a job or leave. just another thought for you??! good luck with whatever you decide.

Tiffany - posted on 09/20/2010

im kinda in the same boat 2, except im pregnant, n im still with my babyz father, n he treatz me lik crap most of the time or dnt rly wanna b involved bcuz hez 2 worried bout his friends. soo i feel lik if i leave him my child is gonna b mad at me bcuz i left him. n i kno he'll b a great father, hez great with kids, soo i feel lik its gonna say its my fault hez not in their life...

Mary - posted on 09/20/2010

i would get out of that relationship. a child is no reason to stay in a relationship- thats my theory.

Kari - posted on 09/19/2010

I can relate to all of you! lol! I'm currently in an abusive relationship *With my baby's daddy* and if I had half a chance I'd leave. It really all comes down to is doing what's best for you and your child. If you are feeling hurt, alone and worthless... ask yourself if it is really worth staying in it for how you get treated. I understand what you mean by you feel used. Don't just stay with someone because of your child. If you're not happy, eventually the little one will see that and soon will become unhappy and colicy and which will lead to fights, and more unhappiness and eventually leaving him.


Long story short...if you're not happy and he's a bum not doing anything...ditch his ass, go out and get better for yourself. You deserve it =]. Any teenager who can have a child, raise it, go to school, still manage a job, and not rely on your parents for everything, can clearly do better than a bum who's just using you for money, sex, or whatever else.

Roteavia - posted on 09/19/2010

Honestly if I were you I would leave because that is unhealthy for both you and your child. I watched my sister put up with the same thing and she literally drove herself crazy {need medication type crazy}. I was once with a guy that would bring up marriage everytime i took him back and it was only because he didnt want anyone else to have me or what i had to offer. Your child needs a good influence in his life. Not a liar, cheater, and user. If you keep your son around that kind if man hes going to think thats the kind of man he needs to be. There are government programs that will help you pay for childcare if you cant afford it. Cuz only Lord knows what hes doing in your house when hes alone with your child. Technically, you are doing it alone and all by yourself because he is just your babysitter. Dont wait for him to leave. You TELL him to leave and DONT come back. When he comes to you with "aww baby lets talk about"...dont even give him the time of day. A man that feels like he got you wrapped around his finger knows what to say to make you THINK hes going to change and some people never change. Just continue to do you for you and your child.Dont let LUST fool you cuz LOVE doesnt hurt and it comes when you're not expecting it.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/18/2010

Girl that could be a tough decision for anyone,but if your truly unhappy and are capable of doing it yourself then you should.That doesnt mean you have to take your son from him.If you two have really tried to work it out and it doesnt get any better then take it as you gave it your best shot.Him using your child as an excuse to not leave says it all right there hes not with you for anything else Your child senses your unhappy and thats not healthy.I advise you to hold off on the marriage and baby with him.It already seems like you have alot on your plate now.I wish you the best and hope everything works out for you and your son.

Amy - posted on 09/18/2010

I went thru almost the same thing u did when i was 15-20 years old (idk why i put up with it for 5 years, honestly he IS using you, ur doing it by urself now, so move on and do it by urself without him, trust me, u will hurt 4 a while, and even question urself about leaving him, but, hes a dog, and not going to change, trust me it was the BEST thing i could of ever done, now ive been married 6 yrs today, and couldnt be happier!! good luck, and everything will work out...if u leave him!

Joanne - posted on 09/18/2010

you should NEVER stay together for the child/children , your not happy and your child knows it , if you do stay together for the child sake , it will be the child that suffers in the long run , i think you answered your own question , you are sick of his drama , if all your friends think he is using you then they all cant be wrong , they are the ones on the outside looking in , ask your self how long you and your child are willing to continue to hurt , he doesnt love you if he is not willing to get off his rear end and help pay for at least one bill , what has he done for you , to me it sounds like nothing but hurt you, do you not think that your child will grow up and think that this is the way life is supposed to be ,HONEY KICK THE DEAD BEAT WANNA BE DADDY OUT OF YOUR LIFE , move on and find someone who will love you for you doesnt sound like this one does love you sorry but you asked to keep it real

Rebecca - posted on 09/18/2010

Honestly, I say leave him. He doesn't sound like a good bf or even a good role model for your son. My son's father cheated on me numerous times and even got another girl pregnant around the same time as I got pregnant (we were due on the same day) and i didn't feel like he would be good for me or my child so i left him. soon after i found a wonderful man who is a good husband and father. Good luck and i hope you all the best.

Annabeth - posted on 09/18/2010

I was asking my self the same question 6 months ago. I was pregnant and my ex was abusive, violent towards me and he was also on drugs. I thought that if we stayed together he would change for the baby's sake but as soon as i told him i was pregnant he got even worse. I left him 6 months ago because i feared not only for my safety but also my baby. I had my son 2 weeks ago and i am now having a lot of problems with my ex. I am hoping to get an AVO out on him and also a DNA test done because he keeps saying it is not his child. I guess if i was you i would think of what is best for not only you but your son. It can be hard to be a single parent but frankly i would not have it any other way. I am not sure if this will help you but best of luck in whatever you decide

Maureen - posted on 09/18/2010

i would dump him nd move on he no good for you he dont derserve a gf like you

September - posted on 09/17/2010

Good luck Eroleen! ♥

Heather - posted on 09/16/2010

HELL NO! u dont need to stay. If u arent happy, the baby will pick up on that, do not let him use u, because he is only holding you back girl. i left my baby's father and im happier than ive ever been

Hannah - posted on 09/16/2010

i am very sorry to hear ur situation, i was always told that it takes one good parent not two shit ones to raise a child and if u r in a realtionship that where u r not happy ur son will sense it and u dont want him to grow up seeing that his "daddy" uses woman and that it must b ok cause mummy stays with him. it will be very hard to leave and not to return but u will need to do it for the sake of your son. sorry its a bit harsh but my best mate was in the same situation and i saw how hard it was for her to stay and harder to leave but now she has been gone for 6 mths and i go and see her and she smiles again!! i hope everything works out for u xoxo