those looks from people have you ever got them?

Shanyda - posted on 06/26/2010 ( 46 moms have responded )

23

12

1

well i am talking bout the you are to young to have a kid look well i have got them i am a single mother of 4 and i am 22 and so many people have looked at me walking down the street or in the mall or at wal-mart lol i hate it there was this one time i just started going to this new doctor and i kind of knew i was pregnant with my 4th child but i wanted to make sure and so i went to my app as i was supposed to to get the blood test so i can be sent to an ob/gyn if i was well i was meeting this woman doctor for the first time well she walks into the room looks at my file for a moment looks at me and says to me "you think your pregnant again dont you think you should give this one up" i look at her and said you know what you dont know me all you did was read a file and you going to tell me some shit like that i think i got really mad then i said i could have ten kids and it isnt your place to tell me what i need or what you think i need to do and i kind of stormed out the office HAVE YOU EVER HAD THOSE LOOKS OR SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING TO YOU BOUT YOU BEING SO YOUNG WITH A KID OR MORE THEN ONE????????

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

46 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

All the time! I'm 19 and just had my first child. I live in Canada, work from home as an assistant so I can be with my son and dress very normal so I really don't think that has much to do with my situation. But yet, like was said before you go out and literally do stop traffic. I always get asked how old I am, what I do for work and if I'm with the father. When I say I'm a single mom I get the look where you know inside they're just thinking "figures". It's ridiculous!! Sure, I look younger than I am but I just can't understand why would someone think it's their business either way? The looks were so hurtful when I was pregnant I barely left my house except when I absolutely had to but now I'm just pissed off. I'm not going to keep me and my son in hiding just because some people were clearly never taught any manners. If they want to say something, I stand up for myself and it's actually pretty empowering to shut someone down who walks around thinking their shit doesn't stink. At the end of the day if you're a good mom, that's what's important!

[deleted account]

YES!! I remember this specific time I went to the mall with my boyfriend aka babys dad along with our son. These 2 ladies were walking towards us and they just looked at me so dirty! I looked over at my bf and he looked at me with a sort of "Did you see that?" look. We turned and they were STILL looking back at us. I do get annoyed because I also get the "You're just a baby" line. I'm 18 going on 19. There;s nothing I can do now I love my baby and the happiness and experience he has brought into my life and my families life as well!

Stephanie - posted on 07/09/2010

9

18

0

omg i know wat you mean. im 18 and prenant due oct 6th i styll have a baby face and those looks just get so annying. people first look at my belly smile den look at my face n da smile goes away or gets too fake. my mother, hubby and i joke about it all the time but the disapproving looks do bother me,its like sheesh i finished school im starting college n yet people styll criticize you and dont even kno you...joking around i told my mom im gunna walk around with the number 18 painted on my forehead lol

Sarah - posted on 07/09/2010

61

36

5

If you have NEVER had any look/ comment then CONGRATS! When I was working during my whole pregnancy people would walk up to my manager and tell him that he needed to let me go so I can "rest up." I told them it was my choice to be working and that I was fine. I am at a different job now and my son is almost 11 months but now I get "oh! You are too young to be a mom." or "Shouldn't you be at home taking care of the house and baby?" I just ignore people. People will always judge, it's how some people make themselves feel better than others. I, however, love to watch all the cute pregnant people walk by. I think it's a hard enough job being a mom, it's even harder when you have people judging you everyday for the one thing that we love being the most. A PARENT!! Kepp you heads up everyone. Things will get better over time.

Petrina - posted on 07/08/2010

77

44

17

YES!!! and i look alot younger as well im 24 now but had my son at 18 and my daughter last year. The first time i was pregnant i was walking with my mum and some random older lady went up to my mum and said "how could you let that happen" my mum went mental lol. Also when i was pregnant last year i was walking with my son and herd some people talking behind me calling me a slut and were like "she must v had him when she was like 13 ya think she would have learn't the first time" And you know what i learn't from all this? Some people are idiots! if they have a problem then that's THERE problem not mine.

Melissa - posted on 07/08/2010

11

6

0

you have no idea how much people used to stare at me when i was pregnant in 11th grade. it's like hello just because i can't see my feet doesnt mean i can't see you? and it was never even the kids, it's always the older folks. i guess it's all those morals, or whatever. hmph.

Kate - posted on 07/08/2010

24

7

4

I am a 23yr old mum of 3 boys. I used to care about what ppl thought but now I don't cuz they only see a second of your whole life. My friend is single mother of 3 and she feels a lot more judged by ppl and she feels like she has to justify herself. But I bet your a great mum. remember the good ole saying. " hows get f*^#d sound?"

Jaimie - posted on 07/08/2010

6

10

0

when i had my son jayden the midwife said to me babies shouldnt have babies right while i was in the middle of pushing him out.. obviously i was to busy to say anything at the time but i wish i had of made a complaint!

Shanyda - posted on 07/07/2010

23

12

1

thanks everyone for the post back lots of thought from everyone and lots of opinions i love it thanks everyone

Catherine - posted on 07/07/2010

36

105

2

oh yeah I got them " I'm to young to have a baby looks. I was 16 when I got pregnant 17 when I had my first child. The worst part was how they treated me like a baby in the hospital after I had him, they sat their and tried to go down a list of do's and dont's that were common sense. And the nurse didn't even want me to dress him at the hospital to go home she said it's not like dressing a doll you have to be gentle. I told her no crap I know that.I gave a complaint about her to the hospital, and never went to that hospital. People that are alot older I noticed gave alot more faces at me and my baby,but you know what my son is 9 now and I've taken good care of him and wouldn't trade none of my children in for the world, and they are very spoiled.It doesn't matter how old you are when you have a kid all that matters is how good of a mom you be to your kid.

Lindsey - posted on 07/06/2010

6

31

1

yea here is the new one i just heard. Walked into a room with people i never met and this lady said please tell me thats not a baby in your belly, and i smiled and was like yea it is. And she was like lord help us all you have doomed your child it will be a bastard and i cried.

Helen Katrina - posted on 07/03/2010

303

42

35

im pretty sure everyone gets that look, no matter what age people wil judge you for some reason, we just cant let them get to us!! its not up to others to judge us, we no we are great parents and are doing everything we can for our children, so who cares what people think... really!!

Jessica - posted on 07/03/2010

14

49

0

that happens to me all the time im 19 years old wit a 4 month old baby girl

Rachael - posted on 07/03/2010

38

53

2

oh yes! I get those looks all the time. I am 19 years old and I have a 4 yr old daughter, 1 1/2 year old son, and a 4 month old daughter.. i get dirty looks all time time and hear so many people say she looks to young to have any kids. But do not let these people get to you. My kids are my world. I do everything for them and always will do anything for them. I finished school and am in college because I want a wonderful future for my children. So If someone stares at you or talks about you because you are young and have kid(s) just ignore them. It dont matter what everyone else thinks. =)

Lynnelle - posted on 07/03/2010

14

29

0

i have one daughter and am 19, when i was pregnant soo many older people used to look at me funny, a few even made a real snarky comments to me and/or i could hear them speaking amongst each other but hey i wasnt bothered i mean i was over the moon about my baby ! hehe

Christina - posted on 07/02/2010

9

16

0

yes, i have had those looks and it definately isn't very nice. I'm 20 and i have a 2yr old and a 10m old. Although, it definately is hard to endure those criticizing looks from stupid people, i have had someone in front of me in the check out line at walmart tell me that she was surprised at how well behaved and happy my kids were. I have no idea who that lady was but she definately brightened a day that was going rather sour. i guess all i mean to say is that yes there are a lot of critical people out there. but there are some who aren't too.

Tiffany - posted on 07/02/2010

29

2

0

I have read a lot of different post, and I usually don't those looks. I'm 20 with a 9 month old baby girl. However, there was this one time, I was in the store, and this old women said "She's not yours is she"?

Katelyn - posted on 07/02/2010

5

10

0

I got the stares all the time. Im 17 now with a beautiful 10 month old baby girl. I was 15 when I got pregnant. When ever I walk around town or into the mall it feels like everyone eyes fall directly on me. What I hate more then the stares is when people try to tell me that im going to be a bad mother.

Lindsey - posted on 07/02/2010

6

31

1

I am 19 years old and defiantly look it and pregnant. I have people looking at me and shaking their heads at me in disproveal ways all the time. Ive also had people ask me if im going to put it up for adoption because i obvously and to young to take care of him. To deal with this I ignore what people say and how they act. I look at it i am so happy to be pregnant with my child, and i dont want it any other way. So everyone with the looks can just go fuck off. And if it makes you feel better let that person even if they are a stranger know how you feel. It makes me feel better.

LeAnne - posted on 07/02/2010

2

14

0

i get that look all the time when i go pregnant at 15 i stayed in high school and i had teachers that would use me as "examples" for their other students. then shortly after my daugher i had my son at 17 and people will always say shit like" are they really both yours". "are you crazy" and stupid shit they use to ask if i was going to keep them and stuff... the way i see it some young moms are better then grown moms. i gave up my hole teen life to give my kids a great life. and i just care what people say any more i have a diploma, a house, a fiance, and am going to college all wih two happy kids and at the age of 19. so let people talk ;-) they don't know you or what's going on in your life .

Mercedes - posted on 07/02/2010

34

63

0

wow, i didnt think they were allowed to say things like that. My mom was told by her doc to get an abortion with me cuz i wasnt gonna be worth all the trouble! I know those looks very well, im from a small town && i had my son a month after i turned 16. =/ i feel aweful bout them but i love my son && wouldnt change my life for nothing!! =]

Teresa - posted on 06/30/2010

21

9

1

yeah i know the look ur talking about. i had my first son when i was 17, my second when i was 20 and im due to have my third in 7weeks! in australia kids start school depending on when in the year their birthday is. so my son is coming up 6 now and is in his first year at school. i hate the feeling i get when im being judged. i know i look like a 18year old single mother of 2 kids with another one on the way. it makes it worse that one of my boys has strawberry/ginger coloured hair while the other has the blondest hair ever so they dont look related but i hold my head up high because despite what it may look like im 23, ive been wif my partner for 7years now and all my boys have the same dad. we just thought why not finish having our family young since we started young.

Sara - posted on 06/30/2010

9

8

0

yeah im 19 now but i was 17 when i was pregnant and had him 2 months after i turned 18 but during christmas year before last my grandma looked at me and told me im not smart enough to take care of a kid and it would be best for the kid if i give it up i cried she said that cause i dropped our of high school but i get looks also cause i am dating a girl and i'm young with a baby but that doctor is a bitch... has she never watched tlc lol those ppl have a ton of kids and have a tv show what makes them any better

Sarah - posted on 06/30/2010

5

5

0

My mom had me at 14, so young, yes I know. When she turned 18 she had my twin little sisters, she after that had my sister Alyssa, and four years ago my baby sister. I can remember her going to court to fight for us, and the food stamps, and all of what every one called her, and how every one felt bad for us. But they shouldnt have, bc I would never have wanted any one else in my life. I love my mom with all my heart. Now she has a 7 bedroom three story house with a great job! Never let what ppl say get to you. If you wanna go far you will, if you want 5 or 6 kids have them!

Erica - posted on 06/30/2010

8

31

1

I got pregnant at 15, and am now 16 about to turn 17. My son just turned a year old. I get these looks all the time, but I tend to just block them out. I could honestly careless what other people think of me, because I know and all of my family and friends knows that I am a great mother. I don't dress trashy nor do I dress my son trashy. All of his needs are met. I am still in school, going to college right after.. to make a future for him. I am still with his father. I am not the kind a young mom to just leave my baby to go to one of my friend's house and party with them. I mean just because I am young doesnt mean that I am not good mother. I love my son with all of my heart and I would do anything for him!

Tia - posted on 06/30/2010

34

19

3

Girl, I know what you mean sometimes I can have the serious look and they still look my way, but then when I say something to them they go on avout there business. Ya know? But, I don't let it get to me now, cause I know I take care of my kids and I know how old I am lol

Meghan - posted on 06/30/2010

19

12

1

yes, i hate them looks in walmart people stare at me, i got pregant at 18, im 19 now. i have a very beautiful 4 month old. anyways if i needed to pay for my stuff id give my mom my daughter for a minute and everyone tells my mom oh your babies so adorable!! they dont say it when im holding her, its so strange. exspecially the old people, i just wanna say to them..no im not married, i know im a young mom, but im an amazing mom, and the father and i are together and support her every need. i just wish people would understand teens are getting pregnant and theres not much you can do about it

Stacie - posted on 06/30/2010

4

0

0

Im 23 and I have two kids, although I was a high school graduate and attending college when I had my first son, I did see the looks your talking about being only 4'11" I can pass as a 14-15yr old. I never paid attention to them because I knew and still know that I provide my children, but sadly enough I understand why people stare and make comments even when they shouldn't. I have seen first hand young moms who have the babies and do not grow-up,who still go to parties every weekend, and who do not know how to put their children before themselves. Sad to say but it's those moms who stick out in peoples minds and if you watch the news I cant tell you the stories about young moms not watching their kids, kids drowning because the mom went to the neighbours and "forgot" about a 9-month old in a bath tub. Ahhh it's all aggrivating, but what you need to keep in mind is that if your not irresponsible, you put your kids needs first and no matter your financial or social status you are being the best mom you can be than that is what matters smile hug and kiss your children and walk away because theres more important things in this life than opinions from people who dont know you.

[deleted account]

Ashley ...My great grandmother married at 15 and started having children. (She is from "those days). I think the difference between her generation and ours is that the people in her generation took full responsibility for themselves and their children. Young moms as a whole today don't. Just look at the statistics. My husbands grandfather worked to support his family at 10. He eventually paid for his brother to go through medical school. It was all about what was best for the family.All I am saying is that whether or not I agree with it, I understand the stares etc..today's generation just isn't made of the same stuff as previous generations. While there are some of us out there that own it and do a good job, statistics show that most aren't...Medicaid/welfare/...its all about getting someone else to take responsibility for their actions.

Ashley - posted on 06/29/2010

1

10

0

I am 19 with a 17 month old little Mommies Boy! I went to a Pregnancy School, when I am in Wal-Mart people think that he is my moms son, and I have to correct them and tell them it is MY son. It kinda gets upsetting, but a lot of people mistake me for being 14-15 years old. And then when they realize that my sons "sperm donor or biological dad" isn't around and they think I can't raise my son on my own. I am well respected, I don't dress too impress the world, my fiance, which my son calls Da Da, stares at us constantly thinking we are crazy. But, I just keep a smile on my face and keep walking. I know what I am doing and I know I am doing the very best for what my son needs and wants. People have no IDEA what I've been through, and I don't expect people to, so I try and ignore them as much as I can. And the weird part I don't understand back in the day people were getting married at 13 and having like 6 children before they are 20 but it's different now adays. Just a question I've always wanted to ask. :/

[deleted account]

i agree. i think it is all in the way you dress, the way you walk, talk and the way you dress your children. i am 21 in a month and whilst australia is probably one of the worst places for all our teenage mums; i dont have a problem with a 15/16 year old having a baby and dont begrudge anyone for having a child that young but yes, to see these younger mums then i down the street and they are wearing better clothes than thier children makes me mad. i have a 10 mnth old son, i completed year 12 and am now in my 3rd year of university. 4 months away from finishing and becoming a qualified nurse. i did get dirty looks from people when i was pregnant and i still do on occassion but it is those who give young mums a bad name that make people look. be proud to be a mum and dont worry about it! doctors have no right to judge and they are not supposed to. that would be like cutting off life support because that person has a criminal record: it is wrong! as a health professional, we are to treat all people equally and without prejudice! hold your head up girl and dont worry about it! you love your kids and thats all that should matter!

[deleted account]

I read a lot of posts on here about young moms getting looks...I personally have no idea what any of you are talking about as I have never gotten any comments or looks. I think it is all in how you carry yourself and in how you behave. We have all seen it at one point in time or another (the young mom with a baby in one hand and a cigarette in the other) some of the looks may be genuine concern for the child. Evaluate the image that you put off. Are you dressed or acting in an immoral manner when you get sized up? If not, stop getting offended. In today's society a lot of young women behave as trash, therefore MOST young moms etc may get stared at and wondered about. Blame our peers. They set bad examples, and these bad examples are promoted. For example, how many of you have ever caught an episode of that show 16 and pregnant? I wanted to call child services on half of those immature idiots. That is who is representing us ladies, so don't blame the public.

Casey - posted on 06/29/2010

215

11

0

the look i have on my face no one ever bothers to look my way..i am 21 with a 20 month old..everyone says that i look like a little high school girl but they do not say anything about my daughter or if she is mines..

Tia - posted on 06/29/2010

34

19

3

Girl I know what you are talking about I am 20 and I already have 2 kids and I might be preg with my third. But when I was pregnant with my first and second people always stared at me especially in walmart, and I can not stand it. It's bad enought that I am 4'11 so they look at me like I am about 12 years old when I am really 20. and some even come up and ask me :how old are you"? and I used to cuss their behinds out, in walmart lol and my fiancee' he's like 5'10 and he's a hot head so majority of the time I didn't have to say anything he had already cussed them out and took off his shirt ready to scrap lol so, yeah I have gotten those stares, asked questions and much more. People are a mess but to tell you the truth it ain't none of there business, they are not God, if he wants you to have some more than that is what's going to happen.

Sonya - posted on 06/29/2010

9

5

0

im 18 with a nine month old girl. almost evey time i walk into store i get those looks. it doesnt bother me because i know who i am, my abilities and disabilities.as far as i am concerned they can look the other way because what they say isnt going to change me or what i have chose to do with my life. It use to bother me because when i went into the doctors office they would always mention my age and how i was a young mother and all this and that. i say it doesnt matter how old you are, it matters if youre responsable enough and if you are able to take care of the child. as you say most people who say it, dont know who you are anyways. (those who matter dont mind, those who mind dont matter) always remember that

Amanda - posted on 06/29/2010

77

6

2

I am in Illinois, near Chicago. And surprisingly, I used to always dress in black, facial piercings, dyed hair, but now I am perfectly normal looking. Short brown hair, glasses, medium build, I ALWAYS keep my wedding ring on, and I don't dress slutty by any definition. I don't even wear make up. I would know if people were staring at me for anything other then being a young mom. Even though I am 22 I often get mistaken for a teenager. My husband is going to school to be a police officer, I am going to school to be a social worker. Other then that I am an attachment parenting, breastfeeding, stay at home mom. I'm not ignorant, but like someone else said, the stares are the other person's problem, their ignorance, their lapse in judgment. And it will not change who I am.

[deleted account]

No, I am 21. I am married, have a 4 year old and I am pregnant with my second child. I have an established career as a police officer, and I am in college on the verge of establishing another career. I think it is all in how you carry yourself. To date, I have never gotten any comments or stares. People generally get hacked off at younger mother's because younger mother's are more likely to be on government assistance whilst popping out children. Also when a mom is dressed like a slut to put it bluntly or gothic etc etc...people tend to stare. I am by no means saying that any of you fall into the categories, I am simply stating what I have witnessed in my experience. I would be very interested in knowing what states you all live in?

Denikka - posted on 06/28/2010

2,160

5

748

I was 19 when I got pregnant, 20 now (21 in Sept) and while I generally don't get those looks when I'm out by myself or with my hubby, whenever I'm out with my grandparents though, is a completely different story.

I don't drive and neither does hubby, so when I go shopping, I go with my grandparents while hubby's at work. And yes, I get those looks all the time when I do that.

I hate it, but there's not a whole I can do about it XP

Can't wait to see what it'll be like when I start showing with my second though (due January 30th :D)

Channing - posted on 06/28/2010

10

8

0

I'm 17 and have one daughter. I get a lot of bad looks and people constantly ask me how old I am. I try not to let it affect me too much. I know I did the right thing for myself by not having an abortion and it is not anyone's place to tell me how I should live.

Cherelle - posted on 06/28/2010

11

32

1

ohhhhhh dont you just hate them looks i live in a town were its very common for teenage mums but i still get so downheartened by all the looks and sarcky comments but all i have to do is look at my wonderful daughter and see im not doing too bad at all xx

Breanna - posted on 06/27/2010

77

24

2

constantly. im 19 and on my 1st one and i always get the how dumb you threw your whole life away speech i hate it even more when people think you dont know your baby...i was at the park and my daughter wanted me to pick her up as i was buckling her into her seat this woman around 30 says god change her fn diaper granted i changed it not 5 minutes before...i also have a younger sister who is on her 2nd and got preggy with her 1st at 13

Kloe - posted on 06/27/2010

67

48

4

huni i know that feeling/ look and no matter where you go or what you do theres always going to be someone that judges you or talks crap but those people are not you, dont know what your life is like or why your in the spot your in! i know the looks get us down at times even when we try to ignore them, we are better then they are and thats a fact! hold your head high and know half those people done worse things then haveing a baby and wouldnt be able to do what we do every day! our job is full time there is no five half hour lunch brake or a sick pay, we can wake up one morning and say stuff it i dont wanna go to work to day because new flash we gotta. i would never trade my life for another because no matter how hard my day maybe i love doing it! as they say its not a job if you love what you do.!! young mums have energy, youth and time for there kids.. why aint 45 year olds looked down on? the will be they will be 60 before there kids hit teen years. to me thats way worse for a child the been born into a young, loveing family. im with you 100% !!! im kloe, i have a 7 month old mummy boy and i love it!! TO ALL YOU YOUNG MUMS AND DADS YOUR NOT ALONE!!!

Karrie - posted on 06/27/2010

60

11

7

yes!!!!!!!!!!! when i got pregnat at 16 everyone did it even tho im..fixenb to be 18 peopl still give me the look....but dont worry about them god mad us have our children for a reson.....

Amanda - posted on 06/27/2010

77

6

2

I only have one son, but I am also 22. I was walking in town about a week ago and I literally stopped traffic. Some guy was staring at me and his light turned green and he didnt go. Cars were honking at him. The county where I live is one of the richest counties in the country. So here I am, a poor married college student with a baby. I get a lot of looks. I actually had to go home that day because of all of the stares. It was ridiculous. It doesn't help that anywhere I go I am with my mom who has a two year old son. When I was about 7 months pregnant some guy looked at my mom and said, I have a teenager at home too. I thought, shit, I'm not a teenager, I have a job, I am married, I don't live at home. Plus, my husband is from Colombia, so I get stared at by sooo many hispanic males because I'm the white girl. At family parties I am the only white girl and they all think it is weird that I married him and had a baby. Half his family has made comments about how the baby looks white or mexican. It is ridiculous.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms