teen pregnant daughter

Heather - posted on 10/02/2009 ( 47 moms have responded )

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Just wanted to know how easy or hard it is to still be raising your child then all of a sudden your going to be raising her, her new baby plus another child you still have at home. Any advice???

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Tarsha - posted on 11/07/2009

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im sure it will be hard at first on all of you..its gr8 to hear that you not kicking her out just cause she got pregnant..you need to support her and help her be independant...i got pregnant at 17yrs old and now im 24yrs old and have 4 boys...i wish my family was more supportive i have had to do everything myself (with my husband) and we had no support or help so give her lots of support...give her advice but dont tell her what to do

i wish you the best of luck

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talk to her. make sure your doing what she needs you to do. stay HER mom, but don't try to be your grandchild's mom. I think that the most important thing you can do is let her figure out how to be a mom. Naturally, as a mother yourself you'll want to SHOW her how to do things. But DON'T. She needs to figure it out on her own- with your support. Tell her the things she's doing well. Tell her she's a good mother. Tell her that your there for her- and actually be there when she needs you (but back off when she doesn't). The thing my mom did the best when I was young with a baby was to help me at night- she put her to sleep a few nights a week, brought her to me in the wee-hours of the night when i was exhausted. But best of all, she didn't act like i couldn't do it. Positive affirmation is important. Also remember how it was for you when you were first a mom- you were unsure, you really didn't know what you were doing either. BUT you figured it out, and so will your daughter.

Jennifer - posted on 11/07/2009

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U need to support you daughter without raising her child. when my mom found out i was pregnant she said she would help me as much as i needed, but not as much as i wanted. the best thing you can do for her and her baby is to guide and instruct.

Vandy - posted on 11/06/2009

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you shouldn't do any of the work. She is going to be a parent and she needs to start taking responsiblity. I know other teen moms who think its ok to use there mother. Well you not the one who got pregnant she is. I am sorry to say all this but if you do the work she will never do it. I know it is a hard thing what your going though. But when I got pregnant I didn't allow anyone to do any of the work. They were not aloud to change her, dress her, feed her, give her a bath, or even watch her. She was my responsiblity and no one elses. Do not let your child put that on you.

Stephanie - posted on 11/06/2009

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you need to be there for her & your grandchild 100%. but being there doesn't mean doing all the work for her. im a teen mom and my mom helps me helps me once in a while but that doesn't mean she's not there for me. I thank my mom all the way for being there for me & my daughter. & for letting me know she is always going to be there for us, & honestly thats all i need. :)

Nikki - posted on 11/06/2009

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I can't tell you how easy or hard, I haven't had that experience, but I was a teenage mom with a very nonsupportive parent. The fact you are supporting (emotionally) your daughter is huge and probably the most important. In a very nonintrusive manner- teach her. Find out what her strengths are and focus on those while teaching about where she needs more help. Offer help, don't insist on it. Be there when she becomes frustrated and help to cope with those difficult times. Her actions have forced her grow up fast...understand this is a difficult realization to come to. She may see herself as your baby and find it difficult to see herself has a parent. Allow her to make the same mistakes you did as a new parent- this how she will learn. Once the mistakes are made, help her by telling her how you dealt with it. Don't criticize how she chooses to parent, instead compliment her when she does a good job. Allow her to raise her child- hold her responsible. I hope some of this helps.

Florence - posted on 11/06/2009

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What she needs most from you is your moral support am still young at my mums place and pregnant.Be there to guide her and not do what she is supposed to be doing.Once the baby comes let her know she is the mother and responsible for her baby,Be her friend so that you can share with her what to expect with all the challenges of motherhood,If she can't support herself financially thats where you come in.Let her know that you still love her despite her mistake.She needs you and its a way of getting a god mother-daughter relationship-Thats how we are getting along with my mum.All the best though its not easy

Carissa - posted on 11/06/2009

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in december my son will be 1 and i will be 18. i live with my mom her bf and my 3 younger brothers. my mom watches my son for me at times so i can get out or take a shower. but other than that i take care of my son and he knows that i am mommy. but i think it is okay to help her out with baby sitting whenever you want/or have the time. not only when she needs/wants you to. but i must say that it is very important to support her no matter how mad or disappointed you are. trust me it helps ALOT. but just make sure she knows that it is her baby and her responsability. well good luck hope everything works out. =]

Ashley - posted on 11/05/2009

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I can't really speak from my side of everything but my bf's parents are gardians of our son Alex. They also have a 5th grader and a 1st grader. When i got pregnant someone told her that she was getting a daughter also not just a grandson she was ok with it. Upset at first but she dealt with it fine. So now there is Kalebs parents there 3 kids, there grandson and me. i don't like there yet but when i turn 18 i am moving in also. It's hard but we all deal with it the best we can.

Jamie - posted on 10/15/2009

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im a young mum, i had the father with me, but i have done 99% care of my son since he was born. i was 16. i am now 18 and he is 18 mths old. my mum wasnt around to help, my bfs mother was and the only time she has actuallt had my son was over 2 days every 3 to 4 weekends, just so she can spend some one on one time with him. otherwise i have dne everything. i have a part time job, ive been to tafe and completed it. and ive still made sure i was the one raising my son. his father has him if i need to be somewhere very early or very late, i take him to app, visits any where i go he goes, cept work of course. i m currently living with my sister so she looks after him while i work and i do same with her kids when she goes to work. DO NOT take care of your daughters baby, just let her know your there to help. but DONT help physically, give her advice, answer all questions she has, and if she cant do something either talk her through it or do it then when she goes to do it next, watch and congratulate her on doing a good job, she'll realise that you being proud of her, she'll b proud of herself

Jordan - posted on 10/15/2009

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your daughter should look after her baby herself. its not fair to burden u with it when u have other people to care for. if she is big enough to have unprotected sex then she should be big enough to face her responsibilities and care for her own child.

Brittany - posted on 10/15/2009

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I just moved back in with my mom and dad about 3-4months ago. My parents help me yes by watching my daughter well i work or watching her for 10min so i can grad a fast shower, sometimes they watch her so me and my boyfriend can just have some time together even if it means just running to wal mart for 10min. But i am the one who gets up with her in the middle of the night i am the one who is raising her i do everything, well her father does help but he works alot so its mostly me. My boyfriend and i are the ones who pay for EVERYTHING not oncew not even when we both wheren't working did my mom and dad every pay for anything. Both my little brothers still live at home, but its made clear to EVERYONE i am the mother and my parents are her grandparents, nothing more.



I think you need to make it clear to your daughter you will be acting as a grandmother and will be there to support her when she NEEDS help but your not going to raise this child nor are you a live in babysitter who pays all the bills.

Demitria - posted on 10/15/2009

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I still live my parents (besides the fact, that i moved out for a couple months). I got a job once I graduated high school and I have done everything with a little help. They were helpful to have around when I was worried and when I was scared about something, I didn't have anyone at the time around so they were all I had. They were a great support system and made me be the adult I decided to be. Just be there for her, she can take care of her baby and you will take care of yours. My mom has now offered to help me out a lot, just because I proved I can do it.. She watches my son when I go to college and she pays for all my schooling.

Jena - posted on 10/15/2009

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I lived with my mother for the 1st 6 months of my baby's life because my husband was stationed in another state for the army. I never once got up and whined about anything. Never asked for anything from her. My mother was a blessing, she was always offering to help me and do this and do that because we would not be seeing her till he was about 13 months. she wanted to get in as much time with my son as she could. she also still had my sister at home. If your daughter takes responsibility and acts as his mother not a sister and you acting as mom, I think you'll be fine. You just need to establish that SHE is the primary caregiver for that child.

K. Erin - posted on 10/12/2009

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I just want to say that I think it is awesome that you are asking questions. My mother and father refused to have anything to do with me when I got pregnant with my son. He is now 8, his father and I are still together, married now and have a second child. I have been told what a respectful, intelligent child he is by many. As far as advice goes, make her take responsibility for her actions. Do not baby her, as of now she is no longer a child. She is a mother, she chose the path and now it's up to her to uphold it. Offer to babysit for minimal wages and help her find a job. Try to encourage her to stay in school, i didn't and it has been my worst regret. If she drops out she will only make her life, and her child's life, more challenging. She will constantly be judged by others and made to think she is an idiot...tell her to keep her head up, life is hard, we make decisions and we have to accept the consequences. Let her know when you think she is being a great mother...we need to hear it sometimes.

Janelle - posted on 10/12/2009

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I was a pregnant teen and I had a couple of pregnant friends. I have to completely do everythign on my own when it comes to my daughter. My friends parents do everything for them. My advice to you is help when you are needed but make her do/pay for everything. She will never learn what it is like to be a mom if you do all the work.

Hillary - posted on 10/12/2009

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im a teenage mother, im 19 and i just had my son 3 weeks ago. we live with my mom but i do everything that comes with rasing my son. she has never made a bottle, never had to change a diaper, or gotten up at night with him. just because we live wit her does not mean shes raising him. you need to make it clear to your daughter that it is not your job to take care of her child. mom my tells me the only thing she has to do is spoil him :)

Erin - posted on 10/09/2009

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i live with my in laws and they dont do any work for me and i think thats how it should be honestly... occasionally she will take care of them when i run to the store for HER but other then that they don;t help they don't help when we go to school all day either, it doesn't mean you dont love your grandchild it just means you want your daught to grow up and take care of her actions!!!

Stephanie - posted on 10/09/2009

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I was a teenage mom at 15, then again at 16. I do not know how my mom delt with that. I can only imagine how hard and embarrassing it was for her, but she never made me feel worse about myself. She was not happy with me at first, as I'm sure you understand, but she was ALWAYS there for me. We actually bonded throughout my pregnancy. My mom was my support, emotionally and financially. She financially took care of my children, but she did not physically take care of them. It was never a question of if she would or wouldn't, I didn't want anyone to take care of them for me. I did nothing but take care of them. I know there are plenty of girls out there who's parents take over and they still live their life as if nothing has changed, but the truth is everything HAS changed. I didn't leave my children with anybody or go out with friends. I had no friends anymore because that was not what was important to me. My mom still tells me to this day that my husband and I are the best parents she knows!



I don't know how mature your daughter is or how she feels about becoming a mommy but she just needs your support. I wouldn't do it for her. Regardless of her age she is no longer a child. I think your job now is to teach her how to be the best mom she can be. Guide her but don't do things for her, walk her through things, give advice candidly, and just be there. Help if she needs it but don't take over. Most importantly, enjoy being a grandma!

Kelsey - posted on 10/08/2009

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just stay positive. i was 16 when i got pregnant mi mom has 5 daughter including me with my youngest sister being 2 her birthday was 3 weeks after the birth of my daughter. it will be difficult but you just have to see the good side to it. if something ever goes wrong my mother is there to help me and she has given me so much advice to help me seeing as im a first time mom. i personally couldnt have chossen another time to have my child i love being at home with my mother its brought us alot closer. I remember sitting with her at the hospital with her during my labor turning towards her and saying "i cant belive 16 years ago this was you" i had tears down my face because i was scared and still feeling bad for getting pregnant at such a young age but my mother has helped me through it all

Loni-Jayne - posted on 10/07/2009

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hey im 18 and have a 10 month old lil boy i live with my boyfriend i see my mum most days which is lovely i dont think you should be raising your daughters baby thts her job but you should support her and offer advice she will let u no if she needs you :) ..its the worst thing when u want to d it by yourself but you feel like someone is taking over so just go with the flow

Shawndai - posted on 10/07/2009

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like everyone else is saying, do NOT raise her baby! I was 17 when I had my son and before he was born I worked after school everyday. I bought all of the diapers, clothes, everything that he needed with my own money. I may have lived with my mom but my son is MY responsibility. maybe if she doesnt know how to do something like swaddle the baby then help her, but don't do everything for her or let her take off and leave the baby with you whenever she feels like it. she needs to see from the day that baby is born that you are not going to raise her baby and she needs to step up and take responsibility for her actions.

Leeinda - posted on 10/07/2009

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hey dear-I have to agree with what a lot of others have said. I had my daughter at 16, and I mothered her myself. Don't assume you'll be raising this child. And don't do it willingly. Make her do for herself. She doesnt need to think that she will be rewarded for this. My sister in law had her first baby at 17 and my mil made her do things for herself as well. I think thats a better choice. But I am sure my mom had those same thoughts. But my daughter is 7, and I have had her every step of the way. She may need help. Thats normal. Offer your support and help but dont do everything for her. Make her get up in the middle of the night and feed the baby, let her change it's diapers. And I know you'll be excited too. It will be hard to make yourself stay away from the cute new baby. But responsibility comes with motherhood. Make her figure that out. You have to bare the consequences of your actions or you'll never learn. Much love and best of luck!

Iysha - posted on 10/07/2009

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I'm living with my mother, father, boyfriend, little sister and my baby. I found that things are easier for all of us actually. My boyfriend, me and my sister help around the house with dishes and cooking and my mom still plays the role grandma without me just pushing the baby to her. She helps me and I help her. It has to be like that so we can get along and the rest of the family can function and grow. I was reluctant about moving in with my parents again because I didn't want them to feel like they were raising my baby for me. It hasn't been like that at all. I raise MY baby and they help when they feel they should. I get up in the middle of the night, i feed her, and I change diapers. I make sure my boyfriend is out of the house with his coffee, that my baby is clean, and that dinner is ready when everyone gets home so my mother doesn't have to come home after working and still make dinner. I try to make things easier on her since she welcomed us into her home. It's all give and take. We give what we can to eachother and take what we need from eachother. Everyone helps eachother.

Shameka - posted on 10/07/2009

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One you should not be raising her child and for you assuming that you are automatically giving her a get out of jail free card and taking her responsibility. I was 14 when i had my son and my mom once had to do anything for me. He was in daycare at school with me, I'm the one who got up with him at night, and fed him. Not my mom. Truthfully if she tried to do that i would be angry. If you expect your daughter to embrace motherhood, be the baby's grandmother not surrogate mother. You would be amazed how fast she will grow up and mature.

Miriam - posted on 10/07/2009

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Hi there Heather, I have lots of friends who are dealing with this same issue. I recommend that you read the book titled, "HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE", by Dale Carnegie. You might say, "I don't have the time to read!" but it is a must. What you read in this book can be applied to any situation because you do not want to MAKE someone do something, you want to INFLUENCE someone to do something willingly. You get more this way. There are so many other books out there written regarding your situation. In a loving way, your daughter needs to care for her own child, they need to bond. If your daughter is working, and you are helping her out, then when she gets home, it is her shift to take over. Otherwise, you will do this and raise your grandchild, this will not benefit anyone, not even the grandchild. A correct foundation in raising this baby is important. I hope this helps.

Alyse - posted on 10/07/2009

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im sure when her baby comes her mother instinct will kick in and she will learn to look after herself and her baby the best i could say will help is to be there to support her, help out wen she needs it but dont let her depend on you too much keep preparing her for the hard yards well shes pregnant nothing worse than been pregnant expecting a baby to be a fairy tale story and not been ready when the time comes. good luck hope this helped. :)

Ariel - posted on 10/05/2009

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If she's mature enough to have a child then she should be able to raise & support her own. My Mom probably had the same question with me. I'm 18 years old, with a step daughter who is 3, I have raised her since she was 8 months old :) .. and we are a happy healthy family ! :)

Tiffany - posted on 10/04/2009

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If she thought she was old enough to get pregnant, she should be old enough and ready to take care of a baby. My mom was 16 years old when she had me and 17 when she had my brother. She now has 5 kids and she is only 36. She raised us all by herself. I could not imagine being 17 years old and having 2 kids already. You should be there if she absolutely needs something, but this is her job. I'm sure you didn't have someone raising your kids for you, no matter how old you were when you got pregnant :)



Being a mom is tough no matter what age you are, she just has to grow up now!!

Angelia - posted on 10/04/2009

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It really depends on how old she is and how mature. Im 19 and i have a 5 week old daughter. I live with my parents and i do pretty much everything on my own except mum and dad will help out because i am a single mum. So they just do the equivilent (sorry for bad spelling) of what the father would do. Just remember to be supportive and helpful, but dont take over! :) good luck

Kaitlyn - posted on 10/03/2009

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my mother has a 12 year old autistic daughter and i am her first born she has been my primary supporter, she doesnt raise my daughter and im glad she doesnt tell your daughter that though she lives with you, the baby is HER responsibility not yours that youll help her when you can but she has to step up to the plate it will be difficult for her but in my experience, i am a stronger person for it and i am so happy to have my daughter. i hope this helps how old is your daughter

Cami - posted on 10/03/2009

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Im 20 now, but i was 18 with my first, and i just had my second 6 weeks ago. My mom has done pretty much everything for us.My mom supported my decisions, and gave me great mom advice. She doesnt pay for anything of ours in about a year. But she didnt just throw all responsibility on us either. She takes one or both of the kids once a month so me and my husband can have some husband and wife time. But i respect her so much more as a mother and a person just for being there. My mom says that its like having your own kids, just without having to be so worried all the time. She says she gets to enjoy it this time.

Sarah - posted on 10/03/2009

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im 19 years old with an 8month old son. i still live with my mum an 18year old sister.

but im responsible for my son .. i'm the one that cares him for him .. feeds, changes,comforts him etc .. im the one that shops for baby essentials. my boyfriend (his daddy) helps out a lot but we don't live together but we still share the responsibility.

my mum helps out when i want her too or she wants too .. though she never takes over completely!! it was great in the first few months having her around .. she'd show me how to do things and then i'd be able to do it by myself .. she helps me out when he's screaming cuz of wind or teething.

my mum spoils my son all the time .. as she says grandmas are their to spoil their grandchildren (not to bring them up and care for them)

so as nice as it is to help out .. try not interfere tooo much since its her baby her responsibility or she'll never learn

Cassie - posted on 10/03/2009

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I would not raise my childs kid! Your place and the grandmother is there to spoil and give back. haha. If she felt adult enough to have sex than she should be adult enough to take care of her own child. How old is she? I mean can she work?

Chloe - posted on 10/03/2009

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i was 19 when i had my son, i didnt have my mum for help she lives 9 hours away but when she come up or i go down there she will take my son for a bit its the only time my son not with me, i never had help to look after my his dad has allways worked and now he away all week so i have to look after my son its hard, i think your daughter need to do it on her own and you not do it. she got pregnant she has to take care off the baby not you

Casey - posted on 10/03/2009

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im a young mum.

i was 18 when i had a lil one.

and i thank god that i had my mums help

but i wudnt let her do anything

im the mum and i'm the 1 that wud be takin care of my baby.

and i wudnt have it any other way.

i love lookin after my daughter

she is the best give in the world.



u juz have 2 make her see that she is the mum.

and its a great feeling 2 look after here baby

nd if she dosnt. then her baby wont see her has a mother

Maci - posted on 10/02/2009

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Hi, Heather! I do not think you should be raising your daughter's baby. It is her baby and unless you are going to adopt it from her it is still her responsibility. I am thankful that I have no help other than from my baby's father. It gives me more self confidence and I am proud that I can say I raise my son without help from my parents. If your daughter needs any advice I suggest she joins "Circle of Moms," too. I wish you both luck. Congratulations.

Ronni-Lee - posted on 10/02/2009

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Hi there. I was 18 when I fell pregnant, and 19 when I had my son. I was young and scared, but I have been with my partner for a long time who was 22 when we had our son, and he was more afraid than I was. If you have been bringing up children around your daughter, and she has seen what you have been doing, then she should have some knowledge of what is in store for her. I am the youngest of 4 children, and all my elder siblings have children, and I picked up alot from them, and alot more from my mother when I had my son. We were not stoked that I was pregnant, but we do not believe in abortion, so I had support from all of my family. That is the main thing your daughter needs from you. Let her know how you feel, but also let her know that you will be there to lend a helping hand when she needs it. Dont do everything for her, but teach her how to care and love for her child(which usually comes naturally), explain the benefits of breastfeeding and how to do it, how to bath baby, how to change baby etc... Within a month, she should be good and confident to do it more on her own, and you will benefit also knowing that you helped a little but didnt have to fully take charge! wish you and your daughter the best of luck!



Also, she maybe young, but she may turn out to b one of the best mothers that you know!!! That is what my mother told me!

Laura - posted on 10/02/2009

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just let her take care of the baby.. just be there for her support and let her enjoy her baby and raising the baby. help only when she really needs it . you should not be raising the baby even if you do all live under one roof. let your daughter take control in raising the baby. that is what my grandparents did for me and i have to say that was the best thing they ever did for me. i was 15 when i had my little girl and though we lived with them they made me take full responsibly for her and i was happy too. thats the way it should be. i did everything except cook. when i took a shower i put her in her bouncy sit and put her in the bathroom with me.even though my grandmother could have watch her while i took a shower they wanted me to understand what being a single mother was all about b/c in a few short years it was just going to be me and her on our own. she never left my sight unless i was in school.i took care of her the min i came home even though my grandmother could watch her for me while i took time for myself they didnt do that. i did everything for her and it helped me to be a better mom for my other children.. i have married my boyfriend her father and we have 4 kids now and have been married for 4years.. so let her do what she can and more so later in life if she does get pregnant again she will know what to do and be successful at raising her babies.

Caitelyn - posted on 10/02/2009

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Hi Heather,

I'm a young single mum, who looks after her son by herself een though she lives with her parents.

They'll watch him if I need a shower, or need to run errands such as Dr's visits, appts etc. other than that, as my mum says, she's my mummy, but she's NOT his mummy!

Let her be this baby's mum. Be this baby's GRANDMUM! that's what they'll love you for!

by all means, if bub has given her a rough night, take them for a bit and let her sleep, or if bub is being really difficult, offer her your help.



but try your absolute hardest to not take over.



a tool that has helped us, is that if i begin to feel like mum is taking over too much i tell her, "he's only got one mummy, and its not you!" or "you're not the mummy!"



and it does work for us.

Rebecca - posted on 10/02/2009

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BE there for support but do not do all the care for that child offer her guidance. She needs to raise her own baby. I was 15 when i had my son and I did 97% of the care. my mom helped when i needed help. Like when i didnt know what to do she would show me but not do it.

Tabatha - posted on 10/02/2009

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I want to know why you will be raising her baby.It's not your job it's your daughters responsibility.Not yours.I don't mean to sound rude of anything.your daughter got her self into this and now she has to face the consequences.I'm a young teen mom and you know what I never had anyone take care of my daughter but me and her dad.I live with my parents they don't take her at all unless.I go out on a super rare occasion like my anniversary with my daughters father or if I went in the shower and she was up.I took care of her all on my own.I dropped out but I got my ged.See I grew up quick I had to.You need to help her lots but not by letting her ditch her kid on you.Please I thank my mom so much for making me go through this with just her support and tough love.I hope this helps hun really i do.

Amanda - posted on 10/02/2009

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i am a young mother i was 19 pregnant and 20 when my son was born and i live at home with my mom and i did think it would be hard for her she rele helps me out alot but i rase my son and im sure your daughter will rase her child too she will just need your gidence and support and it is still a plesure for my mom haveing us in the house i dont think she would have it any other way

Helen - posted on 10/02/2009

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looking at it from a young mums point of view (i was 20 when i had my son and 21 when i had my daughter) she will need your support and guidence. my mum was with me 100% with both my pregnancies and she loves my kids to bits and has them every saturday while im at work. but DO NOT take care of your daughters child, it is her responsibility! my mum would offer advice and answer every question i could possibly ask and when i was really ill (i had a serious iron deficiency and very low blood pressure and kept passing out) my mum would take the kids for a few hours so i could sleep, but apart from that my kids are my responsibility and i think everyone respects me more for the way ive made them my priority. how old is your other child? my son was 14months when i had my daughter and the first 3 months were hard but after that they were playing really nicely together and now shes 11months old, i hardly do anything at all, the play together all day and its lovely to watch! if your daughter got herself pregnant then you have to step back and let her raise her own child!

Tara - posted on 10/02/2009

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You need to help as little and as much as possible.. I was a pregnant teen and so were my friends..And all I know is I thank my mom for being there and I thank her for not letting me get away with ditching my kid..My friend resented her mom for that.

Ava - posted on 10/02/2009

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It won't be easy, but you need to teach her to take care of her own child, and not do all the work. Otherwise her child will never be able to look at her as a good mother, and that will be unfortunate.

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